


Not So Typical

by j28



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Closeted Character, Dirty Talk, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Football Player Harry, Football Player Liam, Frat Boy Niall, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Popular Harry, Sassy Louis, Smut, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 61
Words: 90,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j28/pseuds/j28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles; football phenomenon, academic prodigy and the most liked guy at Washington State.  Harry has it all; the looks, the popularity, the best friends and it doesn't hurt that there is a line of girls ready to jump his bones at any second.  It all was perfect...almost perfect that is.  Until that one night, with that one too many drink still burning in his throat and those piercing blue eyes infusing themselves into his every thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

“Go! Go! Go!”

“Look at that Styles kid! He’s surely the fasted kid to play for WSU!”

“He’s going! He’s going… and there it is! Harry Styles has led the Washington Wolverines to yet another victory!”

-

Harry gathers his belongings and makes his way out of the locker room followed by the numerous claps on his shoulders and hands messing with his now wet curls from the shower. He was elated. Him and Liam make their way back to the dorms and are planning on what time they want to leave for the frat party tonight. It was sort of a ritual, win or lose after every Saturday night game there was an explosive party to follow. Harry can’t complain, it’s especially fun after the winning games considering everyone sees him as this hero. Even in high school, Harry was lucky enough to be the “it” guy on campus.

“Tonight’s going to be sick!” Liam says, now wearing a maroon long sleeve shirt and some jeans.

“You just can’t wait to see Sophia, ready for some victory sex?” Harry smirks

He gets a pillow in the face as a response followed by, “speaking of sex, are you planning to you know… have any any time soon?”

Harry just shakes his head and puffs out a long breathe. To be honest, he just hasn’t been in the mood and frankly no one has come to his attention. But he’s made himself a deal that tonight he will be getting laid.

-

It’s about 4 hours into the party and Harry seems to be in the same spot on the couch with a continuous growing crowd of girls surrounding him and getting him drinks. He can’t complain. The petite brunette sitting on the arm of the couch is the only one he can sort of see getting with. She seems nice, not overly loud and obnoxious but surely not innocent. He can see the way she looks at him, with the mysterious glint in her eyes and the smirk resting beautifully among her full lips.

Yup, Harry Styles is totally getting something tonight.

-

He wakes up with a searing headache and a halo of brown waves cascading over his chest. He smirks… last night was _fun._ It’s been about two months since he’s gotten more than a quick palming over his boxers in his dorm in between classes. It was nice, nothing spectacular but it got the job done. He maneuvers Lauren off of him, he learned her name last night. He stretches out the kinks in his back and throws on his clothes. Once he makes it down the stairs he sees Niall his mate, sleeping on the kitchen counter with a tower of red solo cups on his stomach. _Oh Niall._

When he gets back into his dorm room Liam and Sophia are cuddled up on the bed opposite from him, their awake but clearly not making any attempt of getting up.

“Oi! Look whose back! How was last night?” Liam says cheerfully with a grin lazily plastered on his face

Harry groans

“Shut up you twat, can’t you see besides the fact that I’m not longer celibate I am clearly hung over.”

Sophia laughs and sits up, making Liam frown.

“Here H, I have some pain killers in my bag.” She reaches inside and throws him the bottle

Deciding that he feels gross and sick he grabs his shower stuff and makes his way to the community bathrooms to shower. Harry doesn’t mind showering with 30 other guys present, truly Harry wouldn’t mind if everyone in the school was present, he just loves being naked. He makes his way to a stall and undresses, putting his clothing on the stoop in front of his curtain. He turns on the water on hot, trying to scrub the grimy feeling from his body. He looks above the curtain and sees Tom, a kid from his Statistics class getting into the stall across the way from him. Harry catches himself staring for what probably was too long to be appropriate at the definition of Tom’s back muscles. He tries to restrain himself from looking lower but internally loses as he sees the swell of his bum right above his boxers. _Oh._ He looks down at himself and feels flustered. He can feel his blood rushing to his dick but he just continues looking, staring at Tom putting his stuff together and waiting to wash himself. Naked. Harry’s heart starts to beat faster and he knows he is sporting a semi but can’t bring himself to act on it. _You’re just horny, you’re just horny._ He chants to himself. He quickly shuts off the water and wraps himself securely with a towel, praying that no one will notice his growing boner. He’s never been so scared of himself in his life. _This is not normal._

Harry makes his way back to his dorm and finds a note on his desk from Sophia explaining her and Liam went to get a late breakfast. He’s so grateful they’re gone. He knows besides the fact he can’t hide his emotions well, Liam can read him like an open book. They’ve been best friends since 4th grade when Harry moved to San Diego with his mom and step dad. Harry let’s out a sigh of relief, dropping his towel and changing into grey sweats, a white t shirt and a royal blue beanie. He makes sure to be avoid his now less of a boner. He grabs his laptop and begins writing his essay that isn’t due for two weeks for his Great Morals Class.

-

Three and a half hours later Harry feels pretty confident on his essay and decides he’s going to treat himself to a smoothie. He grabs his wallet and phone and stuff it into his pockets, his room is on the first floor thankfully so he quickly makes his way out of the hall and into the quad; the center of the university. There’s a whole slew of restaurants and café’s alongside each other which eventually connect into the student union. Harry makes his way into his favorite shop Fruit Frenzy and makes his way to the front to order.

“Uh, could I have a Mega Mango please… Um medium would be great thanks.” He stutters horribly, he hated ordering for some reason.

“No problem mate.” The guy behind the counter says

Harry makes his way over the couch and pulls out his phone scrolling twitter, waiting for his smoothie to be ready. About five minutes late he hears the guy calling out his order and he makes his way up.

“Thanks.” He nods his head and is just about to turn when the guy responds _no problem_ and winks.

He fucking winked. _Why is he winking? Does he know I got a boner from Tom in the showers?! Certainly not… besides it wasn’t necessarily from Tom per se… I am just horny. Horny horny horny._ He fights with himself. He speed walks out of there and rounds the corner back to his hall when he knocks right into something.

“Ow!”

Or _someone._

“Sorry! I didn’t see you!” He says quickly, still moving though

“Watch it next time.” Harry doesn’t stop to look thoroughly but he takes a glance and doesn’t miss the loose black shirt and thick thighs covered in what seems to be a second skin of black skinnies.

_Horny horny horny._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I kind of have an idea where I am going with this but not an exact plot so let me know your thoughts and opinions please and thank you:) !  
> -J

_What is wrong with me? This isn't right. It's just a phase, just snap out of it you idiot...please._

-

For three days now Harry's mind has been on overload.  Full of thoughts and feelings that were  _not_ right.  He knew they couldn't be...he has a plan.  He has always had a plan, having a ...crisis now was not an option.  It just wasn't.  From a young age he needed to prove himself, be the man of the house.  So he did the most manly thing he could think of at the age of 12...try out for football.  It was just the junior leagues to all the other kids.  Nothing serious or intense, but it was so much more for Harry.  Maybe he threw a little farther, or ran a little harder and practiced a hell of a lot more.  But that was okay, because Harry was now becoming a man...and men don't look at other men unless they're...  _it doesn't matter.  That's not me._ So Harry continued to strive in football, and remained at the top of his class all throughout high school.  The goal was to get a full ride to uni, and he did.  Now it's be the best damn player this school has ever seen, find a girl, get married and make sure his son doesn't feel the way he did all his life.   _Scared._

So for three days it's been constant thoughts, hair pulling and now a raw cut up lip from biting to harshly.  He's a mess inside and out, he knows it's obvious; coach has noticed too.  Saying he was "too in his head" was an understatement.  But the continuous moments of Harry catching himself staring at his teammates for a little too long, and the random shower dreams that felt a little too good.   _No. Not good. Wrong_

Three days, three agonizing days and that's all it takes for Harry to snap.

-

It's Thursday night and Harry has a plan.  A really really  _stupid_ plan, but none the less it's a plan.  

Step One: Get drunk... really drunk

Step Two: Find a girl

Step Three: Fuck her.

Simple, easy for most college football stars.  Especially ones that look like he does, but for Harry this is big.  He is going to prove to himself that he loves girls; all of them, being in them, being with them.  So he drags Liam out for a couple of beers and a half an hour in, this girl spots him. Yes,  _she_ spots  _him_.  Her name is Miranda, and she's really touchy feely and normally any guy would like that, considering she's hot.  Like really hot.  But Harry feels flustered and out of his element but pushes his internal disgust out of his mind and instead drinks is brain along with his thoughts into oblivion.

-

They're breathing hard, Harry now just in his black boxer briefs and Miranda in her bra and jeans still.  Miranda pulls away from their heated make out with a playful smirk now on her cherry red lips.  She leans back into Harry, who is still not even half hard; he's a little turned on due to just another human touch but at the same time..it's not the fire.  Her lips connect with the pulse point on his neck and he closes his eyes.  _No..no..this is..no._ His whole body is screaming, telling him to stop. His mind, even in it's intoxicated state is bringing back these thoughts. These utter devastating thoughts that he has repressed since he was 11 years old.  _Please, let me be normal. Please._

Her hand starts drifting low as she continues to suck a love bite on his neck.  Slowly, her hand reaches the waistband of his briefs...Harry's eyes open widely and he holds his breathe.   _Push her off, get her off.  Now, do something. This is WRONG._ his mind yells. Her hand starts to move, easing it's way around his length...and Harry feels nauseous.  _  
_

Miranda starts to move her hand expertly to any other guy. Any other  _normal_ guy.  But Harry is turning less and less turned on.  Finally he grabs her wrist and pulls it out of his shorts, politely knocks her off his lap and pulls on his jeans and boots, carrying his shirt in his arms.  He knows he should put it on, give himself some sense of pride, but he knows he doesn't deserve it.   _I'm so fucked._

_-_

He returns back to his dorm by 3 in the morning, Liam snoring peacefully in his bed.   _Liam is so fucking lucky.  Has the team, has the girl, has peace with himself.  He's not a disgrace, he's not a fuck up. I took that role in this friendship.  I'm disgusting, I'm wrong, I'm sick. I need help._ Harry digs the palms firmly into his eyes to stop the emotion that's taking over.  He's so utterly defeated. 


	3. Chapter 3

It’s Saturday and Harry is currently at football practice practicing plays for Monday’s home game. For starters Harry feels like shit; his realization and meltdown the other day has entirely drained him. He's not staying on his toes or going completely out of his way to make the run. He’s tired. And that is the one downfall of being the Harry Styles; he is always expected to be perfect, in and out of football; attractive, athletic, smart and **straight**. But keeping a 3.8 GPA and remaining a starter only his second year in WSU is just so draining. He just wishes he could shut his brain off.

“Come on Styles! You could’ve been there!” Coach screams exasperatedly

“Sorry Coach.” He mumbles

“Sorry means nothing,” he grabs him by his helmet and presses his face close to Harry’s

“Get your head out of your ass.” Coach sneers

“Yes Coach.”

Practice ends an hour later and Harry really just wants to leave and go to sleep but it’s Stan’s birthday and he declares that it is bar night. Convincing all the boys to meet him at Charlie’s Pub at 9 for drinks. Great.

He and Liam walk silently to their rooms. Harry is pretty sure Liam knows that he is not in the mood to do or say much right now, he hasn't been since the other night. After showering, Harry changes into a black t shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans, which he has yet till now dared to wear. His legs are opposite compared to the rest of his body. He has a fit torso with built arms and hard abs, his hips pudge a little bit but everyone has something that can’t be perfect. But his legs, his legs are long and lean a mix between thick and feminine. He secretly loves his legs.

“How’d you even squeeze yourself into those?” Liam gawks “Your balls must be suffocating.”

“Well since I’m so glad my best mate is concerned for the tight proximity of my balls, it is 8:55 and we must be on our way.”

Liam just laughs lightly and they go on their way.

-

Liam and Harry keep switching between rum and coke and a glass of water the first hour, both agreeing to not get to crazy.  But then Stan decides that who ever is not drunk is no longer his friend so...they didn't have much of a choice. He and Liam join Niall and Stan, downing shot after shot, following with another rum and coke, hold the coke.

He’s sitting at the bar now taking his last shot when he turns and sees him. He sees the boy with the thick thighs and loose shirt, but only now it’s a tighter black shirt. Harry watches him holding a beer and talking to Matt from the team. The boy must feel someone looking because all of sudden there are a pair of blue eyes staring into Harry’s green and red rimmed eyes. _He's beautiful._ The boy excuses himself from Matt and makes his way over towards Harry, a small smile forming on his thin lips. What pretty lips. SHUT UP.

“Hi.” The boy speaks finally, he sounds much more cheery then the last time

“Helloooo” Harry drags out

“You’re proper drunk aren’t ya?” the boy smiles

“I don’t know, am I..?” He’s searching for a name

“Louis… Louis Tomlinson”

“Well hello there Louis Louis Tomlinson my name is Harry Edward Styles, you see my mom named me with two different names, not the same one.” Harry just giggles at his own joke

“Very funny curly… and I knew who you were, I think everyone in this part of Cali knows who you are.” Louis says

“Is this a subtle way of saying you want my signature?” Harry teases

He fucking teases. _I am just drunk._

“Oh yes humble Harry I would love an autograph and while you’re at it I’ll confess my secret crush on you from a distance.” Louis laughs

Harry freezes, his face goes stone and his eyes widen

“Chill I’m joking…” Louis says softly when he sees Harry’s expression

“Of course …yeah because yeah … you don’t like me. You’re a guy, you like girls, I like girls. I mean yeah we like boobs and shit because we are manly men and rough and ---“Harry drunkenly rambles

“Ah, that’s where you are wrong young Harold. I do not, as you say “like boobs and shit.”’ Louis laughs, obviously trying to ease whatever tension built in the past minutes

“Oh.” Harry states truly shocked

Louis liked guys, Harry is a guy. Harry is trying to come to terms with what he is, and who he likes.  And this guy, this absolutely stunning guy openly just blurts it out.  Louis is... _gay._ This is too much to comprehend when drunk.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why do you like dicks? I mean they’re ugly.” Harry slurs; trying to play up his stereotypical football persona 

Louis bursts into a fit of laughter, covering his mouth with his tiny hands. He’s _so so so_ beautiful.

“I’m sorry…that was stupid of me to say.” Harry says quickly

“No it’s quite fine don’t worry… I mean I could say the same about vaginas but I get your point.” Louis smiles

“Besides talking about private parts, let’s get you another beer, you clearly are not as drunk as you should be.”

“I mean who can say no to that?”

“Well, cheers.”

“Cheers.”


	4. Chapter 4

That night Harry's mind was racing. Louis was beautiful, charming, witty and a  _guy._ The whole time Harry was sitting and chatting with Louis his mind was continuously on a loop "this  _should_  feel wrong," "why  _doesn't_ this feel wrong?!" But after each drink, his mind would get a little bit quieter and his confidence would get gain a little more.  _Just because Louis' gay doesn't mean anything...we can still just be friends. Friends..friends, friends, friends._  

-

The next three days Harry realized this is beginning to get too much and Harry just wants to scream.  Scream, cry, hit, laugh… and kiss.  And that’s what the biggest problem is, is that all Harry wants to do is know Louis in a way that he can just grab his face and kiss him softly and passionately like he deserves.  But that’s the part that is too much because Harry doesn’t like boys.  He can’t. 

After coming to this revelation Harry decided he'll seek Louis as a friend and possibly this will help him sort out his..er..problem. 

So remembering they exchanged numbers that night, Harry shoots Louis a text inviting him and his mate Zayn who Louis went on and on about to come to his and Liam's next game, and go out for drinks later.

Its Thursday...game day and Harry is nervous.  Not just pre game "I hope I do well" nervous but butterflies in his stomach nervous.  He hopes he does well in front of Louis both on the field and when they are together later.  Right before the referee blows his whistle to signal the start of the game, Harry looks at the stands, searching.  His eyes move up and down the bleachers and then he sees him.  There Louis is, sitting in the top right corner of the middle bleacher with his bright smile and crinkly eyes.  _So so so beautiful._ Harry's eyes gaze to Louis left and sees an absolutely gorgeous boy sitting next to him.  That must be Zayn.  Louis said that Zayn was attractive but not like this. He very well could be a model, yet Louis trumps Zayn infinitely.  Zayn is hot, Louis is just everything right in the world. 

When he hears the whistle and sees the bodies moving and blocking him, Harry gets in the zone.  Determined for this to be one of his best, if not the best game he has ever played.  The last thing he wants is for Louis to think he's befriending some over rated kid who gets lucky time to time. 

Periodically throughout the game, Harry makes sure to watch Louis and his expressions after most plays.  He just loves how into the game Louis is, watching him jump and cheer when Harry ran into the end zone with his second touchdown, or his angry screaming and cute scowl he had after Liam was sacked,  _hard._   Everything about him just seems so perfect... except that one thing.  That one big thing that Harry himself seems to never rap his brain around...he's a boy. 

-

After the game, Harry texts Louis that he and Liam will be a little bit, considering they have to shower and the team gets pretty excited after a big win.  Louis responds with an Okay and continuous amounts of praises about how amazing Harry played and how he wants his autograph.  That didn't make Harry giggle and smile... nope not at all. 

They meet Louis and Zayn outside of the stadium, in the parking lot.  As they get closer Harry notices Zayn is smoking a cigarette and internally cringes...but it seems to not bother Louis as they continue to laugh and smile closely towards one another.  Really closely. Harry had never saw this as an option...Louis having a ...partner.  Yet, it seems pretty obvious to Harry now that Louis would absolutely be in a relationship because he's just so perfect.  He tries not to show any coldness towards the two as he approaches but he feels it still picking in the back of his mind.   _Tonight is about having fun, to be Louis friend._  

 

"Hey! You lads did amazing! It was an amazing game!" Louis cheers gleefully

"Thanks mate, yeah I'm glad we pulled out a win or else coach would've killed us" Liam beams

"Well there will be no killing tonight, only drinks.  Liam, Harry this is my mate Zayn I was telling you about" 

"Nice to meet you" Harry says as friendly as he can

_Mate. He said mate... he must mean friend...not like sexual partner because that would be a little much to introduce someone in that way._

Zayn nods towards the two of them, dropping and then stepping on his cigarette.  "Nice game."

"Thanks."

Louis throws his arm around Harry's shoulder, "enough small talk, I don't know about you but I am planning on getting drunk into oblivion and I'd very well like to get a start on it now!" 

"Alright, alright lets go princess" Harry teases

Louis smiles and winks "After you, curly"

-

They make their way into the bar without question. It’s either because they look old enough or the security really doesn’t care but it’s the best luck Harry has ever had when trying to go out and it can’t help but put him in a better mood.

They all order a beer except Harry who gets his signature Rum and Coke.  Liam and Zayn are talking about the next Marvel movie and Louis and Harry are sitting comfortably together, neither knowing how to break the silence right off the bat.

“You did so amazing tonight, I don’t know if you could hear my screaming my lungs out but I was, Zayn can vouch for it.” Louis says loudly over the music, a giant smile covering his face

Harry laughs and nods “Trust me I think the whole university could hear you”

“Oh shit, I didn’t mean to embarrass you.  Really I just wanted to you to know you were doing really well and—“ Louis rambles

“Relax, I actually loved having someone in the stands just for me. It was like my own little fan club”

“Well then Curly, I would gladly be you’re number one fan” He winks

“Yeah?”

“Yeah”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be in the car for 9 hours today so bear with me if this chapter is poorly edited! I love getting comments from all of you, so please feel free:)

Two hours into being at the bar Harry realizes something. Louis is absolutely smashed. Slurring his words and laughing at almost anything and Harry can't get enough of it. 

Harry takes slow sips of his second Rum and Coke, trying not to be massively hungover tomorrow. Instead he focuses all his attention to a very rambunctious and loud Louis. He's doing shots with an older guy in the corner of the bar and there is starting to become a crowd, everyone watching who will give up first. Louis is downing each glass, a smile plastered on his face each time. Harry can't help but admire how free Louis seems, no worries in the world, just absolute freedom in his mind. _I wish.  
_

"Harrrr-yyyyy" Louis screams

"Hazzziieee, Curlyyyy! Come here!" 

Harry laughs and makes himself over to the drunk boy. 

"Yes, Mr Tomlinson?" Harry giggles

"Well don't get me riled up here with that stupid smirk and that shirt and not do anything about it!" Louis slurrs grinning

Harry freezes. _Riled up. Louis riled up. As is turned on...like a boner. From me? How the hell did I rile up Louis?_

"Oi! Don't just stand there! Dance with me!" Louis grabs Harry's hand and begins to lead him to the dance floor

Right before Harry grabs a shot glass and downs it in one gulp, letting the burn distract him. Louis pulls Harry through the maze of people and finally stops, facing Harry. 

Harry gulps. Not knowing what to do...

"You can dance right, Haz?" Louis smirks

"Um, well kind of.. I'm not real good at it" 

"Nonsense, just move to the beat." And with that Louis turns his back to Harry, slowly moving his hips in the most distracting and sinful way Harry has ever seen.

No girl ever made Harry feel this entranced, with just a swing of the hips. No girl has made Harry feel this way, period. _It's okay, just breathe._

The person behind Harry pushes harry from behind and Harry crashes into Louis back. He grabs Louis hips to steady himself. Louis must take this as an invitation because he pushes back against Harry's hips and Harry sees stars. Louis turns his face and Harry can clearly see his drunken smirk.

 Louis is so perfect. The perfect size and shape. The perfect mix of sass and sweetness. The perfect guy.

Louis is a guy

Louis Tomlinson is a fucking guy.

_Oh god. Louis is grinding on me. Louis Tomlinson's bum is aligned with my crotch and I'm enjoying it. This isn't good. This isn't okay. But I can't stop..its so good._

 Louis continues to grind slowly into Harry and Harry can feel the blood pacing throughout his body, settling in the pit of his stomach and rushing to his groin. 

Harry is hard and a complete wreck. His heart is pounding so hard from both pleasure and frustration.

He's so angry with himself for feeling like this, he's so angry that his mind is screaming no but his dick has other plans. He's so hard he could burst but he just can't come. He won't. If he does then he will have to come to terms and that is something he isn't ready for. He tugs his hair hard, hoping to rip out his thoughts. But instead the tears begin to blur his vision and wet his cheeks.

The song begins to end and Louis continues to completely kill Harry's well being. When the song ends Harry makes the decision to just leave. He quickly pulls himself away from Louis, and rushes to the bathroom. He runs into the quickest stall and tugs down his jeans and pants in one go. He starts to palm himself and in just seconds he's coming. He pulls his pants and jeans up after wiping himself and completely breaks. He is sobbing into his knees, still pulling his hair and he knows that he _knows_ what this means. 

He can't and he won't be this. 

The only thing Harry can come to terms with is he is sitting in the bathroom stall of a bar and feels as shitty as this place smells.

And that's fucking terrible.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry's been sitting on the floor of the bathroom for about 10 minutes when he hears someone else walk in. The footsteps stop a second after the door opens, and then they begin to walk slower towards the stall.

"Harry?" 

_Fuck_.

"Harry..mate you in here?" It's Liam

He can't bring himself to respond but he knows he's been caught. Liam probably saw him and Louis...dancing, and now is disgusted. He finally sees Harry the way Harry sees himself. His perfected persona is crumbling down and he feels it all hit him in a matter of seconds. He let's out a sob and Liam's footsteps burst over to the door, trying to swing it open.

"Harry? Dude open up..what's the matter? Are you sick?"

_Oh my god..he thinks I'm sick, he thinks what I **might** be is some disease. _

Harry squeezes his knees tighter to his chest and tries to hold in the awful sounds he keeps letting out between breathes. 

"Harry open the fucking door, I'm freaking out? Are you okay..mate did someone do something to you? Are you sick? Did you fail a test or something?" Liam's questions come flying out super fast and Harry just wants him to stop

He can't face him..he's so ashamed.

"HARRY OPEN THE FUCKING STALL OR I'LL RIP IT OPEN!" Liam never raises his voice

Harry jumps at the volume of his voice and crawls to the door..still not standing, he pushes back the lock and quickly slides back to his previous position. Liam immediately opens the door and stands in front of Harry's lengthy body crumbled into a ball. After processing what he sees he kneels down in front of the hysterical boy and puts his hands on Harry's knees.

"Harry..mate" he whispers "what's wrong?"

Harry shakes his head. Refusing to look at his best friend. Liam let's out a sigh and moves over next to Harry, resting his head on the dirty cold tiles.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want, I just don't get what happened. You and Louis looked like you were having fun and then next thing I know he comes over to tell me I should check on you in the bathroom."

There's not judgment in his voice, and Harry is completely grateful. Whether Liam saw them or not he remains neutral, only showing concern. Harry let's out a shaky breathe and leans his head back, revealing his closed puffy eyes, runny knows and blotchy cheeks.

"Liam...I fucked up" Harry shakily states

"No scratch that...I am fucked up. There's something wrong with me."

"What are you on about? I mean yeah, you're clutsier than the typical person but hey, that's you. I love all your weird and uniqueness." Liam says softly

"I'm not unique, I'm a mess. My brain is going crazy, all this is finally coming in at once, after years of suppressing and suppressing I finally have to deal with this shit and I don't want to..I just want to be normal." 

He squeezes his eyes tightly as hot tears fall down. He feels Liam shift and then there are big arms encircling him in a hug. Harry loses it at that and throws himself into Liam.

"I'm not 100% sure what you're on about but if it's what I'm thinking then you are wrong, so so so wrong. Harry you've been my best mate since forever, it doesn't matter who you like, you're still you. It doesn't define you. It's okay if you're gay or bi-"

"I'm not gay." Harry blurts immediately

His whole body is tense and Liam nods

"I'm not gay, I'm not. I'm straight and just confused at the moment. I'm Harry Styles, I'm fine." Harry says, as if he's convincing himself

"H, I love you mate but you're full of shit." Liam jokes, it gets Harry to laugh so Liam feels as though he's accomplished something 

"And speaking of shit, this place is disgusting. Let's go back to our room and we'll watch reruns of the Walking Dead, yeah?"

"Thanks Liam" Harry stands up

He's never been more grateful


	7. Chapter 7

Harry fell asleep on Liam as soon as Liam turned on the TV. He's watched about 4 episodes of the Walking Dead already, while stroking Harry's hair. Every once in a while Harry sturrs in his sleep, incoherently mumbling as he turns. About 15 minutes into the 5 episode Liam hears multiple footsteps coming towards their dorm. He lowers the volume and begins to move Harry off his lap when he hears a knock.

"Uh..Liam? You in there?"

"Zayn?" 

"Yeah..can Lou and I come in?"

"Yeah sure, it's unlocked."

Zayn and Louis come walking into their small but sufficient dorm. Harry and Liam on Liam's bed, while Louis and Zayn stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. Louis eyes immediately go to the sleeping boy and he instantly notices his puffy eyes and raw lip.

 _Shit_.

"You can sit on Harry's bed he won't mind."

"Is he okay?" Louis asks quietly

Liam doesn't know what to say, because it really isn't his place. He's not going to lie to Louis but he isn't going to blurt out all of Harry's worries. Hell, _Harry_ won't even do that.

"He will be" he says with a smile

"Do you think maybe I could talk to him?" 

At that moment Harry starts to stir, he moves off of Liam's lap and lies straight on his back stretching his arms out and yawning. He slowly sits up and rubs at his eyes like a cranky child. 

The second his eyes land on Louis' he freezes. Everything just stops and the two of them keep eye contact for what seems like forever. 

"Well good morning sunshine" Liam jokes trying to ease the tension

"What's going on?" Harry's voice is scratchy and rough and is totally not affecting Louis at all. Nope. _Nothing_.

"We came to see if you were alright" Zayn speaks up

Harry's eyes flash to his and he sees concern and pity. 

_He feels bad for me. He knows that I'm a disappointment._

 "Uh, 'm good. Thanks" he mumbles while looking down. Too ashamed to make eye contact.

"Harry..Louis was wondering if you two could talk.." Liam says softly

Harry's eyes shoot to Louis blue ones. _So so so beautiful._

"Talk?" The green eyed boy asks

"Talk" Liam states

"Please" it's the first thing Louis has said to Harry since he's woken up and it affects Harry just like his words at the bar.

"I..um..I guess that's okay. Not too long though please, I'm tired" 

"I will have you back in a half hour at most"

Harry slides off the bed standing. 

"After you" Louis smiles

The two boys walk side by side throughout the narrow hallway, they both go towards the staircase for the basement lounge. Passing drunk or somehow intoxicated students on the way.

Harry leads Louis to the back corner of the basement, where the pool table is. He walks over to the table and sits at the corner, while Louis sits on the chair directly across. Its a small space, so they're close together. Harry hopes Louis can't hear his heart beating out of his chest.

 "So..." Harry leads

"How are you?" Louis blurts, "I mean like now, how are you because you didn't seem good at the bar towards the end, unless I completely misread the situation and you're just tired but I -"

"Louis"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Okay"

Harry let's out a shaky breathe, not entirely sure what to say.

"You were right, I wasn't well towards the end of the night..I was just overwhelmed." His heart is beating faster and he's trying to stop the lump that's forming in his throat.

_Louis gay. He's gay. He likes guys. Harry's a guy. Louis is so so so so beautiful._

"Did I overwhelm you?" Louis says quietly but Harry feels as though he said it in his ear, so intimate and warm

"Not you, just what you are." 

Louis eyes widened at that

_Shit. Fuck. That's not what I meant_

"That came out wrong!" Harry says quickly

"It's not about you being..you. It's about you being you, like Louis. A guy..with a dick. And me being Harry, a guy with a -"

"I know anatomy Harold" Louis eyes twinkled with amusement

Harry let's out a shaky breathe and harshly rubs his face. His eyes are closed and he sees black but his mind is screaming. 

"Harry..it's okay. That I'm Louis and you're Harry. We're just Louis and Harry." He says softly.

_So so so beautiful._

"But I-" the lumps getting bigger

"I'm so confused" Harry hates how his voice quivers at the last word

"About what?" Louis asks, but they both know the answer but neither can say it

"I just can't stop..no..I just am never going to be..Louis I don't know what's wrong with me."

Harry breaks for the second time that night and completely folds in on himself, Louis jumps up and wraps Harry in his arms and Harry has never felt like he belonged more somewhere than where he is now.

"Shh..love there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect" Louis whispers to the crying boy in his arms

"I want this to be over, I want my brain to shut off and just let me not have to think about..things so much. But it never stops, and I want it to so bad, Lou.. So so bad."

"I know, but it's okay. We'll get through this together. Yeah?"

Harry's breathing has calmed and he occasionally sniffles but he feels it's safe enough to lift his head from Louis neck. Blue meets green and Harry can't help but feel the spark. His eyes look at all the features of Louis face, trying to find some flaw he can focus on. To make this less real but he can't find any and it only confuses him more. Their eyes search each others until they both look at their lips. Louis amazed at Harry's heart shaped plump ones and Harry entranced in Louis small yet soft looking ones. 

They're inches apart and Louis has lost all reserve, moving his hands down to Harry's hips. Harry is internally fighting; his eyes going from Louis' blue to pink. Louis seems so sure of what is going to happen but Harry is fighting with his mind. 

_Why am I not pushing away? What am I doing? HARRY STOP. LEAVE. GO BACK TO THE DORM._

Once again, his mind wins and he removes Louis hands from his waist. He shakes his head slightly while Louis watches the pained expression on the younger boys face.

"Harry, it's okay"

"No..it's not."

"You have to stop getting mad at yourself. No ones perfect, not even the Harry Styles. Everyone has baggage, you just have to learn to live with it instead of letting it weigh you down."

"That's the problem Louis, its way past weighing me down. It's completely crushing me, barracading my mind."

"Well then, why don't I help you find a way out?"

Green meets blue once again and they both smile

"I'd love that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s. I love comments:)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING- homophobic language

Harry has been at both practice and weight training every single day this week. The team is looking like they will be making the playoffs and hopefully the State Championship. Between classes and football, Harry has been completely swamped; barely having time to eat and sleep. He's spoken to Louis twice but it was a quick "I know you're busy but when you're free we should hangout" type of conversation. But it was a conversation nonetheless. It still made Harry’s stomach twist into knots, and Louis eyes were still deeply rooted in his mind, and his whole body invading his dreams. It was scary…finally somewhat embracing this side to himself Harry so desperately tried to avoid. He knows allowing himself to dream of Louis barely counts as acceptance but it is a huge step. One that Harry isn’t sure he should be proud of.

It’s a little past 8 on Thursday night, Harry and the team are in the locker rooms showering and getting ready to leave. Harry’s in the second to last shower, completely entranced in the smell of his strawberry scented body wash.

“Hey, Roberts how’s that fag of a roommate been?” he hears

“He’s alright, I told him the rules and explained as soon as this semester is up I’m requesting a switch. I’m glad the terms almost up, so I don’t have to deal with him and his pansy friends anymore.”

Harry’s whole entire body stills and he feels the blood in his body go cold. He tries so very hard to seem emotionless but when his teammates make the conversation an open one Harry feels his heart race start to increase and he begins to see red.

“Oi, what would you guys do if your roommate ends up being a cock sucker?” Jones laughs

“I’d tell him he would have to live somewhere else, I don’t need a twink watching me get dressed… let alone even think about me.” He hears Max, the second string wide receiver say

The fluster of comments being thrown out are like time bombs beginning to count down in Harry’s head. One after the other; they keep making him more and more angry. He has to leave, he has to be safe; he has to find Louis. He shuts off the shower, rapping his towel tightly around him, as if it will contain all of his emotions. He’s walking past the last of the stalls, he’s almost safe…

“Styles! You probably get guys hitting on you all the time!” Jones laughs “Yeah, how do you tell those princesses that you don’t swing that way?”

Harry takes a deep breath and keeps walking. Hoping his teammates will drop it; but they don’t.

“Look, he’s getting mad just thinking about it! I understand mate, I’d be pissed if someone tried to stick it in me as well… nasty little cock—“

“Will you all just shut the fuck up?” Liam growls Everyone goes silent and Harry is so eternally grateful for Liam. Liam rarely gets mad, let alone curses, but when he does everyone knows to stop.

Just pack up your things and go. Just breathe. Find Louis. Harry packs up his bag, throwing on his black sweat pants and a long sleeve grey shirt. He quickly makes his way out of the locker rooms and runs towards the nearest bus stop.

Since Harry has learned Louis is a junior, he also learned he lives off campus in a little apartment with Zayn. He catches the nearest bus and rests his head against the cold window, wishing his mind will calm down and knowing that seeing Louis will make his heart race, but in a better way.

-

_Please be home, please be home._

The elevator ride is short but unsettling, the fact that Harry is showing up unannounced and for the first time to Louis’ is only making him more frantic. He remembers that the person he passed in the halls said that Louis and Zayn lived in room 28D and is eternally grateful when he sees the little stickers that are peeling from their door. He remembers Louis telling him about how they got there, how his little sisters were chaotic during move in day that his mom ran out and got them stickers and coloring books to keep them occupied. Only to realize that they stickered the whole entire bottom half of the door, and those bloody little suckers won’t come off.

Harry takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. He’s still pissed and agitated about what happened in the locker room but when a bare chested, wet Louis opens the door with a towel hung loosely on his waist Harry might go into cardiac arrest.

“Harry? What are you doing here?” his blue eyes fill with confusion

Harry soaks Louis in, the tattoos, the muscle, the curve of Louis body is right in front of him and Harry completely forgets he came here because he is pissed.

“Um… I’m so sorry for just showing up. I’ll um… I’ll go. Yeah” Harry begins to turn around running his hands through his hair, completely flustered.

He feels a hand on his wrist.

“Wait, no I’m not upset you’re here. Quite the opposite actually, I was just surprised, come in.”

Harry nods and makes his way into Louis apartment “Is everything okay? You seem upset.” Concern written all over Louis face

“I’m um… no to be honest I’m not okay. The guys, in the locker room they were um, saying these things and I got pissed. I knew I had to leave before I blew up and next thing I know I was on a bus on my way here.”

“What did they say? Were they rude to you?” A cute pout forming on his beautiful face

“Not to me, per se. But to you, kind of… not directly of course but just like about your um- community?” Harry can barely focus with Louis hair dripping wet drops which run down his tan chest.

“My comm- oh they said shit about the gay community?” Harry nods “And you were upset why?” he says lightly

_What? Of course I would be upset, Louis is a friend…and gay. I have every right to be upset. I don’t need another reason… right?_

“Because of you… you’re you and like what they said was fucked and I just was getting angry because it’s not right. People can’t control how they feel, they can’t help of they’re a guy and find another guy beautiful or a girl finds another girl attractive. That’s why I got mad, because they didn’t choose this, it’s out of their control.”

“Well, thank you for getting pissed in my honor Harold.” Louis smiles

_He’s so beautiful_

“Now tell me, was it just because I’m gay and they were saying shit that got you so wound up and made you get a cute pout on your face? Because if it’s really just me then you don’t have to fight for me or get upset, I’m used to it. But if it’s something else then it’s okay to talk about it you know? I’m always here.”

“It’s you! It’s just you, and how it isn’t fair for people like them to treat you or others like that. You didn’t wish for this, you probably wanted to be norm—straight at first. Clearly, you’re okay now but I’m sure it sucked and they don’t get that. They don’t get that it’s scary, to feel things that you shouldn’t… that you so badly want to look at another guy and see nothing attractive. You can’t help those things. I can’t help that I want to kiss you and like it’s-“

_FUCK_.

“I mean that you want to kiss other men, not me. **I’m straight,** I don’t want to kiss you…that’s weird. NOT Weird! Just not like what I want—“

_Oh my god. What did I just say?_

Fuck Harry’s frantic, his eyes are wide and his cheeks are red and he can’t look at Louis. Not after what he just said. He can never look at him again, or himself.

“Harry—“

“I really didn’t mean to say that, it’s not what I meant… my brain was so jumbled and—“

“Harry”

“I’m so sorry, oh my god I swear—“

“Harry!”

Harry looks up

“It’s okay” Louis smiles

“It’s not okay, you can’t just mistakenly say you want to kiss someone!”

“That’s not what I’m saying Harry… it’s… it’s okay you want to kiss me.”He says softly

“But I don’t”

“Harry”

Harry can feel his whole face on fire, he’s mortified and in panic mode. Louis thinks Harry wants to kiss him. Him. Louis takes a step closer, still only in his towel. His face is soft but his eyes are wary, he knows this is shaky grounds, but if it will finally allow Harry to accept himself then he’s willing to climb mountains and fight wars. He knows this feeling, he knows how terrifyingly real it is.

“Say it again…please” Harry shakes his head, refusing to make eye contact. Louis can see his chest moving up and down rapidly and can see his hands shaking where they are at his sides.

“Harry… just say it. It’s just me and you; Harry and Louis, you’re safe, and it’s okay.”

Harry breathes heavily, running his hands over his face. It’s silent for a minute or two and Louis can visibly see the struggle going on in Harry’s mind.

“I… I want to …” Harry clears his throat

"I want to kiss you Louis" he whispers "I always want to kiss you."

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, the more you comment, the more I want to write... :)
> 
> I really enjoy getting to hear your thoughts and expectations for this so please comment!!

Louis face softens and a small smile forms on his lips. His eyes are filled with both sheer happiness and how proud he is of Harry. He takes a tentative step forward towards Harry, who's face is full of a million emotions.  He looks shocked, somewhat relieved but what makes Louis so unsure of what will happen next is the prominent amount of _fear_ in the younger boys eyes. He looks like he's either ten seconds from running or throwing up, and Louis doesn't want to be the one to trigger either one of the those.

Fully aware of his under dressed state, Louis stays where he is; putting the ball in Harry's court.  Allowing him to take this whatever way he wants and mentally can.

"You do?" Louis asks quietly

Harry takes a large gulp, completely unprepared for this. He never thought in a million years he'd be at this point; confessing his urge to kiss a _boy_. To kiss _Louis_. Harry is so very vigilant to the fact that Louis is still wet, in a towel and looking at him like he's the most precious thing to ever exist.

Harry finally nods, pinching himself wondering if this is all a dream.

_Wake up. Wake up. Wake the fuck up._

"Say it" Louis says

Harry is so overwhelmed

"Not for me...say it for yourself. Tell yourself, out loud, what you want" Louis takes another step closer

Harry looks down, realizing how close him and Louis now are. One foot apart but Harry has never felt closer to someone before. This is all so new... Harry voicing his wants, his _needs_. It feels so new and terrifying but most of all freeing. He feels free for a moment, that split second where Louis looked at him with so much appreciation and adoration; he didn't feel like the fuck up he knows he is. He felt like Harry Styles; the _real_ Harry Styles.

"I want...I want you." 

It's so simple yet Harry has never felt more complicated. What he just said, what it meant, it's so very important and exhilerating. 

Harry takes such a miniscule step closer but it's all Louis needs. His words were enough.

They're inches apart now and Harry is breathing like he ran a marathon and Louis hair is starting to curl at the ends and dry at the roots.

"It's up to you" Louis whispers "whatever you want, I'm fine --" 

He's cut off with a pair of lips. Harry's lips. They're so soft and plump, his kiss is so strong yet so unsure. Louis remember his first kiss with a guy; it was revelating. It was petrifying. Harry's lips move slowly against Louis, his hands ghosting over Louis hips. Wanting to touch but not knowing if he can. He knows Louis wouldn't care but his mind would, his mind is already screaming.

_I'm kissing Louis. I'm kissing a boy. Why am I not stopping...why am I enjoying this. I'm straight, I'm straight, **I'm straight**. _

Louis hears Harry whimper and feels the dampness of his cheeks on his. He pulls back for a second to breath, opening his eyes to see Harry's being tightly squeezed shut. As if if he didn't look, if he didn't see Louis face; it didn't happen.

"Harry"

Nothing.

"Harry, look at me"

Harry shakes his head, eyes remained shut and his hands balled into fists now by his sides. 

"It's okay, the world didn't end. Everything fine."

_My world is ending; nothing's fine. I kissed a boy. I kissed a boy who is the most beautiful human being I've laid eyes on and I liked it._

"Harry, I know you're scared. I know what just happens seems like the worst thing that possible could happen, but it's not. It's not because it's going to change your life for the better. You're now going to be able to start the process of accepting yourself, and later accepting someone else to accept you. Please don't--"

"Shut up Lou" Harry says brokenly "This isn't just a kiss. This is...it's like an explosion. It's the one thing that wasn't supposed to happen; it wasn't supposed to happen to me. I can't let this blow up everything I've worked towards. I've worked so damn hard to get where I am...to not have this happened. And then... then I met you and then I'm kissing you. I'm kissing a _boy_. I'm kissing a boy and now I have to deal with kissing boys for the rest of my life because I've done it now Lou and I know for a fact it's what I want and that's exactly what I didn't want to happen." Harry's never been so raw before.

"That's up to you whether or not you let it ruin everything though" Louis states calmly 

"This doesn't define you, Harry.  It's only a part of who you are. No one even has to know--"

 "No one will know!" Harry says quickly

_Shit. No one can know about this. Ever._

"Louis you have to promise me...promise me you don't tell one person about this; about me." Harry's so anxious

"I would never. Harry, you should know by now you can trust me. We're Harry and Louis."

"Harry and Louis..." The green eyed boy repeats

"Yes...now if you don't mind I'm going to put on some clothes. Make yourself comfortable." Louis laughs, looking down at himself

"Oh! Yeah you do that..." Harry says without looking too obviously flustered

_So so so beautiful._

Louis turns around and heads off towards what must be his bedroom. 

"Wait! Louis!" 

Louis turns around and now Harry is right there, with a apprehensive smile on his face.

Before he knows it Harry is kissing him. Not as strong as the first one but still just as amazing. Right when he's about to kiss back Harry's pulling away. A small blush creeping on his cheeks, dimples so prominent.

"Thank you." 


	10. Chapter 10

Harry is currently sitting in class right now and is thinking of everything other than Statistics. His mind is going from the football game they won last night, to the kiss he and Louis shared three days ago.  But he most definitely is not thinking of Statistics.  He'll just get the notes from Liam who's also in the class, later.  To any other college student, not paying attention in class is like a ritual; but not Harry.  Harry always tries his best, takes good notes and always makes sure his handwriting is amazing.  Everything you can do right in college, or in life, Harry honestly does without a flaw. 

Except relationships.

Well not all relationships...just the ones that include the football star and the most beautiful _boy_ in the world.  Harry has spoken briefly with Louis over the past three days, not saying too much but not blatantly ignoring him.  The thing is Harry doesn't know what this is, or what exactly he wants.  Well, he knows what he _wants_ but he doesn't know what he wants in terms of ...Louis and him.   

_We've only kissed twice.  That doesn't mean anything... it doesn't have to mean anything._

_-_

Statistics is over and Harry decides to take a nap when he gets back to his dorm.  He slept fine really... waking up in a sweat with a significant hard on really signifies he slept well.  It's just that was at three in the morning so Harry had to walk all the way to the bathroom to take care of himself and then spent the rest of the night thinking about what he dreamt.  _Louis_.  Louis was _everywhere_.  He was on top of Harry more specifically, kissing down his naked chest, occasionally looking up at Harry's flushed face with _those_ eyes.  He looked so hot, his hair was in disarray from Harry's hands and he was shirtless. Just like when he was in the towel.  When they _kissed_. _When Harry kissed a boy._

So this is why Harry has to take a nap.

-

Harry wakes up when he hears a hard knock on his door.  He knows it can't be Liam because not only does Liam have Literature now but he has a key.  He moans signifying to whoever was on the other side of the door, that he in fact hears them and is alive.  He slowly sits up, he slept only in his boxers and he really doesn't care much to throw something on.

"I'm coming" his voice is scratchy

He walks over to the door and rubs the sleep out of his eyes.  When he opens the door he must be dreaming because the fact that Louis Tomlinson is standing outside of his door, looking exactly how he did in his dream, except wearing a shirt, is completely mind altering. 

Harry feels his whole body flush when he watches Louis give him a once over.

"Well hello Harold" he smirks

"Um...hey Lou" he moves over to the side allowing the smaller boy to come in

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Yeah, it's okay though, I would've had to wake up soon anyways"

"Good"

They look at each other for a couple of seconds, the silence comfortable.  Atleast to Louis it is, but to Harry it allows his thoughts to swarm. 

_Why is he here? Is he going to tell me we have to stop seeing each other? Or I'm a bad kisser and -_

"Harry calm down" Louis says as if he could read Harry's mind, "I just wanted to see you, Liam told me you had off right now so I figured I'd stop over"

"Oh! Great, that's um... that's good." Harry looks around "I'm sorry I don't have anything to offer you to drink other than a half open bottle of Gatorade and stale beer"

"I'm fine don't worry... so what's up?"

"Nothing really, I had class about an hour and half ago and decided to take a nap, I was exhausted"

"Didn't sleep well?"

Harry can feel his face turn bright red, Louis looks at him concerned but then after a second his eyes soften and turn mischievous and a small smirk falls on his lips

"Oh I see.. you slept pretty well I suppose..."

Harry groans and falls side ways onto his bed. He throws his hands over his face, trying to hide his embarrassment.  Louis laughs

"So on a scale from 1-10 how good was this dream?"

"Louis please shut up" Harry whines into his hands

"What was it about Harold? It must've been really interesting if it's got you squirming still" Louis is loving this

Harry has never felt more embarrassed and turned on in his life. Trying to skillfully cover his crotch with his blankets, while still being painfully aware of his almost nudity. 

_Louis is asking about my dream.  My dream about him, on me._

"Nothing, it wasn't about anything" Harry's still hiding behind his hands

Louis crawls over Harry's flushed body, placing his knees on either sides of the boys waist.  His hands pulling away Harry's from his face.  When their eyes meet Harry loses his breath; there Louis is, on top of Harry with _those_ eyes

"Really? So you're going to tell me that absolutely nothing has gotten you so flushed"

Harry tries to maneuver out from under Louis but every time he moves, the duvet falls lower and lower; almost revealing how _much_ Louis is affecting him.

"It's nothing I promise" Harry says with the smallest amount of confidence he's ever heard from himself

"Alright, alright I had my fun" Louis smiles, he begins to sit back and Harry's eyes widen; he's about to sit down on Harry's very prominent situation

The second Louis body tenses, Harry knows he _knows_.  He's so humiliated he can't even look at the boy seated on top of him.  He can feel Louis eyes on him, searching his face.

"Harry..." he starts

"Louis don't..." Harry's voice cracks

Louis swings his legs over to one side of Harry now, he's kneeling next to him.  Harry’s hands are back to covering his face and his whole body is bright red.

“Harry its okay, really” Louis says in such a soft voice

“Oh my god, this is so humiliating” Harry says out loud, muffled by his hands

“It doesn’t have to be”

“How could this not be humiliating Louis?! Tell me how this situation could not not be humiliating?” Harry whines through his hands

“Would it still be humiliating if I told you... If I told you I was, you know, hard too…” Louis whispers the last part

Louis watches Harry’s breathe visibly hitch and sees all the flushed tones of red on Harry’s chest get darker. He watches as Harry’s heart visibly pounds into his chest and he can’t think of the words to express to Harry that his body is doing the exact same thing. When there’s no answer, Louis asks again

“Would it?” Louis moves closer

Harry shakes his head “why?” he says weakly

“Why? You’re asking why I have a raging hard on right now?” Louis laughs “Harry I’ve been turned on by you from the second I saw you when you were in freshman year, how could I not? And then you opening the door today in your- in basically _nothing_ ; I literally almost came right there. It’s okay to be turned on, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do or aren’t comfortable doing yet”

Harry whimpers into his hands, clearly pleased by Louis little rant

“Harry we have to communicate, if you want me to leave I will it’s—“

“No! Don’t leave” Harry says quickly, he removes his hands from his face, he still can’t look at Louis just yet

“I … I don’t know what I want, I don’t know what _to_ want. I just know right now I’m okay with um-“Harry’s voice is shaky “I’m okay with what we did the other night”

“You want to kiss?” Louis smiles

Green meets blue and Harry swears he is seeing stars. He nods his head

When their lips meet Harry’s hands immediately go for Louis face. He’s okay with kissing, kissing is nice. Guys drunkenly kiss all the time, it’s not that out of the _norm_. So Harry continually chants to himself that _‘this is okay’_ and _‘this is normal’_ as he and Louis kiss. Even when he reaches the end, and comes in his boxers, covered by the safety of the duvet still, Harry convinces himself _‘this is okay’_ and soon after Louis finishes too, he hears him whisper in his ears,

“It’s okay love, it’ll be okay”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Harry is freaking out.  In an hour he will be playing in one of the most important games of his football career and he is a nervous wreck. Maybe the fact that he knows Louis and Zayn will be watching too adds to the pressure, or maybe it's the fact that his mom  and step father are coming to watch the game as well; meaning that his mother and the _boy_ he's been kissing will possibly be within feet of each other.  So, yes Harry is freaking the fuck out.

And if Harry's also possibly secretly hoping Louis thinks he looks hot in his uniform while he's playing doesn't contribute to his anxiety then it should be an okay night. 

-

It's the second quarter and they're losing.  Not by a lot, but enough to be anxious about.  Harry's sitting on the bench, he took off his helmet and is running his gloved hands through his sweaty hair. He scans the bleachers and quickly spots Louis and Zayn sitting in their usual spots. He smiles as he watches Louis trying to sneak a piece of popcorn from Zayn, as he watches the game.  He quickly gets caught and is granted a glare from Zayn which quickly turns to a smirk and he hands over some popcorn. _He's so hot_.  Louis is wearing his normal black skinny jeans and black Toms, but instead of his usual loose black or white t shirts he is wearing a tight dark maroon shirt and Harry can already feel how this is affecting him.  He looks away quickly but not without having flashbacks from the previous night, this is the first time he saw Louis since last night and he can't help but not think about how the night went.  From playfulness to humiliation to complete _lust_ , it only confuses and excites Harry more.  He hasn't known Louis for long but he's glad it's him he's confused with.

Harry looks at the bleachers once again only to see his mother and Robin, his step father, sitting on the front bleacher.  She's already looking at him so when she sees him notice her she smiles and waves, which he returns.  Louis must have been watching the exchange because Harry watches as Louis looks down a couple of rows to spot a middle aged beautiful women, and Harry watches Louis expression change when he realizes who she is.  Louis turns to Zayn immediately pointing out Harry's mom while looking completely caught off guard, not angry or panicked, just surprised.    

-

Halfway through the third quarter, WSU catches up and Harry is entirely focused.  His thoughts about his mother and Louis being in the same vicinity are out of his head and he is in full game mode. Louis watches Harry, he watches how into the game he is, and he might be admiring how insanely hot his legs look in those pants, and how muscular his arms are but mostly watching how intense Harry's focus is on the game.   It's the second play and Harry runs down the field, waiting for Joseph, the quarterback to throw him the ball.  He's running, no sprinting as fast as he can towards the end zone as he watches Joseph forcefully throw the ball in his direction.  He knows there are at least two guys on him but he doesn't care, he's determined to get the touch down. He jumps up catching the ball, one yard out from the end zone.  Harry dives and here's the ref's whistle blow signalling he got it, at the same time he feels the 300 pounds of body and metal dig into his back.  He screams loudly as he feels a sharp pain shoot throughout his whole back.  The other players get off of him slowly and he lays there, completely still while loudly groaning.  He hears fast footsteps coming towards him and he knows it's the trainers.

"Styles? What happened? What hurts?"

"'m back, it hurts. Fuck it hurts" he whimpers

Harry feels them trying to turn him but he can't help but fight in protest, the pain never subsiding.  His torso is on fire, the trainers quickly understand.

"Harry try to sit up slowly, yeah? Since you're on your stomach try moving your legs up so your butt is in the air...we'll try to wrap an ice pack around your lower back and then turn you over."

He slowly moves his legs from under him, raising his bum in the air not without mumbling and yelping curses in pain

"fuck, what did I do?" he asks

"We have to get you inside to check it out, let's just try to sit up" he feels the ice pack go around his lower back and he hisses at the stinging sensation of cold on his sweating body

Harry looks up, his hair partially blocking the small view he has through his helmet but he sees his mom first, she's standing and clearly concerned.  He then looks to Louis who has the same expression on his face, only is he quickly walking down the bleachers towards his mother. _Fuck_

"Come on Harry, let's get you up"

Five minutes later, Harry is standing and making his way slowly to the locker room. He's trying not to show too much pain but he'd be lying if he said this isn't the worst injury he's had, and he's had plenty.

-

He's been laying on the examination table for 30 minutes now, after the trainers saying he probably pulled or torn a muscle in his lower back and possibly broke a rib he told them he wanted to be alone.  The were fast to debate but after they realized that Harry was in no mood to fight they quickly dispersed. So for 30 minutes Harry has been laying on his stomach shirtless on this cold ass table with a giant ice bag on his back and completely pissed off.

He hears footsteps making their way towards the training room, and he suspects it's Jim, the trainer to be checking on him.  What he didn't expect was his mom, Robin, Zayn and Louis to be walking in.

"Harry! My baby, are you okay?!" his mom rushes over rubbing her hands through his sweaty hair

"Hey mom, I'm fine, don't worry" he lies

"Harry Edward Styles, don't lie to me" she scowls "I could hear your screams from where I was sitting! I've been worried sick and now that I see you, you say 'you're fine!'!"

He looks over to Louis and Zayn and watches them try to hold back their smiles

"Mom, calm down I'm okay... they don't know what's wrong yet and of course I'd scream when three large guys with metal padding fall right on my back" 

"We're just glad you're okay" Robin says calmly 

"My baby..." his mom starts "I was so worried, I'm glad you're okay.  I guess me and Robin will go since there is nothing we can do but you are to call me everyday and tell me how you are, okay?"

"Yes mom, I love you"

"I love you too"

Robin and Harry give each other a respectful nod and he watches as his mother turns and hugs Louis and Zayn

"Thank you boys for helping me see him, it was really nice to meet Harry's friends"

"No problem, it was lovely to meet you" Louis smiles at her

_So so so beautiful._

His mother and Robin leave the room after that, leaving an awkward silence as Louis and Harry stare at each other.

"Well I'm gonna go" Zayn says "I'm glad you're okay"

"Thanks"

Zayn leaves too and now it's just Louis and Harry.

"So... don't bullshit me, are you okay?" Louis asks

"I'm not going to lie, my whole entire back is killing me.  They think I either pulled or tore a muscle in my lower back and from the bruising on my side, they think it's a possibility I broke a rib"

"Shit, Harry"

"Hey, it's okay.  At least I got the touch down" he smiles

"Hell yeah, you played amazing..." Louis laughs "you didn't look too bad either"

Harry can't help the blush the forms on his cheeks or the stupid grin plastered on his face

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, those stupid pants had me trying to discretely readjust myself without Zayn noticing, which I failed miserably" the two of them laugh at that

They fall into a comfortable silence, looking at each other; drinking each other in.  

"I want to kiss you" Louis whispers

Harry nods and tries raising his head, visibly in pain from the movement

"Don't hurt yourself, kissing can wait, healing can't" 

"But I want to kiss you, I want us to kiss now." Harry pouts

"Oh is the Harry Styles begging for my kisses?" Louis teases

"Yes, Harry Styles needs your kisses after you wore that shirt in public, where I couldn't do anything about it"

"What would you have done?" Louis smirks, leaning closer

Harry freezes.  They've never done this before, kissing has been the only intimate thing they've done; teasing and speaking of doing... other things have never been a factor until now.

_I can't do anything else. I can't. Kissing is safe, kissing isn't completely wrong._

Louis must notice Harry's internal anxiety because he quickly retracts

"Harry I was just teasing, I'm sorry I wasn't trying to pressure you or freak you out." Louis says quickly

"Is... is kissing okay? Like is just kissing okay for right now?:" Harry asks quietly, looking around making sure they're entirely alone

"Of course, like I told you before I will only do whatever you're comfortable with doing"

"I think right now, I can only give you kissing. I'm not... I'm not ready for more than that, I honestly can't even think about that without-"

"Harry you don't have to think about anything other than getting better right now"

Harry groans "I don't want to think about that either... everything is fucked up now.  If I really tore the muscle in my back then I can't play, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to classes everyday.  I'm literally going to be bed ridden and get fat" he pouts

"I won't let you get fat don't worry" Louis smiles

"Promise?"

"Promise" 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more you comment --> the more I post :)

"Liiiiiiiiiammmmm" Harry groans

No answer.

"LIIIIIIIIAMMMMM....help me" he whines again

Liam comes into their room, freshly out of the shower with sweats and a t shirt on

"What could you possibly need now?"

"I really would like a smoothie" Harry smiles innocently 

Liam groans, grabbing his keys and throwing on a pair of slides. He makes his way towards the door 

"WAIT!" 

"What else?" He groans

"Thank you!" Harry laughs

Liam shuts the door while mumbling incoherent insults under his breathe. Harry doesn't blame him, he's been ordering him around for 4 days now, he hasn't left the bed except to shower or use the bathroom, which he needs help with. Liam has been granted permanent bathroom buddy for Harry's whole recovery, which he just _loves_.

Harry's flicking through the channels on his mini TV, not finding anything too entertaining. He's in an awkward position and his neck hurts from the angle but Harry can't move without getting a stabbing pain in his back. Before he goes to bed each night, Liam has to tightly tuck Harry into his duvet so he doesn't move around too much in his sleep. Did Harry mention Liam's a saint?

He's focused on the TV, completely not preparing for Louis to casually walk into his room.  He's stopped by everyday to check on Harry, which ends up in Netflix marathons. They haven't kissed since before Harry's injury and the unsettling amount of want Harry has completely messed with his mind.

"Hey Lou"

"Hey Curly, how 'ya feeling?" He hops onto the bed next to Harry, careful not to touch him

"The same, my neck and back are killing me but I don't want to readjust myself"

"Did you put any of the IcyHot on today yet? Its supposed to ease the tension"

"Shit. I forgot to have Liam put it on me this morning before his classes." Harry remembers 

"I can do it if you want" Louis suggests slowly

Harry doesn't know what to say... Louis rubbing cream into his bare back sounds anything but unappealing but at the same time completely wrong. 

"Or not, its fine, whatever you're comfortable with" Louis says after Harry doesn't respond

Harry's internal debate comes to a verdict

"If you help me turn over and take my shirt off then you could, if you don't mind "

Louis can't help but smile. He's so proud of Harry, if this was 5 weeks ago Harry would be shaking his head quickly and later going home and cry about wanting Louis to rub him.

"Of course, let's get you up you oaf" 

Louis helps Harry sit up so that his back is somewhat against the headboard, he watches Harry try to suppress the amount of pain he's in, but he knows this is killing him. He tells Harry to raise his arms so he can lift his shirt and Harry whimpers. The pain is too much. Louis decides that they'll just push his shirt up all the way to his shoulders and rub the cream in that way. When they get Harry successfully turned over, Louis straddles Harry's upper thighs, grabbing the tube of IcyHot.

He knows Harry is anxious, he can practically see his mind over thinking. 

"I'm going to put the cream on now, just a warning"

Harry makes a sound of acknowledgment. Louis rubs the cream in his hands quickly and then places them in the center of Harry's back. He can feel the younger boy tense out of both pain and nerves and Louis slowly moves his hands around his back.

Harry occasionally let's out a sound or two, signalling to Louis that he's enjoying this mostly. There's the occasional hiss or yelp in pain that Louis quickly apologizes for, but mostly sounds of pleasure, which he can't help but love.

Louis starts rubbing down towards Harry's lower back, his hands dipping into the curve of his spine. This seems to be Harry's most sensitive spot because he immediately begins to squirm. Louis watches as his face contorts between the look of pain and pleasure and Louis continues to kneed into his back.  His hands dip to the lowest part of his back, above his pant line and Louis can't help if a fingertip or two graze underneath the material. He also can't help loving Harry's reaction. He groans loudly, and Louis can see Harry's checks clench together and he watches as his skin begins to get darker with flush. 

Once again Louis turned Harry on, in the most platonic of situations.

"This alright?" Louis asks quietly 

Harry knods quickly, knowing that his voice will probably give up his weakness for this boy. 

Louis fingers keep 'accidentally' dipping below the Harry's pantline, and the thought of what could happen has Harry panting.

He's never thought of a guy on guy sexual experience. He doesn't even know how to experience such a thing, he's never seen a dick but his own and accidentally Liam's when he walked in on him changing. But the possibility of Louis doing something to him makes Harry's whole body tingle.

He knows he's not ready, he knows that this is just pure lust clouding his judgement, but one can dream.

Louis finally finishes rubbing the laat bit of cream on Harry's smooth skin. He helps harry slowly turn over onto his back, and pulls down his shirt.

Harry smiles lazily at Louis and pulls his head down towards his own. He pecks Louis lips once.

"Thank you"

Louis leans down again, connecting their lips in a slow passionate kiss. He mumbles a response but all Harry can focus on is how Louis lips feel, how they would feel on him, all over him. He's starting to love the thrill and burn in his stomach every time he and Louis kiss. He knows what's going to eventually happen though, but just the thought of it kills Harry's mood, so he continues to get lost in Louis lips.

He's so lost that he doesn't hear the door open to his room. He doesn't notice that Liam is back until he hears the keys drop to the floor. He doesn't realize what is happening until he meets Liam's eyes, wide and shocked. Louis jumps up from the bed and stands on the other side of the room, adjusting his hair.

"Liam" he knows awkwardly

"Hey Lou..."

Harry is still looking at Liam with a look of shock and humiliation. The fact that his best friend walked in on him kissing Louis, kissing a _guy_ , completely overwhelms him.

"Harry calm down" Liam says softly, hesitantly taking a step forward

"Like I said before, its okay if you're--"

"Stop right there Li" Harry pleads "please don't say it..." His voice begins to shake

"Oh Haz.." Liam runs over and grabs Harry in a forceful embrace, he rubs his hands throughout his mane of curls and listens to Harry's small chants to himself.

"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay"


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all of you reading:) thank you so much for your kind words.... What do you think will happen in the future? What would you like to see?

"I'm not gay. I'm not gay. I'm not gay"

"Harry, it's okay if you're not ready yet but I feel like you're only hurting yourself if you stay in this place of denial" Liam says 

He's sitting next to Harry who's lying on his bed. Louis in the far corner over by Liam's bed watching the exchange. Having flashbacks of when this was him, when he was this confused, when he was this hurt. 

"I'm not denying anything Liam... I'm just... I don't know... Everyone says college is where people experiment, and maybe that's what this is I-"

"Oh that's bullshit and you know it Harry" Louis snaps

It wasn't meant to be nasty, but the rounds of excuses Harry is making for himself, for his feelings, isn't right. Doing this to himself will only make the future more difficult. Plus Louis might have been a little offended to be called an experiment.

Harry looks over to Louis and sees the seriousness in his face

"I don't know it... I don't know anything right now Lou! Can't you see that? I'm confused and I don't want to be, so can you blame me for wanting to sort this out?" 

"You're not sorting it out, you're dismissing the real reasoning for these feelings. It's not just me Harry, I'm not the only _guy_ you've been attracted to. Face it, face the truth... Not for anyone else but yourself."

Harry shuts up at that. All the logical parts of his brain are shouting everything his emotional part is trying to keep quiet. He can't give up this easily, he can't just surrender to _these_ feelings. 

_I'm such a fuck up. A fuck up and a coward._

"Harry you're not alone in this" Liam starts "I won't let you do this alone... You've been my best mate my whole life I'd never judge you. Just please let me in, please just open up." 

Harry's so tense and so confused and so very very close to crying.

_I'm such a wimp. Such a stupid bratty wimp. I'm always crying; crying because of something that is wrong._

"Can I please be alone?" He asks without looking at either of the boys

Liam immediately nods and gets up, not without giving a comforting squeeze to Harry's shoulder. Louis doesn't move, eyeing Harry.

"Lou, please" his voice breaks

"If you want to sit there and make up more excuses as to why you could possibly be attracted to me, that's fine. Just let me know when you actually settle upon the right one."

And with that Harry is alone.

-

Harry has been contemplating putting this to bed for about two hours. Two hours he's been alone and he knows there is a way he could sort this out. But he's _scared_. He's scared for the result and scared of what this will mean, where his life will go. He takes his now liquified smoothie and slurps up the last bit, as if taking a shot.

 _I'm gonna do this_.

He grabs his laptop that's on his bedside table and opens up Google. His fingers won't type and his mind is barely coming to terms what he's going to look up.

 _Just do it. Stop being a coward_.

He let's out a long breath, and types into the search bar: **gay porn.**

The results are flooded with options and categories. Harry goes for a simple hand job...not trying to push it.

What appears on his screen is so new to him. A muscular guy hovering over a small petite boy on this big white bed. He's missing down the smaller boys neck, and the noises that Harry is hearing are... _different_.

The larger man takes off both his and the other lads shirt, resuming his previous task of marking up the squirming boy. Harry sees the tent forming in both of their jeans, he can basically _feel_ the sexual atmosphere that is going on. 

Mr. Muscles lowers his hand and rests it above the other boys zipper to his jeans, pressing down somewhat, driving him crazy. His jeans are unzipped within seconds and his hand is working the other guys length, palming and swiping all over. The camera pans to all different angles, each one more and more revealing. 

As the smaller boy comes, and his moans begin to increase throughout Harry's speaker, Harry decides that's enough. His chest is rising and falling, from not only what he watched but the verdict he has. He grabs his phone and dials the first person he needed to see.

_Ring Ring Ring_

"Hello?"

"Lou" Harry's voice cracks and he begins to sob, his hands covering his achingly hard length and he doesn't want to allow himself to finish.

"Harry?"

"Lou...I...I please I need you" he cries harder

"I'll be right there"

"Wait... Louis?" Harry whispers

"Yes love?"

"I'm... I'm...I think I'm ..." 

"Harry breath... I'll be right there, I'm getting in my car now"

"Louis I'm gay, I'm gay and I don't want to be." Harry is crying so hard he thinks he might throw up.

_Oh my god. This is it, everything is done. Everyone is going to hate me. I hate me. I hate myself so much._

"Babe, calm down... I'm coming, we can talk when I get there, please calm down"

"I'm gay, I'm gay and I'm so fucked up and I'm gay."

Harry's never hated himself or anyone else more.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Louis spent that night at Harry's. Holding him while he sobbed loudly into his chest. It was an awkward position due to Harry's back but whatever made Harry comfortable Louis was willing to do. He remembers this feeling, he remembers realizing the truth and wanting nothing more than to forget. So he spent that night holding Harry together when all Harry felt was everything falling apart

-

Harry has to go to physical therapy 3 times a week so that he can possibly get better in times to finish playoffs. The only problem is is Harry can't drive due to his back and Liam is actually able to play. So that leaves Louis to be his designated driver and official person in charge of helping Harry get ready.

Today was Harry's second day of physical therapy and he's standing stiffly next to the bed waiting for Louis to come and help him get out of his sweaty clothes. He can't bend or raise his arms so his only option is assistance and Harry can't help but love that Louis stands on the bed so he is taller than Harry to be able to put his shirt on or take it off for him.

"What do you want? Just a t shirt?" Louis asks

"Can you get me a sweater please..I want to be comfy"

"Whatever your heart desires princess" he teases

He brings over a forest green sweater for Harry to wear. Not only does it look comfy but Louis just knows Harry's eyes are going to look so vibrant with it on. He stands in front of Harry helping him take off his navy blue t shirt. He watches Harry's muscles tense each time he has to help Louis with the shirt. But Louis can't complain about standing inches from Harry's toned chest and arms.

"Stop staring" Harry whines

"I can't help it" 

"Shut up" a small blush creeps on his cheeks

"Make me" 

They haven't kissed or let alone spoken in a flirting matter since the Liam incident and Louis doesn't know if he's crossing this imaginary line Harry drew.

Harry's breath hitches and his skin turns red.

"I..I want to I just don't ..."

"It's okay if you don't want to right now Harry" he says softly

"No! That's not it..  I want to Lou, I always do... I just don't know..I think I am..." Harry's cheeks get redder and Louis has no clue what he's trying to say

"Calm down..it's just us, Harry and Louis"

"I think I want to do more" Harry blurts

 _Oh_.

"Shit that sounds so stupid" Harry quickly looks away

"No...no Harry you're being honest it's fine. It's actually more than fine. I just don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I'm not going to regret it... I've been... thinking about it actually and I'm kind of..-"

He looks away, too embarrassed and overwhelmed that he's saying this out loud. Harry was always confident with girls, could say and do anything. But this is different, this is _Louis_.

"You're kind of what?"

"Curious."

Louis smiles, he's so glad that Harry has somewhat opened up to the idea of being with a guy. Whether it's physical or emotional it's a huge step.

"What's with the sudden change of heart?" Louis asks slowly

"That night...the night I called you, I uh-was trying to figure this out obviously and I" Harry stutters nervously "I kind of watched...no I did watch porn...but like guy on _guy_ " he whispers the last part

"Oh" Louis shocked "wow"

Louis figured Harry had done some deep soul searching that night and that's how he came to his sense about his sexuality. Watching gay porn and seeing if he got turned on was never something Louis would've imagined. But he was lying if he said that wasn't hot.

"Yeah..."

"When you watched it, what uh- were some things you liked or were interested in?" 

"Everything" Harry still is not looking at Louis "I liked everything but I don't want to do everything I saw...well I think I might in the future, just not yet at least"

 "We'll take it slow, yeah?" Louis steps closer "you'll set the pace"

Harry nods, letting out a long breath. He's watching Louis watch him. Waiting for him to show a sign of hesitance, want or to have have the balls to make the first move.

Louis gets on his knees on the bed, about eye level with Harry standing up. Harry grabs Louis cheeks and leans in connecting their lips. The spark, or better yet the _fire_ that develops in Harry's stomach the second his lips meet Louis is what makes Harry so sure this is what he wants for the rest of his life. What he _needs_.

Louis tongue swipes across Harry's bottom lip, and he opens up immediately. They haven't kissed like this before, always within the safety of just their mouths. But this is different, this is farther, this is new. 

Their tongues invade each others mouth, feeling each other for the first time. Harry let's out an embarrassing whine and begins to shallowly breath.

_Fuck this is hot._

He wants to climb on the bed, hover over Louis and just explore but his back hates him and so does God because the second he moves a little the sharp pain returns and Harry breaks away groaning in pain and frustration.

"Take it easy Styles, you're still hurt"

"I want to be on the bed" Harry whispers "I want to be on _you_."

Louis breath leaves him, _this is different. This is... This is so fucking hot._ Louis nods and helps Harry onto the bed, laying down. They both silently realize Harry won't be able to stay on top of Lou so Louis climbs on Harry. Careful not to put any weight on his torso.

Their lips meet again and the fire erupts in Harry.

_Louis so good. So good to me. He's perfect. He's so so so so beautiful._

They kiss and explore, zoning out the world. On instinct Louis grinds his hips into Harry's, completely forgetting this is new territory for the younger boy. 

Harry moans loudly, breaking the kiss.

"Fuck"

Louis smirks "you like that?"

Harry nods "I can... I can _feel_ you"

Louis grinds his hips harder on Harry's this time, their hard ons meeting.

"Fuck Lou..fuck fuck." Harry pants

"You're so hot" Louis groans

Louis attaches his lips to Harry's neck, searching for his sweet spot. When Harry let's out a long and loud sound from the back of his throat Louis knows he's found it.

"I'm close, Lou"

"Thank god because so am I"

Harry continues to make the most sexiest sounds, each one sending a pleasure throughout Louis.

"God Curly..." Louis starts "You're killing me"

And not a second later Harry is coming undone, Louis following. He rolls next to Harry, riding out the high.

Harry's never felt this way before...so _satisfied_ . He's still laying there, a lazy smile on his face and a come stain on his sweats.

"Was that good?" Louis asks breathlessly 

Harry turns to face Louis, the lazy smile still on his face while he looks at the older boy.

"The best."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't yet please listen to Secret Love Song Part II by Little Mix, it's beautiful.

It's been two weeks of physical therapy and Harry's finally allowed to go to class now that it doesn't hurt to walk too much.  He's walking by himself to Sociology, music clouding his sense as he raises the volume up on his phone.  He feels someone tap him and looks to his side seeing Louis now next to him. 

"Hey" Harry smiles

"Hiya Curly"

"What's up?"

"Have to meet Zayn at the science labs because for whatever reason I promised I'd help him prepare for his presentation" he laughs

"Well aren't you a good friend"

"Hey, I was going to just text you after your class but I might as well ask you now" Louis says

"Ask me what?"

"Well I have nothing going on later tonight, so do you want to go for dinner?"

Harry freezes, stopping where he is. 

_He's asking me on a date.  Louis is asking me to go out with him in **public**.  Surely he must be kidding, I can't do that.  Everyone will then know..._

"Harry?" Louis says with a frown on his face

Harry looks around, feeling like everyone is watching him, watching _them_.  Like they _know_.  He begins quickly walking away from Louis, turning around back to his dorm.  Back to safety.

Louis catches up to him, grabbing his arm

"Harry what the hell?!" He snaps

"I can't... I can't do that" Harry says, eyes erratic and hands running through his hair

"You can't do what? You can't eat? Or you can't eat with me? Come on Harry I thought we were past that, why can't you finally accept-"

"SHUT UP!" Harry screams

Now people are actually watching the two of them.

"Why? What the hell it's just food, it's just _me_." Louis so pissed

Harry continues looking around, seeing his classmates even some teammates giving looking at him, clearly confused.  He grabs Louis wrists and drags him into the nearest building, searching for somewhere private.  He spots a single person bathroom and opens it up, pulling a fuming Louis inside, locking the door.

"I know it's just you Louis, that's the problem! It's you!" Harry starts

"The problem is it's me or it's the fact I'm gay and perfect Harry Styles can't ever be seen with little _gay_ Tomlinson" Louis spits

Harry stays silent

"Oh that's rich.  That's hilarious because what is it that we did the other week?" Louis steps closer to Harry

Again silence

"We kissed, actually you kissed _me_.  You told me that you want to do stuff with _me,_ perfect Harry Styles is hiding his relationship with someone because of who they are when he's the exact same."

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone, you said you understood" Harry whispers

"I never told anyone and I understand, trust me no one can understand being in the closet as much as I can but that didn't mean that I would publicly disassociate myself with someone because they're out." Louis says less angrily

"I didn't mean it like that" Harry looks down

"Well that's how it felt" Louis says clearly hurt

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I can't give you everything, at least not publicly."

"You can at least be a friend when we're out, friends have dinner.  I wasn't asking you out on a date, I just thought you'd be sick of take out, I was trying to be a _friend_."

Harry feels like shit

"I'm sorry, I panicked" still not looking at Louis

"Clearly"

It's silent between the two of them in the tiny bathroom.  Harry slowly sits down on the tile floor, his back bothering him from standing for so long.

"What did you do?" he asks quietly

"Pardon?"

"What... what did you do when you weren't out yet? What did you feel... or think?"

Louis sits down across from Harry, laying his legs out so that they touch Harry's which are also out. He watches as Harry moves his legs so that they're both touching Louis'.

"I was more angry than anything I think.  I was angry that I couldn't control my mind, or my heart" he breathes "I was angry that... I had a stupid crush on my best mate"

Harry looks up

"How old were you?" he asked

"We were both 15, but I knew that I was gay when I was about 10"

"Did you tell him?" Harry searches Louis eyes, blue clouding with emotion

"Not intentionally... we were invited to a party and both got completely smashed.  We were walking home, or attempting to and I fell...he plopped himself down next to me, figured there was no point in going home this drunk." he smiled at the memory 

"We were sitting there talking about random stuff, from class to sports to girls" he visibly gulps "I said 'well what would you do if I didn't swing that way' it was meant to be funny but he looked at me so seriously and next thing I know is I leaned in and kissed him."

"What did he do?" Harry sees in Louis eyes, sees the bad memories start to swarm his mind

"He pushed me off, wiped his mouth and gave me this look; this look of disappointment" 

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay, he thankfully didn't tell anybody, but we just weren't the same since.  He wouldn't get too close to me"

 "Is that why you got so mad at me today?"

"Kind of... I just don't like being treated differently by someone, especially only in public, because I'm gay."

"I didn't mean to make you feel like that" Harry knocks their ankles together

"I know... I'm sorry I got so mad, I understand what it's like to be scared about people finding out"

Now Louis knocks their ankles together.

Harry smiles, dimples showing.

Someone knocks on the door.

"Hello...you almost done?" 

_Shit_.

"Uh yeah give me a moment" Harry says in response

"Styles?"

_Fuck_

"Um...yeah?"

"It's Max"

_Shit Fuck_.

Harry looks to Louis, beginning to panic for the second time that day. Louis realizes who Max is, he's on the football team with Harry.

"Harry?" Max asks

"Um" he coughs "give me a minute Max" 

"Okay?"

"What do we do?!" Harry whispers

"Just make something up, when we walk out we'll say its not what it looks like. If he's your friend he'll believe you."

"Oh that's bull and you know it Lou" Harry frowns

"I know" Louis sighs 

"Mate I really have to pee" Max says on the other side of the door

"Is there another bathroom you could use?" Harry asks

"It's on the 5th floor" he whines

"Fuck" Harry mumbles not so quietly

"Wait, Styles... Are you getting head right now?"

 Harry's eyes widen, his cheeks turning red as he looks as Louis smirk.

'Go along with it' Louis mouths

"Um... I'm trying to" Harry says awkwardly

Max starts laughing

"Alright I'll leave you to it...and bye to you _Miss_ Styles" he jokes

 When they hear footsteps getting farther from the door they both let out a breath. 

"We should go" Louis says

Harry nods, attempting to get up but wincing

Louis stands and realizes Harry's predicament. He reaches out a hand that Harry gratefully takes. He pulls him up only for Harry to stand mere inches from his face.

"Hi" he smiles

"You're such a doof" Louis leans in and kisses him


	16. Chapter 16

It's 11 at night and Harry is at Louis and Zayn's place, waiting for Louis to get back with their take out.  He's laying on the couch scrolling through his phone his eyes look up when he hears the door open.  Zayn walks in, giving Harry a small nod.

"Hey" 

"Hi Zayn"

Zayn looks around clearly confused that Louis is no where in sight

"He's picking up our food, do you want anything? I bet if we call now he'll be able to get it."

"No, it's alright.  I was just grabbing my phone charger, waiting for my friend to come meet me here actually so we could head out"

"Oh, alright."

"Yeah... you actually might know him.  Niall Horan?"

"Oh! I know Niall, he's great, a fun lad"

Zayn smiles 

"Yeah and loud" they both laugh

"How's your back feeling?" he asks

"It's a lot better than in the beginning but it still hurts if I move too fast.  The icy hot really helps."

Zayn nods

"Well that's good"

It goes silent for a minute or two and all Harry is thinking about is whether or not Zayn _knows_.

"Harry... I actually wanted to talk to you about something" Zayn says suddenly

Harry gulps

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" he sits down on the armchair across from the couch Harry's laying on

"So clearly you know Louis is gay" he starts, Harry nods "well, since he is I just wanted you to be aware of the fact that down the line there might be a chance that you know, he might grow fond of you" 

_What did he just say?_

Zayn must see the look on Harry's face and realize how that sounded because his eyes go wide 

"No! I didn't mean it like that... I'm not saying because Louis is gay that he would end up falling in love with you or anything. I'm just saying that he might grow fond of you as like a really close friend, which you seem fine with but some people won't be and I wanted to warn you that you might get some slack for like being super close with him, because he is gay and some people are homophobic ass hats that don't understand that being gay is okay and not like some disease."

"I understand don't worry.  I actually have grown quit fond of him myself and I don't care what people have to say." _Well that last part is a blatant lie._

At that moment, they turn when they hear keys drop to the floor and Louis curse to himself from the other side of the door.  Zayn laughs and walks over, letting Louis in who is somehow carrying two large bags in one hand.

"You should've called me that you were back, I would've helped you" Harry pouts

"Oh shut it Styles, you're very content with sitting lazily on that couch claiming you're back is still bad as I spoon feed you your Chinese food." Louis says with a smirk

"I'll have you know that my back actually does hurt you twat" Harry sticks his tongue out at Louis

"Yeah yeah yeah, why don't you call the wambulence" 

Harry throws a pillow at Louis who is now setting up the food on the coffee table in front of the couch Harry is on. 

"Oi! Watch it! I got lo mein in my hand and that shit stains the carpet"

"You sound like my grandma" Zayn jokes

"Shut it Malik, why are you here?"

"I pay for half this place I don't need a reason"

"ZAYN!" an Irish voice from outside the door shouts

"It's unlocked!" Louis calls back

Niall comes walking in, smile on his face and a bottle of Vodka in his hand

"Hey Lou" 

"Hey Ni, this is -"

"Harry? What are you doing here? I didn't know you knew each other"

"Harry and I here are best mates" Louis smiles, sitting down on Harry's stomach, emitting a groan from the boy

"Well that's nice Lou" Zayn says

"It's okay Zaynie don't be too upset, I got some comfort food for you right here" Niall holds up the bottle of Vodka

"Vodka isn't food, Niall" Harry laughs

"You see, that's not entirely true, because to the Irish alcohol has it's own food group in that weird pyramid thing they teach in those health classes"

They all laugh

"Well come on Malik, we got food to drink"

"Alright, I'll see you two later"

"Bye guys"

"Bye"

Louis turns to Harry the second the door closes, still sitting on top of him

"You look comfortable" Louis jokes

"You're big butt is making my internal organs collapse in on each other" Harry moans

"Hey! Did you just call me fat?!" Louis pouts

"No, you're not fat... you're bum is rather, uh-large though"

"I'll have you know my bum is one of the best on campus, including girls" Louis laughs

"I know" Harry smiles, cheeks immediately heating up

Louis raises an eye brow "you know?" he teases "Harold Styles have you just admitted to checking out my butt?"

Harry groans covering his face " m'not Harold, just Harry"

"Whatever you say Mr. Ass Man, let's eat" Louis moves to the other side of the couch where Harry's legs are, handing him his food.

Louis flipping through channels when he feels Harry's feet nudge at his leg

"Yes?"

"Nothing, my feet are cold and you're warm"

"Want a blanket, socks?"

Harry shakes his head, "just you" his eyes still watching the TV

Louis smiles, trying to hide his love of how that made him feel.  How _Harry_ makes him feel.

An hour goes by and Louis is so into the show that he doesn't even realize that Harry had fallen asleep until he looks over at him during a commercial break.

He's still laying on his back, his arms crossed loosely over his chest and his lips puffed out into a pout.  Louis watches him, looks all over the boy, trying to find one flaw and he can't. He listens to the small snores Harry lets out every once and a while, smiling at how peaceful and calm he looks.  He stands up to put the left overs away when he hears Harry whine.

"Lou?" he mumbles sleepily

"Yes?" 

"Come back"

"I will, I'm just putting the food away"

"Fuck the food, lay with me" 

Louis heart swells

"Alright Curly"

Louis climbs over the younger boy, careful not to hurt his still injured back.  He curls up into the side of the couch, throwing his arm across Harry's chest, hand over his heart.  Harry lifts his arm and puts it around Louis back, holding him closer.  

"G'night Lou"

"Night Harry"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was uneventful but it was more of a filler chapter
> 
> Please let me know what you like, dislike and want to happen
> 
> Thank you:)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)

Harry wants to cry, he's at some stupid team dinner where everyone has to wear a suit while business looking men walk around inspecting and talking about them like they're not even there.  He's still injured but these men still seem pretty interested in him.  After an hour and a half conversation of Harry's goals for his football career and what he plans on working on, he sits down at his assigned table and pulls out his phone. 

'Please kill me now. This is slow painful torture' he texts Louis

He places his phone down, not expecting it to buzz only a second later

'I'm sorry Curly, killing football players wasn't on my itinerary today'

'Pleeeeease Lou.  This is terrible... these guys are boring and arrogant and not to mention I'm distracted'

'What?! The famous football phenomenon Harry Styles isn't 100000% into his snobby football dinners?! I'm completely shocked'

'Oh shut it'

'So what's got you all distracted Harold?'

Harry hesitates before typing his reply

'You.'

He places his phone down quickly, not wanting to stare at the time, waiting for Louis to respond.  He shouldn't have said that, he knows he shouldn't have but it's the truth.  He's been thinking about Louis non step for the past week and not all just innocent thoughts of his eyes.  

He hears his phone buzz and he waits a minute to pick it up

'I'm flattered... what about me has gotten your mind off of men in pads and tight white pants?'

Harry smirks, knowing Louis set himself up for this one

'You in tight white pants'

'My my Curly, you've got an interesting mind'

He can just imagine Louis small smirk as he stares at his phone.  He feels it vibrate again, signaling another message.

'What does your mind think about me in tight white pants?'

_Oh my god, we're really doing this.  We are really having this conversation right now in a room full of my teammates and possible coaches._

'It likes it...a lot'

'I've got to say this was pleasantly unexpected'

Harry smiles 

'You're pleasant to look at'

'Oi that was cheesy'

'I miss you' Harry types, knowing it sounds as desperate as he feels

'I miss you too... come over after your fancy ball?' Louis asks

'I'll stop by my dorm and change first if you don't mind'

'Oh trust me I don't mind'

-

Harry somehow made it out of there alive and is currently leaving his dorm.  He's traded his black suit for a long sleeved jumper and a pair of black skinnies.  His hair is still a disheveled mass of curls and he can still smell his fancy cologne he put on four hours ago.

He knocks on the door to Louis flat and he hears footsteps coming.  When Louis opens the door Harry reaches out and pushes him back inside, closing the front door while doing so.  He grabs Louis face and pulls their lips together, kissing him _hard_.  Louis texted him that Zayn was going to be out for the night, so Harry's taking this opportunity to ... _learn_.

Harry can feel Louis smile against his lips as the smaller boy pulls back 

"Well, hello to you too" he laughs

Harry molds their mouths together again "I-missed-you" he says in between kisses.  He hasn't seen Louis in four days considering he's allowed to start training again.  He can't participate with the team yet but he can with the teams trainers, which have not gone easy on him. 

"I missed- fuck- you too" Louis groans as Harry's mouth drops to the side of his jaw, sucking and kissing.  Harry eagerly guides the two to Louis bedroom, when Louis catches on a whine erupts in the back of his throat, showing Harry that he wants this just as much. 

"Shirt off" Harry mumbles, face still in Louis neck

"You too" Louis moans

They both separate, staring at each other.  Both of their mouths are red and shiny, perfectly 'post make out' swollen.  Harry's eyes travel down to the darkening love bite on the side of Louis neck and it drives him _crazy_.  Louis takes his shirt off first, then kneeling on to the bed.  Harry following; their mouths meet again and they continue kissing and exploring each others bodies with their hands.  Harry still hasn't moved past Louis waist, too nervous to cross the uncharted territory so far.  Louis moves on top of Harry, straddling him like last time.  He begins to grind down on Harry, their crotches meeting and sparking that feeling in the pits of their stomach.  Harry loves this, he _craves_ this.  

"Harry" 

"Yeah?" he whispers in between kisses

"I need-fuck- I need to take my pants off" he groans

Harry stills 

"I'm not forcing you to do anything" Louis says, eyes meeting Harry's "it's just that these are my only jeans left for the week because I'm too lazy to do laundry and-"

"Okay" Harry states

"Okay?" Louis searches his eyes, trying to find any sort of hesitancy; all he sees is lust

Louis crawls off the bed and stands, unzipping his jeans

Harry watches as he slowly pulls his skin tight black jeans off of his sinful thighs.  He watches as his black briefs become exposed and his hard on clearly noticeable.   _Fuck_.

When Louis finally pulls off his jeans all the way he climbs back onto the bed, into the same position.  Harry looks up, the thoughts going through his mind at this moment are so scary and nerve racking but he really needs to speak them.  Louis leans back down to kiss him, Harry kisses back for a minute before pulling away.

"Lou" he whispers

"Yeah? You okay?"

Harry quickly nods "I was wondering...can I-uh-touch you?" he whispers the last part

He watches Louis eyes grow wide, his pupils dilating fully and his jaw drop.  He nods

"Of course-fuck- yeah Harry" he practically moans

"Over your boxers...if that's okay?" Harry asks

"More than okay, do what you want.  Whatever you are comfortable with"

Harry nods adjusting himself so he is somewhat leaning over Louis.  He leans down and brings them back into their kiss, slower this time.  He puts his hand at the dip of Louis collarbones and slowly moves down.  His fingers brush Louis nipples, feeling them rise, the run over his abs and small stomach and eventually graze the fabric of his briefs.  His hands still there for what must be too long because Louis speaks up.

"It's okay, just act like it's yourself.  Do what you like" he guides

Harry nods again

His fingers travel lower in the most agonizingly slow way, Louis is trying not to rock his hips up to force contact but this pace is becoming excruciating.  Finally, Harry's fingers graze his length, moving up and down his shaft, _feeling_ Louis. 

"Fuck" Louis whispers

Harry continues to move his fingers up and down lightly, trying to find the confidence to wrap his hand around Louis.  He looks up and sees the pleasure he's giving Louis; his eyes are closed, cheeks flushed and mouth open.  His breathing has increased and every other breath results in a small noise of satisfaction.   _If this is driving him mad then I wonder what it will be like when I actually properly give him a hand job._  Harry slowly cups his hand around Louis length, feeling his thickness.

"You feel so good Lou" he whispers, his lips moving back up to his neck, sucking more love bites

"You're doing so good" Louis whines "so good"

Harry continues to work Louis hard on with his hand, the excitement and reaction he's getting from this experience alone is getting him off.  He feels himself getting more and more turned on after every small noise Louis lets out.  

"You're so hot" he groans into Louis neck

He feels Louis twitch in his hand and then wetness. _I just gave Louis a over the brief hand job...and I'm getting off on it._   

Harry watches Louis ride out his high, the small _Harry Harry Harry_ that Louis chants as he calms is enough to set Harry over the edge, finishing behind the confinement of his briefs and jeans.  Louis waits for him to open his eyes, waiting for any sign of regret but hopefully delight.  

"Lou" Harry croaks

"Yeah?"

"I'm sticky" he mumbles, eyes still closed

Louis laughs "need new pants Styles?"

Louis stands up and grabs Harry a pair of clean briefs and a big pair of his joggers.  He tells Harry he's going to get changed in the bathroom and that he'll wait until Harry tells him it's alright to come back in.  

Louis waits outside the door for 5 minutes before knocking. 

"Harry?"

Nothing

"Harry can I come in?"

Silence

"Okay I'm coming in" he slowly opens his bedroom door

Harry is laying in the same spot, eyes closed and mouth open.  Small snores signal to Louis that the younger boy is out and Louis can't help but smile at the innocence on the boy's face after what they just did.

"I really like you Harry" he whispers before climbing into bed, joining Harry

 


	18. Chapter 18

Harry wakes up with an object sprawled out on his chest, he feels something snaked around his legs as well and he feels small puffs of air being let out on his chest.  He feels so calm and peaceful, the day before seeming light years away.  He's never woken up so content in his life, so at ease with everything.  He's not ready to open his eyes yet so he pushes what ever it is off of him only for him to realize that it is in fact an arm.  His eyes shoot open and he sees a groggy Louis shuffling around, obviously woken up by the shove. 

"I'm guessing you're not a morning person" he says, voice cracking from sleep

"Sorry," Harry mumbles, he rubs his eyes "what time is it?"

Louis reaches over to the side desk where he put his phone, the screen reads 8:23 and Harry groans

"Fuuuck"

"You really aren't a morning person" Louis laughs

Harry shoves his face into one of Louis pillows, groaning and mumbling incoherent sentences

"Speak up, love" Louis smirks

Harry pulls his face from out of the softness of the pillows and faces Louis

"I have training today" he groans

"Oh," Louis says disappointingly, he was kind of hoping he and Harry could grab breakfast and hangout considering it's Saturday

"Yeah, m'sorry... I have to get going soon, I need to get changed, grab my gear and by the time I get to the fields it'll be time to start"

"It's fine, rain check on breakfast though? I mean you must be starving from last night" Louis teases

Harry's cheeks turn a light shade of pink and a lazy smile forms on his red, sinful lips

"Yeah, last night was..." he can't contain his smile "I really enjoyed last night with you Lou"

"My my Harold, quit buttering me up" he jokes lightly tapping Harry on the nose

Harry scrunches up his face and sticks his tongue out, Louis bends down and pecks him quickly on the lips and Harry pulls back

"Morning breathe is not my thing" he teases

"Well what is your thing then?"

Harry smiles, "you"

-

"Where were you last night?" Liam asks as they walk to the fields together

Harry hesitates "I was with Louis and Zayn"

"Really? With Louis _and_ Zayn?" Liam smirks

_Shit. What does he know?_

"I-uh yeah, I was at their place and we stayed up late watching movies and playing like uh-fifa and doing guy shit and-"

"Harry chill out I'm just messing with you, I only asked because I saw Zayn when I was out with Sophia and he told me that Louis told him you were coming over"

"I didn't mean to lie, I just didn't want you to think anything happened" Harry says quietly

"I didn't don't worry, I mean I was a little worried when I came back to the room and you weren't there but Zayn assured me you were with Louis so I knew you had to be okay"

"Yeah yeah, I was fine" Harry looks away, trying to stop the memories from coming back to his mind from the previous night

"You'd tell me though right?" Liam asks

Harry turns to him, a confused look on his face 

"If something was going on, or something happened...with like you and Louis" he elaborates

Harry coughs, turning away again

"Nothing is happening" he mumbles

"Is that why Zayn told me Louis kicked him out?"

Harry stops

"He what?" his eyes wide

_Shit. Liam knows what happened. Zayn obviously knows something possibly happened.  This was supposed to be slow, no one was supposed to know_

"Harry calm down, remember I saw the two of you ki-"

"Stop please" Harry whispers

Their down the hall from the locker room and the last thing Harry wants is someone hearing...well the last thing Harry honestly wants is to talk about this.

"Okay, I'm here though if you want to actually talk for once" Liam sighs

Harry knows Liam's disappointed, he would be too if Liam felt he couldn't trust him.  But this is too much, it's too new, it's too _raw_.  He can't even rap his head around this, rather than talk about his school boy crush with his best friend.  

They enter the locker room in silence, Harry drops his stuff on the ground, sitting on the bench waiting for Coach to come in and speak about this upcoming week's schedule.

"Hey Styles" he hears someone say, he looks up and it's Max who has a sick smirk plastered on his face 

_Shit.  He still thinks I got head in the toilet the other day._

"Hey" Harry nods, trying to show know interest

"How are you?" he continues to press

A majority of the team are in the locker room, all talking about random things but Max is trying his best to get everyone's attention

"I'm good mate, you?"

"I mean I'm very well thank you, but not as well as you were the other day" he laughs

"What are you on about?" Liam asks, clearly annoyed 

"Harry, you didn't tell Liam over here about your secret little play date you had in the bathroom the other day?" 

Most of the team is watching, smirk on their faces waiting for _the Harry Styles_ to sit there and brag about what amazing head he got from an absolutely sexy _girl_.  He feels like he might throw up.

"No because it's no ones business" Harry says trying to dismiss it

"Oooh, getting defensive are we? Is she special? We can't share?" Max jokes

Liam turns to Harry, now getting at what Max is implying.  His eyes are bulging as he stares at Harry who won't look at him.

_He thinks Louis gave me head and Max caught us. Shit_

"No we can't" Harry says more aggressively 

"At least tell us her name" Joe smiles now including himself in the conversation

"I would like _them_ to remain anonymous, thank you"

"Oi, Styles trying to be mysterious" Max laughs

"Alright guys!" Harry hears Coach yells as he enters the locker room

_Thank God._

-

Harry felt Liam's eyes on him all throughout training.  Since Harry isn't 100% better yet he still does his own thing with his trainer, but since the team was doing weights today he was in the gym with them.  He was on the treadmill and Liam was directly in front of him, constantly looking.  Harry refused to make eye contact.

_He thinks Louis gave me head, or he thinks I gave Louis head.  He thinks I'm disgusting, he wants a room change. Fuck Shit Fuck._

-

Harry quickly showers and grabs his things from his locker, trying to leave quickly.  He doesn't want to run into Liam and have to walk with him, and possibly talk...this is too nerve-wracking; too humiliating.

"Harry!" he hears Liam yell from behind him

He continues walking, grabbing his earbuds from his pocket.  He's about to plug them in when he sees Liam now next to him. _Fuck Liam and his determination._

"Harry"

"Yes Liam" he grumbles

"What was Max talking about?" he says quietly

"It's not what it sounded like" Harry starts

"Even if it was, it doesn't concern me... I just- I got concerned that maybe you were, I don't know rushing things" he says so gently

"We had a miscommunication and I pulled him into the bathroom so we can speak privately and Max ended up knocking on the door and he must've heard someone else in there or something because he got this idea that I was doing something with someone"

"With a girl" Liam clarifies, Harry nods "you didn't shut it down either... you let him believe that that is what happened"

"It was easier" Harry sighs

"Yes but it was a lie and normally I don't give a shit who or what you lie about unless it's me but you've apparently made all this progress, that you won't let me see, and the last thing I want is you to lie to yourself."

Harry shrugs

"Be honest Harry, you lied about getting head in the bathroom to Max because deep down you wish you did" Harry looks at him "not like that... you wish that it could be that simple that you actually did have relations with a girl, and not some lovers spat with a _guy_ "

"We're not lovers"

Liam looks at him "Harry don't lie, clearly Louis asked Zayn to leave for the night for a reason"

"He might have but nothing did happen" he lies

"I don't want to know your sex life Harry, that's not why I'm so into this, I want to make sure you're okay.  That Louis is treating you okay, that it's at your pace. You're my best mate, I care" Liam looks so sad

They're at their hall now and when they reach their room Harry turns and pulls Liam into a hug.

"Thank you, I get it. I just think- like a lot and it freaks me out. I thought, I thought that you thought Louis gave me a blowjob or vise versa and got disgusted."

Liam pulls back

"Harry I'm not  homophobic or uneducated, I know what gay people do" Harry flinches at the word

"I know... it's just weird"

"Have you spoken to Louis about this stuff, like about what you're okay with?"

Harry nods

"He's been good right?"

Harry smiles "really good Liam, he's been very patient"

Liam smiles, hugging Harry again

"You my friend are smitten" Liam laughs

Harry falls back on his bed, arms behind his head "that I will admit to"

-

"How is your back feeling? You havn't called in three days Harry. That's so unlike you" Harry's mom says worriedly

"It's a lot better now, I'm sorry I was really busy with training and classes" 

"Has Liam been taking care of you? Or the other boy, what's his name again?"

Harry tenses when his mother mentions Louis, it's like she's so close to figuring it out but he knows she really isn't.   _She'd never see this coming._

"Louis"

"Yes! Louis, he was so sweet.  Coming right up to Robin and I saying he could get us to see you. I like him"

"Yeah he's a good friend"

"Does he have a girlfriend?"

Harry goes into a fit of coughs

"Harry are you okay?!" She asks quickly, concern clear in her voice

"Why are you asking if he has a girlfriend, he doesn't but why are you asking?" Harry asks after he gains his composure

"Because he seems nice and Gemma's been so down lately ever since her and Ashton split" 

"Louis is not dating Gemma"

"Harry calm down, it was only an idea"

"Well it was a  bad one" Harry pouts

"Since when have you been this over protective baby brother?" his mom jokes

_If only she knew it wasn't Gemma I was looking out for_

"I don't know... plus I don't think Louis would be interested"

"Harry! Don't say that! Gemma is a lovely girl-"

"I didn't mean it like that mom" he groans

"Then what did you mean?" she asks

Harry goes quiet, not knowing if she should out Louis to his mother.  It's more for Harry than anything else, being able to gauge her reaction if someone else was the test subject

"He doesn't exactly, like girls" Harry whispers

"Oh" she says simply 

Harry holds his breathe

"Oh honey that's so wonderful that he's able to be out, no one gives him a hard time right?" 

Harry lets out the breathe he was holding, a small smile creeping on his face 

"Yeah no one gives him any problems" 

"Good I'm glad, and I'm glad that you befriended him.  He's a sweet boy no matter who he likes"

"Yeah he is" Harry smiles

"Alright well I have to go, love you Harry! Don't forget to call!"

Just then he sees Louis walk into his dorm, smoothies in hand

"Love you too mom" he smiles, looking directly at the boy in front of him

_So so so beautiful._


	19. Chapter 19

Harry hangs up the phone

"I didn't know you were coming over" he smiles

"I figured I'd surprise you, I remember you telling me you get off of training by 1ish and I know you like your smoothies"

"Thank you" 

Louis nods and sits on Harry's bed, next to where Harry is laying down

"What do you want to do?" Louis asks

Harry watches as Louis take a sip of his drink, his thin pink lips enveloping the straw. His cheeks hollowed from the suction. Fuck.

Harry smiles leaning up and kisses Louis who still has smoothie in his mouth, he pulls away giggling and swallowing his icy drink

"Do you want me to choke" Louis laughs

Harry raises his eyebrows mischievously

"Actually don't answer that"

They both smile mischievously at each other. Harry remembering his conversation with his mother about Louis.

"Oh actually there's something I have to tell you" Harry says, nervous all of a sudden

Louis gives him a look, waiting

"I kind of told my mom, about you...about you liking _boys_ " Harry whispers the last part, immediately worried he did something wrong "I know I should've asked you first it just-"

"Harry it's fine, why did you tell her though? I'm not mad I'm just confused how that got into conversation with your mother" Louis says calmly 

"She mentioned you being nice and then asking if you had a girlfriend, because my sister she uh- she's not taken and I don't know I kind of just let it slip" 

"Let it slip or got jealous?" Louis teases

Harry coughs, cheeks turning red

"I wasn't jealous" he whines childishly

"You weren't?" Louis leans closer to Harry

Harry shakes his head, gulping loudly

"Want to know something?" Louis whispers, inches from Harry's face

"What?" Green looking into Blue

"I'd be" Louis moves his lips to Harry's ear "it would drive me crazy if you were with someone else, if you weren't with me" 

Harry's senses spark, his blood rushing, heart beat increasing and desire bursting.

Louis grabs his cheeks and kisses him slowly. Exploring his mouth, he moves so he is sitting in Harry's lap as Harry leans his back against the headboard of his bed.

Harry brings his hands to Louis hips. _Those curves_. He squeezes, emitting a sound like a squeal from the older boy. Harry smirks and squeezes again, harder.

Louis leans back, "you're absolutely maddening" he connects their lips again moving his hands to Harry's chest, pulling on his necklace that's always around his neck. "You are addicting" Louis whispers into Harry's mouth.

Harry responds by bringing his hands lower. His fingers digging into the soft flesh above Louis bum.

"Do it. It's okay." Louis breathes

Harry's mind is blurry but the continuous struggle to fight with his inner enemies is still there.

_He wants me to. Just do it, I can do it._

Harry's hands move further down, enveloping Louis bottom with his massive hands. 

"Fuck" Harry groans

Harry squeezes.

"Pants," Louis whines "pants off please now"

"Yeah, mine too" 

Louis pulls back, blue meeting green "you sure?" 

Harry nods, "I trust you"

Louis smiles, crawling out of Harry’s lap.

He unbuttons his jeans, only for Harry to grab his wrists.

“Can I- uh-?” Harry fumbling with his words, cheeks flushing

Louis smiles softly, “go ahead”

Harry leans closer, he grabs the zipper looking up at Louis for what must be approval, and Louis nods.  Harry’s eyes go back to his hands, he slowly unzips the black skinny jeans, and Louis sits up so it’s easier for Harry to pull them down. Harry pulls them down so they are just under his bum cheeks, his prominent hard on, just visible, straining in his white briefs.  He gulps.

“Fuck” he whispers to himself, admiring his view.  Admiring _Louis_.

“I know I’m hot, but please I’m dying here” Louis whines

Harry sticks his tongue out and goes back to pulling the remainder of the jeans off of Louis thick thighs and over his muscular calves. 

_So so so beautiful._

“Your turn” Louis whispers into the silence, the only thing heard is their heavy breathing

“Do you want to-uh- help?” Harry asks, still unsure of himself

Louis leans closer to Harry pecking his lips, “I’d love to,” he smiles

Harry’s hands go to his sides, shaking nervously.  When Louis’ fingers find the buttons to his too tight jeans, Harry’s whole body tenses and he feels like the wind got knocked out of him.  Louis must either hear the shakiness in his breathing or sees his trembling hands because he looks up to Harry’s eyes, which are still fixated on Louis hands on his jeans.

“Hey” Louis whispers

Harry looks up

“You good?”

Harry lets out a shaky breathe and squeezes his eyes shut

“Yeah just- I’m not used- I’m nervous” he whispers, clearly embarrassed

“You can keep them on, it’s okay” Louis says gently

“No, I want them off… I’m being stupid, please take them off” Harry says determined

Louis nods and quickly unbuttons Harry’s jeans and then unzips them, trying to make this quick so Harry doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. He pushes them down to above Harry’s knees, the head of Harry’s length poking out from his navy blue boxers.  Louis tries not to stare, not wanting to make Harry anymore anxious.  He quickly pulls the rest of the jeans off of Harry’s long legs. 

Louis takes his shirt off, now only in his briefs, still straining.  He looks to Harry who is staring intently at the tent in his boxers.  Louis grabs the bottom of Harry’s shirt, looking at Harry questioning if it’s okay, Harry nods quickly, his curls falling into his face.  Louis tugs Harry’s shirt over his head, the younger boy immediately fixing himself in his briefs, cheeks red.

“What do you want?” Louis asks, kissing Harry’s neck

“I don’t know” Harry whines, eyes shutting in pleasure

“Well you have two options,” Louis continues sucking on Harry’s neck, in between each kiss he says, “You could- touch me, or I could touch you”

Harry moans loudly at that, “touch just touching,” he mumbles incoherently

“Love, that didn’t make sense” Louis laughs into Harry’s neck

“Touch me Louis” Harry pants

Louis continues attacking Harry’s neck, hand traveling down his chest, laying on his abs for a second.  When they begin to move lower, Louis removes himself from Harry’s neck, leaning over the whimpering mess of the younger boy under him.  Watching his bottom lip being harshly chewed and his eyes getting tighter and tighter with each inch closer Louis gets.

When Louis hands ghosts over the tent in Harry’s briefs, Harry lets out a strangled sound,

“Just do it, please” he whimpers loudly “I need this, I need _you_ ”

Louis kisses down his chest, his hand becoming firmer around Harry’s straining length.  The barrier of his briefs doesn’t discount the fact Louis can _feel_ how large Harry is.

“Fuck Lou” Harry groans

Louis works Harry with his hand, still kissing all around his torso.  The younger boy is squirming, withering with pleasure.  After each breathe and kiss, he lets out sound after sound of satisfaction.

“Harry you’re so big,” Louis pants “you’re actually going to kill me”

Harry feels the heat in the pit of his stomach become stronger, he can feel the pleasure in the tips of his toes.  His knees jerking up; wrapping themselves around Louis back, pushing Louis into Harry more, his hand giving Harry a squeeze.  Harry practically screams

“I can’t, I can’t hold it” Harry sobs “this is so embarrassing, Louis I’m going to come”

“That’s okay, I’m there too” Louis sucks at Harry’s hip bone

Harry nods, his fists tightening around the comforter.  Louis feels Harry jerk in his hand, he feels Harry come watching him ride out his high.  A minute or two later, Harry open his eyes, smiling lazily.

“That was, that was really great Lou” he whispers

Louis glad Harry enjoyed it, but he’s trying really hard to cover his still _painfully_ there situation.  He doesn’t want Harry to feel like he’s obligated to help him, or make him think that he couldn’t get Louis off. 

“I enjoyed it too, love.  I’m just gonna run to the toilet for a sec and clean up” Louis scrambles off the bed

He hurries down the hall, into a stall and pumps a handful of times, finishing to the thought of Harry withering underneath him.

He leaves the stall and washes his hands, looking in the mirror.  _Fuck what is Harry doing to me._

Harry’s sitting up on the bed when Louis returns, clearly in deep thought, a cute pout on his face.

“What’s the matter?” Louis sits next to him

“Did you- did- fuck you didn’t finish did you?” Harry looks so disappointed

“Harry it’s fine-“

“No, I couldn’t even- fuck” Harry tugs at his hair, caving in on himself

“Harry, I even needed to finish myself off.  Just the thought of you brought me to the edge”

“The thought of me did that, but not me physically being there could” Harry says into his hands

“Hey look at me,” Louis grabs at Harry’s wrists, which won’t move from hiding his face, “fine, Harry it really isn’t that big of a deal.  You basically finished me off, I just needed a quick wank that’s all”

Harry mumbles something incoherently

“What did you say?”

“I’m too inexperienced with this” he says clearly

“Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, Harry I think it’s attractive that I’m the only guy you’ve done stuff with” Louis says

Harry looks up, eyes wide

“Really?”

“Yes really… I like that this is new for you, I like that you trust me to be the one to go through this with” Louis says softly

Harry shyly smiles, “I’m glad it’s you too”

“I really like you Harry” Louis whispers

Harry freezes.

_I can say it.  Say it. SAY IT._

“I like- I like you too…Louis”

Louis smiles, kissing him passionately.  They fall asleep entangles in one another.

-

Harry wakes up to the sound of stuff hitting the floor, he looks up only to see Liam throwing his comforter off of his bed, along with some of his books. Harry looks down and sees Louis latched on to him.  _Shit_.

Liam is looking around, eyes meeting Harry’s, he smiles.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you”

Harry can feel his cheeks getting red, _doesn’t he see Louis?_

“I’m looking for my phone charger, have you seen it?” Liam asks, still looking around

His eyes land on Louis a few times but he doesn’t say anything.  Harry shakes his head

“Shit, well maybe I left it in Sophia’s room” Harry’s panicked, still obsessing over the fact that Liam saw Louis and Harry holding each other in their sleep, _half naked._

“So Louis stayed over I see” Liam says normally, nothing behind it

Harry coughs loudly, “Uh- yeah we just hung out, and it got hot so we kind of just took off out pants, and he likes to cuddle in his sleep I guess” he lies poorly

Liam frowns “Harry whatever happened, I don’t mind, really.”

“It is what happened though” Harry says firmly

“Alright, well I’ll get out of your hair then”

He leaves the room, and Harry sinks back into his bed.

_What am I doing?_


	20. Chapter 20

The next day Harry spends the day with Louis, it’s Sunday so there isn’t any practice or training going on.  The two of them sit in Harry’s room talking, watching movies and kissing.  Lots of kissing.  Liam stops in during the middle of the day with Sophia.  He introduces her to Louis and she smiles politely and gives Harry a kiss on the cheek.

“It was really nice to meet you Louis, I’ve heard lots about you” she smiles

“Nice to meet you too love, Liam here is completely gone for you” she blushes and grabs Liam’s hand

“Alright, I’ll leave you two to… uh-whatever it was that you were doing” Liam gives Harry a sad look

They leave the room and Harry feels terrible. He hates how he can’t open up to Liam about this yet, he understands that Liam won’t judge or hate him but the second it comes up in conversation it all goes out the window.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Louis asks with a concerned look

“I don’t know,” Harry sighs “it’s just I know Liam is possibly the best mate anyone could ask for, and I know he’d never judge me but whenever this-“ he motions between the two of them “comes up in conversation I freeze.  It’s like I forget who I’m talking to and feel like I’m walking into a Lion’s den, waiting to get eaten alive.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I hate feeling like this, so-so torn.  The only person I feel like I can talk to about this stuff is you which is super helpful considering you’re, well _you_.  But sometimes I get the urge to just have a friend to friend conversation with Li like we used to, like about… _about_ _girls_.  But it’s all so different now” Harry falls back on the bed “why does it have to be so difficult?”

Louis lays down next to Harry, holding one of his hands in both of his own. 

“I think you’re so worried about rejection that you play up this whole scenario in your head with people. Like if you think about it going wrong so many times then you will be prepared for when it does go wrong.  But that’s where you’re wrong because someone like Liam isn’t going to end a friendship something so small-“

“It doesn’t feel small” Harry interrupts “it feels like this huge load, I physically feel it weighing me down.  It feels like the brain is in tunnel vision and all I see are the two words…” Harry closes his eyes “ _I’m gay_ ” he whispers

“I know it seems like this huge deal and at first when you come out-“ Louis looks at Harry whose whole body is tense “which you’re going to have to eventually, but after the immediate shock and typical deep conversations that lead to some tears you’re going to realize that in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big.”

“When did you eventually come out?” Harry asks, facing Louis now

Louis shifts uncomfortably, “I came out after senior year was over… I was too nervous to do it during the actual school year.  Obviously Stan knew but we never spoke of it, when I came out I didn’t even have to tell him because when all of my friends found out he pretended he found out at the same time.”

“Was everyone supportive?”

Louis sighs, “Most.”

“Most?”

“There are asshats in the world Harry,” Louis tries to joke “some of which I had to deal with”

“At least your family was okay with it right?” Harry asks worriedly

Louis takes a long deep breathe, an uneasy silence falling between the two. “To be honest, no not all of my family was.  But that’s a story for another time, okay?” Louis turns to Harry, giving a small sad smile

Harry nods, a frown on his lips

“I’m really glad I have you” he whispers

-

“Johnny give me back by shorts!”

“Shut up dickwad these are mine!

“Will you two shut the fuck up already?!”

“Did anyone watch the Cowboys vs Packers game last night?”

“Roberts’ are you still on probation?” James asks

“Yeah, only for the rest of the term, then I’m free”

“Why are you on probation in the first place” Liam asks

“You didn’t hear?” Liam shakes his head “I came into my room about three weeks ago only to find my fag of a roommate with his twink of a friend making out, I mean honestly I had two rules.  One, don’t do or say anything gay and two don’t bring a gay back to my room.  And what does he do, he breaks both rules in one night.  So obviously I was mad and completely disgusted so I threw the friend out and beat the shit out of Mark, my roommate.” He laughs

Liam stays silent.

Harry stays silent, his whole insides tightening.  _Just breathe, I’m okay_.  He just wants the whole practice to be over, he got there late, due to well- Louis and now he’s scrambling to get his training gear out.  He’s taking off his shirt, searching his bag for his training shirt.

“Damn Styles, you’ve been busy” he hears

“Wow never took you for one to be marked!” Roberts’ laughs

“Is it blowjob girl?” Max asks

Harry feels the blood in his veins still.  _Fuck_.

“Um, no…I uh fell” He covers the marks on his hip

“You fell on your neck?” Max asks

Harry’s hand flies up to his neck too.  _Fuck Louis and his love bites._

Harry’s eyes frantically meet Liam’s whose are expectantly waiting for him

“Yeah Harry and I were horsing around Saturday and I kind of knocked him into the furniture” Liam lies

“Saturday night?” Roberts’ asks

Harry nods,

“I saw you Liam Saturday night, you were with Sophia, not Harry” he says

Harry stares at Liam, Liam mutters something under his breathe

“Oh come on Styles, its okay it’s only us.  Tell us who she is, or at least tell us how good she was” Max laughs

“I’d prefer not to” Harry says, facing his locker, not wanting to look at any of them in the eyes

“Why not? It’s just a girl, I mean unless you two are secretly seeing each other. Oi does she have a boyfriend?!” Roberts’ laughs

“Do you think I’d be with someone if they were seeing someone else?” Harry snaps

“I don’t know, with the amount of attention you get I would figure”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry’s pissed “you think I just sleep around not caring about other people and their feelings?  You think I’m that heartless?”

Roberts’ laughs “well not heartless, just lucky…I mean if the opportunity comes up, why not? It’s just a harmless fuck”

Harry steps into Roberts’ face “Will you stop fucking saying shit that one, doesn’t apply to me and two, has nothing to do with you?” he growls

Roberts’ smirks, puffing his chest out “You make it my business when you show up here covered in hickeys like you’re some school girl” he laughs “I bet you’re into that shit, like being controlled” He faces the rest of the team “You’re hearing it from be first lads, Harry Styles is a pussy when it comes to-“

He gets cut off from a fist connecting with his jaw.  _Harry’s fist._

Liam goes to Harry’s side, grabbing his shoulders.  Trying to calm him down.  But Harry’s mad, Harry’s so mad that he sees red.

“Say it again, come on say it” Harry starts

“You’re only pissed because I’m calling you out” Roberts’ snaps

He runs over to Harry, slamming him into the lockers.  His back connecting with the bench, he tries to hold in the scream but the noise that comes instead is much worse.  He can hear all the other boys, holding Roberts’ back, some even yelling at him.  But Liam is crouching down in front of Harry, trying to get him to talk. 

“Harry?! Are you okay? Do you need something, what do you need?” Liam asks frantically, “I’ll get the Joe the trainer, I’ll run and grab him now… or do you want to the infirmary or the hospital?!”

Harry’s laying on the ground groaning

“Harry come on, speak please! What can I do?”

“Lo-“He coughs

“What was that?”

“Louis” Harry pants

Liam looks at him with so much sympathy that he feels like a 6 year old being told that his puppy is in heaven now.  Liam nods, going to his bag to grab his phone.  Harry can hear the coach down there now, yelling at the team, not even acknowledging the crumpled body at the end of the locker row.

“This is a team locker room, a fucking team locker room and you all can’t even get changed as a team without fucking re-injuring a player!” he yells

No one answers

“Well?!” he yells louder

“Sorry coach” gets mumbled throughout the crowd of players

“Get your asses outside, Roberts’ my office NOW.”

Harry hears the footsteps but he can’t look up.  Everything hurts.  Liam is still next to him, telling him that Louis is on his way, telling him everything will be fine.  But Harry knows this won’t be fine, this won’t ever be fine.  Harry got called out on love bites he got from a _boy_ , and got called a pussy in bed from markings he got from a _boy_ and he got so mad at the fact that he’s being ridiculed for something he enjoyed that he snapped.  This was what he was afraid of, this is why he can’t come out.  People like Roberts’ in the world, who beat the shit out of their gay roommates out of their rooms and tear down a guy’s masculinity because of love bites. 

_If only he knew where I got them from; who I got them from._

Liam helps Harry sit up, a sharp pain going throughout his spine again.  Joe the trainer is in the locker room with them now.  Telling Harry he’s probably fine, just really badly bruised his healing muscle.  He’s helping him get onto the bench when Louis comes sprinting in.  Literally sprinting.  His eyes are wild and his head does a full 360 around the locker room until he spots the three guys.  He runs over, about to grab Harry’s face when he sees they’re not alone.

“Liam called, are you okay? What happened? Who did this?” He’s asking wildly

Harry gives him a warning look, _not now_. “I’m fine” he mumbles

Louis looks at Joe who is ruffling through his bag, looking for an ice pack.  When he gets it out, Louis immediately grabs it from his hands.

“I think we got it from here, thanks” he says firmly

Joe gives the three boys a weird look but leaves anyways.  Mumbling something about weird kids on his way back to the office.

Louis throws himself into Harry, hugging him so tightly

“Now you can answer me” he says when he’s pulling back

“Well… the guys, they uh saw the uh- marks that I had” Harry looking over at Liam embarrassingly

Louis face drops “shit I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think… It’s my fault, I’m sorry-“

“No it’s fine, they didn’t catch on.  They were making comments about like me being with girls, like I’m some man whore and then eventually saying I’m a pussy in bed and like to be controlled”

“Not that it doesn’t make this better, but Lou you should’ve seen the hit Harry got on Roberts’.” Liam says, trying to lighten the mood

Louis grabs, Harry’s wrist, examining his knuckles,

“Shit Harry, what are we going to do with you” he jokes

 “Just take me home,” he begs “please” his voice quivering

Liam and Louis help stand him up, Harry turning his head into Louis’, trying to fight the tears that are coming.  It’s not even just the physical pain but it’s the mental pain and defeat that are really getting to him.  Knowing that this is something he’s going to have to deal with for the rest of his life is what is bringing on the sudden wave of emotions.  It’s like he can see his once perfectly planned future crumbling before his eyes, drowning from the storms of being gay.  He doesn’t want to believe there is something wrong with him, he wants to believe that he can be considered normal.  But this seals the deal, he won’t ever be normal.  He won’t ever fit the status quot, because he is _Harry Styles, the extremely bright, extra motivated, talented football star **that happens to like boys**._


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted twice in one night so please please please comment!!!!!

Roberts’ has been suspended for the rest of the season and is waiting to hear what the punishment is from the school.  Louis spent the night soothing Harry, whispering him sweet nothings and kissing him all over his body, not hard enough to leave marks.  He kisses Harry until the boy is a shaking mess, chanting Louis name lightly.

“Louis Louis Louis” he whispers

“You’re- so beautiful” Louis says in between kisses

Harry comes after 30 minutes of being gently taken care of by Louis.  Louis insisting that he’s fine and doesn’t need anything. Harry falls asleep in Louis chest, feeling the safest he’s ever felt.  Feeling as free as he can being locked up in the cage that is his mind.

-

Louis is by Harry’s side almost every second of every day.  He’s arranged his schedule so that he can walk him to most of his classes across campus, and can meet with him before practice and games, assuring Harry that he will be there at the end waiting for him.  This constant sort of assurance and comfort has been so important to Harry over the past week.  The continuous looks he gets from classmates and teammates has made him so anxious and paranoid.  Most of the glances are out of sympathy, everyone pitying the fact that he got ‘picked on.’  The amount of girls that have come up to him, telling him if he needs _anything_ that he can always come to them.

It’s Thursday and the two boys stop outside of the gym, which is connected to the locker room. 

“Alright, I’ll be here by 7:15.  If you need anything, call me my phone will be on super loud” Louis looks around making sure it’s clear before giving Harry’s hand and comforting squeeze

Harry smiles, “I’ll see you later Lou”

He goes inside and is met with continuous greetings from his teammates.  No one has since brought up what happened, but everyone silently coming to an understanding that Roberts’ was in the wrong.

Behind him, Max walks in.

“Hey Harry, was that Louis Tomlinson you were with earlier?” he asks

Harry’s eyebrows furrow, “uh- yeah… how do you know him?”

“We had a few classes together sophomore year, nice lad.  When I was dating Ashley we would go on double dates with him and Eleanor”

Harry’s even more confused now, “I’m sorry who is Eleanor?”

“His ex… they dated all of Freshman and Sophmore year.  He never mentioned her?” he asks genuinely concerned

Harry could’ve sworn Louis told him that he came out after senior year, which is before college even started.  Obviously Max has to be mistaken.

“No, he didn’t” Harry’s so confused.

-

It’s 7:10 when Harry leaves practice, he’s debating whether or not he should question Louis about this Eleanor girl, but at the same time he really doesn’t want to upset him.  He’s been so good to Harry over these past 3 months and the last thing he wants is to make him mad.  He feels a tap on his shoulder

“Hiya, are you hungry? Zayn bought pizza” Louis smiles

Harry nods, “I’m starving, and that sounds great”

They walk back to the parking lot in a comfortably silence.  Well, at least to Louis it’s comfortable.  Harry in the passenger seat is completely conflicted. He decides he better just rip the band aid off now and get it over with.

“Hey Lou?”

“Hmm?”

“Who’s Eleanor?”

He’s never seen someone’s whole demeanor change so quickly.  One second, Louis all happy and excited to be having pizza with Harry and his best mate to now being completely tense, face white and knuckles tightly gripping the steering wheel.

“Who told you about her?” he asks quietly after a few seconds

“Max”

“Shit, I should’ve known” he groans

“Louis, I’m not mad.  Just confused that’s all” Harry reassures “who is she?”

“An ex”

“Obviously” Harry rolls his eyes, “I thought you came out after high school though”

“I did… just not everywhere.  Look Harry it’s complicated” he sighs

“Not really, I’m sure it isn’t that difficult to explain” Harry says, completely thrown off by Louis dismissive behavior

“For me it is okay? That wasn’t the best part of my life and I don’t really feel like sharing that part of me right now in the car on our way back to my place to eat pizza with Zayn.”

Harry sinks back in his seat.  The rest of the ride stays in complete silence.

-

The three boys finish the two pies in an hour, all slouching on the couch groaning over how full they are.  Harry and Louis still haven’t spoken to each other directly, but still making conversation with Zayn.  Harry can tell Zayn knows somethings up, especially from the few words Louis has spoken and how he is continuously zoning out. 

“Well I’m going to go to bed” Zayn says, getting up

Harry nods “good night”

“Night” Louis mumbles

When Zayn’s door closes Harry can physically feel the tension between the two of them appear.

“Louis” he starts “I didn’t mean to upset you, I just was caught off guard when Max mentioned her”

“I understand that, but clearly I didn’t want to speak about it and you kept pushing.” He pouts

“You’re always forcing me to talk about my feelings” Harry defends

“Yes because I’m trying to get you to accept who you are, I know who I am and I don’t like being reminded of the time I didn’t full accept that”

“You told me you came out after high school, which means you were openly gay in college.  Why did you have a girlfriend? Are you bi?”

“No I’m not fucking bi” he retorts “I’m gay, as gay as I could be.  I like dick and only dick and guess what Harry you’re not the only person who had a difficult time coming to terms with that.  I came out to my friends and family in July after senior year and came to WSU in August.  No one knew me, no one knew who I was or what I was or who I liked.  I figured that I could pretend, I could pretend that I didn’t just ruin some of the most important relationships with the most important people in my life and everything would go back to normal.  So I met this really nice girl who liked me and the rest is whatever”   

“Why couldn’t you just say that?”

“What part of I didn’t want to talk about it do you not understand?” he snaps

“I’m trying to be a good…friend? I don’t know Louis, sorry for being curious about the guy that I’ve been making out with”

Harry stands up, leaving the living room and going into Louis bedroom.  Grabbing all of his stuff and getting ready to leave.  He hates fighting, and he now knows he especially hates fighting with Louis.

“Don’t go” he hears from behind

“Clearly I’m not wanted here right now” Harry says childishly

“You’re wanted, you’re always wanted here” Louis sighs “I’m sorry I got mad, I just hate thinking of that part of my life”

“That’s all you had to say” Harry turns around

“I know, forgive me? I’m terribly stupid” Louis takes a step forward

Harry smiles, “of course” he whispers

Louis goes onto his tippy toes, kissing Harry gently

“Bed now” Harry whispers

The two of them climb onto the bed, kneeling and kissing and hands roaming all over.  Louis fingers comb through Harry’s hair tugging, emitting a moan from Harry.

Louis tugs again, harder.

“If you do that again, I’m going to come in my pants right now” he whines

“Is that a promise?”

“Fuck Louis”

Louis fingers sink out of Harry’s curls, landing on his chest, he lightly pushes Harry enough for him to fall onto the duvet covered in pillows.

“Well hello” Harry laughs

Louis straddles Harry’s hips, leaning down “hi”

Their lips meet again and Louis begins to grind slowly into Harry.  The two of them so lost in each other, Harry’s jeans getting tighter and tighter around his hardening length.  Their zippers getting caught together only a few times but enough to get rather loud cries from the two of them.  Harry’s hands reach for Louis jeans, fumbling with the button.

“Go ahead” Louis encourages

Harry unbuttons and unzips his jeans quickly, pulling them down and over his ankles in the most non elegant way.  Louis sits up, throwing his shirt off, and working his hands through his wild hair.  He reaches for Harry’s shirt, pulling it off.  Harry undoes his own jeans, shimmying out of them, putting on quit the show for Louis.

“I wish I wasn’t broke and had some money I could throw at you right now” Louis laughs

“You’re kisses are enough”

“Oi! Cheesy!”

Louis continues to grind down on Harry, their lengths already leaking precome.

“Fuck” Louis whines

“Louis… can I- can I try something?” Harry hestitantly asks

Louis nods “anything”

Harry’s hand travels down Louis body, his fingers ghosting over the waistband of his briefs.  Louis feels as though he might lose his breathe when he feels his fingers sneak inside.

“Oh my god” he moans

“Just Harry”

“I can’t believe you said that” Louis groans

Harry’s fingers sink further beneath Louis boxers, lightly skimming his painfully hard length.  Harry feels Louis twitch at the light contact, he loves the sounds a pleasure he gets out of Louis this way.  He wraps his hands fully around Louis throbbing length.

_I’m holding a dick.  I’m getting another guy off right now. I’m holding someone else’s length other than my own. Fuck._

Harry quizzically moves his hands up and down Louis shaft, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck” Louis moans loudly

Harry can feel how just getting Louis off is affecting him.  His own length is throbbing, precome continuing to leak from his probably pink head.

“Lou you’re so hot” he whispers in his ear “fuck”

Harry kisses him hard, the two of them fighting for dominance with their tongues.  Harry wins.

_And Roberts’ said I liked to be controlled._

“Harry I’m close” he sobs

“Me too, fuck just watching you like this is enough to make me come”

“Oh my god Harry” he whines, letting go

Harry comes a minute after, not before watching Louis ride out his high.  Watching his body shake with euphoria, and listening to the sounds and incoherent compliments spewing from him.

Louis rolls over next to Harry, cuddling up into his side.

“Are you sure that was your first hand job?”

“Positive” Harry laughs, voice rough

“Well you were amazing, you must be really good at getting yourself off”

“I kind of did some research” Harry whispers, cheeks flushing

Louis head snaps to his side, examining Harry’s face.  Looking for any source of sarcasm or humor.

“What?” Harry says embarrassed

“That’s so fucking hot” Louis kisses Harry passionately


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keep commenting:)

It’s been two days since their fight and the two of them are at Louis place. Their watching Netflix, Louis sprawled out on the couch and Harry sitting on the opposite half with Louis sock covered feet in his lap. Louis starts squirming and giggling and Harry realizes that he unintentionally started tickling the older boy’s feet.

“Woops” he laughs

Louis kicks him, “do that again and I’ll knee you in the balls”

Harry pretends to be hurt, “you wouldn’t dare” he says dramatically

“Oh I would, right in the junk” Louis smirks

Harry jumps up, he crawls on top of Louis pinning his wrists down and locking his ankles with Louis, preventing any movement. Louis squeals and tries to get out of Harry’s hold, but clearly it isn’t working. After a minute of continuous fidgeting Louis sinks down with a defeated huff, pouting.

“Not fair, I don’t tackle guys daily” he whines

“Neither do I, I catch balls” Harry winks  
“Cheeky,” Louis smiles “I must say so myself, you are quit skilled with your hands”

Harry sinks his face closer to Louis, “am I?”

“Yes, pretty exceptional” he whispers, closing the distance between the two

Harry unwraps his ankles from Louis, which the older boy immediately responds by wrapping his legs around Harry’s back, connecting their groins.

“Shit Lou” Harry groans

Louis continues to thrust up several times only to finally be met with Harry grinding down even harsher.

“Fuck, you never stop surprising me” Louis whispers into Harry’s ear

Harry places his face into Louis neck, still grinding down into Louis, he begins sucking. The two boys are so into the moment, into each other that they don’t hear the door open. They never see what’s coming.

“Hey Lou, Niall’s here- fuck, shit” the two of them break apart immediately.

Harry sits up, still sitting on Louis though, and his whole entire body drains of color. His eyes are wide and he just stares shocked. He stares at the other two pairs of eyes that now know his secret, two more people that now hold his saneness in their hands.  
Louis sits up slightly, turning around and facing his roommate and friend.

“Shit sorry, we were-uh” Niall fumbles, still shocked.

Harry stays in the same position, still colorless and staring.

“Get out” Louis says sternly

“Look guys we won’t-“Zayn starts

“GET THE FUCK OUT” Louis shouts

Not even at that does Harry flinch.

The two boys hurry out of their flat. Louis looks up to still see Harry in that same position, that same look of fear on his face.

“Harry look it’s okay, they won’t tell anyone” Louis tries to comfort

Harry still stares silently.

“Zayn is really good with this type of stuff and you know Niall, he can’t even hurt a fly”

“Harry please, say something” he pleads

Harry gulps and takes a shaky breathe. He gets off of Louis and the second his feet touch the ground he walks into the bathroom. No words or indication of what’s going through his mind. Louis knows that there’s no way he can talk to Harry, he knows that right now he’s part of the problem.

Harry is pacing in the bathroom, his eyes full with tears that each carry different emotions. Fear, sadness, regret, pain. He doesn’t know what to do, who to talk to. If he talks to Louis he will just tell him that Zayn and Niall will keep his secret like before but it’s not about who saw it’s about what they saw. He feels everything tightening in him so he pulls out his phone and calls for the one person he knows will bring him back to sanity.  
-  
Louis, Zayn and Niall are all in the kitchen talking quietly. Louis let them in after Harry being in the bathroom, realizing that he won’t be coming out anytime soon. The first thing they do when he opens the door is apologize, even though they have nothing to be sorry for.

“The door was unlocked, I didn’t even think that-“

“It’s okay Zayn, it was bound to happen eventually” Louis sighs

“No it’s not okay, Harry looked so scared.”

“I never would’ve thought he liked guys” Niall says out of no where

“That was kind of the point Niall” Zayn says

Their heads snap when they see the front door spring open, Liam running inside. He looks frantic.

“Where is he?”

“Bathroom” Louis points, Liam nods and gives him a sympathetic smile

Louis hears the door open to the bathroom, he hears it shut, and he feels as though he’s intruded. That this isn’t his place; he never would’ve thought that Harry would shut him out if something like this would’ve happened. He would’ve expected the opposite, but all he knows now is he’s standing ten feet from his bathroom, he’s ten feet from his toilet, his sink and all he wants to know is if his boy is alright.  
-  
“Li” Harry’s voice says emotionlessly as he crushes him into a hug

“What happened? Why are you in here?” Liam checking his body for some sort of injury, some sort of indication why his best mate called him in such a panic

“They caught us” Harry says simply, staring at the wall

“Who caught who?” Liam says confusedly

“Zayn and Niall, they saw me and Louis…”

“I see you two all the- wait what exactly did they see?” Liam gets it now

Harry closes his eyes, trying to shut out the images of when he realized he’s been caught

“They saw me grinding and kissing a boy and I freaked and Louis kicked them out and tried to tell me I can trust them but instead of listening and being sensible I came in here and called you” Harry’s so disgusted with himself

“Well Louis is right about one thing, you can trust them. Clearly Zayn knows of Louis sexuality and doesn’t have a problem with it, and Niall is the nicest person, he wouldn’t do that”

“I don’t care about who knows, I care that anyone knows in general,” Harry sighs

“People were going to have to know eventually”

“I know but, I just thought that if no one knew, not even you, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe I could be content with keeping that part of my life hidden, but now two more people know and I just don’t know what to do.”

“Well I think that, actually I know that you can’t sit in Louis and Zayn’s toilet for the rest of eternity so I say we go out there, have a nice honest chat and try to sort out this mess you made in your head, yeah?” Liam says gently, smiling at the end

Harry nods, “I’m sorry about all of this”

Liam groans, “for the millionth time Harry, I don’t care that you-“

“Not that you oaf,” Harry smacks his arm “I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you with all of this, and basically cut you out of this part of my life”

Liam’s eyes soften, “it’s okay mate, I understand”

Liam stands up, reaching a hand out that Harry hesitantly takes

“Ready?” he asks  
Harry sighs and opens the door.

His eyes meet Louis first,

"Harry" he says so softly, a look of complete relief washes over his face when he realizes Harry is somewhat okay- well okay enough to come out of the bathroom

"Hey Lou" Harry says awkwardly, his eyes shift to Zayn and Niall who are looking at him with both caution and pity.  Harry _hates_ that.

"I think we should all have a chat" Liam says

Everyone nods, making their way to the couches and armchairs in the living room.  Louis eyes Harry waiting for him to make some sign that he wants- _needs_ \- Louis next to him.  But all he sees is him curl into the corner of the couch that Liam is sitting on.  Louis looks away, walking over and sitting on the side of the armchair Zayn is in, Niall standing off to the side.

"So..." Liam says looking at Harry

"I um- I'm sorry I freaked" Harry mumbles, staring at a loose string on his shirt.  

"It's alright, Harry.  I'm sorry we... upset you" Zayn says

Harry nods, still not looking at anyone

"Is there anything else you want to say?" Liam encourages

Harry feels like a five year old who got caught in the neighbor’s pool.

He sighs, "I would really appreciate it like a lot if you guys kept what you saw to yourself" 

"Of course man" Niall says as if it was obvious

"I'll pretend it never even happened" Zayn says

Harry looks up, shaking his head "it did happen though and it happened for a reason.  I'm- I'm uh" Harry's starting to get nervous "I'm gay" he blurts

He looks at Louis, who is already watching him with so much pride in his eyes, he gives him a small smile

Zayn is about to talk but Harry interrupts

"I'm gay and I like Louis and we...we well I don't know exactly what we are but" he looks at the older boy, "but it's the best I've felt in a while, being with him and I just don't want it to get out, because then I know things will change and I really don't want it to.  At least not yet." 

Louis is staring at him with so much emotion that Harry feels like this is probably the most intimate and significant moment they've shared.  He's seen Harry half naked more times than clothed, but yet Harry's never felt so exposed.

"I'm glad mate, I'm glad that you're figuring yourself out.  I promise I won't tell anyone" Zayn says

"Yeah, don't worry H.  I'm kind of buzzed right now anyways, smoked a joint like a half hour ago so I might think I hallucinated this" Niall laughs

 _I'm going to be okay_  he thinks

-

Zayn and Niall leave shortly after the conversation, the whole purpose of coming to the flat was for Zayn to get his wallet.  Liam stays another hour or so, double triple checking Harry is okay.  When Louis closes the door signaling they're alone Harry realizes they need to talk.  They need to have  _the_  talk.

"I see that brain working from over here" Louis says from the other side of the room

"Can we talk?" Harry asks

Louis looks scared, "yeah, yeah love”

Louis sits crisscross from Harry on the couch, his hands in his lap playing with the strings to his sweatshirt he had put on nervously.

“About what I said before, about not knowing what we are- do you know?” Harry fumbles

Louis shifts, “we’re Harry and Louis” he says simply

Harry rolls his eyes, “I’m aware of our names, I just don’t know what we are”

The thing is Louis doesn’t want to come right out and say what they are.  That’s Harry’s decision, the balls in his court and whether or not he wants to make a play is totally his decision.

“What do you want us to be?”

Harry looks around, not knowing what to say.

“Well we are like seeing each other I guess… but is it official?”

“Do you want it to be?” Louis counters

Harry groans, “Will you please stop answering my questions with more questions”

“It’s up to you, whatever you want to be or don’t want to be I’m fine with”

Harry looks so intensely into Louis eyes that the older boy begins to fidget.  Harry watches him intently as he thinks.  _I want Louis, simple as that._

“I want you to be mine” he finally concludes, still looking at Louis

He watches the smile creep up on Louis face, he also watches him try to hide it.  His lips pressed together in that cute way that makes his eyes crinkle. _I’m so gone._

“Well then that’s settled then” the joy still present on Louis face

“So we’re boy… you’re my boyfriend” the word feels foreign coming out of Harry’s mouth

“I’m your Louis,” Louis says “if you want to call me your boyfriend that’s fine too, again it’s up to you”

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?” Harry asks, suddenly uneasy with Louis response

“Is that a joke?” Louis laughs “Harry I don’t go making out with people I like just for the hell of it, I have the intentions of somewhat forming a relationship with them too” he teases

“I’m just making sure” Harry smiles, his dimples showing

Louis pokes the one on his right cheek

“Geez, my boyfriend is so silly” Louis smiles before kissing Harry

 _I have a boyfriend_.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So whenever I would be searching for fics to read I personally preferred ones that were more on the lengthy slowly progressed side. To me relationships aren't quick sex and fast paced, they are developed over time. There have been both negative and positive comments regarding the pace of this fic and I just wanted to say that I'm doing it this way souly on the way I want this work to progress. 
> 
> I very much appreciate every one of your comments, whether positive or negative. All your feedback means so much to me:)

Louis and Harry have been boyfriends now for a total of four days and Harry absolutely loves it.  He loves that in the back of his mind he knows he has someone, he has that one person that he can go to for anything.  He loves that he feels safe and wanted and important all at once to one person.  He loves how he _feels_ with Louis. 

He's in the gym with a few of the guys from the team, Coach said that they could either work on fitness or drills with one of the trainers since their next game isn't for a week.  Harry chose fitness because he knows they most likely won't be supervised so he really doesn't have to do much.  Liam is with him, along with Max, Dom and Nick.

"Liam how's Sophia doing?" Nick asks

Liam's whole face lights up, "she's really great, she's so amazing." he beams

"My little Li is in love" Harry jokes, pinching his cheek

"He's whipped, that's what he is" Max laughs

"He actually isn't as whipped as you would think, the two of them actually balance each other out" Harry says

"Oh shit, you would know. I bet you third wheel all the time

"Not all the time, I mean Louis is usually with me" Harry says, since they know they're friends

"Oh that's cute the ultimate romance and ultimate bromance double dating"

Harry tries to look unaffected

"Yeah, it's great" he smiles

"Did you ever mention anything about Eleanor to him?" Max asks

Harry freezes for a second, gaining back composure, "yeah he said that it honestly slipped his mind, being over a year ago"

"That's weird, the two of them were basically attached to the hip," Max points out "I always thought he secretly still was into her considering he hasn't been with another girl since"

_Probably because he's not into girls and he's my boyfriend._

"He really isn't looking to date" Harry lies

"It could be fake but I've heard from a couple of people that he swings for the other team" Nick says

Harry looks to Liam

"I don't know if that's true" Liam says

"He doesn't talk about relationships and stuff, I don’t think he’s really into them" Harry lies again

"Well wouldn't you know if he's into guys, like with him being around you all the time" Nick says

"I don't have a 'gaydar' Nick, and it doesn't change who he is as a person even if he was" Harry says, not wanting to hide his opinions on the matter anymore

"Wouldn't it bother you though?" Max asks, "Like what if he starts to get feelings for you, or like jacks off to you"

_If only you knew_

"I'd be flattered," Harry says simply "the same way you'd be if a girl started developing those feelings for you"

"Don't you mean you too?" Nick says

"What?"

"You said to Max that he would feel the same way if a girl started getting feelings for him, but wouldn't you be flattered if he girl had feelings for you too?" He clarifies

_Well shit._

"Stop taking everything I say so literal, I was just proving a point" he says without addressing the question

Max and Nick give each other a weird look.

Harry feels uneasy

-

Harry and Louis are walking to the parking lot on the other side of campus where Louis car is.  They’re planning on going to get something to eat before stopping back to Louis place to meet up with Zayn and Liam.

“I’m telling you she’s a secret witch, she has this creepy big book always with her and she-“Louis rambles

“Hey guys” the two of them turn around to see Max and Dom

“Hey”

“Hi” Louis looks apprehensive

“Tomlinson long time no see” Max says oddly

“Yeah, how’ve you been mate?”

“I’ve been well, how about you? Any new exciting _revelations_ happen with you in the past year or two?” he smirks

The uneasy feeling is back.

“No? Same old stuff I guess” Louis looks confused

“Yeah, Harry here was telling me you’re not into dating really anymore.  Not since Eleanor at least.”

Louis looks to Harry, still confused

“I mean I’ve been seeing people occasionally but nothing serious”

“Any girls I know?” Max says, obviously pushing for answers

Louis looks uncomfortable, “I actually have met up with some other people you might know… Drew?”

Max eyes widen, a victorious smile creeps on his face

“Oh, going to bat for the other team I see”

“Well, yeah… I’ve been out for over a year so it’s really not that big of a deal” Louis says

“Well of course it is,” Max throws his arm around Harry’s shoulder “Harry here had no clue, but he did say if you ever developed a crush he’d be flattered” He says the last word in such a way that it almost like he feels sorry for Louis, sorry that he has no chance.

“Did you now?” Louis turns to Harry who is looking at him trying to tell him he’ll explain later through his eyes

“Yeah, look Max we got to go. We’re meeting people in a bit.” Harry says, grabbing Louis arm

“Sure, sure you two have fun” he smiles “nice seeing you Tomlinson”

“Yeah something like that” Louis mumbles back

They walk to Louis car in silence, the second they get into the car Louis breaks it.

“What the fuck was that?”

“I don’t even know really, the other day in training you came up in conversation and Nick said that he heard you might be gay and all of a sudden Max seemed super curious and was asking me these really weird questions and trying to trip me up.” Harry explains

“Why didn’t you just say that I was?” Louis says as if it’s that easy

_Well it is._

“Because it’s not my place to do that and-“

“Harry I’m out, it’s not this huge secret” Louis interrupts

“I know but I just didn’t want him to think that like… I don’t know Lou I just didn’t do it okay”

It’s silent for a minute or two.

“Oh my god” Louis says pained

“What?”

“You, you didn’t say I was gay because then he might assume you are too.” Louis looks at him, like he doesn’t even know who Harry is

“No! That’s not why-“

“Yes it is, you got scared that you would be figured out… You had the same mindset he has, that all the Max’s in the world have”

“What are you talking about Louis?”

“You thought that if you said I was gay then he would assume you were too because being gay is like a contagious disease that keeps spreading” Louis says with so much hurt and disgust

“No Louis, I never meant it like that”

“There’s no other way to mean it Harry” he spits

“I really never meant it like that I swear-“

“You might have not have meant it like that exactly but subconsciously that’s how you felt” Louis says, still turned up

“I can’t help what my subconscious feels!” Harry says defensively

“No you can’t change how you feel, but you can change how you think”

They’re silent for the rest of the ride.

-

The two boys don't speak at all the rest of the night. Harry secretly glancing at Louis who spends his whole night on his phone or only talking to Zayn and Louis. Liam and Zayn obviously can tell something happened but it seems they're more afraid of the reaction they'd get if they mention it more than what the fight is about itself.

After Liam's twentieth failed attempt at getting a conversation started amongst all four of them he gives up, sighing and giving Zayn a defeated look. He suggests they go back to their dorm early because it's supposed to rain.

It never rained once that whole night.

-

The next day goes by, Louis and Harry still not speaking. Liam tries to bring it up subtly, but Harry just asks if they could talk about something else, and Liam being the understanding friend he is nods and brings up their next game.

Harry is so greatful.

-

Louis been in a pissy mood all day.  He tells Zayn to fuck off at least ten times in the morning and he glares at him whenever he mentions Harry. Zayn gets the message, he really does but he also knows that as much as Louis has helped Harry, Harry's helped Louis in just as many ways and he doesn't want him to forget it.

"Whatever happened with you two shouldn't come between you guys as much as it has" Zayn says

Louis sitting on the couch watching a Manchester United vs Chelsea game, he doesn't look at Zayn but Zayn knows he got to him. With the clench of his jaw and his hands forming into tight fists.

"You are good for him Lou" Zayn starts again "he's good for you, he gets you to settle down and just relax rather than stress like you used to."

"Shut up" Louis practically growls

"No I won't shut up, this is stupid and you know it. Whatever he did, whatever he-"

"What gives you the right to comment on something you know nothing about? Huh? He could've called my mother a righteous bitch and here you are defending him!" Louis interrupts, now glaring at Zayn

"Did he call Jay a bitch?" He asks

Louis mumbles a small "no"

"Then you shut the fuck up Lou because I'm your best friend and I don't like seeing you this upset, that's what gives me the right."

Louis looks away, eyes staring at the TV. He knows Zayn is right but it's not even so much about what Harry said more than it's about Harry is. It's whether or not he will ever fully accept himself, accept Louis. Louis is willing to wait however long it takes for Harry to publically come out, but it's the little things that he still won't do when their in privacy. Whenever Louis holds his hand when their watching a movie, he pulls back as if Louis burned him. Louis knows what it's like in the beginning, he remembers, but there comes a point where eventually you have to say "fuck it this is who I am."

And to be honest, Louis doesn't know how much longer he can wait for Harry to have his moment.

-

Louis on his way to Literature the next day when he's suddenly being pulled into a corner in between buildings. He doesn't see who it is at first but he has a pretty good idea.

"What are you doing?" He snaps

"We need to talk" Harry says, still pulling him down the small cut out

"Are you making us go this way so no one can see us and suspect you're gay because I am?" Louis says childishly

Harry stops. Looking at Louis with such a defeat.

"I wanted privacy" he says quietly

"Okay well we're certainly in private now" Louis rolls his eyes

"Stop being like that"

"Being like what Harry?"

"A dick."

Louis looks at him incredulously, "oh I'm sorry if I offended you, I'll make sure I don't hurt your feelings anymore. It's not like I was hurt at all when you acted 'subconsciously' that being gay was contagious"

"That's not what I meant and you know it" Harry defends

Louis sighs, "I know" he whispers

"Then why are you so mad?"

"How long will we be doing this?" Louis asks out of no where

"What?" Harry asks confused

"This, us...how long are we going to be like this?"

Harry looks scared, "you said you'd wait, you're the one who told me to take my time I I-"

"Harry you can take all the time in the world to come out to everyone else, but can you atleast be 100% out to me?" Louis pleads

Harry's eyes widen, "I thought I was?"

"At times you are, but you act as if you're both ashamed to be gay and to ashamed to be with me because I'm gay." 

"I'm not ashamed of you, I-I could never be Lou" Harry whispers "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me"

Louis heart aches at that, "then why did you not tell Max I was gay when it got brought up"

Harry's quiet

"Because you were embarressed and scared and ashamed" Louis answers for him

Harry's face crumbles, "I don't want be...I don't mean to be" his voice cracks

Louis sighs, "I know, love. It's just something I really wished you were more mindful of, something you would work on."

Harry nods quickly, "I will Lou, I promise...I don't want to lose this- lose us. You- you've helped me so much and I like what we have; I like you" 

Louis smiles, "I like what we have too"

"I'm sorry for upsetting you"

"I'm sorry for possibly over reacting" 

"Possibly?"

"Don't push it Styles." Louis smirks

"Okay, boyfriend." Harry kisses Louis 


	24. Chapter 24

Harry is sitting in bed studying for Sociology when his phone starts to ring, he looks and sees it's Gemma requesting to FaceTime.

"Hey Gems" he smiles

"Don't 'hey Gems' me, where have you been for the past two weeks?" She scowls, "no call, no text, you could've been dead for all I know."

"Do I look dead to you?" 

"Not dead, but you do look stupid with your hair like that" she laughs at his bun

"Hey! I'll have you know I've gotten quit the compliments on this hairdo" he pouts

"From who? Mom?" She teases

"No, my friend Louis"

"Oh! Is that the fit lad that mom was telling me about...the one you told her was gay when she asked to set us up?" 

"Uh-yeah that's him" 

"Bummer, mom said he was a nice guy...too bad he swings the other way" she says disappointingly

"That's not a bad thing Gems" Harry snaps

Gemma's eyes furrow, "I didn't say him being gay was a bad thing Harry, I said it was too bad he wouldn't be interested in me because he's gay" she explains, clearly confused at her brothers reaction

"Well even if he wasn't gay, you can't date him. He's my best mate." Harry pouts childishly

"Wow calm down, I won't take your man crush from you" she jokes

Harry doesn't laugh. 

Harry just stares at her, completely shocked at what came out of her mouth.

"It was a joke..." She says awkwardly

Harry nods, "right"

"Well now that I know you're not dead, I'll let you go," she says "text me when you're in a normal non moody and territorial mood" she smirks

"I'm not territorial" Harry defends

"You basically metaphorically peed on Louis and put a flashing sign saying MINE on him" she laughs

Harry doesn't.

"Harry geez lighten up" she groans

"Do you think it's okay that he's gay?" He blurts

She gives him a puzzled look,

"Of course...why are you asking?" She asks quizzically

Harry gulps, "no specific reason...it's just I never knew you're views on it" he lies

"Harry that's bull and you know it" she says sternly, "you don't just blurt out questions like that randomly because you were curious about my 'views'"

Harry's panicked.

"Why do you think I asked?" He asks emotionlessly, trying to see where her heads at

"I don't know you're weird" she smiles, "were you planning on inviting him over or something during Christmas break and didn't know if we'd be okay?" 

_Thank the fucking lord._

"Uh-yeah" 

"Harry I don't know where you've been living but mom and Robin are the most understanding and welcoming people, they wouldn't care" 

"I just- we never spoke about it" he stutters

"We never had to" she says 

Harry doesn't know what to say, "I guess you're right" 

Gemma smiles, "when am I not?" 

"Oh stop or your head will be too big for your beanie"

"Keep doing what you're doing and your hair will be long enough for braids" she smirks

"That was the plan" Harry shoots back

"Why am I not surprised" she laughs "alright I really have to go, was supposed to be at work 15 minutes ago"

"Bye Gems"

"Bye dickwad"

-

"So what are your plans for the Holidays?" Harry asks the boys

They're all at Louis and Zayns place, meeting there after Liam and Harry's practice.

"I'm going home for Christmas, don't know about New Years yet" Liam says

"Me too" Niall says

"I'm going to Louis first to celebrate his birthday, then home for the holidays" Zayn adds

Harry looks at Louis who is giving Zayn a underlying pissed look.

"When's your birthday?" Harry asks confused

"Christmas Eve" Zayn smirks

Louis kicks him.

"Christmas Eve?" Harry says shocked, "Louis that's in like 3 weeks why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to think you had to get me anything" he mumbles

"Of course I'm getting you something," Harry says "I'll get you a Christmas present too"

"Please don't" Louis whines

"Well why not?" Harry pouts

"I really don't like people spending money on me, I don't need anything" 

Harry goes to argue but Zayn gives him a look, telling him not to press. He shuts up.

"I'm actually having a New Years Party, I do every year," Louis changes the subject "you guys are all welcome" he looks at Harry

Harry's eyes widen, go to Louis house, his _boyfriend's_ house with his mom and siblings, 

"Sure" Liam says

"I'll be there if there's food" Niall laughs

"Plenty of snacks and alcohol, don't worry Nialler" Louis confirms

"Then it's settled" Niall

Harry still never responded.

-

Harry and Louis go to Louis bedroom at the end of the night, Harry telling Liam he's staying over.

Harry jumps on the bed, pulling his jeans off.

"Have some decency!" Louis jokes, mock covering his eyes, peaking through his fingers

"Come here" Harry whines

Louis does what he's told, he sits in front of Harry's extended legs.

"Closer" Harry reaches out

Louis scoots an inch closer, secretly loving to tease Harry.

"Louis Tomlinson so help me God if you don't get over here I'll tell Zayn you ate his-"

Louis cuts him off with his lips.

"You better not" he whispers after pulling back

"Drastic times call for drastic measures" Harry smiles

Louis kisses him again, the two of them instantly relaxing; molding into one another. Harry's hands sliding to hold onto Louis hips, gently squeezing. Louis whines,

"Harry" he pants

"'s my name" Harry whispers, breaking the kiss and scooting lower to attach his lips to Louis neck.

"Oh my-" he moans quietly as Harry sucks at his skin above his collarboans 

Harry's hand slides around from Louis neck and goes on top of the tent forming through Louis jeans, roughly palming him.

"Harry Harry Harry" he moans

Harry continues sucking, feeling the vibrations whenever Louis let's out a sound. Which he does a lot. Louis fingers find their rightful place in Harry's hair, tugging. Harry's jaw slacks after one hard pull, a long drawn out moan slipping from his lips.

"You like it rough?" Louis whispers in Harry's ear

Harry whines, earning him another rough pull from Louis.

"You have a thing for pain, that it?" Louis continues whispering "I'll give you pain, I'll fucking make you scream." 

"Oh my- Louis" Harry groans

"You're so fucking hot" he whispers "you get so worked up, you bite your lips so much they turn cherry red. You have such amazing lips, so- so meant for blowjobs."

"Loo-uiiis" he groans

"But you don't have to do that yet Haz," he whispers "just me thinking of it though, it makes me so hard. You make me so hard."

"Fuck Louis I'm- I'm close."

"So am I, I've had to come since you came here tonight all sweaty. I wanted to jump you right then and there but I don't think the boys would appreciate it." He continues to rake his fingers through Harry's disheveled curls, tugging. Harry squirms, noise after noise leaving his mouth. Harry still roughly palming Louis.

"I bet you would," Louis bites under Harry's ear "I bet you'd like that too, a pain and exhibition kink. God Harry you're so fucking hot." He practically moans in Harry's ear

Harry comes after that, Louis following but not before quickly rolling over and unzipping his jeans and pulling them down, only coming with the barrier of his briefs. The two of them lay there, a layer of sweat covering the two. Their breathing begins to shallow, Harry turning his head to face Louis.

 "That was-"

"That was fucking hot" Louis finishes

"I couldn't agree more" 

Louis sits up, "I need new briefs, mine are soiled." 

Harry looks down, "uh mine too" 

Louis digs through his draw, "here" he throws a pair at Harry

"Thanks" Harry waits for Louis to go into the bathroom to get changed

When Louis comes out he climbs onto the bed next to Harry.

"You never answered before." He says

"Huh?"

"About New years,"

"Oh"

"You don't have to if you don't want, or if you had plans I just wanted to put it out there" Louis says, playing with Harry's fingers

Harry doesn't know what to say. On one hand he wants to spend time with Louis as he can considering he won't see him for over a week before but on the other he doesn't know how he'll be going to his boyfriend's house. _What if he told his mom?!_

"I think I want to" Harry blurts, not wanting to look at Louis instead watching Louis play with his hands

"I'd love if you came"

"I'll ask my mom if it's alright" Harry doesn't know what he's saying

"My mom really wants to meet you" Louis says

Harry freezes. 

Louis looks at him, clearly caught on.

"As friends Harry" he confirms

Harry nods, "I talked to my sister about you today" he says

Louis eyes furrow, "what about?"

"You being gay" Harry says simply

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, she was cool with it"

"Well I'm glad I guess?" Louis laughs

"I-I only asked her what she thought because I wanted to know if she was accepting" Harry confides

"Well, it seems she is" Louis says gently

"That makes me so happy Lou," Harry looks at him "I just want to be happy" he whispers

Louis smiles, brushing a stray curl from Harry's face

"I might tell her" Harry blurts, closing his eyes

"Really?" Louis asks shocked

"Yeah, I kind of just want to get that over with I mean I always confide in Gems and the fact I'm hiding this from her seems silly to me because I can't see her turning on me... Does that make sense?"

"That makes loads of sense Haz," Louis smiles "I'm so proud, are you going to tell her about me?"

Harry thinks for a second

"I haven't thought of it," he says honestly " she'll probably ask considering how I was about you today in FaceTime."

"What do you mean?"

"She said I acted as if I peed on you and put a giant sign up saying MINE above you and that I'm territorial" 

Louis bursts into laughter, "why'd you act like that?" He asks still laughing

"Because she talked about being with you if you weren't gay and I told her that she can't have you" 

"Aw you got jealous" Louis teases, pinching Harry's cheek

Harry slaps his hand away, "'m not jealous... Its just weird for her to say that because you're my boyfriend and all" 

"You were jealous"

"Was not!"

"Were to"

"No I wasn't!"

"Fine I believe you" 

"Thank you" Harry puffs

"Jealous" Louis whispers

"Louis!"


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :):):)):):):):):):)

The thing is is that Louis rarely exercises, in fact he hates any other physical activity other than having a nice kick around. So when Harry suggests that the two of them and Liam should go to the gym Louis is less than thrilled.

"Can I be your pretend trainer and just supervise and look hot?" He proposes

Harry laughs, "no come on it's fun I promise!"

"Harry, there is no way you will ever convince me exercising is fun," Louis groans "is this your way of secretly telling me I need to lose weight?" He jokingly suggests

Harry's eyes widen, "fuck no Louis, you don't have to lose any weight! You're perfect just how you are I swear I-"

"I'm messing with you, I'll come but don't expect much" 

"Just as long as you break a sweat I'm good"

"You like me dirty huh?" Louis eyebrows shoot up mischeviously 

"Oi! Shut it!" Harry slaps his arm

-

So that is why Louis is sprawled out in his couch three hours later, convincing Harry he is infact dead and should plan his funeral arrangements immediately.

"You're fine Louis," Harry laughs "you're just sore because you never do anything"

"Well I can't anymore because I'm dead now."

"Too bad you're dead, I guess we can't kiss anymore..." Harry draws out

Louis eyes shoot to Harry's "I mean one final kiss right? Proper goodbye I suppose" 

"I'm not really into kissing dead people" Harry tries to contain his smile

"Well why not? We aren't dirty or anything?"

"You can't hold your bladder or bowls anymore so technically you are dirty because you shit and pissed your pants."

"Well then I guess I'll have to take my last shower so that I can rid myself of this non kissable bacteria." Louis sits up groaning

"Let me inspect the areas that I feel need the most attention first, though" Harry says, mock innocence in his eyes

Louis stands in front of where Harry's sitting on the arm chair, arms out.

"Inspect me if you will" trying to hide his smirk

Harry pulls Louis onto his lap, "I need to check you out, up close and _personal_ " Louis sess the amused gleam in his eyes

"Whatever has to be done" he draws out dramatically

Harry's hands travel down Louis chest, grabbing the hem of his shirt he looks at Louis who looks more than okay for it to be taken off of him. Harry pulls it up and over his head. When Louis shirt is off Harry thoroughly runs his hands all over Louis torso. His fingers dipping into Louis beautiful collar bones, feeling his biceps, pressing into his abs. His fingers play with the small patch of barely there hairs above his waistline of his joggers. Louis feels his stomach muscles tighten, he squirms a little from the intensity of the attention on him. When he shifts he happens to rub his now somewhat turned on cock into Harry's which makes his breathing faulter.

"Are you trying to mess up my inspection Mr Tomlinson? " Harry stutters

"Well I always was one not to follow all the rules" Louis smiles

He grinds down again, and Harry's fingers latch tightly around the fabric of Louis joggers. 

"Louis" he pants

Louis continues grinding down harshly, the way he is sitting directly on top of Harry's now hardened length makes this so much more pleasurable. He snakes his hands into Harry's curls which are still a little sweaty from his previous work out. Louis realizes that being so close to Harry right now probably isn't the smartest considering he smells.

"Do you know where I should pay the most attention to yet?" He smirks

"Hmm?" Harry says eyes closed 

"For my shower, where I should scrub really hard at?" Louis never thought bathing would sound so hot

"Hard- scrub um your stomach and um- your uh" Harry stumbles loss for words, to enticed in the feeling he's getting from Louis continuous thrusts into his now leaking length.

"I'll be sure to scrub hard at my abs, thank you," he smirks sitting up slowly Harry whining at the loss of contact.

Louis thinks this will be hot, taking a shower as Harry sits outside hard and waiting for Louis to take care of him. _Fuck_.

When Louis begins to start walking away, Harry still sitting on the arm chair shocked and incredibly hard.

When Harry hears the bathroom door close his whole body seems more hot. _Fuck_. 

His mind has all these thought, all these ideas that ultimately Harry knows he's too scared to act on.

_Stop being scared. Stop. Louis is my boyfriend._

He stands up determined.

-

Louis is standing under the shower head rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. He didn't pay any attention to his still aching length, wanting to wait for a begging Harry. His eyes are closed, his body facing the water, he hears something. He hears the pull of the shower curtain and he feels the heat of something behind him. The body heat of _someone_ behind him. He spins around quickly, blue meeting green and he is shocked.

Harry is standing in the shower, _naked_. With Louis who is _naked_. Louis tries so hard to keep his eyes trained on Harry's face, his pink tinted cheeks flushed with nervousness and his plump red lips being chewed fiercely by his teeth. Fuck he is beautiful.

"Hi" Louis whispers

Harry's eyes are trained on Louis too, too nervous to look down. He knows Louis hard, and he's never seen a hard cock before his own, his hands are holding his length trying to cover the last amount of him he can.

He wants to look down, he wants to be able to see his boyfriend like this and not be scared.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Hey," Louis whispers again "it's okay...it's just me" 

_Fuck Louis is perfect._

Harry nods taking a deep breathe, as he exhales he let's his eyes slowly travel down Louis body. Taking in his strong chest covered with his 'It Is What It Is' tattoo, he takes in his farely toned but not too prominent abs and his eyes follow the thin trail of hair which lead to his- _Fuck_. Harry can feel his eyes practically fall out of his head and can feel his whole body go hot. Louis is not huge but big enough to be on the above average side, but his thickness- fuck that is what gets Harry.

"Fuck Lou" he whispers, eyes still trained on Louis hardening length, he feels his stomach muscles tighten when he sees Louis twitch from his words.

Louis thinks its the appropriate time to look down and when he does he think he might go into cardiac arrest because not only is Harry big but his hands are still covering the base of him like before but now he is pumping. Harry is getting himself off to the mere sight of naked Louis and Louis is absolutely sure he's about to combust.

"Harry," he groans "I want to ...can I try something? If you don't want to or don't like it just say so and I'll stop..." He pleads

Harry's eyes are still glued to Louis straining cock, "what is it?" He asks breathlessly

"Can I...can I blow you?" Louis asks over the pounding of the water

Harry begins leaking precome after that, his whole body flushing an even more darker shade of red than before.

Harry nods immediately, "yes Lou. Please just-"

He shuts up when he sees Louis drop to his knees, eye level with his leaking length. He sees Louis size him up, taking in this newly exposed part of him like it's the most interesting thing in the world.  Harry can't even function after just seeing Louis bare, but the feeling of Louis lips and tongue encircling his head has Harry feel more and more incapable of movement. He's so turned on and in complete awe that he can't even string together a sentence; several "fuck-Lou- I-yes-oh my god" shooting out of his mouth. 

Louis sinks himself deeper down Harry, feeling every vein and the smoothness of his skin along the way. He looks up through his lashes to see Harry, whose head is leaning against the wall, eyes screwed shut and a perfect 'O' forming on his beautiful lips. Louis continues to hollow his cheeks when he goes almost all the way down and to suck on Harry's tip when he comes back up. He finds out that Harry loves when he flattens his tongue on the underside of him. He finds out that Harry tastes suprsingly sweet but not entirely shocked considering how many fruit smoothies he has in a week. 

Harry is incomplete bliss when he comes, he remembers tapping Louis signalling that he's there and he surely remembers Louis small wink and how he hollows his cheeks more. He remembers seeing Louis getting himself off, smiling as come dripped down his chin.  The water is still on, and it's washing away the evidence of what had just occurred but Harry knows he'll never forget it. It was amazing, fuck it was better than amazing; it was perfect. _Louis is perfect._

_Louis is so so so so beautiful._

_-_

Harry and Louis are snuggled up in Louis bed when Harry's phone starts to ring. Again, it's Gemma calling to FaceTime him. He looks at Louis who gives a small nod and he gets up and goes into the living room, hitting accept.

A smile creeps on his face when he sees his sister appear on the screen

"Hiya Gems" he says

"Hey, I figured I'd chat with you considering I just got off the phone with mom" 

"Is everything alright?" He asks concerned

"Yeah! Of course just I mentioned to her about the Louis thing considering you were so scare to do it and -"

"What Louis thing?"

"Him coming over during the holidays, remember?"

 _Shit_. 

"Oh, well I actually spoke to him about and he can't come out. Turns out his birthday is Christmas Eve and he is hosting a New Years party which he invited me to." 

"Oh," her face deflates "that sucks, I wanted to meet him."

"Sorry" he says half heartedly, still bugged with her original plan to get with Louis.

"Where are you? That doesn't look like your room." 

"Oh.. I'm uh- actually at Louis flat, we were hanging out." He says simply

"You're with him now?!" She asks incredulously

Harry hesitantly nods

"Well put him on!" She squeals

"I don't know, he's not feeling the best and-"

"Harry it's a five second 'hello nice to meet you' type thing, besides I want to see if he's as fit as mom said" she whispers the last part, a small mischievous glint in her eyes

Harry frowns, "Gemma he's gay" he says annoyed

Gemma groans, "oh my god, not this again!"

"Not what again?"

"Your whole possessiveness! I've never seen you like this before, well accept when you dated Julie junior year. You'd always get mad when some other guy spoke with her." She points out

Harry stays silent

"Its like you have a crush!" She jokes, laughing at the idea

Harry stays silent 

Gemma stops laughing when she realizes Harry isn't amused. In fact, he looks terrified.

"Harry, chill it was a joke..." She says awkwardly

Harry coughs, looking away from the screen. He's trying to hide his nerves but he knows even through a phone Gemma can read him better than anyone.

"Has what's wrong?" She asks, concern all over her face

"What if-" He looks back at her "what if I did?"

"You did what?"

"Have a crush?"

"On Louis?"

Harry nods, cheeks tinting red

"Oh" is all she says, shock and confusion expressed all over her face

Harry gulps, still watching her. Waiting for the moment when the shock turns to utter sigust but it never comes. He waits and waits for her to snap and tell him what a disgrace he is, what a fuck up he always was but that never comes. In fact it's quit the opposite.

"I'd tell you to get a haircut because I don't think you'll really impress him much looking like that" she says simply

Harry's breathing falters.

She accepts me. I just came out to my sister.

"I- you- you wouldn't care?" He asks weakly

"Of course I care about who you like, but I'm not going to look at you differently whether it's a boy or a girl," Harry is so utterly grateful "but just how long have you known you like guys? Or do you not like guys just only Louis?" She asks timidly

"Since I was 11"

A look of complete astonishment fills her face.

"Why didn't- fuck, why didn't you tell anyone Harry?" She asks dumbfounded

"I didn't accept it until recently..."

"Until Louis?"

Harry nods

"Who else knows?”

"You, Louis, Liam, my mate Niall and Louis roommate Zayn" 

"Are you going to come out to mom?" 

"Not yet... I barely accept myself now as it is, I don't want to push it that far yet"

"I'm so happy for you Harry," her voice filled with emotion "really I am, I'm so happy you're beginning to be who you truly are"

"Me too, Louis helped me a lot"

"No wonder you were so territorial"

"I wasn't really territorial" he whines

"Okay, just jealous I presume?" She laughs

"Oh my god I was not jealous!"

"You were too!"

"You sound like him!" Harry laughs

"Then he must be fucking awesome" she jokes

"Yeah he really is" 

Harry is so happy.


	26. Chapter 26

Harry tells Louis he came out to Gemma on FaceTime as soon as he comes back into the room. Louis is sitting on his bed, flipping through channels when Harry comes in eyes wide and just blurts out,

“I told my sister I was gay.”

Louis sat there for a second, letting it all sink in before jumping off the bed and pulling Harry into one of the tightest hugs.

“I’m so so so so proud of you,” he whispers in Harry’s ear “are you okay? Was she cool with it?”

Harry nods into Louis neck, “Yeah, she was cool with it.” He says simply

“How do you feel?”

Harry takes in a deep breathe, letting it all sink in.

_I have a boyfriend, an amazing boyfriend. I have the best best friend, amazing friends.  I have a supportive sister._

“I’m so happy Lou” he whispers, squeezing Louis back tighter

-

It’s the day before their final playoff game and Harry is on his way to his last practice.  Liam and him are walking into the locker room, nodding and greeting their teammates on their way in.  When Harry sets his bag down and sees Max standing there with a sly smirk on his face he knows it’s going to be an interesting practice.

“Hey Max” Harry says disinterested

“What’s up Styles?” the stupid smirk still on his face

“Nothing?”

“How’s you and Tomlinson now that you know he's gay?”

Harry’s blood stills.

“’We're uh- fine.” He stutters

“Any new boy toys he’s been bringing around?” Max laughs

“Max bugger off,” Liam says annoyed

“Why so annoyed Payne? I’m just curious as to how Harry’s friendship is considering he now knows Louis is queer.”

“I don’t care that he’s gay” Harry says quietly

“You don’t?” he laughs “I mean you don’t mind that he could possibly have thoughts about you?”

Harry continues getting changed, tying his cleats; trying to ignore Max. _It's okay, whatever I say I know the real truth._

“Max shut the fuck up.” Liam growls

“Stay out of it Payne” Max says “I mean honestly, if I found out my best guy mate was a faggot I don’t know what I’d do”

“Like I said, I don't care that he's gay.” Harry says more firmly

“You don’t care, or you like it up the ass too?” Max laughs

Harry stops moving. He stops talking, hell he stops breathing. He looks at Max, who is still laughing; who still thinks this is a joke.

“That isn’t fucking cool dude” Liam says, standing up in Max’s face

“Hey, it’s just a thought” Max smiles at Harry

Harry is still sitting there, still completely shocked. _Max just…Max just asked if I was… he thinks I’m gay_

“Right Styles?” he smirks “Just a thought… no truth to it right?” he’s taunting Harry now

Harry can’t believe what’s happening. He can’t process any of this.

“Right” he lies through his teeth, it’s such a small sound but its meaning and dishonesty to it makes Harry feel as though he screamed it. "In fact, I'm seeing my _girl_ tonight." Harry doesn't even know what's coming out of his mouth now.

He looks at Liam, he sees the sadness and pity in his eyes. _Fuck this._

Harry stands up and leaves the locker room, going to the field early; he's so mad at both himself and Max and God for creating him.

-

He doesn’t speak to anyone all practice, he doesn’t acknowledge Max or even Liam.  When Coach comes over and asks why he isn’t even trying Harry shrugs and walks away.

-

Louis has been trying to cheer Harry up since he came back after practice.  He doesn’t know what happened and frankly he knows if he finds out he’ll probably end up in jail for punching someone out.  But he still tries to comfort a very quiet and distracted Harry.

“Want to watch Love Actually? I know it’s your guilty pleasure” Louis proposes

Harry shrugs, looking at the blank TV

“Want a smoothie?”

Shrug

“Cuddle?”

Shrug

“A blowjob?”

A small blush forms on Harry’s cheek but still a shrug

“Come on!” Louis whines “I’m trying here, what’s got you in such a bad mood? And don’t shrug!”

Harry sighs, sinking further into the couch, “nothing…it’s just I really hate Max”

“Where does this hatred stem from?” Louis mocks a monotone therapist

“Don’t ever talk like that again,” Harry laughs “and I don’t know he just always knows how to push my buttons. He says these things, to him that are jokes but they aren’t to me and he doesn’t even care that he’s offending people.”

“Examples…” Louis presses

“He asked if I liked it up the ass” Harry says quickly, hiding his red face behind a pillow

Louis eyes widen, “he what?!”

Harry nods behind the pillow, confirming what he just said to be true.

“That fucking prick, I swear-“

“Don’t do anything Lou, please” Harry whines, he removed the pillow but his cheeks are still pink

“Why would he ask that?” Louis knows the answer

“Because…”

“Because you’re friends with me” he says matter-of- factly

Harry nods

Louis sighs, “I’m sorry Harry.  I never thought us being friends and me being out would make it this hard on you... What did you say?"

Harry shakes his head, “its fine Louis really, I just told him that I'm, you know, not gay and that I don't mind that you are... I don’t care what they say honestly, I know the truth.” he lies

Louis wants to argue but he knows there is no point.  He hates that Harry is put in these situations considering how new these feelings and revelations are for him.

“I hate people” Louis blurts

“Me too” Harry smiles

-

“Hey mom” Harry says into the phone

“Hey love, how are you feeling?”

“I’m much better now”

“I’m glad sweetie, I can’t wait to see you in two weeks”

“Me too, actually I wanted to ask you something about that.”

“Oh! Is it about Louis staying over, because Harry that is fine I-“

“No actually, uh- he can’t stay over because his birthday is Christmas Eve so that whole week is hectic but he actually is hosting a New Year’s Eve Party that he um kind of invited me to….”

“Oh”

“Yeah…so can I- am I allowed to go?”

“Well of course you can, and I wanted to let you know that I don’t care that he’s gay honey.  I mean love is love in my eyes so I don’t want you to ever be worried about something like that again.”

Harry’s heart swells

“Great! Thank you mom”

“No problem, how’s Liam?”

“He’s good, he’s really happy with Sophia”

“Oh that’s wonderful, I can’t wait until you find someone to fall in love with”

“Uh- me too mom,” he says awkwardly

“I’m not rushing you! I’m just saying I always wanted grandkids” she laughs

“Mom!”

“Oh you know I’m just messing with you”

“I know I know, look I got to go. Louis trying to cook and I think he might actually set a fire”

“Love you Harry”

“Love you too”

Harry walks back into the kitchen, where Louis is attempting to make some chicken dish.

“We could always order in” Harry smiles

“Nonsense Harold, I’m determined”

“I’ll go order pizza,” Harry jokes

Louis slaps his arm

“What did your mom have to say?”

“Oh she said I could come on New Years”

“Really?” Louis smiles

“Yeah, I think she was especially cool with it considering it was you”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you practically won her over by bringing her to her son in his time of need” he jokes

“Well that’s just who I am,” Louis jokingly puffs out his chest “I look out for others” he says in his mock Superman voice

“Oh god” Harry laughs “what is the matter with you”

“My mom says I’m special”

“Special indeed”

-

It's their final game before they know if their in the championship in two days. Harry's nervous, the whole team is. Liam's been excessively talking the whole morning and Harry is trying really hard not to get annoyed.

They're warming up on the field, Harry knows Louis, Zayn and Niall are in the stands but he doesn't want to look. He doesn't want to be distracted. This game means too much.  _And I don't want Max to see me checking out Louis._

The reff blows the whistle signalling it's almost time for the game to start. Coach calls them in and Harry walks over quickly, just wanting to get started.

"Alright boys, you've been working all season to get here so don't fuck this up." 

_Thanks Coach._

Derek, the captain goes and gives this huge pep talk which in all honesty sucks. Besides that Harry genuinely doesn't care. He puts his hand in and does the little chant and makes his way onto the field. He's not quite lined up yet when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

"I see your boy," Max grins 

Harry gives him a look and Max just laughs to himself.

The reff blows the whistle and the first play starts.

-

They're losing before the first half.

-

They go into the locker room and Coach screams, claiming the defense is really letting the team down. 

They go back out.

-

Harry still hasn't looked over at Louis in the stands, he's been telling himself that if he does something substantially good that he'll reward himself by glancing.

He doesn't.

They lose.

-

Harry walks out of the locker room completely pissed off. He knows it wasn't his fault and there was nothing he can do but he just hates losing. He doesn't look at his phone, knowing there are going to be texts from Louis giving him comforting words and asking to meet up, but Harry really just wants to lay down and sulk a little bit. Both because he lost and because Max didn't stop making comments the whole time they were in the locker room leaving.

"I bet your boy will make you feel better"

"Oh maybe that dark haired one is the one he's fucking."

"He looks like he takes it up the ass."

Harry glares at him for that one but Max just puts his hands up laughing,

"Hey don't get mad, it's only a joke right?" He smirks

So yeah Harry's fucking pissed.

-

He's in his room face in the pillow and stripped only in his boxers, he showered in the locker room. Liam came in only to drop his stuff off, he was going to Sophia's. Harry hasn't acknowledged his constantly vibrating phone in almost an hour and he knows it won't be long until the texts turn into calls which turn into a knock on the door.

20 minutes later he hears Louis,

"Hey open up it's me" 

Harry groans, "it's open"

He hears the door open but doesn't bring himself to look.

"You look awful" Louis says

"Gee thanks"

"Not like that, just tired and beat up" Harry feels hands run over his shoulders 

"I feel tired and beat up" he mumbles into the pillow

"Do you want to go to sleep?"

Harry nods

"Can I stay and cuddle you?"

Harry turns, facing Louis, his eyes are closed and he had a small smile on his face.

"Yes please"

Louis crawls onto the bed,

"Big spoon or little spoon?" He whispers

"I'm the little spoon" Harry mumbles

Louis smiles, "of course you are"

 


	27. Chapter 27

Harry was in a bad mood the following morning, mostly because of the previous day’s events but partially because Louis kicks in his sleep, and might have kneed Harry in the balls.  See, to Louis he was just being a good big spoon, lying down behind Harry on his side, his arms around Harry’s waste and legs intertwined with each other’s.  So he couldn’t help that his right leg, which was bent happened to spasm in between the back of Harry’s thighs and not so gently knee him in the balls.  Harry woke up with a jolt, a string of raspy curses falling out of his mouth.

“Fuck, what the-shit ow ow ow” He whines

Louis who also is not a morning person, doesn’t appreciate the sudden movement and loud squeak which woke him up.

“Shut the fuck up darling” he groans

Harry reaches out and pinches whatever body part is closest, it happens to be his arm. Louis yelps, sitting up holding his bicep to his chest as he watches Harry return to his fetal position holding his tender balls.

“Just because you had a dream which resulted in blue balls doesn’t mean I deserve to be punished too”

Harry flips him off, “you fucking kneed me you dick”

Louis laughs, “I did? I give my unconscious self some props.”

“Fuck you, ow fuck you literally got me right where it hurts” Harry says

“Aw want me to kiss it better?” Louis mock pouts

“Fuck you”

“No really, I will… maybe morning head will bring you out of this rut.” Louis proposes

“You know if I had more experience in giving head, I would get you all hard and in the right state of mind just to fucking bite you” Harry snarls jokingly

“Oooh, so you’re a sadist” Louis laughs

“Shut up, do me a favor and shut up”

“Or I could kiss you?” Louis smiles

Harry rolls over, raising an eyebrow at Louis

“Morning breathe?” he questions

Louis jumps off the bed and grabs his jeans, pulling a pack of gum out throwing a piece at Harry and putting one in his mouth.

“Chew up, I’ve been deprived from your lips for a day because of football”

“Also because you knee me in the balls”

“I don’t see chewing” Louis shakes his finger at Harry

Harry obnoxiously chews his gum getting closer to Louis face.

“Okay, that should be good.” Louis picks up Harry’s trash can next to his bed, both of them spitting out their gum.

Louis crawls on top of Harry, getting close to his face.  Both of their eyes flicker between each other’s eyes and mouths.

“Hi” Louis whispers, a minty smell following

“Hi” Harry whispers back

Louis looks at Harry, like really looks at him.  He looks at his mostly awake green eyes, and his pink and full lips.  He looks at his somewhat chubby cheeks and how the contrast with his sharp jawline. Harry’s face begins to heat up under such intense analysis.

“What?” Harry asks, flustered

“Nothing, it’s just…” Louis mesmerized “you’re beautiful”

Harry squirms, getting redder.

“Just kiss me” he says

Louis smiles, “if you insist”

He connects their lips, the same heat that fills Harry’s stomach every time he and Louis touch returns.  He loves it; he _thrives_ off of it.

Harry presses harder, slipping his tongue in.  The kiss gets rough and hard and dirty and messy and Harry absolutely is going crazy.  He flips them over and Louis isn’t sure how but he likes it.  He holds himself up over Louis torso with his arms, but Louis tugs on his cross necklace pulling him down.

“What do you want?” Harry asks when he pulls apart for air, connecting their lips again quickly

“You…just you” Louis whispers into the kiss

Harry disconnects his lips again, bringing them to Louis collarbone; his favorite spot. 

“Well- what- can- _I_ \- do – for – you?” Harry asks between kisses

“Whatever- fuck- whatever you want- to shit- to do” Louis moans

Louis hand snakes down Harry’s chest, cupping him over his boxers.  Harry hisses and shakes his head,

“Still tender,” he says making Louis pull away immediately “this is about you” he says into Louis ear

“Me?” Louis asks dumbly, too into to pleasure to actually think

“You” Harry smiles into the crook of his neck “you, you, you, Lou”

“That rhymed” Louis says just at the time Harry starts palming him

“Do you want to sit here and write poetry or do you want me to get you off?” Harry smirks

“Get me- fuck- get me off” Louis whines

Harry smiles, and continues to palm Louis to the point he starts leaking precome. 

“Want these off?” He pulls on the waistband of Louis briefs

They haven’t seen each other fully unclothed since the shower, and Louis has been aching to see Harry again.  The fact that Harry is proposing to have Louis naked so he can get him off makes Louis feel like he’s in the twilight zone.

Louis looks up, eyeing Harry cautiously “you sure?” he questions

Harry nods, “I want to” he goes back to sucking at Louis neck just under his ear

“I’ve been thinking about your cock since I first saw it six days ago” he whispers into Louis ear, emitting a moan from the younger boy

“I’ve been dreaming about holding it in my hand, getting you off…watching you squirm” he continues

“Fuck Harry take them off” Louis squeaks

Harry smiles, roughly pulling them down and Louis kicking them off the rest of the way.  Harry looks down and practically growls

“You’re so thick” he moans, grabbing the base and pumping

Louis literally screams at the contact, he’s never seen Harry so like this; so dominant.  Fuck he loves it.

Harry continues pumping Louis, flicking over his leaking and pink head.  Sucking and kissing bruises along his neck and torso.  Louis a complete mess, he is shaking and sweating, his hair sticking to his forehead in what should be unattractive but Harry fucking loves it.

_He likes this.  I’m pleasuring him, fuck he’s so hot._

Harry himself his throbbing behind his briefs, the sight of Louis in this state has him fully hard.

Harry begins to slide down, leaving kisses down Louis torso, watching his muscles constrict.

_It’s okay.  Louis likes this, I’m doing it right.  Louis likes it, that’s all that matters._

Harry sucks harshly above Louis hipbone, surely leaving evidence.  Louis is panting and moaning and unsure where Harry is going to take this and he’s somewhat turned on at the suspense but anxious Harry’s going to take himself too far.

Harry is inches from Louis length, which he continues to get off with his hand.

_I can do this._

He feels as though he’s getting closer, but really he’s still inches away, still not crossing the line.  He wants to do this for Louis, to satisfy him in a way that is better than a hand job.  He wants to cross the line of being curious, he wants to be experienced.

Louis obviously feels the lack of Harry’s lips from his body because he looks down and sees Harry, who is still pumping him, just staring at his cock emotionlessly.

“Harry?” his voice cracks

“Hmm?”

“It’s okay,” he says quietly, knowing Harry knows what he means “just kiss me, I want you to kiss me.”

Harry nods, somewhat thankful but embarrassed he couldn’t bring himself to at least kiss Louis head.  He comes back up Louis body kissing him harshly.

“I want to make this good for you” he confesses into the kiss

“You are,” Louis pants “fuck- Harry – I’m leaking in your hand for crying out loud”

Harry brings his eyes down to where Louis is literally pulsating in his hand, a small noise erupting from the back of his throat.

“Fuck- Harry- I’m going to come” Louis whines

Harry nods and when Louis comes with a loud shout, Harry works him through it until Louis regains a clear mental state.  He moves his attention to himself and begins to wank himself off.

When Louis notices, he slaps Harry’s hand away.  Palming him over his boxers, Harry whining into his neck.

“Take ‘em off” he rasps

Louis doesn’t hesitate, pulling them down harshly taking Harry into his hand, getting off his already fully hard length.

“Mouth,” Harry mumbles

“What love?” Louis asks

“Mouth…mouth on me please, Lou” he whines

Louis smirks, sinking down and becoming eye level with Harry’s cock.

“Here?” he asks teasingly

“Fuck Lou,” Harry looks down “Yes” he pants

Louis kisses his head gently, once, twice, three times and Harry is in complete shock at how good te tender touch feels.  When Louis fully takes in Harry is when Harry practically sobs, grabbing the sheets.

“Fuck- Lou- I’m gonna come” he moans loudly

“Come, Haz” he encourages, taking Harry all the way down

Harry literally screams, coming into the back of Louis throat.  His body is shaking in its euphoric state, Louis kissing his chest lightly as he comes down.

“Fuck” he says when he comes to his senses

“I should be the one saying that, Mr. Control” Louis smiles, curling into Harry’s side

“I- couldn’t help it… you were- you are so hot” Harry says, mind still wheeling

“Aw, you really know how to butter someone up Styles” Louis teases, his voice raspy

“Your voice” Harry says, astonished

“Oh this?” Louis laughs, “That’s what happens when you give a killer blowjob”

Harry grins, “don’t be so modest” he rolls his eyes

Louis remembers though, he remembers Harry almost pushing himself to give him head.

“Wait Harry,” he starts

“Yes?” Harry’s eyes are closed

“You don’t owe me anything” Louis says, trying to get his point across

“Never said I did?” Harry says confusedly

Louis sighs, “before, you tried to like… you tried to give me a blowjob”

Harry flushes, embarrassed at his failed attempt

“Can we not talk about it?” he whines, looking away

“No! I’m not bringing it up to embarrass you love,” Louis grabs his hand “I just don’t want you to push yourself because you think you owe me anything”

“I just wanted to make you feel good” Harry mumbles

“You did though…fuck Harry I came so hard” Louis laughs lightly

“I know but coming from a hand job is different than a blowjob… and it’s more… It’s more intimate… I don’t know that sounded stupid” Harry whines into his hands

Louis heart melts, “it’s not stupid, it’s endearing.  Harry anything that you do is intimate, you don’t have to rush anything, we don’t have to rush anything.  I like you a lot” he kisses Harry’s chest

“I like you a lot too” Harry smiles

“Oh good, I was so worried” Louis grabs his chest, mock relief

“Shut up” Harry slaps him

“That’s no way to treat your boyfriend Harold” Louis jokes

“Oh, I know how to treat you” he practically growls

They spend the afternoon on round two.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment please
> 
> pretty please

Harry's in a store off campus looking intently at mugs. Specifically tea mugs- if there is such a thing. He's been scanning over each one for 15 minutes and gets more and more frustrated. He picks one up,

"Fuck you" he says to the inanimate object

"Well that's not very nice," he hears

Harry drops the mug and it crashes on the ground.

"Well that was even ruder" Zayn smirks

"You scared me," Harry says "never creep up on a man when he's fighting with a mug"

"I'll keep that in mind the next time" 

"Maybe you could help me" Harry says

"With?"

"A birthday and Christmas present for Louis, I'm terrible with gifts and I don't really know what to get him. He has a cup of tea every morning so I figured I'd find a really cool mug but-"

"A really cool mug?" Zayn tries to hide his smile

"Yeah...you know- so he can put the tea in it" Harry explains

"I'm aware of what mugs are used for" Zayn can't hide the smile that spreads on his face, amused

Harry sighs defeated, "I know- mugs are stupid"

"Louis wouldn't want a mug anyways" Zayn says

"Oh?" Zayn shakes his head, "what would he want?" Harry asks

"Nothing"

"Zayn I can't get him nothing"

"He's going to be mad if you get him something, whether it's a $3 mug or a $300 watch. Louis doesn't like when people spend money on him." Zayn explains

"Well, why not? It's his birthday, and it's Christmas and I know for a fact he texted Liam asking for ideas on what to get me." Harry argues

"Look it's not place to tell you why he doesn't like it... And he's fine with buying other people things, just not the other way around."

"That's hypocritical."

"That's Louis."

Harry pouts, "please Zayn, tell me why he doesn't like it because if I go back to your flat asking he's going to get all mad like he did that time I brought up Eleanor."

Zayn looks around

"Zayn we're in a convenient store, we're not bugged." Harry jokes

"I know it's just-" he looks around "it's personal and Louis doesn't like people knowing."

Now Harry's nervous.

"Okay- yeah fine...we can go outside if you want?" Harry suggests

"I have my car" 

"Alright" 

The two of them walk out, not before Harry pays for the broken mug and Zayn buys a pack of cigarettes.

When they're both in the car Zayn turns facing Harry in the passenger seat.

"Louis isn't the most well off, financially." He says

Harry's eyes furrow, "how bad?"

"Bad enough that he's taking out loans all four years and sends ninety five percent of the money he gets from work to his mom."

Harry's even more confused 

"Work?" He asks

"AKA Human Anatomy class." Zayn says simply

Harry slumps back into the seat, "fuck I didn't realize."

"He doesn't tell anyone, I only found out because freshmen year he would always sneak to the post office like every two weeks and I thought he was dealing drugs or some shit. So one day I followed him but he caught me and got so mad, but eventually he explained everything."

"Doesn't he have four sisters?" 

"Yeah, that's what his money is mainly used for; groceries and gas money. His mom only has just enough for the bills."

"Shit."

"Yeah, so that's why he wouldn't like you spending money on him; because to him it's like pity."

"But I can't not do anything for his birthday or Christmas." Harry whines

"Do something else for him," Zayn wiggles his eyebrows suggestively

Harry blanches, "we- I- haven't-"

Zayn laughs, "I'm not saying to fuck him, and don't act so innocent when it comes to you and Lou. Our place is cheap and the walls are thin." 

Harry turns away, blush spreading on his cheeks.

"I'm just messing with you...anyways I don't know what you should do for him. Maybe something homemade?"

"Homemade? Yeah, good- I'll do that then." Harry nods

"Glad I could be of assistance." Zayn grins

-

Harry is now locked away in his room with many tabs open on his laptop, searching DIY birthday and Christmas presents for your boyfriend. He hates all of them; they're all either stupid and cheesy or girly and frilly. He's just about to give up when he sees something. No actually he sees _it_. He sees what he's going to make Louis.

 He's nervous and excited and anxious to see if Louis will appreciate it. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> super long chapter for you --> flourishing of comments for me PLEASE
> 
> It's 4009 words, so I feel it's only fair:)

It’s the day before the day Louis and Harry go home for holiday and they spend it with the other guys in Louis and Zayn’s living room.  They’ve been watching movie after movie, trying to procrastinate packing as much as they can.  When it’s three in the afternoon, Liam cracks.

“Alright, guys I really have to pack.  I still have to meet Sophia for dinner at five.” He says standing up

Louis fell asleep on Harry about two movies ago.  He’s cuddled up in the Harry’s side, his head tucked in the crook of Harry’s neck and hand wrapped around his chest.  Harry doesn’t mind, in fact he finds it soothing; Louis tiny breathes tickling his neck.  All the other guys nod,

“If I don’t see you guys tomorrow morning, then have a nice holiday!” he says while leaving their apartment

“Bye Li!” Harry says before the door closes

Niall stretches and obnoxiously yawns, cans of beer tumbling onto the floor from where they were rested on his chest.

“I hate to say it but I’ve got to be going to… mom’s picking me up at eleven tonight and I don’t even know where my bag is to pack my things up in.” He says

“Bye Niall, happy holidays” Zayn says

He waves goodbye, ruffling Harry’s hair on his way out.  Zayn turns his attention to Harry, expecting him to say he’s got to go.  A smirk spreads on his face when he sees Louis sprawled out on top of him.

“So cute,” He scrunches up his nose

“He’s like my own personal koala” Harry jokes

“Say that to him, and he might slaughter you.” Zayn laughs

“Oh I know, trust me.”

“Did you make him a gift?” Zayn asks

“Yeah, it’s in my bag.  I hope he likes it, if not I’ll say it was your idea.”

“He’ll love it shut up,” Zayn laughs “you could literally piss in a cup and hand it to him and he’ll still think you’re the greatest thing to walk the earth.”

“I would’ve just pissed in a cup then.” Harry teasingly whines

“That’s fucking weird mate.”

“I know” he looks down to see Louis is still peacefully sleeping, small noises coming out of his mouth

“He’s literally going to hold you hostage until the last second.” Zayn says

“I figured,” Harry smirks “that’s why I packed last night.”

-

Gemma is picking Harry up and considering she loves to be late Harry decides he’ll wait with Louis for his mom’s boyfriend Dan to come get him.

“It’s too early” Louis whines

“You slept all day yesterday, how can you possibly be tired?” Harry laughs

“There’s no such thing as too much sleep Harold.” Louis says poking him in his right dimple

“It’s not Harold, just Harry.” Harry mumbles, swiping Louis hand away

“Aw someone’s all pouty, are you going to miss me too much?” Louis teases

“No, I can’t wait to get away from you actually.” Harry says seriously

Louis thinks he’s joking but when Harry’s face is still expressionless he starts to squirm nervously.

“Oh…yeah- same.” He says embarrassed looking away.

_He actually thinks I won’t miss him._

Harry face splits into a shit eating grin, Louis looks at him and realization and relief floods his eyes.

“Fuck you” he punches Harry in the chest

“You actually believed me,” Harry laughs “you should’ve seen your face!”

Louis slaps him, “fuck you that was fucking terrible.” Louis mumbles

“Will you miss me Louis?” Harry pouts, making his voice sound like a child

“No I will not.” He lies

“You’re lying” Harry sings

“No.”

“Yes”

“Louis gonna miss me, Louis gonna miss me.” Harry sings louder

“No I won’t you twat!”

“Name calling is a form of flattery, Lewis.” Harry wiggles his eyebrows

“You want flattery?” Louis eyes become mischievous

He jumps on top of Harry, his face not even an inch away from Harry’s.  Harry’s smiling, waiting for Louis to kiss him, but he’s surprised when that’s not what happens.  Louis instead keeps staring at Harry, as he pushes his groin into Harry’s…and he’s _hard_.

_Fuck_.

“Fuck.” Harry breathes

“That’s fucking flattery, Styles” Louis smirks, remaining eye contact

 Harry groans, leaning up and catches Louis lips with his own. Things are just about to get real heated when there’s a knock on the door.  Harry pulls away quickly, eyes wide.

“Who-“

“Dan?” Louis asks loudly

“Yes, Louis.” Harry hears a man that must be Dan say

“Saved by the bell,” Louis whispers, smirking at Harry

He climbs up off of the flustered boy and makes his way over to the door.  Harry sits up, fixing his hair and rubbing his face, trying to calm himself down. When the door opens a younger looking man walks in, large smile on his face. He pulls Louis into a hug, patting him on the back while doing so.

"How've you been?" He asks

"I'm good, Dan this my uh- this is Harry" Louis says 

Dan looks over to the couch and waves, 

"Nice to meet you Harry." He smiles 

"You too." Harry's voice is  gravily, still affected from before. He clears his throat.

"Harry and a couple of my mates will be joining me on New Year's." Louis says

Dan raises an eyebrow, "oh so that they can join you on your annual 'quiet night in' which takes place whenever your mother and I go to the Roberts house." He smirks

Louis smiles gleefully, "how'd you know?" 

Dan slaps Louis on the back of the head playfully, "well we should be going...the girls are dying to see you." Dan says

Louis looks at Harry, "uh Dan can I meet you at the car?" He asks

Dan gives him an odd look, his eyes go from Louis to Harry and he nods slowly.

"Sure don't be too long." He says and walks out

Louis walks over to Harry who meets him halfway, then collide in a tight embrace.

 "This is silly," Louis laughs sadly "I'll see you in a little over a week."

"I'll still miss you." Harry whispers in his ear

"I'll miss you too."

Louis kisses him quickly, not wanting to get too into anything while Dan is waiting.

"I have to go." He says when he pulls away

"I know"

"I don't want to." He pecks Harry's lips

"Me neither." Harry pecks Louis lips

Louis phone starts to vibrate, he pulls it out of his pocket. It's a text from Dan asking if everything is okay. He looks at Harry.

"Just a week and two days." He says stepping back

"Nine days." Harry responds

"Two hundred sixteen hours." Louis smiles, grabbing his bag

"How'd you do that?" Harry laughs

"I did the math two days ago, when I was asking myself how I'd survive without you." He jokes, walking towards the door

"I miss you." 

"I'm not gone yet." Louis smiles, hand on the handle

"I know."

Louis opens the door, "see you soon love." 

"Bye Lou." Harry waves as the door shuts closed

He collapses back on the couch, sighing.

_Two hundred sixteen hours._

_-_

"Harry!" His mom jumps into his arms when he walks through the door

"Hi mom" he mumbles into her neck

"I've missed you." She says kissing his cheek

_I miss Louis._

"I've missed you too." He says smiling down at her

Harry's tired and emotionally drained. Spending three hours in the car with his sister after he had just come out to her weeks ago probably wasn't the smartest idea. She was respectful and patient and understood there were certain things Harry didn't want to talk about. He didn't speak much about Louis, he said that he's helped him a lot but he didn't specify in what ways; Gemma's not stupid though, she saw the change in Harry's face when Louis was mentioned. She didn't say anything though, not wanting to push him.

"I think I'm going to lie down," Harry says to his mom "I'm pretty tired."

"Alright sweety, I'll wake you when it's time for dinner." His mom says

"Okay, love you mom." 

"Love you too."

Harry walks into his room, dropping his bags on the ground next to his dresser. He climbs into bed pulling his phone out. He types out a text to Louis,

'210 hours left of missing you.'

He places his phone down on his counter, rolling over and closing his eyes. 

-

Louis was bombarded with arms wrapping all over his body when he opened the door. A pair of arms on each leg, a pair around his neck and a pair around his back.

"I'm under attack!" He shouts laughing

"Louis!"

"LouLou!"

"We missed you!"

"Hello BooBear"

Louis looks up and sees his mom standing in front of him. 

"Hi mom" he smiles

The girls eventually get off of him and Louis wraps his mom up in a big hug, kissing her cheek.

"I've missed you BooBear." She whispers in his ear

"I've missed you too mom," he says hugging her still "how's everything?" He whispers

"Good...good we'll talk later yeah?" 

"Okay." 

They pull apart and Louis walks over to the crib where the twins are sitting in. He peeks over the top and sees two pairs of big blue curious eyes looking up at him.

"Shit you guys got big!" He smiles

"Louis! Language!" His mom scowls jokingly

"Oh like you're one to talk." He smiles, leaning in and kissing each of them on their heads.

Doris little hands come up and squeeze Louis cheeks as he starts pulling away, he smiles and grabs her hands and kissing her on her nose.

"Louis! Louis!" Phoebe shouts

"Yes love?" He asks turning around

"Whose the boy in your instagram?" She asks

"Which one?"

"The curly one!" Daisy chimes in

Harry.

"That's Harry." He says, his face breaking out into a smile just thinking about him

He catches Dan giving Jay a knowing look.

"He's cute" Lottie says

Louis scowls at her, "he is not cute," he lies "and you are not allowed to be attracted to my friends."

"Yes I can!" She argues

"No you can't!" 

"Louis you're arguing about a boy with your sixteen year old sister" Jay laughs

Louis looks at her and she raises an eyebrow. He let's out a breathe,

"Fine... I'm going to unpack." He walks towards his room throwing his bag onto his chipped wooden floors. He sits on his bed and pulls out his phone, smiling when he sees a message from Harry.

'210 hours left of missing you.' 

He looks at the time stamp, it was an hour ago that he sent the message to Louis.

He types back, '*209 hours left of missing your curls.'

-

 It's the night before Christmas Eve and Harry is waiting for it to be 11:55 already so he can FaceTime Louis like they planned. They both decided that they'll video chat from the end of Wednesday into Thursday which becomes Louis birthday so that Harry can be the absolute first person to say it. 

It's 11:42 and Harry is just getting out of the shower. He grabs Louis present from his bag and puts it on his bedside counter, hoping he'll get a chance to show Louis it. He's getting changed into sweatpants when there is a knock on his door. Gemma walks in.

"Hey." He says

"Hey, want to watch a movie?" She asks

Harry fidgets nervously, "I uh- I can't I am video chatting with Louis in like 15 minutes." He says awkwardly

Gemma's eyebrows shoot up, "didn't you say  his birthday is on Christmas Eve?" She asks, Harry nods, "isn't tomorrow Christmas Eve?"

Harry nods again, "I um- we're FaceTiming so that I can be the first one to say it to him." He explains uncomfortably

Gemma stares at him, clearly passed the point of just thinking they're an item.

"Harold?" 

"Hmm?"

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She asks bluntly

Harry chokes on air, "I um- we... Yeah." He finally admits

Gemma slaps him.

He rubs his cheek, shocked.

"Why'd you-"

"Why the hell did I not get a phone call at whatever time it was that day that you had a fucking boyfriend?" She snaps, not actually angry

"It- I didn't tell anyone!" 

"You should've told me," she pouts "we tell each other everything."

Harry pulls her into a hug, "I'm sorry I just...I'm not good with this yet, if you couldn't tell." Harry sighs

"Oh trust me I can tell" she laughs pulling away

"So how long have you been dating?" 

"Um-" Harry feels the blush coming on "we've been boyfriends for 5 and a half weeks but we've liked each other, well at least I likes him for like a month before that." He explains, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly

"Is it weird being with a guy?" She asks, no criticism in her voice

"Yeah, it's really different...but in a good way like it feels right, if that makes sense."

"It does" she smiles "I'm glad your happy"

"I am, so much." 

"Well good, now don't keep almost Birthday Boy waiting- you've got a minute till your video chat date." Gemma laughs leaving Harry's room

Harry jumps on his bed and opens up his laptop, putting in his ear buds. When he sees Louis name pop up on his screen not a minute later requesting to video chat, Harry's heart swells. He can't help the immense smile that is plastered on his face when Louis appears on the screen.

"Hi" he says dumbly

"Hi love" Louis smiles back

They look at each other for a minute or two, just taking in the fact that they can somehow see each other after being deprived for five days.

"I miss you" Louis says

"I miss you too, so much Lou" Harry breathes, still smiling

"How's it there?" Louis asks

"Its good...I actually just told Gemma about us, like us being together."

Louis smile gets wider, "that's amazing! I'm so proud of you."

"It felt really good to tell her, I mean I was nervous but the sense of relief after was worth it."

"I'm glad." Louis says gently

Harry looks at the clock, 11:59

"One minute" he says

Louis smiles "one minute until I'm officially 21, I feel old."

"You look old."

"Bite me."

Harry laughs.

12:00.

"Happy birthday Louis!" He sings quietly 

"Thank you Harold." He laughs

"Want to see your present?" Harry aSKS

Louis smile drops, a frown replacing it. 

"I told you not to get me anything-"

"I know and I listened! I made you something instead..." He smirks

Louis looks shocked

"You- you made me something?"

"Yup," Harry grins "didn't spend a penny on you, only time and the internet." 

Louis smiles

"Whatever it is, I know I'll love it." He says

Harry grabs it from his counter,

"Okay, so it's kind of stupid and silly but I feel like it'll work in the sense of helping us progress." He explains

"Work and progress aren't words I normally hear when someone talks about birthday presents...should I be concerned that you wrote me an encyclopedia or something?"

Harry smiles, "not encyclopedias, tickets."

"Tickets?"

"Tickets."

"And what do these tickets give me access to? Like what's the prize?" Louis asks

"Me."

Harry grabs them from out of his lap and shows them to the camera. He made them out of blue construction paper and he made exactly 21 of them. Each one having something else that Louis could possibly want; a kiss, a hug, make out, compliment, a secret. Harry is showing Louis each one of them, some of them catching Louis eye more than others; naked pictures, hand job. It's when Harry goes to the last one that Louis heart might explode... It says simply 'my heart' and Louis knows that the whole purpose of this present was to show Louis that Harry wants to try. He wants to try and make this work and he understands being afraid of them and who he is is only going to hurt them.

"I love it." Louis whispers

"Are you just saying that?" Harry asks, not convinced and suddenly anxious

"I promise you I absolutely love it. Its perfect and amazing and priceless." Louis convinces 

Harry smiles, "is there anything I can do for you now?" 

Louis looks confused, "love you know you can't make out with someone through a computer screen right?" Louis teases 

"I know, but making out isn't what I was thinking of."

It clicks.

"Oh." Louis starts to squirm; the thought of getting dirty photos from Harry already has him panting. "I have an idea...you don't have to do it if you don't want to though." Louis says, trying not to be to obvious that he's palming himself through his joggers.

Harry notices though, and his eyes are glued to that part of the screen. "What is it?" He asks

"Live video rather than pictures." Louis practically moans

Harry sucks in a breathe and his fingers immediately cup himself. _Fuck that's hot._

 "Yeah." Harry says

Louis smiles at the camera, still palming himself. Harry's watching, mesmerized as he cups himself more firmly, trying to create the friction he so badly wants.

"It's really hot in here." Louis says, mock stripper voice

He begins slowly taking off his shirt, fixing his hair when he pulls it all the way off. Harry takes a deep breathe in.

"Much better" Louis smiles

One of his hands go to his waistband and the other one continues getting himself off over his joggers. Harry moves his hand from over his sweats to inside them now, fully grabbing his growing length and slowly pumping. Louis begins to sit up, his crotch going right into the camera. He slowly peels his pants and briefs down and his thick mostly hard cock is all Harry sees. He holds in a moan, not wanting Gemma to hear. Louis sits back down and begins getting himself off in front of the camera; his face flush with pleasure but a knowing smirk on his mouth as he watches Harry's reaction.

"You um-shit- look," Harry can't even form a sentence "you look so fucking hot." He pants

Louis smiles and swipes over his head, Harry seeing precome leaking already. 

"You look hot too, even though you're still clothed." Louis says, raising an eyebrow

_Shit_. 

Harry nods quickly taking his shirt off, pulling his sweats down in one go. A throaty noise escapes Louis and Harry looks at him through the screen.

"You're not- you didn't wear briefs" he says breathless

Harry smirks, "I sleep naked when I'm home." 

"Fuck."

Harry smiles, proud of his decision to not wear underwear. He grabs his full length with one hand and fondles his balls with the other. Louis is going crazy; noise after noise escaping his mouth.

"Fuck Haz" he groans

"I got hard by just watching you" Harry whispers

"I'm about to come by just fucking seeing your dick." Louis whines

"Then come."

Louis body stills for a moment but Harry doesn't miss the come spilling over his knuckles as he tries to contain himself, he doesn't miss the flush all over Louis body and he doesn't miss his name being repeated and reapeated as he rides his high. Harry continues to stroke himself, but when Louis opens his eyes clearly satisfied is when Harry loses it; coming all over himself.

Minutes pass and Harry finally opens his eyes, looking at Louis who is still smiling at the camera, naked. 

"I wish I could touch you" Harry says

"I wish I could kiss you"

"Hold you"

"Because I'm the little spoon?" Harry eyes fill with amusement

"No you're _my_ little spoon." Louis smiles

-

Christmas Eve goes by quickly for Harry. His aunts and uncles and cousins come over for dinner. The typical football and girl questions he's mastered at answering. The fake interest he has to display whenever his aunt starts talking about her job as a flourist. Its fine, its normal. Being home makes him realize how different things are at school, he different he is. It also make a him realize how much Louis means to him, considering whenever the topic of a girl comes up he just blushes and says "I've got my eye on someone." Which earns him a bunch of 'awwws' from his aunts and a pat on the shoulder from his uncles. His mom raising an eyebrow at him, wondering why he never mentioned this special someone. All in all the day goes fine, peaceful and normal and exactly what Harry needed.

-

Louis knows he's home when there is a fight between at least three screaming girls every morning.

"I want to wake him up!" Daisy yells

"You did it last year!" Phoebe argues

"You both did it last year!" Fizzie points out "its mine and Lottie's turn!" 

"Congratulations you all woke me up equally!" He yells

He hears silence for a second before sounds of footsteps run closer to his room, his door flying open and girl after girl jumping on him in bed.

"Happy birthday!"

"I was going to say that!"

"We all can say it you devils!" 

Louis laughs and just hugs them all back, "thank you girls." 

"Mom made you pancakes!" 

"I can smell 'em. Tell her I'll be down in a moment." 

"Okay!"

"No I will!"

"He asked me!"

They all run out of his room and down the tiny hallways which leads to the kitchen. Louis sighs turning into his pillow. He's not surprised when another set of footsteps make their way to Louis room. 

"Happy birthday BooBear" his mom says as she sits on the foot of his bed

"Thanks mom" he smiles rolling over to face her

"I wonder why you're tired," she smirks "sounded like you were up all night talking to someone."

Louis eyes widen. _Shit_.

"Yeah- my mate Harry. Dan met him, he wanted to be the first to say happy birthday." He explains

"Well that was sweet of Harry."

"Yeah he's really nice, he's coming for New Year's." He says

"Oh, is he bringing a date?" She asks, although she knows the answer

Louis coughs looking away, "um no- just himself...he doesn't have a girlfriend."

"He doesn't have a girlfriend because he has you, right?" He says, looking at Louis

"How much did you hear last night?" He groans hiding his face

"Enough to know this boy isn't just your friend." She says, not judgement in her voice

Louis sits up, eyes wide

"You can't tell anyone...he isnt- he literally just figured out his sexuality. He's not out, only like me and four other people know." Louis says concerned

"I would never tell anyone Lou."

"You can't say anything to him either." He says

"Is he your boyfriend or is there no title yet?" She asks

"Boyfriend." His cheeks flush, a small smile creeping on his face

Jay smiles pulling him into a hug, "I'm so happy you're happy." She says

"I really am."

-

Christmas is no different, uneventful but comfortable for both the boys.  Right before dinner Harry’s phone starts to ring so he excuses himself from his aunt’s living room and makes his way to their bathroom, locking the door.

“Hello?”

“Merry Christmas!” Louis says gleefully

“Merry Christmas Lou, I miss you.” Harry smiles

“I miss you too love, only one hundred twenty more hours.”

“That sounds so much longer than five days.”

“It’s the same though, five days until I get to lock you in my bedroom and have my way with you.” Louis fakes a seductive voice

“I can’t wait,” Harry laughs “I need your kisses.”

“You sound like a toddler.” Louis teases

“You’re the size of a toddler.” Harry snorts

Louis fake gasps, “how dare you!”

“I’m only kidding Lou, you’re perfect.”

“I can’t wait to see you.” Louis whispers into the speaker

“I can’t wait either.”

Harry hears his mom calling his name from down stairs.

“I’ve got to go Louis, merry Christmas! I’ll text you later.”

“Bye love”


	30. Chapter 30

“Do you have your toothbrush?” Harry’s mom asks from behind his closed door

“Yes, packed it this morning”

“What about your phone charger?”

“Yes mom”

“Enough sweaters? I don’t want you to get sick.”

He opens the door, leaning on the doorway and smiles at his anxious mother, “mom I have enough sweaters for about two months, stop worrying.” He kisses her on the cheek

She pulls him into a hug, “I know sweetie, I’m sorry.  I just-you’re so grown up.” She nuzzles into the crook of his neck

“I love you.” He hugs her back

“I love you so much Harry, when is Liam coming to pick you up?” she asks

There’s a knock on the front door and Harry pulls away.

“That would be now,” Harry smiles giving her one last hug “I’ll call you when I get there, yeah?”

She helps Harry load Liam’s truck with his bag a kisses both Liam and Harry on the cheek.

“Drive safely!” She yells as they pull out of the driveway

-

“Louis when are your friends coming?”

“Yeah Louis when?”

“Are they hot?”

“Are they hot and single?”

Louis turns around at that, “well Fizzy you’re 14 so that isn’t even an option and Lottie fuck off or I’ll tell mum about Max last summer.”

Lottie glares at Louis, “I’ll tell her about Luke.” She spits back

“Already knows” Louis smirks

“Fuck you.” She flips him off

At that moment Jay walks in, “Charlotte!” she scolds

“Yeah Charlotte, watch yourself.” Louis sticks his tongue out

Jay walks over to Louis and pulls his ear, he squeaks and pulls away rubbing his now red and sore ear.

“Stop acting like you’re 5 Louis.” She smiles

“Sorry mom” he grumbles

“So when are your friends due to arrive boobear?”

Now it’s Louis turn to scold her, “I told you not to call me that.”

“And I still will remind you I was in labor with you for 27 hours, I get to call you whatever the fuck I want.” She smiles pinching his cheeks

“Mom!” Lottie teases

“I’m a grown woman Lottie, I can cuss as much as I want.”

Daisy and Phoebe come running down the hall screaming

“Louis your friends are here!” Daisy says first

“I was gonna tell him!” Phoebe whines

“Which ones?”

“There was a curly one!” Phoebe smiles

Louis whole face lights up and he looks at Jay who is smiling at him knowingly.  He runs out of the kitchen and straight to the front door ripping it open, when his eyes land on Harry he almost loses his breathe.  His back is to Louis and he’s bent over, bum in the air and stuffing a sweatshirt into one of his bags.  Louis runs out the front door and grabs a now very surprised Harry from behind.

“Oof” Harry gasps

“Harry” Louis breathes

Harry spins around and the shit eating grin that’s on his face is enough to heal the constant nights of longing Louis has felt while missing Harry.  They hug for what is definitely too long but Harry is way to happy to be holding Louis to over think it.

“I missed you” he whispers in Louis ear

“I missed you so much more” Louis laughs

“If you two do a game of ‘no I missed you more’ I’m going to throw up.” Liam jokes

Louis turns and waves at Liam, “hey Payno!”

The twins and Jay standing in the doorway catch Harry’s attention, he glances at Louis.

“Oh! I almost forgot to introduce you,” he pulls Harry by the wrist to the girls and Jay, Liam following behind.

“Girls this is Harry and that’s Liam, boys that’s Phoebe, Daisy, Lottie, and Fizzy, Ernest and Doris are sleeping right now.  And this is me mom Jay.”

She’s looking at Harry when his eyes meet hers, “hi it’s very nice to meet you” he says his hand extended, cheeks red

“It’s silly that you’ve known Louis this long and haven’t realized that this family doesn’t do handshakes.” She laughs pulling Harry into a warm embrace

He laughs lightly and hugs her back, and then crouches down eye level to the twins

“It’s very nice to meet you two as well, Louis tells me tons of funny stories about you guys.”

“Well you tell Louis we have tons of hilarious stories to tell you about him, like that time during the summer when he wore-“

“Charlotte!” Louis cuts her off

“Oh Louis I just thought they’d want to know that-“

“M” he glares

“You wouldn’t” she glares back

“You two better knock it off or I’ll have Harry and Liam come inside and you two will sleep in the freezing snow.” Jay says cutting their pissing match off

“This isn’t over Tomlinson.” Louis jokingly says, messing with Lottie’s hair

He helps Harry and Liam bring their bags in and Harry notices just how small Louis house is considering the amount of people living in it are.  It’s one floor but Louis has mentioned there being a basement, but the floors are squeaky and the living room is completely crowded with oversized but old furniture.  Harry can see the kitchen, and that too is puny. 

“Lovely home” Liam says looking around

Harry’s looking around the walls, seeing the framed drawings the girls and Louis must’ve made in elementary.  He’s just about seen all of it until his eyes land on one picture.

“Oh my god.” He says loudly, walking across the room and picking up the picture frame that’s sitting on a small table in the corner.

Everyone is looking at him and Louis walks over and smiles as he sees the picture.

“You were the cutest kid oh my god” Harry says, still looking at the picture

“I’m still pretty cute” Louis teases

Harry goes to agree but stops himself, realizing where he is.  _Who_ he is with.  Louis must realize because he doesn’t press for anything more, telling Jay that he’s going to show the boys to where they’ll be staying.  When he leads them to a staircase behind one of the doors he saw before Harry realizes that he does have a basement.  It’s spacious and empty except for a pull out couch and old workout equipment.

“Sorry it’s not much but-“Louis scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, clearly embarrassed

“It’s perfect honestly” Harry smiles

Louis turns and looks at Harry who is already watching him, it should be scary how fast their lips and bodies mold together in that instant.  It’s sloppy and rushed but one of the most meaningful kisses they’ve ever had.  Harry is smiling so hard he can barely focus.

“Um- I’m just” Liam mumbles awkwardly, pointing to the stairs

The two of them break apart, Harry feeling his cheeks turn red.

“Oi! We’re sorry Li, don’t you worry we won’t be getting each other off in front of you or anything.” Louis smiles, swinging his arm around Liam’s shoulder

“Well I’d hope not.” Liam pushes at Louis chest playfully

“Louis! Zayn and Niall are here!” Jay screams from upstairs

“Ah lets go boys!” Louis smiles, jumping over the table and running up the chipped and creaky stairs.

When Harry gets into the living room, Louis has Zayn in a choke hold and his messing with his hair.

“Will you fuck off?!” Zayn whines, struggling to get out

“Not until you say you missed me Zaynie”

“Fuck you”

“Aw, I love you too Zayniepoo!” Louis laughs, releasing a disgruntled Zayn

He fixes his hair and looks up seeing Harry and Liam, he smirks at Harry “You better keep your boy in line or I might kill him.” He says

Louis acts wounded, pretending to choke “Curly save me! Zayn’s killing me by breathing in too many fumes from his hairspray.”

Niall bursts out laughing at that, pulling Louis into a hug. “I missed you Lou” he laughs

Louis smiles looking up, he has Niall and Zayn on either side of him; his two best friends.  Liam in front of him who is growing near and dear to his heart and then his eyes land on Harry, who completely makes up the rest of his world.

“We’ve got the band back together!” he laughs smiling at Harry

-

Its 7 pm on New Year’s Eve and Louis already is wasted.  He and Stan, who Harry met at 3, had a chugging contest against Niall.  Resulting in them not only losing but spilling beer all over their shirts. Harry helped Louis change out of his soaked shirt which led to a wild make out session which resulted in Louis coming in his pants.  Meaning Harry had to then change Louis into new pants as well.  So it’s 7 on New Year’s Eve and Louis house is beginning to fill with random people, who bring more and more alcohol and wear less and less clothing.  There’s great loud music courtesy of Zayn and Louis is having a grand old time continuously grinding on Harry in the most non discreet way.  Harry doesn’t completely mind, he knows that he probably won’t see these people again, but just the fear of other people knowing his secret scares him.

-

It’s 11 and Harry is just as drunk as Louis and they are just as much all over each other than ever.  Harry’s fear went out the window, when some girl told Louis he looks good.  He stood there next to Louis and he swears he saw red, Louis smiled politely clearly uninterested but Harry didn’t care, he grabbed Louis by the wrist and pulled him into the bathroom immediately.  Earning a cat call from both Niall and Liam, and an unreadable look from Stan when they passed by.  So now it’s 11 and Harry tells Louis he’s going to get them more sprite and vodka from the kitchen.  He’s terribly pouring them drinks when Stan comes next to him.

“Hey mate” Harry smiles drunkenly

“What are you and Lou?” he asks abruptly

Harry furrows his eyebrows “What are we?”

“Yeah, like what are you? Like boyfriends? Fuck buddies?”

 _Fuck_.

“I- we’re friends.” Harry says

“Friends don’t look at each other like that.” Stan points out

“Well we do- I don’t know. I’m too drunk for this.” Harry runs a hand through his hair

“Why does it matter?” he asks

Stan looks away “it doesn’t. It just- Louis doesn’t tell me these things anymore.  Not since-“

“Not since he kissed you” Harry finishes

Stan looks at him, eyes wide “he told you?” he asks quietly

“Yeah, he told me.”

“He used to tell me everything.” Stan confesses

“He said you looked at him differently… that you treated him differently.”

“I was confused.  I was shocked and scared.  I was scared _for_ him.”

“Louis didn’t want your pity, he wanted a friend.  He _needed_ one.” Harry says slowly

“I know.”

“Good.”

“Even if you’re just friends,” Stan rolls his eyes “he’s really happy.  I can tell, so thank you.”

Harry shifts awkwardly, “um you’re welcome?”

Stan nods and walks away, leaving Harry alone and overwhelmed.  He shakes his head and takes a long gulp of his drink, cringing at the burn in his throat.  He walks back over to Louis who is messing with the music with a very displeased and drunk Zayn.  He takes the drink gratefully and puts his hand in the back pocket of Harry’s jeans, squeezing.

‘Mine’ he mouths to Harry

-

There’s two minutes until midnight and everyone is beginning to pair up with who they want to kiss.  Obviously Harry and Louis are glued to each other’s sides but that doesn’t discount the several offers the two of them get from others.  They politely decline and Louis can immediately tell that Harry is anxious.  The way he’s breathing heavily and his palm is sweating is a dead giveaway but the look of fear in Harry’s eyes as he looks around the room tugs at Louis heart.

“We don’t have to kiss out here” Louis whispers in his ear

Harry visibly shrinks, cheeks heating up. 

“I’m being silly.” He says

“No it’s okay babe, I don’t mind.” Louis reassures him

“I just- okay, yeah.  Can we go somewhere else?” Harry asks, still clearly upset with himself

Louis looks at his phone, 11:59. 

“Yeah let’s hurry.”

He pulls Harry’s hand throughout the maze of people and right when they’re about to go further down the hall, the crowd starts counting down from ten.  Louis leads Harry quickly into the first door on the right, which ironically is a closet.

“So funny Lewis” Harry rolls his eyes

“I know I am, Harold” Louis teases

“5” They hear the crowd say

“4” Louis whispers

“3” Harry gets closer

“2” They’re millimeters apart

"Happy New Year Lou" Harry whispers, closing the gap

They’re kissing.


	31. Chapter 31

Harry's new year's resolution is simple; accept himself. He knows its silly and easier said than done but he wants to finally be okay with who he is, especially for Louis. All Louis does is support and be patient with Harry and as much as Harry appreciates that, it worries him that eventually his luck will run out. Eventually Louis will realize that Harry is just a fucked up closet case and he can do better. He seems so confident on the outside, _the_ Harry Styles the football prodigy and chick magnet. He'd even convinced himself of it, he lied and lied to himself for years, completely hiding the truth; his truth. He's been questioned several times why he hasn't been around his normal group as much, why people don't see him at parties or don't hear about him being with any girls recently. He always charms his way out of it, as much as it is just who he is, the charming is a complete defense mechanism. It helps him get out of situations with almost everyone but Louis, Liam, Gem and his mom. Harry just wants to be able to be 100% commited to Louis mentally and emotionally, so he is determined to make his new year's resolution his prime goal.

-

It's the first day back at WSU and Louis and Harry are walking to the smoothie shop on campus. Louis talking passionately about how his professor's mustache has to be fake. Its quit funny but Harry finds his mind drifting into ideas on how to be more affectionate at that moment. He's not thinking about making out with Louis in the middle of campus but just a small gesture that shows Louis that he's trying. Louis is still talking about his professor's mustache when Harry swings his arm closer to Louis, their hands brushing. Louis stills for a second before he continues talking, Harry moves his hand again, hooking their pinkies together. Louis stops talking at that point, now he's staring at their pinkies, completely shocked. Harry can practically feel his heart eratically beating in his throat, and he continuously looks around. Waiting to see if someone notices, if someone calls them out. 

It must've been only a minute or so when Harry unlocks their pinkies, taking a shaky breathe and fixing his hair. Louis still hasn't said anything, now looking at Harry questionably.

"Harry?" Louis whispers

"Hmm" he won't look at him

"What was that? I like, are you-"

"I wanted to." Harry says simply

Louis nods confusedly, but a small smile turns on his lips nonetheless. Harry clears his throat, staring at the shop coming insight.

"I can't wait for a smoothie, I've been craving one all holiday." Harry blurts

Louis doesn't respond, the small smile still on his lips. He looks at Harry admirely.

"What?" Harry asks

"You're something else Curly" Louis says

"You too Tomlinson"

-

The two of them and Zayn are in the lounge doing school work two days later. Zayn sitting on the single armchair as Louis and Harry sit on the couch next to it. Harry's supposed to be annotating a packet his Literature professor gave him but all he's thinking of is his resolution. He looks at Louis who is sitting with his legs crisscrossed and his laptop in his lap as he broweses the internet for articles for his Global History class. He's so into his work that Harry doesn't think he even notices when he puts his arm around his shoulder, scooting closer than considered friendly. Harry pretends he doesn't feel Louis tense momentarily, or pretends he doesn't see Louis stop typing and turn to face him. Harry keeps his eyes on his packet, fumbling with his highlighter. 

"Love?" Louis whispers

"Yeah?" Harry asks quietly

"I'm very proud of you, you know." He smiles

Harry nods and bites his lips, supressing his emotions from completely showing on his face. 

_I can do this._

-

They're at Louis apartment, making out feverishly on his bed, both shirtless a couple days later. Harry doesn't even remember how it got to this point, they were just supposed to be grabbing Louis wallet so that they could go out for lunch. But here they are panting and exploring.

Harry's hands fumble with the zipper and button on Louis jeans when Louis pulls back, looking into Harry's eyes. _So so so beautiful._

"You sure?" He asks breathless

Harry nods, letting out a long breathe.

"I wanna taste you." Is all he says, but just by the dilation of Louis pupils alone, Harry knows Louis wants that too.

"You don't-" Louis cut off

"Don't finish that sentence." Harry practically growls.

He sinks down Louis flushed body, becoming eye level with the significant tent in his jeans. He finally pulls the zipper down and tugs at the jeans, making them go down his thighs. He's left in his tight navy briefs and Harry actually might come from the sight alone. Louis is literally straining against his underwear and Harry's mouth has never watered so much. He's more excited than nervous, but maybe his pep talk this morning and double shot of espresso in his coffee is what is doing the trick. 

When he tugs down Louis briefs, his hard length springs free, smacking against his stomach. Harry stares at him, taking in every inch. To Louis this must seem more as apprehension rather than appreciation.

"You don't have to Harry." He practically pants

Harry doesn't even respond. Instead he kisses Louis pink head lightly, feeling it twitch under his lips. He kisses the head a couple of times before taking it into his mouth, sucking. Louis is gripping the sheets tightly, trying so hard to stay still. Harry slowly sinks down, hollowing his cheeks on the way.

"Fucking shit." Louis moans

Harry pulls back up, and when he goes down again he goes much further. Louis screams. 

"This can't be your first time," Louis whines "it can't, it really can't. This is fuck- Has I'm dying here."

Harry laughs, causing the vibrations to circulate around Louis dick, making his arousal almost hit it's peak. 

"Shit fuck Harry I'm close" Louis says, his face smushed into his pillow

Harry continues to take Louis almost all the way, coming up for air twice in between. He looks up every once in a while and palms himself when he sees how Louis looks, how he's reacting, how Harry's making him react. Louis whole body is covered in a sheen of sweat and flushed, his eyes screwed shot and mouth open. He's breathing so harshly that Harry knows its a matter of seconds before he comes. A minute later Louis is pushing at Harry's shoulders.

"I'm gonna come." He breathes, locking eyes with Harry

Harry pulls back just when Louis let's go, come covering Harry's chin and chest. He doesn't mind, in fact he licks a little off of his finger and decides it doesn't taste so bad. When Louis comes down from his high he looks at Harry, and smiles lazily.

"That was amazing." He says

Harry returns the smile and sits up next to where Louis laying.

"I can do you if you want?" Louis offers

Harry smirks, "its fine, I'm taken care of."

Louis looks at him confusedly before realization sets in.

"You got- that made you come?" He asks bewildered 

"You're hot when I get you off." Harry says simply, smirking at Louis shocked expression

Louis groans and turns into his pillow, "you're going to fucking kill me Styles." 

 


	32. Chapter 32

Harry, Liam and Louis are walking across campus after their morning classes on Thursday when it happens.

"Styles!" they hear

Harry turns around first, his eyes meeting Max's.  He hasn't seen Max since the season ended, thankfully, but here he is standing in front of him with a sly smile on his face.

"Hey Max" Harry halfheartedly says

Max throws his arm around Harry's shoulder, smiling over at Louis now. 

"It's good to see you again man, missed you at the party last week.  Everyone was bummed you weren't there."

Harry shakes out of Max's grip, awkwardly scratching his neck, "I wasn't- I was sick." he lies terribly

"Too bad, Miranda was looking forward to seeing you." Still looking at Louis

Harry looks away uncomfortably, "she's nice." is all he says

"A nice fuck is what she is." Max laughs

No one joins.

"She's nice." Harry simply says again, not wanting to feed the beast that is Max. 

Max obviously knows this but doesn't pay much attention to it. Instead his eyes land on Louis and Harry just knows this isn't going to be good.  He can _feel_ it.

"Hey Lou, I actually know someone you should meet." he smirks, Louis raises an eyebrow as if telling him to continue

"His name is Nick, Nick Grimshaw.  He's like you... you know." Harry wants to punch that look off his face

"Like me?" Louis asks

"Yeah"

"How so?" Louis challenges, already knowing the answer

"He likes cock." Max finishes

"Max, fuck off" Liam chimes in, but Louis puts a hand up to shut him up

"No Liam it's fine...actually I want to know Max, since when you've been so interested in where I put mine?" Louis snaps

"Since I found out _what_ you are." Harry so so so wants to punch him

Louis looks at Harry, waiting, no hoping for something.  But he watches Harry's gaze fall to his feet.

"What I am?" Louis raises his voice

"I mean come on Tomlinson, I knew you were a little too flamboyant when we first met but I put it aside considering you were with El.  But now I see what a disgusting faggot you are, and you think you can _corrupt_ our star player here, convincing him 'gay is okay.' and-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE." Liam steps into Max's face, and Louis eyes again go to Harry's who still is looking at his feet.  Louis so mad, he's shaking, Liam isn't even that close to Louis and **_he_ ** is standing up for him.

Max raises his hands up and takes a step back, still smirking.

"I'll leave, but Styles if you come back next season a twink I swear I'll-"

"What part of get the fuck out of here do you not understand." Liam literally growls

Louis eyes don't leave Harry's still body.  He can't look away, he can't process the hurt, the pain, the betrayal he's feeling. When Max walks away Liam looks at him and starts blurting out apologies and how not to listen to him and how he's sorry if he overstepped his boundaries and it's everything Louis wished Harry was saying.  But Harry is standing like a fucking statue, still staring at his fucking feet and Louis doesn't know if he wants to cry or scream.  Liam must see that Louis doesn't want to even speak about what happens so instead he suggest going back to their room and play some FIFA.  Liam really knows something wrong when Louis declines the offer, saying he has somethings he has to do back at his place.  Louis doesn't miss the look Harry gives him at that moment, and Louis doesn't acknowledge it either.  He just nods at Liam and says goodbye, walking away and not sure if when he comes back things will be the same.

-

Louis ignores Harry's consistent texts and calls the rest of that day, night and the next morning.  Louis has Zayn tell Harry that Louis doesn't feel well and isn't up for visitors when Harry stops by later that day.  When Zayn comes in the room trying to get Louis to explain what happened Louis only hugs his pillow firmer and squeezes his eyes tighter.  Zayn gets the message and gives a supportive squeeze to his shoulder and shuts his door.  Louis really tries to stop the tears but he can't help feeling so let down.  He wasn't asking for Harry to out himself, he wasn't asking him to punch Max out and get expelled.  He was just hoping for some sort of defense, or reaction or care.  But instead he was too concerned about himself, and his image that he dismissed what a good friend, let alone boyfriend should do.  Louis gets himself to stop crying after a good twenty minutes of choked sobs.  He knows Zayn can hear him and he loves him so much for not coming in.  Louis hates anyone seeing him cry.  So instead he shuts him phone off and closes his eyes trying to forget those green eyes that have shattered his heart into oblivion.

-

"I fucked up." Harry says almost immediately when Liam and him get to his room

"Yeah you did" Liam says flatly

"I just- I froze Liam... I don't know what happened I just couldn't speak." Harry frantically explains

"I know." Is all Liam says

"Are you mad too?" Harry asks concerned

"No...just- I saw the look on Louis face as it was happening, as he realized you weren't going to do anything and it just- it made me realize that what just happened is bigger than you're insecurities." Liam explains softly

Harry's eyes start to water as he realizes he fucked up more than he thought. He sits on his bed and puts his head in his hands.  Liam leaves to go to his next class and when he comes back two hours later Harry is in the same position.

"I feel so bad." Is the first thing Harry says

"Then go see him." Liam suggests

Harry practically jumps at the idea, grabbing his wallet and cellphone running out, but not before thanking Liam.

-

When Harry comes back just 15 minutes after leaving, Liam knows this isn't going to be good.  Harry doesn't say anything but Liam doesn't miss the red puffiness to his eyes or the small sniffles leaving his nose.  He climbs into his bed and pulls the covers over him, hiding himself.  Liam knows he needs a good cry, so he tells Harry he's going to meet Sophia and closes the door.  At that moment when the door closes, Harry sits up and punches his pillow repeatedly. 

"Why am I so stupid?" he asks himself as he punches it

"Why am I such a fuck up?"

"Why didn't I do anything?"

His vision gets blurrier and blurrier as his endless insecurities come arise.  He's practically unable to see when his last one comes out;

"Why did I fall so in love?"

-

It's Friday night and Louis still won't speak to Harry.  He skipped work and classes, still cooped up in his room.  Zayn keeps trying to get him to get out and at least watch TV with him, but Louis has gone from being sad to absolutely pissed off, so at that request from Zayn Louis completely goes off on him for god knows what and Zayn only shakes his head, grabs his keys and cigarettes and leaves.  Leaving a very pissed off and lonely Louis by himself.  Harry is no different, he's been on edge since Liam came back from Sophia's in the morning.  He went to classes but couldn't pay attention, all he kept doing was seeing if Louis at least read his messages.  

He didn't.

-

Saturday comes and Liam and Zayn must have enough of it because each of them swap.  Liam goes to Louis and Zayn goes to Harry, each trying to get something to happen.  Everyone knows it's more on Louis end to try to fix things but Louis is hurt stubborn and completely disappointed, unsure on how to even speak to Harry.  Harry just cries when he sees Zayn, immediately asking how Louis is.  When he sees the sad eyes Zayn gives him after asking that question, he falls into full blown hysterics, crying and screaming about what a fuck up he is. Zayn tries to reason with him, but after Harry explains to him what happened, considering Louis wouldn't, Zayn gets why Louis is the way he is and gets why Harry is so upset with himself.

"He just needs time I think." Zayn says once Harry calms down

"I'll give him all the time he needs... I just- I want him to at least text me or call me and say he's okay.  That we're okay."

"I don't think he's ready to do that." Zayn says softly, not wanting to upset Harry further

But it does just that, Harry a complete wreck once again.  He asks Zayn to leave, telling him he just wants to be alone for a little, Zayn agrees and gives him a hug telling him he'll try to talk to Louis.  After Zayn leaves, and after Harry gets another good cry out he reaches for his phone, not to call or text Louis this time but someone else.  Someone he knows will listen to him.

His phone rings twice before they pick up.

"Harry?"

"Mom" his voice cracks, giving away everything

"Aw, baby what's wrong?"

"Mom, I fucked up" he cries

"What happened? Are you okay? Do you want me to come and get you?"

Harry doesn't even think, "yes please." he croaks

So that is how Harry ends up going home for the weekend, only sending a quick text to Liam and Louis.  Not that Louis will care, or notice, but just in case there's a small chance he needs Harry he at least knows where he is.  When Anne arrives, Harry jumps into the passenger seat and throws his bag into the back, when he looks at his mom he gives her a watery smile.

"Oh sweetie" she leans over and hugs him tightly

"Thank you for getting me" he says, voice raspy from his constant sobbing

"Of course" she pulls back, wiping his blotchy tear stained cheeks

She doesn't ask him what happens just yet and Harry is grateful because he doesn't know how exactly he will explain this without outing himself.  But after all that has happened, maybe he deserves the anxiety and fear that's welling in his chest.  Maybe he deserves the throbbing pain in his head from all the crying, maybe it'll compare to the amount of pain and hurt Louis is feeling.  Harry knows he deserves this, he knows that this was eventually going to happen.  He just never expected to feel this scared of Louis ending things with him, because he truly never expected to be this into someone.  To be this in love...


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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When they finally arrive to Harry's house two hours later, Harry mumbles about being too tired to get into it all just yet.  The truth is, he's wide awake and doesn't even know if he'll get any sleep tonight, but he's buying himself time.  Time to figure out how he's going to completely pull a 180 on his mother and tell her he's gay.  When Anne kisses him goodnight and goes into her bedroom, Harry locks his door and texts Gemma.

H: 'At home...Louis won't speak to me'

A minute later there's a response.

G: 'What did you do?'

H: 'I fucked up'

G: 'Clearly, how bad?'

H: 'Very very bad.  Max from the team, was making homophobic comments to him and I just stood there.  Liam even chimed in and told him to fuck up but I couldn't'

G: 'Why couldn't you?'

H: 'I just froze... I didn't want to out myself I guess'

G: 'That's fucked up.'

H: 'I know, thanks'

G: 'So why are you home?'

H: 'Because it happened Thursday morning and it is now 1 AM on Saturday and he won't speak to me and I panicked and called mom.'

G: 'Did you tell her what happened?'

H: 'No but I'm going to have to tomorrow'

G: 'Do you know what that means?...'

H: 'That I have to tell her I'm gay and possibly still dating Louis, yeah I know. That's why I'm texting you'

G: 'It'll be fine H, if anything I'd be more worried about Louis.'

H: 'I know... I am.'

G: 'Go to sleep, tomorrow's going to be stressful enough'

H: 'Goodnight Gem'

G: 'Goodnight idiot'

Harry sleeps for an hour and a half that night

-

He's sitting at his kitchen table alone when his mother comes down in her robe.  When she sees him, she gives him a small smile but he doesn't miss the concerned look in her eyes. 

"How'd you sleep?" she asks

"Fine" he shrugs

She nods and walks over to the hot water Harry boiled and makes herself a cup of tea, sitting across the table from Harry.

"So" She starts

Harry sighs, bringing his knees up to his chest.

"I did something stupid- actually no, my lack of action is what is stupid" he says

Anne looks at him confusedly

"Me Liam and Louis were walking across campus after morning classes on Thursday and Max, from the team, calls out to me.  Me and Max actually don't get along too well, and so I knew he was going to start shit.  Anyways he comes over and is making small talk when he tells Louis he knows someone 'like him.'  Meaning...gay, because he's gay."  Harry stutters, "So anyways, Max continues making homophobic comments towards Louis, who is fuming by the way, and I just stood there.  Mom I literally stood there looking at my feet and Louis kept looking at me, waiting for me to say something and I just couldn't because I I-" Harry cuts himself off, letting out a shaky breathe

"Because why sweetie?" She asks, clearly concerned at his hesitation

"BecauseIdidn'twanttooutmyself" he says to quickly

"What?"

Harry sighs, "because I didn't want to out myself." he says staring at Anne, watching as the words slowly start to sink in.  He watches the endless emotions flashing across her face, it takes her at least three minutes before speaking.

"You're gay?" she asks, no disgust or anger in her voice, only confirming

Harry nods, gulping.

"Why didn't- how long have you known?" She asks still shocked

"Eleven" is all Harry says

He watches her eyes well up with tears and he can't stop his from doing so too.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asks

"I didn't want to admit it.  I was so scared... Louis the one who finally got me to accept it, he was the first person to know."

Realization flashes across Anne's face, "you and Louis are-"

Harry nods, crying now.  "He hates me, he won't answer any of my calls or texts and when I went to see him he had Zayn, his roommate tell me to leave." he sobs into his knees

Anne runs over and hugs him, letting him cry into her chest. 

"Oh sweetie, he doesn't hate you, he's just hurt."

"No, he hates me.  He's been angry before, but this is different.  He has no problem telling anyone how he feels, but he won't even speak to me." Harry sobs

"I think that you just need to give him the weekend to think, and on Monday when you go back you go right up to him and talk."

Harry nods, nuzzling his head into the crook of Anne's neck.  

"I love you baby, and I'm so proud of you for telling me." she whispers

"I love you too," he says shakily into her neck

"You love him too don't you?" she asks, 

He nods into her neck, not being able to speak due to the loud sob that comes out instead.

-

It's 4 on Sunday and Harry knows his mom is right when she says that they have to leave now but he just doesn't know if he can face everything yet.

"It'll be fine" Anne says for the millionth time

Harry sighs finally standing from the couch, which has been where he spent almost all of the weekend.

"I'm just nervous." he says

"That's understandable, but just because you're nervous doesn't mean you shouldn't still speak to him."

"I know"

They get into the car and Harry arrives back at campus at 6:30.  He walks into an empty room which he expected.  Liam is probably out for dinner, but Harry can't eat. His stomach feels like it's in his throat and he just wants it to be Monday so he can see Lou.

-

Monday comes and Harry wishes it was Sunday again.  He's been jittery all day, he went to his classes and is now making his way over to Louis'.  He knows he won't be home for another hour but that also means that he's going to have to see Harry when he does come home.  What Harry was not expecting was for Zayn to be walking out the same time Harry was walking into their complex.

"Hey you're back" Zayn says, pulling out a cigarette

"Got back last night."

Zayn nods, "you know he's not here right now right?"

"That's why I came, because he'd have to see me when he comes back."

Zayn nods again, "or he could walk past you and slam the door in your face." he says simply

 _Fuck_.

Zayn must see the look of horror on Harry's face at that possibility, "or I could just let you in now and when he comes in you will be there"

"But if he walks out?" Harry asks

"He's going to eventually have to come back." Zayn lets out a puff of smoke

Harry launches himself at Zayn, hugging him tightly

"Thank you thank you thank you" he whispers

"Don't mention it" Zayn shrugs, pulling away, "I was sick of him being moody anyways"

Zayn turns around and walks into their building, Harry following. He let's Harry in explaining that he has to leave and go to some lecture for four hours but by the time he comes back he wants all this fixed."

"I'll try" Harry says

Zayn smiles, "I know you will"

-

Harry's making a cup of tea when he hears the front door open and slam shut. He freezes in his spot, knowing Louis can't see him from where he is by the front door.  Harry can hear him walking around the living room.

"Zayn?" Louis asks, seeing if he's home

"No" Harry says weakly

He hears Louis footsteps stop.  

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks, shock clear in his voice.  The two of them still not able to see each other.

"Zayn let me in" Harry says shakily

"Fucker" He hears Louis whisper

Harry walks around the wall blocking him from Louis and when he sees Louis standing in the middle of the living room staring at him he doesn't know what to do.  The two of them just look at each other for a minute or two until Harry breaks the silence.

"Hi."

"You came here, convinced my best mate to let you in so you can fucking say hi?" Louis spits

Harry flinches at his tone, "no- I... I came here to apologize." 

Louis sighs and sits on the armchair furthest from Harry, "then do it." he says emotionless, pretending not to care

Harry nods, and runs a shaky hand through his hair, trying to calm down before making himself look like a total ass.

"Any day" Louis snaps

Harry gulps, "I'm really sorry Lou.  I know I should've said something, but I was too scared, too much of a coward-"

"That's for sure" Louis interjects

Harry nods, "I understand you're mad, I'd be too. I just really-"

"I'm not just mad Harry, I'm fucking hurt.  Do you know how it felt to not only be torn down by some ass hat but have you, my best friend, my _boyfriend_ just stand there and let it happen?" 

Harry's eyes begin to well up, and he digs his nails into his palms.   _Don't cry, this isn't about you.  It's about Louis._

"I'm so sorry Lou, truly I am...I don't know how to explain to you how sorry I am.  Please don't hate me, please, I don't know what I'd do." Harry tries to ignore the way his voice cracks at the end

Louis looks down, playing with the hem of his sweater. "I don't hate you" he mumbles

Harry's eyes widen, "you don't?"

"No... I'm just disappointed." he sighs

Harry walks closer, "I know and I'm never going to let that happen again.  This means too much to me, _you_ mean too much to me."

"I thought you gave up" Louis practically whispers

"What?"

"When you went home... I thought you gave up, that you didn't care anymore." he won't meet Harry's eyes

"That's the complete opposite reason I went, I cared so much that I was driving myself crazy, I needed to go home, I thought I needed to give you space."

"You did, I just was worried."

"I came out to my mom" Harry blurts

Louis head snaps up and he stares at Harry wide eyed, mouth hanging open.  Harry just nods, 

"She asked me why I came home and I was explaining what happened and there really wasn't a way around it, but I also knew that I just had to do it.  She was great, I mean obviously there were tears," he laughs "but she was so understanding and it was her who gave me the courage to come here and speak to you."

Louis is still staring at him, shock not leaving his face.

"Unless you...unless you don't want to continue because-"

Louis snaps out of it then, "of fucking course I want to continue you doof" he stands up and meets Harry halfway, harshly connecting their lips.  He kisses him rough and passionately and Harry absolutely loves it, 

"I missed this" he whispers against their lips

"Shut up" Louis responds, pushing Harry onto the couch and straddling him

They kiss for what feels like forever but ultimately is ten minutes and Louis is grinding down on Harry's fully hard length with his equally as hard. He hears Harry mumble something as they kiss but he doesn't fully understand what he's saying.  He pulls back and latches his lips onto the younger boys neck.

"What'd you say?" Louis asks, nosing Harry's jaw

Harry moans, and lets out a shaky breathe, 

"I said I'm ready." 

Louis freezes and slowly moves to meet Harry's gaze.

"You...what?" he asks dumbly

"I'm ready Lou," Harry smiles

"Fuck" is all Louis says before smashing their mouths together again

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENT


	34. Chapter 34

"Are you sure?" Louis asks, after pulling apart again

Harry nods, pupils blown

"Bedroom now." Louis says standing up, his erection clearly evident even in his sweats

He pulls Harry into his room and locks the door. Turning around and facing Harry who's already on the bed pulling his shirt over his head.  Louis just stands there for a moment, admiring him.  When Harry sees him staring, his whole body flushes and he starts fidgeting. Louis smiles, and climbs onto the bed with Harry who immediately goes for the hem of Louis shirt, pulling it over his head.  They both stare at each other for a second before Harry slowly leans in connecting their lips, putting his arm on either side of Louis head.  Louis ends up laying down as Harry slowly kisses him, arms holding him up.  Louis reaches for the button on Harry's pants and when he doesn't sense any hesitation from Harry he undoes them, pulling both his jeans and briefs down together at once.  He gets them to his knees and Harry kicks them the rest of the way off, along with his socks.  Louis grabs a hold of Harry's throbbing length and Harry whines into his mouth.  Louis smiles at the reaction, and releases Harry from his hand only to tug down his pants as well.  It's easier and quicker considering he's wearing sweats and when he kicks them off entirely realization sets in on what's about to happen.

"Harry?" he asks, pulling apart and looking at Harry dead in the eyes

"Yeah" Harry whispers, his eyes are practically black and his lips are swollen and red

"Are you sure?" Louis asks again

"Yeah, I want this" is all Harry says and Louis is shocked at how Harry is the calm one

"Do you know how you want it?" he asks

Harry looks at him confusedly

"Who do you want to bottom and who do you want to top?" Louis explains

Harry's whole face heats up and he clears his throat. 

"I uh-I hadn't thought of it" Harry says 

Louis looks at him completely shocked,

"Well I mean I thought of doing it, but I don't know.  I mean I've only ever been with girls and topped so I don't know if I'd like being a bottom.  But I want to try it at some point." Harry elaborates, face still flushed

Louis smiles softly, "why don't you top this time alright?" 

Harry nods and leans down again to connect their lips.  This time he lowers his hips to meet Louis and they both let out loud moans when their hard lengths connect.

"Fuck" they both say when they pull apart

"Stuff's in my bedside table" Louis instructs

Harry clumsily climbs off Louis, leaning over to open the drawer to get a condom and the lube that's sitting next to it.  As he's bent over he feels a sting on his right bum cheek and let's out a squeak.  Harry quickly turns around to see Louis smirking at him, giving him a small wave.  Harry practically growls, dropping the lube and condom next to him on the mattress before jumping on Louis and kissing him roughly this time.  He grabs onto Louis cock and pumps a handful of times before Louis starts withering and squirming.

"Harry if you keep going I'm going to come" he pants

Harry stops abruptly and sits up, his own cock already leaking.  Louis eyes the lube next to Harry's thigh and when Harry picks it up, Louis can finally see the nerves take over Harry in the way his hand is shaky erratically.  Louis grabs the bottle with one hand and grabs Harry's shaky hand with the other.

"Hey" he whispers "it's okay"

Harry nods, "I don't...I've never prepped a guy before" his cheeks the darkest shade of red

Louis only smiles, "have you tried to do it to yourself?" he asks

Harry looks down, "I was too nervous" he says embarrassed

"That's fine love, I can show you how if you want."

Harry looks at him wide eyed, 

"To me of course, I'll open up myself and you can watch if you want" Louis suggests

Harry never thought the idea of a guy sticking his fingers up his own ass would turn him on so much but just imagining it makes him come.  Literally.

Louis is shocked to say the least.  He watches as Harry comes down from his high and gives Louis a sheepish smile.

"I'm guessing you want" Louis laughs

Harry joins and pulls Louis in for a quick kiss before Louis pulls back and slides back a little so that he can prop himself up on his knees.  He grabs the lube and Harry watches intensely as Louis coats his fingers a good amount before bringing his finger to his hole with one hand, as he holds his cheeks apart with the other.  He circles around the rim for a little, teasing himself and Harry grabs his own length which is already beginning to harden again.  He pumps himself as he watches Louis face when he sinks in the first finger, and he swipes his thumb over his leaking head when Louis adds a second.  

"I'm scissoring myself now," Louis says hoarsely "opening myself up for you"

Harry lets a whine out from the back of his throat and after Louis feels like he's opened up enough he pulls out slowly, and reaches for the condom to hand to Harry.  Harry takes it with shaky hands still and after several failed attempts to open it he pulls a page out of a porn stars book and rips it open with his teeth, which earns a laugh from Louis. He puts it on himself quickly and when he reaches for the lube to coat himself, Louis grabs it instead.

"I'll do it, since my ass is different than a vagina, we use a lot more lube so I want to show you." he explains

Harry nods, and watches as Louis heavily coats the latex with a good amount of lubricant.  

"All good." Louis says

Harry nods, and lets out a shaky breathe.  Eyes meeting Louis',

"I know I keep asking, but are you sure?"

Harry gulps hard, "yeah-I am...just nervous"

"Don't be" Louis says

"I want to be good" Harry says awkwardly, clearly embarrassed 

Louis heart swells, "Haz everything you do, that we do together is the best I could ask for"

Harry nods and runs a hand through his disheveled hair, 

"How do you want me?" Louis asks

"Huh?"

"Do you want me on my back, on my front, hands and knees?"

"I- I don't know... I want to see you" Harry admits

Louis smiles and lays down, putting a pillow under his hips.

"Ready when you are" Louis says softly 

Harry sits there for a moment, completely overwhelmed and anxious.  Louis instantly puts a hand on Harry's thigh and rubs soothing circles, trying to calm him down.

"We don't have to-"

"Yes, we do.  I want to, I'm fine" Harry says firmly

"Yes sir" Louis laughs, trying to ease the tension Harry is feeling

Harry smiles lightly and leans down.  He grabs his length and lines it up with Louis hole, looking at Louis the second it catches. He pushes in slowly and nuzzles his face into the crook of Louis neck, when he's all the way in he waits for Louis to give him the okay to move.  A minute later, he hears a small 'I'm good' and he pulls out a little.  When he pushes back in he can't help but notice the contrast in the level of pleasure that this right here is giving him compared to any of the girls he's been with combined.  Harry starts to build a rhythm, and his moans and sounds of pleasure mix with Louis'.

There's a sheen of sweat building between the two Harry can feel Louis nails digging into his back, forming crescent shaped indents and hisses at the small sting of his nails scraping his back, but he absolutely loves it.  He loves the way Louis lets out these small sounds almost every time Harry flicks his hips up a certain way, gently hitting his prostate.  Harry loves the way a chain of incoherent words fall out of Louis mouth throughout the whole experience, never a quiet moment.  Harry keeps moving his hips at slow speed, trying to take in every second of this whole entire time.  

_Why did I wait so long to do this?_

"I don't know" Louis responds, Harry not even realizing he said it out loud. 

"M'close" Louis says a minute later, whining when Harry connects their lips.

Harry hums in agreement, swallowing all the tiny grunts and moans coming from Louis.  When Louis comes Harry pulls back and watches in awe as Louis flushed face takes in the pleasure. It's not long until Harry comes too, letting out a shout, then moaning and collapsing into the crook of Louis neck, kissing all along it and his collarbones.  He doesn't pull out right away and Louis doesn't comment, they both just lay there breathing deeply and a whole new sense of connection filling them up.

When their eyes meet it's like a whole new feeling of admiration for each other, the small on both of their faces is sure to stay there for the rest of their lives because neither of them have ever felt this before.  

"You were amazing" Louis whispers, after Harry pulls out and throws away the condom into the bin next to the bed.

"You were amazing" Harry says back, smiling and kissing Louis jaw

"How'd it feel? Was it different?" Louis asks

"Yes, so much different...but so much better Lou. " Harry says softly into Louis ear

Louis squirms due to Harry's breathe tickling him. They're quiet for a second when they hear movement from outside the door,

Harry looks at Louis confusedly before Louis shouts ,"who's there?"

"Me you fuckers" Zayn says 

"I thought your lecture was four hours?" Harry asks

"They let us out early... I actually wish they didn't now though" They hear the smirk in his voice

"Fuck off" Louis laughs

"I would say the same to you, but it seems you already have"

Harry groans and hides his face into Louis, "you're just jealous" Louis laughs

"Might say I am considering I've never come that hard compared to how Harry must have due to how loud he was" Zayn laughs

Louis looks down to see a tomato faced Harry hiding himself further into Louis, but he can still see the smile spreading on his face.

"I'm fucking ace in bed." Louis says

Zayn laughs and says he's leaving and not to do shit in his room.

When Louis looks down again he is met with green eyes and a shit eating grin.

"You are."

Louis smirks and kisses his boyfriend. 

 


	35. Chapter 35

Louis wakes up with two arms around his waist, his back against Harry's front.  He smiles, the previous nights memories flooding his mind.  He doesn't want to get up quit yet so he lays there, taking in the warm feeling he has in his stomach from Harry. The subtle yet present ache in his bum, and the tender skin from Harry's teeth all over his body only makes the night more present in Louis mind.  He couldn't ask for me; he doesn't even care about the physical aspect of it, to Louis it was more than sex.  It was more than a strong orgasm, it was more than a good fuck.  It was deep, it was intimate and special and endearing and perfect.    _He was so perfect, he is so perfect._   _This feels so real, this feels so raw.  This feels like what love sounds like._

_I may just be in love._

_-_

When Louis wakes up again it's to green eyes looking at him.  Harry's arm is still holding Louis, but this time he's holstered up by the other, looking down at now a very sleepy and happy Louis.

"Hi" Louis whispers, the silence seeming too loud to break

"Hi" the sweet sweet smile on Harry's face makes Louis heart swell

"Hi" Louis says again, smiling fondly

"You said that already," Harry laughs softly, eyes twinkling down at Louis

"I know"

Harry's eyes look all over Louis face, the stupid smile still on his face and his eyes still full of sleep, "you're so beautiful" he says

Louis snorts, breaking the intimacy of the moment and shakes his head fondly, "shut up"

"I will not" Harry mocks hurt, "you are Louis. So beautiful, it was the first word that came to my head when I saw you, and still is." Harry admits

"That's not what I remember Mr. 'Dick's are Ugly'" Louis laughs, smirking at the way Harry's eyes widen and his cheeks flush

"Shut up, I was in denial" Harry whines

"Well since you clearly are not now, what do you think about them currently?"

"I can't speak for all cocks in the world, but I must say yours is quite impeccable." Harry grins leaning down to connect their lips

Louis squeals, pulling back "morning breathe" is all he says, crinkling his nose

"Oh you mean this" Harry breathes obnoxiously into Louis face

Louis screams and pushes Harry off of him, fake gasping for air

"I'm dying I'm dying! I can't breathe! That's fucking toxic!" 

Harry lets out a loud sound that must've been intended to be a laugh, but the way it came out sounded more like an animal noise. He slaps a hand over his mouth, eyes wide.  Louis falls onto the bed, shaking with laughter and the horror on Harry's face.  He's still laughing when Harry grabs a pillow and starts smacking Louis with it.  After he calms down, Louis grabs the pillow from Harry's hands and throws it on the floor.  Harry lays down, and grabs at Louis forearms, pulling him up to sit on his lap.  His eyes widen when he sees Louis wince a bit,

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks quickly

Louis smiles, nodding "just sore" he says, waiting for it to sink in for Harry

Louis knows the moment Harry's eyes widen and his cheeks turn light pink that he realized.  

"From last night?" he asks dumbly

"From last night." Louis confirms

"When we had sex?" Harry can't help the smile forming on his lips

"Yes Harold, when we had sex" Louis laughs

"Good sore I hope."

"Perfect sore, perfect reminder of you and your lovely cock." he smirks

Harry slaps his chest, before reaching over to grab his phone off the bedside table, realizing he has class in an hour. He groans

"What time is it?" Louis asks

"9:15" Harry rubs his hands over his face

"Wanna play hookie?" Louis wiggles his eyebrows

"Really?"

"Why not? I saw we deserve it, after the weekend we had."

Harry's heart clenches when reminded of the terrible weekend they both endured.

"I'm really sorry" he reminds Louis sadly, looking down

"Hey," Louis grabs his jaw making Harry look at him "it's okay now, we're passed that."

"I know, I just- I feel bad still." Harry sighs, running a hand through his messy hair

Louis grabs his hands from his hair, and replaces them with his own.  Tugging, _hard_. Harry groans at the action, his hips immediately thrusting up to get some sort of friction.

"Then let me make you feel good." Louis smirks

"Yes do please." Harry mumbles incoherently

Louis does just that.

-

Harry ends up going to his second class that day at 1, Louis sighing saying he had to go to Sociology anyway.  Harry now knowing that that means work, he sighs knowing that Louis is still too indignant to admit it to Harry.  Harry now knowing he'll be home sooner than Louis, decides to run to the market on campus and get some supplies for the night.  

-

Louis walks in at around 4:30, throwing his bag onto the couch.  He stills at the smell of actual food being cooked in his apartment, something that has never happened.  He quickly walks into the kitchen to see Harry seasoning something.

"Um, what's going on?" Louis asks shocked

Harry turns around, surprised, not knowing Louis was home yet.  He smiles when he sees the look on Louis face. 

"I made us dinner, go sit down.  It's about to be ready."  Harry points to the already set coffee table in front of the couch.

"You made dinner?"

"Chicken Florentine" Harry smiles

"Are you even human?" Louis asks, walking over to the table

Harry doesn't answer, just laughs and fills their plates.  Setting them down in front of Louis and running into the kitchen to grab their glasses of wine.

"Wine too? Are you proposing?" Louis jokes

"You caught me" Harry mocks disappointment

Louis laughs, and takes a bite of the chicken; moaning.

"Fuck Harry, this is amazing." he praises

Harry nods, swallowing his own bit.  "Thanks, I wanted to do something for you."

"For us." Louis corrects

"Us." Harry smiles

They eat in silence for a couple of minutes, taking in the moment. 

"So you're birthday's in three weeks." Louis says

Harry looks up at him, smiling. "How'd you know?"

"Oh so you're going to pretend you didn't put it in the calendar app on my phone then?" Louis smirks

Harry blushes and shakes his head, "I did no such thing.  You can't prove anything."

"I think the several frog and banana emoji's are proof enough." Louis laughs, "so what do you want?"

Harry shakes his head, "I'm good really, don't get me anything please." Harry normally wouldn't care if someone got him something or not, but now knowing Louis situation he doesn't want him fussing over something as small as a birthday present.

"I want to get you something though." Louis pouts

"Do not get me anything Tomlinson, you being here is enough."

"I am pretty spectacular I know." Louis smirks

Harry throws a piece of chicken out Louis face, which scrunches up in response.  Louis leans in and gives Harry a short chaste kiss on the lips.

"Mmmm, I taste the wine on your lips." Louis smiles

"Pinot, your favorite."

"Way to make me sound like a man, Styles." Louis laughs

Harry puts down his glass, and sits up on his knees, leaning into Louis. "I know how to make you _feel_ like a man." he whispers in his ear

"Yeah?" Louis asks breathlessly

"Yeah" Harry says as his teeth scratch at the base of Louis neck.

He shows Louis _exactly_ what it's like to feel like a man for the rest of the night.


	36. Chapter 36

"Honestly Harry I'm fine," Louis whines into the pillow

"You're not fine! You've been coughing all morning and you sound congested, I think you're getting a cold."  Harry argues, pushing Louis hair out of his face

Louis goes to fight back, but he ends up going into a sneezing fit, which results into a coughing fit.  Five minutes later, Louis is on his back, hands on his face and groaning.

"Scratch what I said before, I actually think I'm dying."

Harry laughs, "there's the dramatic Louis I know" 

"Shut up Styles, I have to go to the store and get some medicine." Louis sits up

Harry pushes back so he's laying back down on the bed, but this time with a confused look.

"What are you-"

"You are not getting out of bed.  I'll go to the store, get you some medicine and then go to the Chinese place on campus and get you some soup, yeah?"

Louis smiles, "you don't have to do that."

"I want to," Harry leans in and kisses Louis forehead 

"Text me if there's anything else you want." Harry says, leaving the apartment

-

Harry is in the convenient store on campus searching through the medicine section when he hears someone clear their throat.  He looks up to find a tall, skinny, beautiful girl smiling politely at him.

"Hi I'm Eleanor, are you looking for anything specific?" She asks sweetly

Harry smiles, "yeah actually you can.  My b-friend is uh, sick and I don't know what to get him.  I think it's a cold." 

"Let's see," She bends down looking throughout the shelves, quickly grabbing a few bottles. "So sneezing, congestion and headache I'm assuming?"

"He's been sneezing, coughing and sounds congested, but he hasn't mentioned a headache.  I can call him though, if that's alright?" 

Eleanor nods and smiles, looking through the shelves as Harry calls Louis.

"Hey Lou, I'm at the store and some of the medicine is for headaches too and you never mentioned one so should I get it?" 

"Yeah, my head feels foggy so you might as well."

"Alright, see you in a bit"

"Bye love."

Harry hangs up, not aware of the stupid smile on his face or Eleanor looking at him.

"He said that we should go with the headache one as well."

"Oh-alright." Harry watches the smile fall off of her face as she sets the other boxes down

"Thank you Eleanor" Harry says when she hands him the bottle they decided on

He goes to turn away, walking over to the candy isle to get some snacks for Louis.

"Wait!" he hears, seeing Eleanor walking back over to him

"Did I forget something?" Harry looks at him confusedly

"No no..that's not it. I just- on the phone, you're friend, his name is Lou?"

"Yeah Louis? Why?"

"What's his last name? Louis'?" She asks quietly

"Tomlinson..." Harry looks at her questionably, but then that moment he remembers Eleanor's name realization kicks in

"You're Eleanor Calder." Harry says 

"I am...he told you about me?" She asks, clearly caught off guard

"I uh-yeah he mentioned you once or twice." Harry stutters, not knowing what to say

"Oh...okay.  How is he?"

"He's good, sick right now." Harry smiles, holding the bottle up

She laughs softly, and looks down cheeks red.  

"I didn't realize you two were friends," she says all of the sudden

Harry furrows his eyebrows, clearly confused that Eleanor knows him

"I have friends on the football team, you've been mentioned once or twice by them and also considering you're a very good player I've heard of you from around campus." Eleanor explains

"Oh, yeah.  Max mentioned you guys hung out when you and Lou were..."

"When we were together." she finishes

"Yeah" Harry looks away awkwardly

It's silent for a minute or two, neither knowing exactly what to say.  Harry feels weird standing there with Louis ex girlfriend considering he's Louis boyfriend, but he feels even weirder because Eleanor doesn't know that.

"Is it true?" She asks so quietly Harry wasn't even sure she asked

"Is what-"

"That he's gay." She interrupts, looking at Harry with so much emotion

Harry feels his eyes widen, he waits a moment before nodding. Watching all of the emotions and feelings flash across her face.

"I'm sorry" he says, not exactly knowing why he's apologizing

"Don't, it's okay. I'm happy he's happy." She says smiling at him, but he can still see the hurt in her eyes

"He always says how lovely you were," Harry adds

Eleanor smiles, looking down.  "Thank you, it was nice to finally meet you." she says before walking out of the isle.

Harry lets out a breathe he didn't even know he was holding, he doesn't know how to feel about any of what just happened.  He shakes his head, grabs some gummy bears and heads to check out.

-

He shows up with the medicine and soup 45 minutes later, to Louis flipping through channels on the TV. 

"Hey babe" Louis says, voice thick with congestion

"Hi, how you feeling?"

"Deathly" Louis says, smiling at Harry

"You look pretty hot for death" Harry grins, handing over the soup and placing the pill bottles on the bedside table

"I always look hot" he smirks

"That you do" Harry climbs in next to Louis, kissing his forehead and putting on 21 Jump Street.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your kind words and encouragement throughout this whole story! The more you comment the more I want to write so remember that when you get frustrated I haven't updated

Louis is sick for the next three days, just a cold but he likes to treat it as if he's on his death bed.  Louis usually hated the idea of needing others to take care of him, but the thought of Harry getting him soup and holding him until he was better just made his heart swell.

-

They're in the living room of Louis and Zayn's place with all of the boys.  Niall practically eating the whole extra pie of pizza they had ordered not more than 20 minutes ago.

"I say we go to a party tonight," he says with a mouthful of pizza

"Yeah, I'm up for that" Zayn nods

Liam looks over to Harry who is looking at Louis curiously.  He watches as they seem to be having some telepathic conversation between the two of them; he doesn't know if it is endearing or freaky how well they know each other.

"I'll do whatever" Liam proposes

Louis and Harry continue their secret conversation before Harry looks away, making eye contact with a very knowing Liam.

"It sounds fun, haven't been to one in a while." he says, looking at Louis again

"Yeah, I say we go... Niall will it be at your house or another frat tonight?"

"We're having one tonight, it's supposed to be amazing.  Luke's step dad bought a ton of vodka and shit, plus I know they just got weed from their dealer this morning."

"I haven't smoked in such a long time," Zayn growns, smirking at Louis

Louis nods knowingly, "I know it's been awhile Malik.  Such a shame, maybe we'll give it a go tonight."

"Who'll be the designated driver?" Harry thinks out loud

"I don't mind," Liam says "doubt Sophia's going to want to get to drunk anyways."

Niall jumps up, dusting the pizza crust crumbs from off of his shirt and onto Zayn's jacket on the couch.

"Hey!" Zayn whines

"Oh hush Malik, you'll be wrecking havoc at my place tonight so don't complain." Niall smirks, grabbing his wallet and phone from the kitchen table.  "I'll see you boys in a few hours when I'm hopefully drunk." He grins as he shuts the door

"Gotta love him" Liam smiles

Zayn and Liam start talking about tonight while Louis turns and looks over apprehensively at Harry.

"Are you sure you're okay about tonight?" Louis asks quietly

Harry nods, "it should be fine.  As long as we don't like-act coupley... if that's okay" Harry says awkwardly

"You don't have to worry about that.  I'll behave myself," Louis smiles, rubbing a soothing hand on Harry's thigh. "just I know a lot of the team and you're old friends will be there so I wanted to make sure you were okay with them and being in that environment again." Louis explains

"It should be fine, Max would probably be the only one I'm too concerned about.  Everyone else is pretty cool." Harry pulls at the loose strings at the bottom of Louis sweater

"We'll have a good time," Louis whispers, kissing Harry lightly

"Yeah" Harry smiles and leans into kiss Louis back

-

They've been at Niall's frat house for about 20 minutes and Louis has lost all sightings of Harry.  He knew going into this that they wouldn't be at each other's sides the whole time but he at least thought he'd be able to have some sort of way to see Harry.  But instead he's following Zayn into some random room to meet up with who ever brought the best stuff.  Louis glances at the door every once in a while, hoping to see Harry walk by but he doesn't.  So when Zayn hands Louis his joint Louis can't help but let himself breathe in the euphoric sense.

-

Harry's drunk.  He's sitting on the couch in the crowded living room, with Miranda and Lacy on either side of him.  He's taken at least four shots and is currently drinking sprite and vodka, with very little sprite.  He wasn't planning on getting this wasted but just the flashbacks to the beginning of the year with the parties and drinking got the best of him and he realized he actually sort of missed it.  Harry secretly wishes that it was Louis who was practically draped over him instead of Lacy, but he knows that right now that couldn't happen.  Even in his drunken state, he politely declines all the offers he is getting from girls.  Sweetly letting them down in a way that they don't even realize he is declining them.  He's having a great time, all the guys from the team happy to see him back in his usual crowd, even Liam seems to be enjoying himself.  Harry watched as Liam and Sophia danced jokingly with a few of their other couple friends, and in the moment Harry and Liam made eye contact Harry just raised his cup and smiled. Everything was going fine, he was smiling and laughing and feeling normal, until he sees Louis from across the room.

Harry can tell he's high, besides the fact his eyes are blood shot Harry can see it in his demeanor.  In how he's standing and acting and talking.  And it's not Louis being high that's suddenly put Harry in alert, but it's who Louis talking to.  Harry doesn't know the guy, and it doesn't matter who he is, all he knows is the guy looks like he really wants to know who Louis is.  Harry watches the two of them interact for a few minutes, he watches the guy bend to talk to Louis in his ear because the music is too loud.  He notices how the guy is standing a little too close to Louis and how he's smiling a little too much to be considered friendly.  Harry's eyes are trained on the hand that is running it's way down Louis arm. Harry's blood is boiling.

He stands up abruptly which causes Lacy to fall back onto the couch a little too harshly.  She makes some sound and Harry hears everyone asking where he's going but he doesn't answer, instead he walks over to Louis and whoever that guy is. Louis doesn't see Harry making his way over to him so when Harry suddenly appears at his side he is pleasantly surprised.

"Harold!" he smiles gleefully, Harry realizing Louis is just as drunk as he is high

"Hey Lou" Harry says, sizing up the guy in front of him

"Harold, you've got to meet Drew! Drew this is Harry but I call him Curly sometimes because he has Curly hair, see!" Louis tugs at one of his curls

"I do see," Drew smiles "nice to meet you Harry."

"Yeah you too" Harry practically growls

Drew gives him a confused look and Louis just playfully slaps him on the shoulder

"Did you know Drew is a Lit major like me too?" Louis shouts in Harry's ear

"Oh is he now?"

Drew's eyes flicker between the two of them for a moment before slowly nodding.

"I think I'm going to get a drink, it was nice to meet you two." He says before walking away

"He was nice" Louis smiles, facing Harry now

"Yeah too nice" Harry says, looking away

"Oh don't be so jealous Hazza" Louis mock pouts

"I'm gonna go back over there" Harry says emotionlessly, pointing to the couch

Louis gives him a confused look but doesn't argue, instead he nods and turns away making his way back to the room he left Zayn is, hoping he's still there.

-

It's been two hours since the Drew incident and honestly Louis just wants to leave.  His buzz of being drunk and high has worn off and instead all he wants to do is sleep in his own bed with Harry.  But he knows that is not going to happen considering how drunk and happy Harry is looking right now, surrounded by all of his friends.  He just beat the keg stand record ten minutes ago and the whole house erupted in cheers, shouting Harry's name.  Some of the guys throwing him up and lifting him on their shoulders.  Louis wanted to be happy for him, he really did, but as he watched Harry surround himself more and more with his past Louis wondered if he was beginning to hide himself from his truth again.  When Louis told Zayn he wanted to go home Zayn just nodded and told him he'd get Liam, Louis telling him he'll wait by the car.  As he made his way through the congestion of bodies everywhere Louis ends him tripping into someone.  He smiles when he realized it was Drew he ended up grabbing onto and the two of them laugh at the irony of it.

"You good?" Drew asks in Louis ear

"Yeah, just getting some fresh air" Louis replies

"I can join you if you want" Drew offers, smiling sweetly at Louis

Before Louis can even answer, he feels someone grabbing his arm and pulling him outside.

"What the fu- Harry?" Louis shouts

Harry doesn't answer, just dragging Louis over to where Zayn's car is parked.

"Harry what are you doing? Where are we going?" Louis asks confusedly

When they get to the car Harry opens up the back seat and crawls in, looking at Louis indignantly as he just stands there and not getting in the car.

"Get in the car Lou" he says 

"No, why'd you bring me over here? I was talking to-"

"Drew, I know, you were talking to Drew." Harry snaps

Realization floods Louis, and a smirk creeps on his face.  When Harry looks up to see it his eyebrows furrow and he looks at Louis curiously.

"Why are you smiling like that?" He asks, creeped out

"You're jealous" Louis laughs

Harry's face turns into a scowl, "I'm not jealous Lou.  Get in the car."

"No admit it! You're jealous!" Louis can't contain the smile on his face

"I'm not fucking jealous Louis! Get in the fucking car!" Harry yells

The smile is off of Louis face in a millisecond and he looks at Harry surprised.

"What crawled up you're ass?" he asks angrily

Harry sighs, leaning his head on the window. "Nothing did, just get in the car please."

Louis reluctantly climbs into the backseat, staring at Harry, waiting for some explanation. When one doesn't come Louis sighs.

"Well?" he starts

"Well what?" Harry asks

"Why'd you bring me out here? You seemed to be having fun."

"I was having fun."

"Way to answer the question." Louis laughs

"I just- I don't know Lou. I wanted to see you?" Harry throws his arms up in frustration

"Are you asking or telling me that?"

"Why do you have to be so annoying?" Harry groans

"Well excuse me for fucking wondering why you dragged me in here!" Louis snaps

"Maybe if you didn't flirt with other fucking guys I wouldn't have had to!"

"Me? You think I was flirting with Drew? Are you fucking kidding me? That's rich honestly, because to everyone else I could flirt with Drew or all the other Drews in the world if I wanted to because nobody knows about us, but I didn't fucking do that!"

"Yes you did! Right in front of me!" Harry pulls his hair "You were whispering and giggling and he was fucking petting your arm and I- I couldn't handle it anymore!" Harry's breathing harshly

"None of what he did or said mattered to me though!"

"Well it mattered to me!" Harry says, looking at Louis with wild eyes, "it fucking hurt watching it happen because that should be me flirting with you and charming you in public because you're my fucking boyfriend, not his.   It's not fair because I-I fucking- shit" Harry's head drops down and he rubs at his eyes furiously

"You what?" Louis asks softly

Harry looks up, eyes red and wide and he looks so utterly vulnerable that Louis just wants to squeeze him and tell him it'll be alright.

"I-" He sniffles "I love you Louis" he whispers

Blue meets green and it's like the two of them don't see any colors. It's like they just see the feelings and the passion they have.  They just see the word LOVE written in each other's eyes and the fact Harry just said it out loud now makes every single pulse point in Louis body accelerate.

"Say it again" Louis says

Harry looks at him with so much emotion, before scooting closer and grabbing both of his hands.

"I'm in love with you" he says, watching the smile grow on Louis face

Louis jumps and connects their lips, "I love you I love you I love you" he says back while kissing Harry passionately.

"I lo-"

"There you are! Liam we found them!" Niall shouts, opening the passenger door, totally unaware of the moment he just killed

Louis groans, resting his head in the crook of Harry's neck as all the boys settle into the car.

"Got a love the Irish." Harry jokes

"Not as much as I love you." Louis beams, kissing Harry again

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the feedback I've been getting and the enthusiasm in the comments makes me just as excited to write more. Thank you so much! 
> 
> (PS shout out the Jessy who has commented on almost every one of my chapters, it does not go unnoticed:) )

The rest of the car ride was filled with Harry on Louis and Louis on Harry and a very drunk Niall annoyed that they were on each other as he had to share the back seat with them. They didn't care though, they were on a whole new high. They were in love.

-

Louis ignores the curses and wolf whistles he gets from the other guys as he pulls Harry harshly into his room, locking the door. Its all lips and tongue and teeth and love. _So so so much love_. Harry can't even focus, the stupid smile on his lips hasn't gone away since Louis said it back.

_Louis loves me. I love him. Holy shit._

Harry whines in the moment they have to disconnect to take their shirts off, now on the bed. But the moan that comes after when Louis mouth is back on his and Louis fingers play with his nipples makes up for it all. Harry is panting and withering away and it's driving Louis absolutely mad.

"Fuck Haz," he breathes into his mouth "you look so good for me."

"For you," Harry whines a little too desperately and will be sure to blame the alcohol for it later "only for you Lou."

Louis continues to suck and bite at Harry's neck as his hands fumble with the zipper and button of the younger boy's jeans. The loud noise that comes from the back of Harry's throat as his hard leaking length is sprung free is one that the other boys surely heard and won't forget. But neither of them can bring themselves to care. They're so consumed with each other and each others skin and Harry can't look away from Louis now free cock that is red and dripping and on display for him. _Only him_. It should be unearthly to feel this way, to feel this much. Both of their moans and whines coming together as their heavy groins meet, too overwhelmed with the sensation to do anything but grind down on each other for a moment.

"How do you want me?" Louis asks, voice cracking

"I-I" Harry stutters "I-Lou"

"What-fuck- what is it Haz?"

"Can you be-shit- can you do the fucking?" He asks, ever charming 

_Way to be smooth._

Louis freezes and stares at Harry wide eyed, only to realize Harry's are probably ten times the size of his. They don't say anything for a minute, they just look at each other.

"I love you Lou" Harry says "don't ask if I'm sure or if I'm ready because I am-fuck- I love you so much Lou. I need this." 

Every question Louis was going to ask or any concern he was going to present went out the window at that moment.

"I- okay, alright, lay down over there for me." Louis instructs softly 

Harry crawls onto the open space Lou had pointed to and lays there patiently, watching Louis get a condom and a bottle of lube from the draw. Harry tries to stop the blaring thoughts going on in his head, he hates how everything has to be a struggle.

_Do you really want a dick in your ass?! Don't fucking do it. It's going to hurt so so much. It's wrong._

Harry squeezes his eyes closed and takes long deep breathes, which must get Louis attention because all of a sudden Harry feels light kisses to his cheek and comforting words drowning out his thoughts.

"I'll take it slow H, I promise," Louis whispers "if you want me to stop I will, just say the word, yeah?"

Harry nods and calms himself down, he whipes the already forming beads of sweat off his forehead. He hears a cap opening and his eyes immediately are wide, watching Louis coat his fingers generously, and tries to stop his legs from shaking as Louis settles in between them.

"I'm just gonna open you up a bit, okay?" Louis whispers "you have to be relaxed though."

Harry takes long deep breathes but he can't help but tense up every time Louis finger's come close to ... _there_. The small kisses the older boy is leaving on the insides of his thighs isn't helping either. 

"Loose babe, relax" Louis cooes

Harry's trying so so hard, and the millisecond Louis must must sense Harry is somewhat at ease is when Harry feels it. He feels the tip of a finger in him. It's weird. He's never felt this before, not by himself not from anyone. He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what he's supposed to feel but he knows Louis is watching him and he knows he looks like a complete idiot. 

"Shh, it's okay calm, be calm" Louis soothes

Every moment Harry eases and unclenches is the same moment Louis pushes in just a little more. When Louis forefinger is mostly in he stop and feels just how tight Harry is. _Fuck_. Louis waits a moment just to let Harry adjust and feel what it's like to have something inside of him. 

"I'm gonna move my finger a bit now, okay?"

Harry nods, eyes shut

Louis begins to pull his finger out a bit only to push it in again. He continues this for a minute or two, waiting for Harry to show any sign of pleasure of pain.

"Is this okay?" Louis asks 

"Feels weird" Harry breathes

"Good weird or bad weird?"

"I don't really know"

Louis nods and decides that he probably should add another finger so that he can begin to spread Harry out.

"I'm gonna add a second, are you-"

"Yes just do it." Harry says

Louis smiles at his determination and withdraws his finger to coat the second. He waits again for Harry to relax which comes more easily now, and pushes in extremely slowly.

"You okay?" He asks

"Weirder" Harry laughs breathlessly

"Still don't know if it's good or bad yet?"

Harry opens his mouth as if he's about to answer but in that moment Louis spreads his fingers while inside him and his whole body jumps when he feels it. 

"FUCK" he moans loudly

"Good I'm assuming?" Louis smirks

"Very fuck, shit, oh my god" Harry squirms and pants

Louis smiles and continues spreading and scissoring him open, brushing his prostate every once in a while to get the same reaction. He looks at Harry's red length and licks his lips

"Gonna add a third" Louis informs Harry

And they go through the whole process again, Harry adjusting to the feeling and Louis waiting patiently. After a good ten minutes of opening Harry up Louis knows it's time.

"Haz"

"Mmm" 

"I'm gonna pull out now," Louis says softly

Harry's eyes flutter open and he looks at Louis with a knowing look. 

He clears his throat, "okay" 

Louis removes his fingers from Harry and wipes the excess lube on his sheets. He grabs the condom rapper and rolls it on himself, putting more than enough lube on over it. His eyes meet Harry's again and he watches Harry's nervous eyes glance around Louis body, staring widely at his length at times. Louis knows it's not all from admiration but also nerves of how he's gonna feel.

"I'm not gonna lie, it does hurt a bit at first," Louis admits "and at any given moment you feel it's too much you tell me, okay? I won't mind, I won't love you any less, nothing, just don't push yourself okay?" 

Harry nods, unable to speak.

"Okay, I'd suggest we do hands and knees but I can already tell you'll shut that down." Louis smiles

Harry bites his lip sheepishly.

"Alright so let's prop a pillow under you," Louis informs, grabbing one and settling it under Harry's hips. He makes eye contact with him again while lining himself up, looking for any hesitation. There isn't any.

Louis waits for Harry to relax, he doesn't say anything just let's Harry go at his own pace. When he's more than halfway inside he feels Harry clench hard and he tries not to whine to loudly.

"Fuck," he whispers "are you okay?"

Harry nods and bites his lip, eyes shut way too tight. "Go" he instructs, voice weak.

Louis does as told and pushes in the rest of the way. Waiting there and letting Harry adjust. He sees the pain on his face and can tell with the way he's moving his hips he's uncomfortable.

"I can pull out-"

"Don't," Harry interrupts "just getting used to it."

Louis nods and stays still for a good three minutes, arms shaking from holding himself up so long. When Harry finally whispers a broken 'move' Louis let's out a breathe he didn't know he was holding.

He rocks his hips gently and slowly and Harry doesn't have to open his eyes to know that Louis is staring at him. When he starts to thrust more deeply is when Harry feels it again. Only this time more intense. His eyes fly open and the most animalistic sound comes out of him.

"I got it?" Louis smirks knowingly

"I'm gonna smack that smirk off your face" Harry threatens weakly, voice cracking from pleasure

"Or you could kiss it" 

Louis drops his head down and connects there lips, continuously thrusting into Harry's spot and swallowing up all his moans and groans and sounds of pleasure. Louis kisses him as he pants into his mouth that he's close and kisses him more deeply as he comes all over their stomachs. Louis follows not a minute after, collapsing onto Harry's flushed chest. They both have ringing in their ears but they both can agree, past the ringing they hear one thing.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) you're welcome...let me know what you think!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to double update to start the New Year! Hope you all had an amazing holiday and didn't just scroll through twitter mindlessly like I did. Let me know what you're favorite thing that's happened in this story is so far or how you'd like it improved:)
> 
> I would very much appreciate if you all recommended this fic in any way that you can. I constantly look at 'Fic Rec' accounts on twitter (I don't really get how to do tumblr) to see if any one recommended me and I get that there are plenty of other works that should be read before this one, but I'm just always hoping to see mine there. Anyways, hope everyone had a lovely start of the New Year and didn't entirely freak over 'Hendall.'

Louis wakes up to a very disgruntled Zayn banging on his door.  He groans and snuggles in closer to warm body heat of Harry before sitting up and rubbing harshly at his eyes,

"What the fuck?" He snaps, the banging on the door stopping

"You have Sociology today" Zayn says from the other side of the door

Louis eyes widen in realization, "shit fuck" he stands up quickly, his head throbbing slightly from his hangover but the adrenaline of waking up late for "Sociology" overrides it.  He quickly tugs on the t shirt and jeans from the night before. Louis looks over to see Harry still snoring away, only now a small pout on his red, bitten lips.  He smiles and shoots Harry's phone a quick text, telling him where he'll be and that he's sorry for running out while he's sleeping.  And if a small smile forms on his face when he adds an 'i love you' to the end of the message, no one has to know.

When he runs out of his room, he sees Zayn in the kitchen with Liam drinking coffee. 

"Thanks mate" Louis smiles, waving off as he walks towards the door

"Surprised you can talk" Zayn smirks

Louis turns around, and looks at Zayn confusedly.

"Well considering how loud you were last night I mean-"

Louis flips him off and walks out the door, not before moan-shouting 'YES HARRY THERE!'

-

Harry wakes up slowly, sore and alone in bed.  When he realizes Louis isn't with him panic and worry immediately swarm in his chest, so when he grabs his phone to check the time and sees the message Louis had left him, relief fills him and he sighs as he relaxes himself on the bed, remember what had happened the night before.

-

All day Harry has noticed Liam on his phone a lot more than usual since they went back to the dorm later this morning, and it's not that he exactly minds him being on his phone it's just that whenever Liam catches sight of Harry looking at him being on his phone, he panics and brings up the weather so that is kind of why Harry isn't so comfortable with what is going on. 

"Come on just tell me" Harry whines, reaching for Liam's phone

Liam pushes his arm away, "nothing just a fight with Soph." he lies

Harry scowls, "no it's not, whenever those happen you run and read me every message asking how to 'unfuck' this up."

"Well this time is different."

"Obviously, considering you're not fighting with Soph." Harry counters

"Think what you want."

"I will."

"Good." Liam smiles, leaving the room

-

When Harry sees Louis later that night he is quick to pick up on the same behavior from Louis that was going on with Liam.  They're watching Breaking Bad on Netflix, eating popcorn, and the whole time Louis is either shielding his phone and typing what must be a huge paragraph or is glancing at it every second.  After the fourth episode and probably tenth paragraph Harry snaps.

"Who are you talking to?" 

Louis turns his head to look at Harry, "no one?" he acts confused

"Don't lie to me," Harry pouts "why do you keep writing these long messages or looking at your phone?"

"My mom's sick?" Louis questions more than he states, "terrible terrible stomach flu.  Was talking to Lottie about making her better." 

Harry knows he's lying but decides not to question it any further, he just sighs and lays back on his bed, slightly turning his body away from Louis so that he knows he's somewhat frustrated with him.  When he feels Louis scoot over so his head is resting on Harry's shoulder gently, he looks up.

"What?" Harry asks

"I love you" is all Louis says, kissing Harry's shoulder gently

Harry smiles, turning back over, "I love you too"

-

It's two days later, and Louis is laying on Harry's shirtless chest.  They got out of the shower ten minutes prior, and Harry is playing with the not so dry ends of Louis hair.

"You're birthday's next Saturday," Louis says out of no where "so five days."

"Thank you for the update" Harry smiles

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" Louis asks, looking up, blue meeting green

"Well I mean, there's someone I might want" Harry bites at his lip

Louis smirks, "oh and who would that be?"

"I think you know them"

"Oh do I now, can you explain them?"

"Funny, cute, nice ass"

Louis slaps at Harry's chest lightly, "is that all?"

"Well, I'm also undeniably in love with them." Harry's eyes shining as they look down to Louis'

"I think they feel the same." Louis leans up and connects their lips

-

It's the Friday before Harry's birthday and all he wants to do is chill with Louis in his flat, but Louis is persistent they stay in his dorm.

"I don't want to run into anybody though," Harry whines

"I know, I'm sorry it's just Zayn has Perrie over and I promised him he could have the place to himself."

Harry sighs, and lays back down on his stiff small bed.

"Fine" he pouts

"You're room isn't so bad," Louis says crawling on top of Harry and resting his face in the crook of his neck "I remember my first dorm and roommate, that fucking sucked."

"Why what happened?"

"Well, I mean it wasn't all that terrible, he was the one who introduced me to Eleanor, and he was really nice it's just he would say things all the time that would piss me off.  Not direct homophobic shit just some things that kind of got under my skin, and living with him only amplified it.  That's another reason why I mainly hung out in El's room."

Harry sits there, not really sure if he should mention that he met her.  He doesn't want Louis to feel uncomfortable and to be honest he isn't sure how he feels himself.  The whole thing is weird.

"Haz?" Louis asks

Harry looks down at him, "hm?"

"You hadn't spoken in a bit, was worried. What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, nothing important just" here he goes "I kind of ran into Eleanor a little over a week ago."

"Oh"

"Yeah."

"How'd that- who said- I don't know what to say really." Louis admits

Harry laughs lightly, "I didn't really know how or when to bring it up."

"No no that's fine babe, I just never really imagined that happening.  We've practically ignored each other since the break up."

"She's very nice."

"She is"

"And understanding Lou."

Louis looks up at Harry wide eyed, "she knows?" she asks shocked

Harry nods, "she said she was happy that you're happy." he says lightly

"She's too nice" Louis groans in his hands

"Hey don't put yourself down," Harry says "she understood and wasn't angry or hurt don't worry."

"I know, it's just- we dated for two years and we knew each others family's and she was always like, perfect and I just, wasn't." Louis sighs

"Hey, you're perfect to me and don't you ever think other wise" Harry says, looking down at Louis

"I love you" Louis says quietly, Harry knowing he was using that to both end the conversation and to respond to what he had said

"I love you too Louis" Harry smiles, kissing his forehead


	40. Chapter 40

Harry is woken up the best way he can imagine; Louis sucking his dick. Initially he woke up startled, wondering if he came in his sleep due to the wetness but when he looked down to find a cheeky Louis smirking up at him as he sucked at his head Harry collapsed back on his bed with a moan. When he came Louis had moved his way up his body, kissing all over his flushed torso and his red cheeks.

"Happy birthday love," he had whispered in Harry's ear right before nibbling below it.

But that was this morning, now it's two in the afternoon and Louis 'quick class', on a Saturday, has turned into a full fledged 'ignore Harry' mission. Which not only worried the birthday boy but pissed him off.

-

"Why won't he answer me?" Harry asks Liam for the millionth time

"Maybe he's planning a romantic evening or some shit, I don't know" 

"He wouldn't have to ignore me all day to do that."

"I don't know Harry but clearly he doesn't want you to hear from him for a while so why don't we actually do something fun to start off your birthday, you only turn 19 once." Liam smiled

Harry sighed and nodded, throwing on a sweatshirts and beanie, grabbing his wallet and phone, the time reads 3:35 and Harry can't bring himself to care,

"Wanna get pancakes?" He asks

Liam snorts and agrees, putting on a jacket.

They go to a small diner off campus and just hang like they used to. Before Louis. Harry never realized how little time he's spent with Liam in the past four months. Sure he's hung out with him at practice, training and with the boys but now with both Sophia and Louis in the mix the two haven't had the time to be together alone. But times like these Harry's grateful that he knows Liam will be here for him. 

"Happy birthday," Liam raises his glass of water

"Happy fucking birthday to me," Harry nods taking a sip of his coffee 

_Where the fuck is Louis?_

_-_

 

Harry has called Louis phone over 30 times now today and to say that he's pissed is an understatement.

"Who the fuck disappears on their boyfriends birthday?" Harry complains to both Liam and Sophia now, it being 6:30

"Maybe something came up" Sophia proposes

"It better of been important," Harry pouts childishly 

"Aw don't pout," Liam teases "I know how hard it is for you to be away from lover boy."

"Shut up Li or I'll tell Soph about the time you wrote a song about how empty your heart was when she went home for a few days last month. Oh wait woops." Harry smirks

"You wrote a song?" Sophia tries to hold back a laugh

"It was more a poem" Liam grumbles

"It had a chorus and everything" Harry smirks

"Fuck you" 

"I'd rather with Louis but he isn't here." Harry throws an empty Gatorade bottle at the wall 

"Maybe he's-"

Liam's cut off from Harry's phone ringing. He jumps and grabs it off of his bedside table and answers it without even seeing who it's from.

"Hello? Louis?" He asks rushed

"No it's Gemma you ass" his sister says through the line

"Oh"

"Don't be too excited please," Harry can practically hear her rolling her eyes through the phone

"Why are you calling?" He snaps, irritated that it isn't Louis

"Why'd I call? Do you not have a calendar? Or know what today is? Geez Harry I thought you'd be a little on your game but-"

"I know what today is, sorry I just- it slipped my mind for a moment." He sighs

"Why? Is everything alright?" She asks concerned 

"I don't really know, Louis been MIA since this morning and I don't know why." 

"Maybe he got hit by a car." She says simply

"The fuck? Gemma?!" Harry shouts

"It's always a possibility" 

"Well that's reassuring, thanks"

"No problem H, I gotta go but I wanted to call and say happy birthday."

"Thanks."

"Have fun tonight, let me know if Louis is alive." She laughs

Harry hangs up with a sigh.

-

"It's 7:30, this is getting ridiculous." Harry whines

"I just got a text from Zayn" Liam says looking at his phone

Harry jumps up, "what did it say? Is it about Lou? Is he alright?"

"Geez, let a man read first,"

Harry watches and Liam reads the text for what should be considered too long of time to actually need

"Well"

"I'm still re-"

"Liam!"

"Alright fine fine," Liam laughs "I'm just messing with you."

"What did he say?"

"He told us to come over"

"That's it?"

"That's it."

"Nothing about Louis?" Harry asks confused

"Nope."

"I- ok... Let's go?"

-

Harry, Louis and Sophia are walking out of the elevator of the apartment complex of Louis place. They turn down their hall,

"All I'm say is he better have a good reason to have ignored me." Harry says for the millionth time

"Maybe he got into a fight" Liam says

"He better have a broken leg and black eye then," Harry jokes, or at least seems like he is 

When he opens the door, he sees that the lights are off.

"Um?" Harry looks at Liam dumbly, who just shrugs

"I swear if someone with an axe comes jumping out I'm officially calling this the worst birthday ever," Harry says as he switches the lights on

What happens in front of him is not an axe murderer jumping out but instead Louis Zayn Niall his mom, Robin, Gemma and a bunch of friends from the team and from around campus.

"SURPRISE"

"Oh! Wow!" Harry says shocked

He turns to Liam, "you knew?!"

"I did" he smiles

Harry punches him in the arm, "I love you"

Liam just smiles and Harry walks over to his mom and Robin first, hugging them

"Happy birthday baby," she says

"Thanks mom"

"Happy birthday Harry," Robin smiles

"Thank you"

When he unlatches himself from his mothers embrace he sees his sister smirking at him.

"I hate you" he says smiling

"'My birthday sucks, Louis isn't here, feel bad for me'" she mocks, pulling him in for a hug

Harry squeezes her extra hard considering he knows how much she hates that, "you suck"

"Yeah yeah yeah, go see your boyfriend over there, he's been dying to see you all day." She whispers to him, smirking

Harry nods and turns around to face Louis who is grinning from ear to ear

"Hey" Harry says when he gets close enough to Louis

"Hi" Louis smiles

"You planned all this?"

"Well Liam helped but-"

"You're amazing," Harry whispers "I love you so much" 

Louis looks over Harry's shoulder, making sure none of the people who don't know about them are looking, when he sees the cost is clear he grabs Harry's hand lightly.

"I love you too, I'm sorry for worrying you all day." 

"Oh that," Harry snorts "that was no big deal, I could manage on my own."

Louis breaks out in laughter, "so that's why Liam sent me videos of you lying on your bed complaining about how I wasn't there and what a bad boyfriend I am for leaving you in your time of celebration."

Harry just bites his lip and smiles.

"You're unbelievable."

The night goes amazing, Harry hanging out with his friends, Louis and family. He loved watching Louis and Gemma interact, how much they got along and how well their witty sassy selves fit in together. His mom kept telling him how amazing Louis had been while planning this whole thing, making sure it was a perfect night; which only made Harry love him more if that was even possible.

-

It's the end of the night and mostly everyone is gone. His mom and Robin had left to go back to their hotel room an hour ago, explaining to Harry that they'd planned to stay until tomorrow along with Gemma, Harry loved the idea of spending Sunday with his family and Lou. Liam and Sophia had left about five minutes ago and Zayn mentioned that he would probably stay at Perrie's for the night, so he and Louis could have alone time. Gemma smirked and continuously teased Harry the whole night about Louis and his bum calling Harry 'the ass man' too many times to count. 

"I'll leave you to your real present for the night," she said before leaving with a glint in her eyes

When the two of them were finally alone Harry and Louis didn't hesitate to go to _their_ room. Shirts and jeans and briefs were off in a matter of minutes and it was finally just the two of them. Bear, exposed and so so so in love. Harry sucking harshly at Louis neck, telling how much he was going to wreck him. 

"You're not going to be able to walk," he growled into Louis ear "every step, every move, every flinch, you're going to feel me. You're not going to forget." 

"Mmmfgh God Harry," Louis whined as the younger boy pushed into him after quickly rolling on a condom and Louis spread himself open

Harry rocked into Louis hard. Harder than they've done before and it was hot. Harry couldn't take the way Louis ankles wrapped around his back, making him thrust in deeper. Or the claw marks that surely will be there in the morning from Louis nails. Or the sounds coming out of Louis mouth, those effected Harry the most.

"Fuck Lou," he panted after an exceptionally loud moan came out of the older boy "you're so loud."

"You like that?" Louis squeaked

"Yes, I fucking love it" Harry whined as he thruster in faster

"Fuck Harry I-"

"Me too"

"Together? Can we?"

"Yeah together" Harry had smiled, kissing Louis as the two of them came. 

When they both came back to their senses, Harry rolled off of Louis and threw out the used condom, grabbing a rag from the bathroom and cleaned Louis up. He slipped back into bed, the two boys holding each other close.

"Happy birthday love" Louis whispered

"Thank you," Harry smiled looking at Lou "I love you."

"I love you"

"I love you more" Harry bit his lip

"This conversation is over, you have officially lost all my respect" Louis snorted

Harry laughed, smiling down at his boyfriend.

"I'm glad their was no axe murderer when I turned the lights on" he said out of no where

"I'm glad to?" Louis smiled, looking at his boyfriend confusedly

"What I mean is, I'm glad that it was you. Like, I'm always glad it's you, to just see you and be with you. It was the highlight of my night."

"Seeing me was the highlight of your night? Not the party or the sex?" Louis laughed

"Well those two, especially the sex but just seeing you gave me such a high on it's own." Harry explains

Louis just smiled, looking away, a small blush forming on his cheeks.

"I love this" Harry says

"Hm?"

"I love lying in bed with you, and talking and just being normal and relaxed and-"

"That is one long run on sentence my dear Harold" Louis teased

"Shut up"

"I love this too," Louis smiles "I love this feeling."

"Yeah, me too. It's undescribable."

"It's pure bliss."

Harry turns and looks at Louis, _so so so beautiful._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) Comment


	41. Chapter 41

It's Tuesday and Louis meets Harry after his statistics class. They planned to go to the library to study but the first thing Louis had said to Harry was "I'm hungry." So the two of them are now sitting in one of the dining halls eating sandwhiches. It was instinctual now for Harry to be somehow touching Louis, or Louis touching Harry. Whether it was their legs lightly touching under the table or one of their hands brushing the others. Harry never thought how it would seem when he grabbed Louis hand to stop him from throwing another piece of bread at him, it completely slipped his mind that he was still holding it minutes after. The two of them liked how things weren't as hidden as before, months ago Harry would've blew up at the idea of eating in public with Louis, let alone hold his hand. So they never really felt the eyes on them the rest of their meal, to entranced in each others.

-

Considering it was now February, coach wanted the boys to continue training for the rest of the term. It wasn't too intense, only three times a week and a two hour long gym session twice of those days. Harry didn't mind, he liked working out and being with the guys. So when four o clock on Tuesday came Harry and Liam walked over to the locker rooms to get changed for gym day. 

When they entered Harry walked normally over to his locker, greeting the few guys that were in their before them.

"Hey Styles," Tim had said

"Hey"

Harry changed out of his jeans and jumper and threw on shorts and an underarmor shirt. Fixing his hair and sitting on the bench playing on his phone, waiting for the other guys to be ready. One by one more guys came in, changing and talking amongst themselves. Harry saw Max walk in minutes before, but he just ignored him like he planned. He didn't see the three guys come up in front if him until one of them coughed. He looked up and saw Max, Roberts and Dom.

"Hi?" Harry said blankly

"Hey Styles, how was your day?" Max asked, small smile creeping on his face

"It was alright," Harry glanced at Liam who was watching the exchange intently

"Do anything fun?" Dom asked

"Go on any dates?" Max said before Harry could answer

Harry just looked at them confusedly, not really understanding where they were going with the whole thing.

"What are you guys going on about now?" Liam asked walking closer

Max turned and smiled, "oh great Payne you're here, maybe you could inform us about Harry's romantic life."

Liam snorted, "he doesn't have one" he lied easily

Harry started to get nervous, he didn't know why but just his gut feeling was telling him something was wrong. 

"Are you sure?" Max asked

"Positive" Liam said simply, acting as if he has no interest in the conversation

"So holding hands with faggots is considered friendly?" Max asked, staring at Harry now

Harry just looked at him, frozen. Eyes wide and mouth opening and closing repeatedly.

"That's enough Max, leave him alone." Tim said from the other side of you locker room

"No, you see the one thing I hate more than queers are liars, and it looks like Styles here might be both of those."

Harry stays quiet, sitting on his hands to hide how much their shaking.

"Have anything to say?" Max challenges

Harry looks down, and stares at their feet. _Leave run, get out of here._

"Nothing? Nothing at all? No denial or comeback?" Max says, leaning towards Harry's head

"Max if you don't get the fuck out of his face I'm going to kill you." Liam spits, walking closer

"Yeah Max fuck off" Tim spits

"Leave 'im alone" Mike the quarterback shouts

"Might not want to give him too much love, he might want in your pants after," Max smirks

"Fuck you" Harry whispers harshly

"What's that? What did you say faggot?" Max eggs him on

Harry looks up and the two of them stare at each other with death glares for god knows how long. 

"What's going on in here?" Coach Will shouts from the front of the room

Harry turns to look, "why the hell aren't you all outside?" He asks angrily

Nobody speaks, and Max takes it upon himself to answer for the team.

"Our fault coach, Styles here was filling everyone on his disgustingly romantic date he went on today." He smirks

Coach looks at Harry and must see his arms shaking and the scared and angry look on his face. He nods at him,

"All of you out there now, Styles stay here." Coach says firmly

Harry sinks back on the bench, player after player walking out of the room all stopping to look at Harry. Some with disgust and some with sympathy, before Max walks away he leans in and whispers to Harry,

"Remember Coach is married, don't try anything." 

Harry clenches his jaw and his whole body shakes with anger.

Liam pushes Max along and turns and looks at Harry worriedly, 'talk later?' He mouths to Harry who just sits there frozen. When everyone's out Coach walks over and sits on the bench opposite of Harry.

"What happened?" He asks quietly

Harry just bites his lip and looks down, angry at the fact he feels tears forming. 

Will sighs, "look Harry, whatever happened a couple minutes ago clearly has shaken you up. Now let's not forget the fight you had weeks ago after you were injured, okay? I know something had transpired there as well. So if you don't want to tell me that's fine, but I think it's best that you leave whatever it is off the field and out of the locker room alright?" 

Harry nods, "can I-" his voice cracks and he takes a deep breathe "can I leave please? Just for today." He asks, voice strained

Coach takes a good look at Harry before slowly nodding, he stands up and gives Harry a supportive slap on the shoulder.

"If any of the guys are starting shit, you tell me alright?" Coach says

Harry just nods and when the door closes signaling Coach had left he sinks in on himself and screams. He screams so loud his throat aches, so loud that his bones shake and so loud that it somewhat distracts him from his shattered heart and dark thoughts.

After twenty minutes of shaking, screaming and punching lockers Harry grabs all of his stuff and runs out of the locker room, out of the gym and straight to his dorm. He throws all of his bags harshly on the ground and kicks over the trashcan, before sighing and putting all the garbage back in it. He then leaves his room and runs to the bus station, hopping on the first one into town; wanting to escape.

When the bus pulls up outside of the Chinese place he and Louis always order take out from Harry gets off, walking through the streets and wandering into a library. I need quiet, I need fucking quiet. He walks down all of the isles until finding the most secluded corner, sitting down and resting his head in his knees.

_They know. Everyone knows._ Harry's breathing is eratic and he pulls harshly at his hair. _They hate me, they're disgusted. I'm disgusted._ He can't stop the thought and the tears and the anger and hurt building within him. He wants to scream again but he's in a library, which only makes him feel more helpless. He cries and cries and picks at his bleeding knuckles from punching the lockers only to try to distract him from the pain inside. But after a few minutes he realizes he can't. The two hours of practice must be up because his phone is going crazy, at first from Liam but then Louis starts to call and text and Harry shuts his phone off. _I need to be alone. I need to breathe._

So that's how Harry ends up in the corner of a library until 7 pm closing time, the old lady who finds him jumps in surprise at first to see a young man sitting defeated on the floor, but then her eyes fill with sympathy and she explains to Harry that they're closing. He nodded, standing and taking a shaky breathe.

"You're welcome back here tomorrow though dear," the lady smiles

"Thank you." Harry says weakly

-

It's 9 and Harry is wandering around town mindlessly. He's cold and sad and angry and doesn't know where to go. If he goes back to campus he's going to be bombarded with 'words of comfort' and hugs and all the stuff he doesn't want or feel he deserves. _It's all because I'm fucked up._

He ends up calling Gemma who lives in an apartment about an hour away. At first a million questions are fired at him when he asks for her to pick him up, but after Harry's voice cracks when answering the first one, she tells him to shut up and stay where he is. An hour later he's climbing into her car, eyes puffy and completely exhausted. She looks at him worriedly before pulling out of the small parking lot of a café Harry was sitting in.

"Do you want to spend the day at mine tomorrow? I have work until 3 but then the rest of the day we can hangout." She asks, facing the road

"Okay" Harry whispers

He doesn't turn his phone on once that night. Instead he goes to sleep and tries to imagine that his reality is only a nightmare.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(

Louis is sitting on his couch with Zayn when there's a loud banging on his door. He imagines it's Niall with the pizza.

"It's open!" He shouts, eyes glued to the TV

The door bursts open and a wild sweaty Liam comes rushing in.

"Where is he? Is he okay?" He asks rushed

"What?" Louis looks at him confusedle

"Harry," Liam breathes "please tell me he's here. Or at least has called."

Louis immediately sits up, "no why? What happened?"

"Oh fuck! Shit no!" Liam rubs at his eyes

"Liam mate, what's going on?" Zayn asks

"Max he fucking-" Liam breathes heavily "he called Harry out, in front of everyone in the locker room. He saw you too holding hands and he just- fuck." 

Louis freezes and his mind swarms. He looks at Zayn whose already looking at him.

"Did you check your dorm?" Zayn asks

"Yes and he wasn't there but his stuff was, I figured he came here to see you." Liam looks at Louis

Louis shakes his head, "I'll call" 

"You can try but he hasn't answered me."

"He'll answer." Louis says determined

He doesn't.

"Fuck."

He texts Harry and asks where he is. He tries calling again but gets sent straight to Voicemail.

"He shut his phone off." Louis says shocked

"Fuck." 

The three of them sit in there helplessly, thinking of places he might be. 

"I don't get why he disappeared!" Louis says head in his hands

"He looked so scared and angry... He just sat there as he-"

"This is all my fault." Louis breathes

"No it's not, both of you were just enjoying each others company like you should be able to without being scrutinized." Zayn snaps

Louis sinks in on the couch, mind racing and heart beating rapidly.

When the door opens the three boys jump up, expecting a certain mop of curls to walk in but instead its a head full of fake blonde.

"Oh fuck me" Louis whines, collapsing on the couch, the other two following

"Well fuck you too Tommo. Next time you're paying if that's how I get treated." Niall says sitting down on the armchair, setting the pizza on the table.

The other boys sit there solemnly as Niall stuffs his face in the food.

"Hey Payne," Niall says with a mouthful "when did you get here? Where's Harry?"

Louis stands up and rubs his face.

"We don't know!" He shouts, throwing a pillow on the floor

"Geez calm down, he could be showering or in his room for all ye know." Niall says

Liam shakes his head and quietly fills him in on what's happened. Niall drops his fifth slice of pizza and looks at Louis wide eyed.

"Oh" he says 

Louis just groans and repeatedly calls Harry, leaving messages several times after being sent to voicemail. 

"Where are you?" Louis asks, voice quiet and full of worry

-

It's 8 pm and the boys had just gotten back from searching over campus and parts of town. Louis is in his room, head in his pillow as the other boys, Sophia and Perrie sit in the living room waiting for something.

Louis mind is reeling over everything. Shocked at what's happened, even more shocked Harry didn't run to him like all the other times Max or other guys said anything. But Louis knew this was different, he understood Harry wanting to he alone but he just hated feeling so helpless.

He's laying on his bed when Liam comes walking in.

"Gemma texted me," he says

Louis shoots up and grabs his phone, reading the message repeatedly.

'Harry's with me. I don't know what happened but just thought you'd want to know he's okay...well sort of.' It reads and Louis immediately presses the call button.

"Hello?" Gemma answers

"Gemma it's me Louis," he breathes

"Did you hurt my brother?" She asks angrily

"No! I haven't even seen him! Can you put him on please?"

"He won't even talk to me, he's on my couch asleep and I think it's best I don't wake him." She says sadly

"Can you have him call me when he wakes up, please" Louis begs

"If he's up to it."

"Thank you... Let me know if he says anything please. Tell him I love him." Louis voice cracks

"I will Louis."

"Thanks."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

She hangs up after that and Louis sits there with Liam's phone in his hands for a while. Liam leaving some point through the conversation. He sits there and worries and thinks of many ways to kill Max. But mostly he thinks of Harry and how much he must be hurting.

'I love you.' He types out on his own phone

_Fuck everything._

-

It's the next day and Louis got basically no sleep. He begrudgingly goes to class and on his way over he sees Max. He walks over quickly, when he reaches him he pushes him harshly from the side.

"What the- Tomlinson?"

"Fuck you!" Louis spits

Max smirks, "what's wrong, you're boyfriend tell you to tone down the PDA?" 

"You had no right doing that in front of everyone!" Louis pushes him again

"The team had the right to know there was a cocksucker on the team, they have the right to know if they're being stared at in the locker room." Max gets in Louis face

"He wouldn't fucking stare at anyone, especially you. Being gay doesn't automatically mean you want to get with every guy." Louis says angrily

A small crowd has formed from behind them, people watching the two of them face off.

"Is that what you tell yourself as you're being fucked in the ass? Or is Styles whose the bitch I wouldn't be shocked if-"

Louis punches him in the jaw. Immediately he regrets doing that when his hand starts throbbing.

"Ow fucking shit!" He groans holding his hand

"You stupid twink" Max spits throwing a punch at Louis ribs, he bends forward at the pain and right when Max looks like he's about the hit him again he's taken down from the side. By Zayn.

"I've always wanted to do that," his friend smiles as he stands up, Max slowly sitting up on the floor

Zayn grabs Louis arm and starts to pull him away, people taking pictures and recording the incident on their phones. Louis can hear the whispering.

"Harry's gay?"

"But what about Miranda?"

"Screw Miranda what about me!"

Louis closes his eyes and leans into Zayn who leads him to his car, bringing him to their place.

"Do you really think its smart fighting people two times the size of you," Zayn jokes trying to ease the tension

"He deserved it." Louis snaps

Zayn sighs, "I know...have you heard anything?"

Louis immeidately knows he's asking about Harry.

"No." He says in a small voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple update. I deserve an award.... but comments will do ;)

When Gemma drops Harry off at campus at 6 he doesn't know where to go to first. He decides he might as well go to his room first, figuring Liam probably wouldn't be there considering it's dinner time. When he gets to his room he takes deep breathe and opens the door. Empty. Perfect.

He lays down on the bed first, and plugs in his phone. He still hasn't turned it on and decides now he might as well. When it starts spazzing with notifications Harry leaves it on the edge of the bed until it stops. Which takes about seven minutes. Finally he grabs his phone and deletes the 70+ missed calls and skims over the hundreds of texts he got from the boys; mostly Louis. He can't bring himself to read each one but he can't help the small smiles that forms when he reads Louis last one.

'I love you.'

Harry knows he has to see him but to be honest he's sort or embarrassed on how everything went down. He ran and hid himself away like a coward. _I am a coward._ Harry just sits there for a while until he sees the doorknob turn and a very surprised Liam opening up.

"Hi." Harry says

Liam stares for a moment before launching himself at Harry, pulling him in for a hug.

"Fuck you had us so worried." Liam sdays

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I understood. Was a little shocked you didn't go to Louis but I think I understand." Liam says as he pulls away

Harry just nods and runs a hand through his hair.

"Are you okay?" Liam asks gently

Harry just shrugs, not knowing how he should be feeling.

"Have you spoken to him?"

"No."

"Are you gonna."

"I think so."

"Okay."

The two of them sit in Harry's bed for a while, talking every once in a while. This is why Harry loves Liam, he doesn't push him. 

"I think I might go to his place, if you want to come?" Harry whispers after a few minutes of silence

"Do you want me to?"

Harry just nods.

"Then I'll come."

The two of them don't speak as they get into Liam's car. Liam doenst comment on Harry's bouncing leg, only turns the music louder like he knows Harry likes. When they pull into the parking lot Liam turns to look at Harry.

"You good?" He asks

"I might as well be." Harry gets out

-

Louis is retaking his knuckles when he hears the door open. Confused because Zayn and Niall are already here he looks around the corner to see Liam and a apprehensive looking Harry following behind him. 

"You little fucker," Louis says before throwing himself at Harry, hugging him tightly

Harry hugs him back and nuzzles himself deep into the crook of Louis neck

"I'm sorry." He says weakly 

Louis heart cracks.

"It's okay love, it's okay. I'm not mad, I love you." Louis reassures him

Harry just nods, his eyes clouding with tears.

When Louis pulls apart he looks at Harry and frowns, 

"Our room?" He asks

Harry nods quickly and the two of them walk in, Louis shutting the door. He turns and sees Harry sitting at the foot of his bed, hands in head.

"Oh Haz," Louis breathes when he hears what must be a sob leave the younger boy

He hugs Harry gently as he cries, mumbling incoherent sentences.

"I can't understand you love," Louis says

"I was so scared." Harry says, voice thick from crying

Louis just hugs Harry tighter.

"I was so worried, you weren't answering anyones calls." Louis explains

Harry just cries harder, "I just needed to be alone. I needed quiet."

"That's okay, I get it."

"I'm so sorry." Harry says again, voice shaky

"Don't be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry for love-"

"Yes there is," Harry interrupts "I'm fucked up Lou, I'm fucked up." He cries harder 

"No you're not, you're perfect." Louis says 

"No no I'm not, I have these thoughts. They never go away. And what Max said I-"

"Nothing of what Max said is true." Louis says firmly

"But he-"

"No buts Haz, Max is a twat and everything he says is shit."

Harry must feel the tape around Louis knuckles brush his skin because he immediately grabs his hand.

"What-"

"I punched Max in the jaw." Louis smiles

"Louis!" Harry says surprised

"He deserved it." 

Harry just nods, hugging Louis again.

"I love you" he whispers

"I love you too." Louis smiles, happy to have his boy back in his arms.

- 

The next day Harry has to go to class and considering the amount of stares he got on his way there, he pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up to cover his face. He sits in the back of the class, trying to listen but when his usual group of friends sit down next to him Harry's whole body panics.

"Hey" Tim said

Harry just nods, not knowing how his voice will be if he speaks.

"You okay?" He asks

Harry nods again.

"I don't care about that, I hope you know. I'm not like Max or Dom." Tim explains, putting a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder

Harry turns and looks at him and when Tim gives him a warm smile Harry bites his lip and looks away.

"Thank you." He says 

"No problem, and honestly I've always hated Max, but this at least gives me a proper reason to now." Tim jokes

Harry laughs and the two of then fall into silence. When class is over Tim and Harry walk out together, Tim glaring at anyone who stares for too long.

"I hope you know that if Max or anyone gives you shit on or off the field, there are plenty of guys that will stick up for you. You're not alone." Tim says

Harry's heart swells with thankfulness and he smiles at Tim.

"Thank you, that means a lot."

"No problem."

When the two go their separate ways Harry walks to his room where he knows Louis is waiting. To say he feels better is an under statement, he feels lighter, he feels some what closer to normal.

When he opens his door Louis looks at him questionably when he sees the smile on Harry's face.

"Good?" He asks

"Yeah, I'm good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!!!


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure why it wasn't clear to some in the previous chapter but Max outed Harry to the whole team, and the news spread. Therefore he doesn't necessarily have to come out to anyone considering they all know...which is why he freaked out and went for refuge in the corner of a library.
> 
> But annnywaysss...

The next few days were tough to say the least. Harry had spoken to Coach again and kind of told him what had went down days prior. Of course him being his flustered anxious self, he kind of ignored mentioning the fact that Max outed him and made homophobic remarks which is why Coach hadn't suspended him. Instead he allowed Harry the next two training sessions off.

"Thank you Coach," Harry had said

"No problem kid, but if anything happens with the other guys you are to be the one to tell me, because if I have to hear from someone else that my players are being jackasses then you'll be punished too."

"Yes sir."

Coach smiles, "get out of here." He laughed messing with Harry's hair

Walking around campus was a whole other story though, besides the fact that he always had Louis or one of the guys with him or even Tim, Harry felt vulnerable every second he was out. People staring and whispering, even some of them purposely getting close enough to him to mumble 'faggot' or 'cocksucker' loud enough for only him to here. He flinches at those, not knowing what to say. Louis screamed at the third person to do it but Harry had just grabbed his elbow and pleaded with him to stop. Louis begrudgingly had controlled himself but only because he knows how upset it would make Harry if he was to get into a fight.

"It's not worth it, please." Harry had begged when they got back to his room.

"They need to learn to-"

"Please Lou, it only makes me more anxious when you lash out. Please just don't react."

Louis sighed, leaning against the wall "fine. But if any of them lay a finger on you I will fucking kill them." 

"Sure you will." Harry teased, trying to make light of the situation

"Oi! Are you questioning my strength!?" Louis pretended to be wounded

"Not at all love." 

"Keep that up and you won't be getting anymore of this." Louis motioned towards his body

Harry raised an eyebrow, "that's not what you'll be saying tonight."

-

As much as Harry hated and worried about random people criticizing him on campus he was full on shaking at the thought of going to practice today. Liam had reassured him that he won't leave his side once, and at any point it gets out of control that the two of them will leave. 

So as Harry walks quietly says, Liam to the weight room, Harry tries to take deep soothing breathes to calm his rapid heartbeat.

"You good?" Liam asks before they step inside

Harry only shrugs.

Practically the whole team is in the locker room when Harry and Liam walk in. Harry doesn't see Max right away but he hears him. That's all drowned out when Tim, Mike and James come over to him, giving him a supportive smile.

"If anyone says anything or does something, we're here." Mike says

Harry can't help but want to hug him, but restrains himself, not knowing if that's okay now. 

"Thank you," he settles for "really. It means a lot." He smiled

They stand around his locker as he changes, making small talk to try to ease the tension.

"So you finally showed up?" Harry hears Max say

He looks up slowly, taking a deep breathe.

"I did."

"Shocker, I would've figured you'd be crying in bed still." Max smirks

"Well I'm not." Harry says emotionless

"Fuck off." Mike says

"So did your little twink tell you he tried to fight me?" Max says, ignoring Mike

Harry gives him a once over, "yeah and it's sad that you're still just as ugly now with that bruise on you're jaw than you were before it." Harry smirks

Some of the guys laugh which only makes Max angrier.

"Did I say you could fucking look at me?" He spits

"You're looking at me." Harry fights back

"You sound like a complete ass." Liam says

"Harry knows a lot about ass, considering his was filled with cock just last night."

Harry flinches at that.

"I personally think you're just jealousm" Tim snorts

"What did you say?" Max growls

"All you do is talk about cocks in asses," Tim says simply "seem pretty into them. And since Harry might- I don't know- have some sort of experience with it, you just seem envious."

"Don't ever compare me to one of _those_ again Tim or I'll-"

"You'll what? Hit me with your dick?" Tim jokes

"Fuck you." Max snaps, walking away

Harry doesn't hold him self back anymore, he stands and pulls Tim into a hug, holding his breathe, expecting to be pushed away. But the opposite happens, he hugs him back.

"Thank you." Harry says 

"No problem mate." 

-

Louis at 'Sociology' while Harry's at his place playing FIFA. He gets bored quickly and decides he kind of wants to go back to the library he was at the other day. He knows its strange but he feels like after the week he's had, it's what he needs. Since Louis lives in town, Harry only has to walk a few blocks to get there, he brings his laptop along with him.

When he walks in he's greeted by the same old lady from that night.

"Hello dear," she smiled

"Hi." Harry greeted back

"I'm glad you came back," she said "I'm Barbara."

"Harry," he extends his hand, which she shakes

"Are you going back to your spot?" She asked kindly, as if it isn't where he had a mental breakdown in days before

"I think so, if that's okay."

"Of course it is dear, I put a chair there in case you came back."

"You didn't have to."

"Nonsense," she smiled

Harry nodded and made his way down the isles, finding his corn or which is now occupied by a big comfy looking green armchair.

Harry sits down and pulls out his phone. He doesn't know why he feels so content here but the feeling the silence brings him is always euphoric, it's like his harsh thoughts slowly vanish.

He sits there and and turns on his laptop, opening up a blank document to start his English Lit thesis paper due in a few weeks. He types and types, not knowing how long it's been, never checking the time. It's another thing Harry's noticed he's loved about this little place, it's timeless. 

He's on his second page when he hears a stack of books fall, he looks up to see what looks like someone running away. Harry thinks he's imagining the way those legs looked like Louis. But when he hears the "fucking shit" escape the persons mouth he's almost positive it is him.

He stands, placing his laptop on the chair. He walks down a few isles before he sees Louis walking down the next one.

"Louis?" Harry asks, confuses

Louis stops walking, not facing Harry. He sees a cart in front of the younger boy filled with books which only confuses him more. Louis still not turning around.

"Lou? What are you doing here?" 

Louis sighs, shoulder slumping and he slowly turns around. Harry sees the look of embarrassment flash across Louis face when he knows Harry sees the name tag on his chest.

"I-you work here?" Harry asks dumbfounded

Louis nods slowly,

"Why didn't you ever tell me? I would've brought you lunch one day or-"

"Has it occurred to you that I didn't want you to know?" Louis asks, shame in his voice

"Why?"

"I don't want to do this here Harry."

"But you-"

"Why are you even here?" Louis questions "why aren't you at home- I mean my place?" Louis saves

"I came here the other night when...when the thing happened and I just sort if missed it I guess. Liked the silence." Harry shrugs

"Ok." Louis nods, looking away

"I can wait for you to get off your shift if you want?" Harry proposes

"Please don't." Louis closes his eyes

"I- um okay... Are you mad at me?" Harry asks tentatively

"No I...can we talk about this later please." Louis whispers

Harry nods, "I'll just get my stuff and go to your place."

"Okay." Louis says, he looks completely humiliated as he walks away.

_Why can't everything be simple?_

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots and lots of explaining in this chapter. Not too lengthy, but it gets the point across.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your feedback, I truly appreciate all your kind words!
> 
> BTW currently obsessed with Perfect by Selena Gomez, I love her and her new album!!!

Harry waits anxiously in his and Louis' bedroom when he gets back to the flat.  He didn't expect Zayn and Niall to be here when he arrived but when he saw them he immediately recalled the conversation he had with Zayn when he was in the store shopping for Louis.   _I should've known._

 

"Zayn, can I talk to you for a sec?" He had asked when he spotted him on the couch

Zayn nodded slowly, standing up and meeting Harry in the kitchen.

"Everything alright?" the raven haired boy asked

"I ran into Lou while he was at work," Harry explained "which he didn't seem to happy about."

Zayn sighed, "did you follow him?"

"No! I swear I just went to the library, where he works, and was typing a paper and all of a sudden I spot him which I found weird because he was supposed to be in Sociology but then I remembered you saying he pretended to be in Human Anatomy when he really was at work, which is why I was so caught off guard."

"I don't know why it's Sociology he's lying about now." Zayn said confusedly

"Maybe he has two jobs?"

"I don't know, does he know you're here though?" Zayn asks

"Yeah," Harry nods "he said we'll talk about it when he gets here."

"Good luck."

"Thanks." Harry breathes

-

So now here Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed repeatedly looking at the clock on his phone.  Harry should have asked when Louis is even expected to get off of work, but the shock and confusion clouded his mind too much when he had seen him in the library.

_Why the town library?_

_Why not the school's?_

_Why not a restaraunt or bar?_

_Why a library?_

_Why lie?_

_Plenty of kids have jobs, why is it such a big deal?_

Harry's mind was swarming with questions he didn't even know how to ask Louis.  He didn't want to make the older boy any more embarrassed or uncomfortable as Harry imagines he already is, but he's so sick of the secrets and lies that he can't help but feel like he deserves answers. _Louis been so good to me, I shouldn't push him._

He lays on the bed, watching Netflix on Louis laptop when he hears the front door open not an hour later.  He hears Louis and Zayn greet the boys, and Zayn's small "he's in your room" he gives Louis.  Harry can practically hear the knowing look Zayn is giving Louis, and Harry's heart tugs at the fact that Louis is possibly dreading this conversation.  When the bedroom door opens, Louis sets him bag down and takes off his jacket, no name tag in sight.  He walks over to the bed and crawls on the opposite side of it, facing Harry.  Harry shuts the laptop quickly and sits up, the two boys looking at their hands.

"Hi" Harry starts

"Hey" Louis whispers

"What-I mean, why- no how...I don't know how to start this Lou." Harry confesses

Louis takes a deep breathe, "I'm going to talk and you're going to just sit there okay? This is probably really silly to you but to me it's not and I'd really appreciate after this conversation you don't pity me or I don't know treat me differently okay? Please?"

Harry nods

"Okay well when I came out to my mom she was married at the time to my dad.  Well not biological dad, but to the only man that raised me growing up, and who I took my last name from.  His name was Mark, and me and him were extremely close my whole childhood.  And then I came out to my mom, and a week later me and her told my dad, Mark, who was extremely quiet the whole time.  It wasn't like he looked angry he just was very emotionless and in that moment, I just knew something wasn't right, like there was now this distance between us.  Anyways, for the next several months Mark and I's relationship wasn't even close to how it used to be, and I didn't want to except, at the time, that it was because I had come out.  I made myself think of all the other reasons why he didn't watch soccer games with me or take me out to eat every Tuesday. I didn't except it until one day when I got home from Stan's house, after I had slept over, to my mom crying hysterically alone in the house sobbing that Mark had left her- that he had left _us_." 

Harry watches as Louis takes a shaky breathe, his tiny hands rubbing harshly at the material of his jeans

"At that point, I had to except it, and everyone in the family realized it but never said anything, no one knew what to say.  As if the emotional burden of my father walking out because of me wasn't enough, but the fact I had to see my mom struggle financially killed me even more, she's a nurse and would work all these crazy hours and when she was home she had to deal with all of the girls and me and I just wanted to help.  So I got my first job at a restaurant, and would give all the money I had made to my mom, who almost always refused to take it, but eventually would have to. It wasn't too bad, until uni came into play, my scholarships aren't enough to cover all of the payments and it absolutely killed my mother that she couldn't give me anything to help pay for my education.  I didn't mind, I mean in the long run it'll be difficult, but I just knew I'd be that more motivated to do well and be able to get my mom out of that situation.  I first had a job at the Student Union, which was okay, but seeing all of my friends constantly sitting in the lounge enjoying their prepaid meal plans always made me angry, not resentful, just frustrated that this is what I had to deal with.  So I quit, and decided that a random little library on the corner of town would be the perfect place, I haven't seen one person I know walk into that place, since, well- you." Louis plays nervously with the hem of his sweater

"But Sociology?" Harry asks gently

"I didn't want anyone's pity, or anyone I knew showing up, even you. It's not that I wanted to lie, it's just I didn't want to have to explain that part of my life, and even if I just said I had a job you would've wondered why I picked there of all places and eventually it would lead back to the real problem.

Harry nods, not knowing what to say

"Please don't act weird, can we please drop this and forget about it.  This whole thing is giving me a headache." Louis pleads

Harry nods, tapping the spot next to him, Louis quickly climbing over and resting his head on Harry's chest.

"I'm sorry I lied to you." Louis whispered

"I'm sorry what happened to you." Harry responds

Harry could feel the tremor in Louis breathing as he laid across Harry's chest but he knew better than to address it.  He knows by now Louis doesn't like to be vulnerable, and this is one of his weakspots.

"Can we watch Breaking Bad?" Louis asks after a couple of minutes of silence

"Of course."

Louis grabs the laptop, putting on the show.

They watched three episodes before Louis fell asleep, snoring lightly on Harry's chest.  Harry didn't mind, he just shut the laptop and snuggled Louis further onto his body.

"I love you Louis." he whispered as he kissed the top of the older boys head

_I don't pity you;  I adore you._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment please:)


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So these next two weeks are not going to have frequent updates due to midterms coming up but after that I promise to continue updating more often like usual:)

"I don't want to watch the game though," Harry whines

"Come on there's 20 minutes left," Louis protested "I promise we'll watch whatever you want after."

"There's nothing good on, I hate Saturday night television." 

Louis laughs at the pouting curly boy who's sprawled out over the couch. 

"Fine then do you want to pick the food?" Louis suggests

"Djfhdks" Harry mumbles from behind the pillow he had covered his face with

"What love? I don't speak gibberish." Louis smiles

Harry removes the pillow, "pizza?"

"I'll call it in."

-

Harry doesn't know why but his stomach is killing him, and not in the 'I ate too much pizza' way. He's sitting in the corner of the couch quietly, holding himself, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Want more love?" Louis asks from the other side of the couch

Harry shakes his head

"Me neither, I'm stuffed." Louis scoots over leaning on Harry's arm.

Harry stiffens, the way Louis is leaning is forcing his arm to dig into his throbbing and bloated stomach. Louis must feel his tenseness because he looks up.

"You good?" He asks

Harry nods, shifting mildly, trying to move the excess weight off of his stomach. Louis feels him shifting slowly, as if in pain and raises an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?" 

Harry feels his cheeks heating up, "nothing." He says quickly

"It's not nothing, tell me." Louis pouts, leaning more onto Harry

Harry groans and a clear grimace spreads on his face. 

"Can you get off of me please?" He asks quietly

Louis immediately sits up but eyes the younger boy intently.

"Haz tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, I'm fine." Harry says, trying to end the conversation. Talking about it is only making it worse.

Louis looks at the younger boys demeanor, how he's hunched over and cradling his stomach.

"Do you not feel well?" He ask simply

Harry's cheeks flame up again and he looks away.

Louis is even more confused now, "does your stomach hurt?"

"Louis." Harry says, trying to stop the topic

"Harold," Louis counters "if you don't feel well just say it, it's not a big deal."

Harry shakes his head

"Are you going to be sick?"

Harry shakes his head again

"Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Harry's whole face practically erupts into flames.

"Louis!" He shrieks

Louis smiles, "oh come off it H, everybody p-"

"If you finish that sentence I will never speak to you again." 

Louis laughs loudly, "what's the big deal? You don't have to be embarrassed."

"It's not a very pleasant conversation to have." Harry groans

"Don't you have some business to attend to." Louis jokes

Harry flips him off and stands up, going to the bathroom. Right before he closes the door he pops his head out.

"We are never speaking about this again." Harry states

And the door shuts.

-

Zayn comes home later that night, not acknowledging the two intertwined boys on the couch.

"Hello to you too, mate." Louis snorts

"Fuck off." Zayn says quickly before going into his room and slamming the door 

Louis turns to Harry whose already giving him a concerned look.

"Should I go in there?" Louis asks

"I mean, if he wants to talk you should."

"Wish me luck." Louis stands up, walking down the hall to his roommates closed door. He knocks lightly.

"Z?"

"What?" 

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"Are you okay?"

"No." Louis heart breaks

"Is it P?" Louis prays to god that it's not

"Yeah." The raven haired boy's voice cracks even in the one syllable

"When you wanna talk let me know okay?" 

"Ok." He says weakly

Louis is just about to turn around when he hears a loud thump,

"What was that?" He asks rushed

"Fuck- I- I punched the wall. Fuck this hurts." Zayn groans from the other side of the door

"Dude let me in, punching walls is neither going to fix your heart or help your bank account." 

When the door opens, Louis heart cracks at the sight of his best friend. He's never seen him cry before and just the glazed look covering his eyes is enough to make Louis throw himself at him, hugging him tightly.

"You don't have to talk about it." Louis comforts

"I wasn't going to."

"But if you want to, I'm here." 

"No shit, you live here." Zayn snorts, trying to ease the tension

"Yeah, so do you, so have fun paying for the hole in the wall." 

"Shit." Zayn groans "that fucking hurt."

"Well it wasn't supposed to feel good."

"Fuck you."

"No thanks, I've got Harry."

Zayns face breaks at that and he turns away facing the wall.

"Shit Z, I'm sorry." Louis says quickly

"It's okay." He whispers

"How bad?" Louis asks tentatively 

"Bad." 

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

-

When Louis leaves Zayns room, he goes back onto the couch with Harry and pulls out his phone, texting Jade, Perrie's friend and asking if she knows what happened and if she was okay. She replies minutes later saying that Perrie's a mess, and whatever happened is bad. Louis isn't sure if that means they've broken up or if it's just a bad fight but the fact it's gotten his best mate so distraught doesn't sit well with Louis.

"I don't know what to do." He groans

"Don't do anything, if it's meant to be then it'll work itself out." Harry encourages

"Do you really believe in all that stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"Fate?"

"Well, yeah. Don't you?" Harry asks confusedly

"I don't know, I see things more logically. Like if you want something to happen, you make it happen and don't rely on some outside source to do it for you." Louis explains

"I believe that too but I think that there's a deeper meaning to events then just what they are. That there's some type of path we all belong to, that we were chosen for."

"What path do you think you're chosen for?" Louis asks honestly interested

Harry thinks for a moment, before smiling. "I think I was meant to find you, because finding you made me find myself and that alone had given me a greater outlook on life and out future."

"Our future?" Louis asks happily, smiling from ear to ear

"Yeah, I mean-" Harry stumbles "if that's what you want."

Louis leans in and kisses his boyfriend, "of course I want to. I want us to be in each other's futures."

"I love you Louis."

"I love you too poopy pants." Louis smirks

Harry throws a pillow at his head, and jump off the couch.

"You're sleeping there tonight!" Harry announces, closing Louis door.

"Yeah okay, so when you come in here tonight to snuggle, I'll push you off!"

That's exactly what happens.

 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying for my math test tomorrow but here I am procrastinating in the best way possible :)

It's a week and a half until spring break and none of the boys have discussed their plans yet, let alone Louis and Harry. So when Liam brings up the fact that he and Sophia are going to Disney land for a few days a tinge of excitement sparks the air.

"You're all welcomed to come." Liam smiles

Niall makes a sound of agreement, his mouth full of cereal. Louis cereal. Zayn nods and says he'll bring Perrie and when Harry is just about to say how he'd love to come he looks over at his now very tense looking boyfriend.

"I'll go if Lou does," he says eyeing the older lad.

"Well?" Liam asks looking at Louis, clearly not registering the look of uncomfort on his face.

"I'll uh, have to ask my mom. Said I'd babysit the girls and Ernie a couple of times." Louis says, playing with the strings of his joggers.

He's lying, Harry knows it.

The other boys accept his answer and continue making plans and comments about what hotel to stay at. Harry watches Louis, who seems way more interested in his phone at the moment. He won't look up, and Harry can tell by the crease on his forehead that he's upset. And Harry sort of thinks he knows why. So when Louis gets up to go to the batbroom, Harry waits a moment before getting up as well and standing outside the closed door, waitng for Louis.

Obviously Louis is surprised to see Harry there waiting for him. He looks at him confusedly at first before he realizes Harry came to see if he was okay.

"Hey." He whispers

"We don't have to go," Harry starts, "we can do something else or nothing at all. We could just hangout at one of our houses, my mom's been nagging me to have you over anyways."

Louis shrugs, "I have to ask my mom because of the babysitting thing anyways."

Harry frowns.

"You don't have to lie, not to me." 

Louis looks away, "I'm not-"

"You don't have to lie, and you don't have to be embarrassed. I love you and I'll always support you." Harry says, reaching for Louis hands

Louis accepts them immediately, "I know it's just... I don't like to talk about it." He sighs

"We don't have to, just say its because of 'the reason' and I'll know, I understand."

Louis nods.

"Alright babe?" Harry takes a step forward

"Babe?" Louis smirks

"Mhmm, my babe." He whispers, noses brushing

Louis doesn't respond, instead he catches Harry's lips with his own, kissing him long and hard. Harry responds immediately, pulling Louis in closer by his hips. When Louis fingers snake into Harry's hair and pull hard, Harry digs his fingers into the curve of Louis hips. Louis nails scratch at his scalp which elicits a moan from the younger boy. Louis smirks and continues to scratch and tug and lick into Harry's mouth. Harry whining and panting into the kiss, thrusting his hips up all of a sudden to gain some friction. Louis responds moments later, lining his thigh up in between Harry's legs, jutting his leg every time Harry thrusts forward causing Harry to groan loudly.

"Get a room!" Niall shouts

The boys don't respond, instead they throw themselves clumsily into the bathroom and slamming the door. Well more like Louis pushing Harry harshly at the door only to launch himself back on him, sucking at his neck.

"Fuck Lou." Harry pants

Louis kisses and bites at Harry's unmarked neck, hands still raking throughout his hair. The younger boy is a withering mess, cheeks flushed, hair wild and dick hard.

"Please, I-" Harry mumbles strained

"What do you want?" Louis asks, tugging Harry's black t shirt off of him

"I need your mouth." Harry says, voice cracking

Louis smiles, "where?" He teases

"Here?" He says kissing at Harry's neck still 

"Or...here" he kisses his cheek

"Or..." Pecks his forehead

"Or-"

"On my fucking dick." Harry snaps, voice strained

Louis laughs, "always the charmer." He smiles, getting on his knees

He undoes Harry's jeans and briefs at the same time and watches as his hard pink length slaps his stomach. Louis takes Harry in for the millionth time but yet still feels the same as he did on the first time he got to in the shower; amazed.

He helps Harry step out of his jeans before throwing them off to the side near the toilet. When Louis first kisses his head Harry gasps, longing for more. Louis begins to take about half of Harry into his mouth, and pumping the other half with his fist. He kisses and sucks and swipes at Harry's slit, all making the younger boy's toes curl and sounds of pleasure and love is overwhelming and Harry can't even bring himself to get embarrassed about the noises coming out of his mouth. When Louis flattens his tongue on the underside of Harry's cock, he loses it, Harry's knees buckle and he catches himself on the doorknob, a loud sob coming from his throat. He comes in hot spurs into Louis mouth who takes most of it but pulls off at the last bit, some getting on his shirt. 

Harry collapses onto the floor, the euphoric sense taking him over as Louis kisses all over his hot skin. 

"So beautiful."  he whispers

When Harry opens his eyes he sees Louis palming himself in his pants and the second they make eye contact he finishes too. Harry pulls his sweats down so that his come shoots onto Harry's stomach. 

Louis mumbles and curls into Harry's side, both breathless and hopelessly in love with the other.

"You were very loud." Louis says, voice raspy

Harry groans and hides his face in Louis neck, "I don't even know where it came from." He confesses. "You do this to me, you make me like this."

Louis pulls away and looks down at Harry confusedly.

"Like what?"

"Like- I don't know. Everyone saw me as Harry Styles, the confident guy, the lady's man, the charmer. But with you I get, I don't know I get stupid." He says dumbly

Louis laughs lightly, "you're not stupid love." He smiles

Harry shakes his head, biting at his lip. "I am though, with you. You make my quirks come out and I'm constantly embarrassing myself yet you never, not for a moment, make me doubt myself. I'm so stupidly in love with you that I can't think straight."

Louis cheeks have a light tint and Harry doesn't know if its from his speech or from their previous activities but he continues.

"I don't care what you have or don't have, I care about who you are, and how you make me feel. And you make me feel normal, like me." Harry says shakily, his emotions overwhelming you.

"Thank you," he whispers into Louis chest "thank you for helping me and being patient and being here this whole time. Thank you for pushing me to be myself and to accept that. But most of all thank you for loving me, that is possibly the best gift I could be given." 

Louis kisses Harry's lips passionately before pulling back.

"I'm not good with words... Or emotions like that but everything you just said I feel too. You make me more and more stupidly in love with you everyday if that's even possible."

The moment is so sweet and pure and significant. Harry can never think of another time in his life when he's been this open with his feelings and actually expressing them. Louis and Harry stare at each other, smiling dumbly while taking in the moment. 

"Oi! Put your dicks back in your pants and get out, I've got to pee!" Niall shouts from outside the door.

Correction- the moment _was_ so sweet and pure and significant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment !!!!


	48. Chapter 48

The topic of spring break was never brought up again until one day, Harry was helping Louis organize his closet and Louis pulled out a grey adidas jumper that was lodged in the back.

"Do you think this would be okay to wear to your mom's?" He asked tentatively

The stupid grin on Harry's face told him everything he needed to go.

"You want to go to my house over the break?" Harry asked excitedly

Louis nodded, "of course. It'll be fun, I just want to be with you."

Harry kissed Louis foolishly the rest of the day.

-

 "This is so weird." Harry says for the millionth time as he rubs circles into Louis thigh as he drives.

"Good weird?" Louis asks, eyes on the road

Harry smiles, biting his lip. "Of course."

Louis nods, a small smile of his own creeping on his face. Harry leans forward to turn the radio up, singing along quietly to whatever song comes on.

"I didn't know you could sing." Louis says after the sixth song, looking at Harry for a minute, shocked.

Harry shakes his head, "I can't really. Its all for fun."

"You sound really good." Louis praises

"Thanks." Harry says before singing a little bit louder to the next songs that play.

-

They stop for lunch around 2, only about an hour left of a drive, but Louis was starting to complain about how his stomach is practically eating itself due to starvation and Harry couldn't take it anymore. Harry instructs Louis to a diner he's familiar with, the two of them running in quickly due to the snow starting to fall outside. The hostess greets them almost immediately, eyes widening when she sees Harry.

"Right this way." She smiles, shaking her hips a little more than necessary.

Louis notices. Harry does not.

"Thank you." Harry smiles politely

"No problem." She bites her lip

"Babe, you look cold. Want my coat?" Louis says a bit too forced

Harry looks at him confused before shaking his head slightly.

"I'm fine Lou, thanks."

The girl is standing there, a little uncomfortably before realization sets in, looking out Louis widely.

"Um...you're server will be right with you." She says before scurrying off.

Louis smirks, before grabbing Harry's hand from across the table. The younger boy still is watching Louis confusedly, but puts it off so he can survey the restaraunt to see if he sees anyone he knows. He doesn't. 

"What was that about? You never call me babe." Harry points out

Louis shrugs, playing with Harry's long fingers. "Nothing, just felt like saying it."

Harry watches him for a few more seconds before looking at the menu. They sit in silence for a few minutes, only speaking when the waitress comes over to take their orders. Finally Louis speaks up.

"So what's it going to be like when we get to your house?" He asks

Harry furrows his eyebrows, "what?"

"Like, I know your family knows about us but do your friends?"

_Shit_.

"I- I hadn't thought of it." Harry says panicked

Louis picks up on it quickly, "hey its fine don't worry."

"No I ...I know, its just, everyone still thinks I'm straight and- shit." Harry rubs his face harshly 

"Do you want them to know?" Louis asks quietly

Harry's lack of response is all that Louis needs.

"Alright." He sighs before sitting back

Harry looks up, defeat clear on his face. "Louis you know it's hard-"

"I know Harry it's fine, really."

Harry knows for a fact that it is not fine.

"I just don't know how to tell them." Harry admits

"You use words." Louis snorts sarcastically, hurt clear in his eyes though

"Don't be like this." Harry pleads

"Be like what?" Louis argues "be disappointed that every time we make progress we end up back where we started. Two steps forward only to go ten back, it's frustrating." 

Harry turns away, jaw clenched and eyes hard.

"If I'm so frustrating then why are you with me? Why are you here?" 

Louis is shocked. "You know why Harry. Don't spin this like that."

"No really Lou, if this whole situation is too much for you to handle then why be with me?" Harry's looking at Louis now, eyes hurt and filled with emotion. "Because last I checked you said you'd be patient, and that you understand-"

"I do understand!"

"Then why do you constantly make me feel bad for not coming to terms with all of this yet." Harry fight, arms flailing as he speaks

"Because one second you're fine and free and happy to be with me and the next your right back to the Harry who was scared to even kiss me or admit you liked me. It's like constant whip lash-"

"Then why are you with me?" Harry asks again, his voice cracking this time

"Because I love you." Louis states matter of factly, "and sometimes love is hard."

They eat in silence for the rest of the meal and drive to Harry's without conversation, only the radio and Harry's mild sniffling. 

-

"Harry!" Anne smiles as he runs through the front door and into her sons arms

"Hi mom," he whispers into her hair

She doesn't comment on his blotchy cheeks or stress bitten lips, instead she kisses him on the cheek and goes over to greet Louis.

"Hello love." She smiles pulling him in for a hug

"Hi Mrs. Twist, thank you for letting me stay here for the week." 

"Call me Anne," she laughs "and it's no problem really, love having my boy home."

Louis smiles and the three of them walk inside, Louis taking in the size of the house. It's no mansion, but it certainly at least doubles the size of his. He looks at all the walls covered in fine paintings and childhood pictures instead of the cracked drywall and stains he's familiar with. 

"Make yourself at home." Anne says from another room, Louis assumes is the kitchen "Robin will be home in about two hours, so I figured we'd all go to Harry's favorite restaurant for dinner." 

Louis looks at Harry, who's looking at his feet. He smiles tightly, "sounds lovely."

Harry walks towards the stairs, and Louis absentmindedly follows, carrying his bag with him. When Harry walks down the long corridor and opens the last door Lousis realizes they're going into his room. It's large, larger than most rooms in Louis house and there's a large bed right in the middle covered in a navy blue comforter. Pictures are hung and trophies are displayed and the room is the epitome of what Harry is known for. If Louis knows any better he's sure he'll find a stack of playboy magazines under the bed. He doesn't look.

"It's a nice room." He says out loud

Harry just nods, plopping himself on the bed.

"Lots of trophies."

"Yup."

"And pictures. These your friends?" Louis holds a specific picture of Harry and a couple of guys

"Good eye." Harry snorts

"Okay enough with that shit." Louis snaps "if you have something to say say it."

"I have nothing to say, do you?"

Louis crosses his arms, "yeah I don't like this petty bullshit."

"You started it." Harry pouts

"You literally sound like a four year old." 

"You treat me like one." Harry counters

Louis eyes widen, "how?!"

"You you- you always-" Harry's looking around wildly "I don't know." He sigh "I'm just hurt right now."

Louis shoulders sag and he steps towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it.

"Then let's work on that yeah?"

Harry nods, hands folded in his lap. "I don't like feeling pressured." He says simply

"I never thought I've pressured you?"

"You don't directly do it, it's like with little things. You say you'll be patient and that you get what I'm feeling but then whenever I don't immediately want to tell people we're together or hold your hand I can see how it upsets you. And then I feel like shit for that and then ultimately feel like I have to make it better."

"I'm not going to apologize for being disappointed when you don't want to acknowledge that we're dating publically, anyone would be upset. But you also have to understand how it would feel if one moment we were able to be out and happy and the next we can't all because you're so in your head."

Harry sighs, "I get it."

"I'm sorry for hurting your feelings." Louis says, reaching for one of Harry's hands

"I'm sorry for frustrating you."

"I love you." 

"I love you too." 


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got bored, I should be asleep but I'm not 

When Anne allowed Louis and Harry to stay in Harry's room together, Harry was shocked. He knows his mom isn't oblivious, but he kind of has an idea that she doesn't think they're doing anything quite yet... And she is so wrong.

Harry wakes up with lips sucking at his neck and a hand, skillfully getting him off.

"Hfmfm" he groans, eyes blinded with sleep

"You're awake." Louis whispers into his ear

"I feel like I'm dreaming." Harry half moans, half whispers

"You were disrupting mine as you were dry humping my leg, and your morning wood poking my bum." Louis smirks against Harry's neck

Harry can feel his whole body flush with embarrassment, "was it a good dream?" He breathes

"It was okay," Louis smiles "making you come is better though."

He pumps and twists his wrist in the most mind boggling way that affect Harry more than it probably should. Louis swipes his thumb over his leaking head and Harry grabs a pillow and bites it hard.

"Fuck." He moans from behind the pillow

"Come love," Louis encourages "come for me."

Harry tries to conceal his sounds of pleasures as he comes into Louis hand but the pillow does no good. He whines as Louis continues to pump him through his orgasm, and when he catches his wits he goes into kiss Louis, only to have Louis push him back.

Harry looks at him confusedly.

"I love you but I don't love morning breathe and I don't think you do either." Louis smiles, kissing Harry's forehead

"Fine, I've got something else planned then." Harry smirks before sliding down Louis body

Louis catches on quickly and his heart immediately begins to accelerate with excitement. Harry doesn't give Louis blow jobs a lot, but when he does Louis absolutely goes mad. Louis lifts his bum so that Harry can pull his sweats down to his ankles, Louis kicking them off the rest of the way. Harry running his nose down the sharp lines of Louis hips, lips brushing the line of hair starting from his naval down. 

"You smell so good," Harry breathes "always so good."

"I pride myself in good hygiene." Louis says, voice strained with anticipation

When Harry's mouth finally takes Louis in, Louis realizes that he isn't going to last long at all. Harry's head bobs up and down, licking and sucking and swiping his length, Louis pulls at Harry's hair, hard, causing him to moan around Louis cock.

"Oh my god," Louis pants "you're killing me." 

Harry continues to take Louis in, even deep throating him which makes Louis hold back a sob. 

"You're like Santa's fucking Christmas bag," Louis blurts "new tricks and surprises always."

Harry laughs around his length, the vibrations doing harmful things to Louis sanity.

"I'm gonna come." Louis warns

Harry nods, swiping his tongue on the tip of Louis head like he knows the older boy absolutely loves. 

"Fuck Harry." Louis whines

He comes quick and hard into Harry's mouth, body shaking as Harry swallows him up, every drop. He crawls back next to him and turns onto his side, watching Louis. Both of their body's flushed and sweaty, and the stupidest of grins on each of there faces. 

"Well that's always a good start to the day." Louis jokes

Harry laughs, pulling Louis in tightly, arm around his shoulder.

"I love waking up to you." He whispers into the air

"We literally sleep together every night." Louis points out

"And every night I realize that the next morning I get to wake up next to you and it makes me the happiest person in the world."

"You're the epitome of cheesy." Louis wrinkles his nose cutely

"I pride myself in mastering the language of cheese." Harry grins

Louis barks out a laugh, "that was terrible!"

"Okay okay, I will say that was pretty bad. I'll have to think of another joke later."

"No!"

"Oh! I know! Why did the baboon ask the giraffe why the long face?" 

"Oh my god." Louis groans, shoving a pillow on Harry's face

"Cause he though his neck was his face." Harry mumbles, laughing to himself

Louis slaps himself on the head, "that's it. I've officially fell in love with an idiot."

Harry escapes from behind the pillow and surges forward into a kiss.

"Fuck morning breathe." He says against Louis mouth

When they both pull apart with small grimaces on their face, Harry shakes his head.

"Never mind you were right." He laughs 

"You're an idiot." Louis smiles

"You're an idiot."

"We're both idiots."

"Two idiots in love."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment!!!!!


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the TWO people who commented on the last chapter. Because of you two I'm actually updating and not brooding in my room.

The boys meet Anne and Robin downstairs after they wash up and get dressed, Harry smelling his mom's pancakes the second he opens his door. Louis doesn't understand the stupid grin on his face until he catches up to Harry who literally bolted down the stairs and eagerly ran into the kitchen.

"Thanks mom." He kissed her head

"No problem baby, love having you home to cook for." Anne smiles

"Yeah me too, she hasn't cooked pancakes since you've been gone." Robin teases

"Keep that up and you won't get any." Anne mock scowls, she turns and sees Louis standing in the doorway of the large marble kitchen, looking at the chandelier.

"Oh Louis what are you doing over there?" She asks, Harry turning to look at him.

"Oh I was just looking at the um kitchen. Its very lovely." He compliments, Harry noticing him pulling at the sleeves of his jumper like he does when he's anxious.

"Thank you darling, we got it done about two years ago, I threw myself into it once Gemma left for uni." Anne explains

"It's beautiful." Louis says in an almost transe like state, Harry watching him intently.

"Come sit next to me." Harry says as he walls across the room near the large black wooden table. Louis nodding and sitting down in a chair that might be more expensive than any of the furniture in his home.

"You good?" Harry whispers, looking at Louis

Louis nods, putting on a smile, "of course."

Harry seems to take the answer and proceeds to dig into the pancakes once Anne sets the table.

"Perfect mom." Harry mumbles through a mouthful 

"Delicious Anne, thank you." Louis compliments, taking a sip of his tea

"Not a problem." Anne smiles "so Louis tell me about yourself."

Louis coughs a little bit, "oh um I don't know. I have five sisters and a brother."

Anne's eyes widen, "wow what a big family." 

"Yeah," Louis squirms at the attention "I'm the oldest, the youngest are Ernie and Doris who are 2. They're twins, and then there are another set of twins, Phoebe and Daisy who are 12, and then my sister Felicite who's 15 and my sister Lottie whose 17."

"Lots of girls." Robin points out

"Ah yes," Louis laughs "didn't get myself a brother until the very end." He jokes

Harry squeezes his leg in a comforting way.

"So I take it you're very close to your family?" Anne asks

"Extremely." Louis nods "my mom's like my best friend."

"That's so sweet." Anne smiles, obviously hooked now

"Thank you."

"I'm assuming she's very supportive as well..." 

"Supp-? Oh, with me being gay?" Louisbclarifies

Anne nods, eyeing Harry, who is now the one who is now the one squirming.

"She's been supportive since the beginning, yes. Mostly everyone has been, I mean you always have those people in your life who won't accept it but I think of it as a problem from them and not me."

"I'm glad you two met." Anne says out of no where, Louis looks at Harry who is now bright red.

"Me too." Louis smiles, squeezing Harry's knee

"I don't want to pry or seem too abrasive, so pardon me as I try to say this somewhat clearly- but what exactly did you do to make Harry accept himself?" Anne asks shyly

"I'm not- I... I'm still learning to do that." Harry clarifies awkwardly

Anne grabs his hand from across the table and squeezes supportably.

"I think that Harry here always knew that he was gay but didn't quite allow himself to accept or come to terms with it. All I did was show him that I have and that it isn't a bad thing." Louis explains, rubbing Harry's thigh

Anne smiles and looks over at Harry.

"I love you no matter what or who you decide to be or do in life okay?"

Harry nods, not able to speak without his mountain of emotions crumbling down.

"So on a lighter note," Robin chimes in "what are you lads doing today." 

"Harry here told me that there's an amazing bakery here so I was hoping to go there eventually." Louis smiles

"Of course Harry told you about that, all the old women there are obsessed with him and his curls." Anne laughs

"I didn't know that!" Louis mocks being hurt

"They are not in love with me." Harry grumbles

"They named a pastry after you, and put signs up on your 17th birthday saying 'our baby's 17!'" Anne exclaims

Harry and Louis laugh as Anne continues to tell story after story of those old ladies indenting love for her son.

"Quite the lady's man." Louis teases

Harry snorts. 

"Well Gemma comes home in two days so if you go make sure you get those chocolate truffles for her." Anne explains while cleaning up

Louis offers to help but Anne just shoos him away, so instead he and Harry go to the game room.

Its a large room with a projector which uses a long wall as the screen. There's a big leather couch and x box smack in the middle, and on the shelves are all movies and video games.

"It's a little much." Harry says awkwardly

"Its nice." Louis says, looking at the room and all he sees is dollar signs

"You're uncomfortable." Harry frowns

"No I'm not." Louis says looking at Harry now

"Well- not uncomfortable but you are comparing everything, I can tell."

Louis shrugs

"Come sit." 

They lay together on the leather couch, Louis head in Harry's lap.

"I think you're house is lovely, it's just different then I'm used to. You're whole life is different I guess."

"Good different?"

"I'm with you aren't I?" Louis smirks

"You know what they say..." 

"What?" 

"Opposites attract!" Harry smiles before leaning down and kissing Louis 

-

They're walking down the sidewalk on the way to the bakery, hands in there pockets.

"That's like the twentieth sit down restaraunt I've seen." Louis says shocked

"Yeah?" Harry looks at him confusedly

"At uh-" Louis looks at his feet "there are only two places to like sit down at and eat in my town. There's a bunch of take out but none big enough to be considered actual restaurants."

"Oh." 

"Yeah."

They're walking silently for a moment when they hear Harry's name being called. They turn around, Louis looking at Harry to see a smile spread on his face as he jogs over to the guy.

"Josh!" He smiles

"Styles! Oh my god it is you!" Josh laughs pulling Harry in for a hug

"How've you been?" Harry asks after pulling apart

"Great, schools been amazing I love it." Josh says gleefully "the girls are smoking." He smirks

Harry nods and smiles as if what Josh just said applied to himself.

Josh looks over at Louis and puts his hand out, "I'm Josh, nice to meet you."

"Oh 'm sorry Lou, Josh this is my uh- mate from uni Louis. Louis this is Josh who was on the team with me from high school."

"Nice to meet you." Louis says with a tight smile

Josh nods, getting into all the other guys he's seen from town, filling Harry in on the latest news. Louis stands off to the side, swaying from feet to feet. He's not shocked about how Harry introduced him, he expected it considering they're conversation- well fight- the other day. But it still bothers him, but for the sake of the week Louis just takes a deep breathe, counts to ten and pushes it to the back of his mind.

"It was great to see you!" Harry smiles before parting ways, turning for Louis "wow that felt so weird, seeing him after months when we used to see each other every day."

"Yeah the first year is always the biggest adjustment when it comes to stuff like that." 

Harry smiles, going on and on about who he wants to see and trying to fill Louis in on each of his friends from home. Telling him about each store and place that meant something to him in this town. Pointing out the bridge where he got his first kiss and had his first break up, with the same girl, at. Louis nods and smiles as his boyfriend goes on and on lost in the world of the past. The biggest smile and most relaxed shoulders as he explains how great it is living there. 

Louis loves that Harry loves his home. He loves that Harry loves his family and life, and loves that he didn't have to live in a hectic and stressful  household like he did. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little envious, only a little though. Because Louis reminds himself, that this part of Harry's life wasn't true. That Harry hid his true self from all these people and places that make him so happy.

They go into the bakery, Louis dying as the old woman behind the counter, Agatha, practically sobs when she sees Harry's head of curls. 

"Baby!" She screams as he walks over to hug her, smirk on his face

"Hi Aggy." He says

Two more woman come out, Gretchen and Lucile. It's all smiles and flushed faces and lots and lots of pastries. They're there for about an hour, walking out with 4 boxes of the Styles 'usual' before Harry explains Anne is waiting back home for them and that he'll visit before he goes back to school. They don't notice Louis with him to the very end, this time Louis introducing himself as Harry's friend. Saying it out loud for himself so that he can process the meaning on his tongue and hear it in his own voice. 

They walk out of there and it seems that everyone they walk into on the street knows Harry and loves him. Whether its an old woman, a small child or a middle aged man, they all scream 'Styles!' which only makes Harry smile wider, if possible.

Louis is happy that Harry's happy, he's happy he came. He's just scared that Harry's going to fall into the comfort of his home and forget all that he's accomplished with himself.

As they round Harry's street corner Harry looks over at Louis, excitement on his face.

"I just love it here." He beams

"Yeah," Louis sighs "I know you do."


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment:)

"That sounds great, yeah. See you then." Louis hears Harry say from across the game room. Harry's grinning ear from ear as he walks over to Louis. 

"Who was that?" Louis asks as he runs his fingers over the countless amount of movies out on display.

"That was Josh who planned a night out tonight with some of the guys from my old school." Harry smiles, standing closely behind Louis

"Oh."

Harry nuzzles his face into the crook of Louis neck, his hot breathes fanning over his jawline.

"Do you want to come with?" Harry asks quietly into Louis ear

Louis doesn't answer immediately, clearly thinking about the answer. Harry knows why Louis would be apprehensive but he really wants him to come.

"I promise it won't be long." Harry whispers "then we could come back here and watch movies and.... Other things."

Louis whole body shivers.

"I- alright." The smaller boy nods

"Really?"

"Yeah I'll come with you." Louis can feel Harry's smile pressed against his skin

"Thank you babe." 

Louis groans, "there you are with that name again!"

Harry laughs, "do you like it?" He asks in a mock sexy voice

"No," Louis scrunches his nose "it sounds too- I don't know- cheesy."

"You call me love." Harry points out, smiling

"Because it suits you." Louis says simply, turning around so that their noses brush one another's

"These jeans certainly suit you too." Harry smirks, lips grazing Louis

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They're kissing instantly, lips connected, tongues exploring and love weaving its way throughout it all. Harry presses Louis up against the wall of movies, some tipping over causing a domino affect.

"Oops." Louis laughs lightly

Harry grabs Louis waist, "let's get you somewhere where you can't break things." Harry breathes, walking backwards towards the big leather couch. He falls over the side, pulling Louis down with him. They groan at the thud of their bodies but then their mouths are connected again. Louis hands in their rightful place in Harry's hair and Harry's fingers digging in their usual spot, the dips of Louis hips. Their breathing roughly through their noses, Louis starting a gently but firm little swivel with his hips, creating a friction between he and Harry's crotches.

"Fuck" Harry breathes

"This never gets old." Louis whines, "every time with you, I get more and more turned on it hurts." 

"Louis." Harry groans

In an instant Harry flips them over. He's crowding Louis into the leather now, body firmly pressed against each others. He rocks his hips firmer and harsher against Louis.

"I- fuck- I need you." Harry moans quietly into the crook of Louis neck

Louis squirms, face flush and dick hard. He nods quickly, pulling Harry's face back to his. They kiss roughly as Harry feels hands sneak under his sweatshirt, slowly pulling it higher. He disconnects himself from Louis as the material is tugged over his head. The second he's shirtless, Harry goes right back to licking into Louis mouth. Louis hands are now roaming Harry's hot and milky skin.

"So soft." He whispers between them

His hands are pressing Harry's lower back down, forcing Harry's groin to connect with his own more harshly. Harry reacts by sliding his hands between the two, sliding it under the material of Louis tight jeans. His fingers grazing over Louis throbbing length. Louis body jumps at the contact but relaxing moments later, panting for more. Harry moves his hand slightly to undo the botton on Louis jeans so he can pull them down. His hand is sliding them down his leg-

"Harry!" Anne calls from upstairs

The two boys groan into each others necks. Harry sighs.

"Yes?"

"Jake is here!" She replies

 _Fuck_.

"Fuck." Harry scrambles, climbing off of Louis quickly and throwing on his sweatshirt, fixing his hair in the process. There's still a clear tent in his pants but he makes no effort to fix himself, turning and looking at Louis wide eyed.

"Lou-" he starts

"It's fine Harry." Louis says with his eyes closed, laying down on his back still on the couch. He mindlessly fixes his jeans and rubs his face.

"I'm sor-"

"It's fine." Louis says again,"go upstairs and see your friend. I'll be up in a moment."

Harry nods, fixing his hair again before running up the stairs.

"Styles!" Louis hears from the other room

He groans and pushes his face into the cushion. 

"Fuck me." He breathes out

-

They're at a sports bar down the road from Harry's giant house. Louis and Harry tucked into the right side of a circular booth as Jake, Josh, Tyler and Jeff sit across from them. Harry introduced Louis to all of them as his 'good friend from WSU.' Louis took a big sip of his beer.

 "I've heard how you're killing it on the team at WSU." Tyler praises Harry

"The teams really good and uh supportive." Harry nods

"Always so modest." Josh laughs

"How's Julie doing?" Harry asks Jeff

Jeff's whole face flushes and he looks down, smiling.

"Really great, we've like adapted well to uni together."

Harry smiles.

"What about you Styles? How many girls you've pulled so far?" Jake asks, smirking

Louis coughs violently on his beer.

Harry looks at him a little wide eyes before turning back to the guys, "uh not too many. Classes and the team are really time consuming." 

Tyler laughs, "oh come on man, there's no way you think I'd believe that. Senior year you had to at least get-"

"I swear! I've had a few good ones but-"

"Do tell." Josh teases

Harry looks over at Louis whose looking down at the table. He runs a hand through his hair before shrugging.

"I mean there was Miranda... She was hot."

The three guys laugh, "way to brag Styles." Jake snorts

Harry laughs along with them, eyeing Louis while doing so. Josh must notice because he looks over at the other boy.

"What about you Louis? Got any girl back at school?" He asks Louis curiously, no judgement 

Louis looks over to Harry before shaking his head.

"No, no girl for me." He says simply

Josh takes the answer as it is, changing the subject entirely to his major.

Harry subtly squeezes Louis thigh underneath the table, watching as the older boy slowly lowers his hand from where it is resting on the table and brings it down to graze Harry's knuckles. Harry pulls his hand away but not before giving a few reaffirming taps.

They leave about two hours later, the conversation switching from old stories, to school, to professional football. Harry almost jumps at Jake in his seat when he says the Packers won't make the super bowl. Clearly all the boys know how to push his buttons.

On their way back to Harry's house, Harry connects their pinkies, giving a slight pull. Louis looks up to him.

"Thank you." Harry smiles sweetly

Louis nods, squeezing Harry's pinkie back.

"No problem love."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment comment comment !!!


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally trapped in my house from the snow.
> 
> So comment so I have something to read while I'm bored! :)

They're in the game room watching The Walking Dead when someone clears their throat from behind them. Harry turns around,

"Gems!" He exclaims excitedly, hopping over the couch to give her a hug

"Hi," she smiles hugging him back

Louis stands up slowly, hands stuffed awkwardly in his pockets. When Harry and Gemma pull apart her eyes fall to Louis.

"Don't just stand over there," she smirks arms wide

Louis smiles and goes over and gives her a polite hug.

"Oh H, you didn't tell me how strong your boyfriend is." She teases, squeezing Louis bicep

"He got all the muscle from changing channels on the remote." Harry snorts

"Hey!"

"Okay enough, I need to sit down, plus you two have to fill me in."

They all move to the couch, "fill you in on what?" Harry asks

"On how today went...with the guys. What did they say?" She asks curiously

Harry looks at her confused, "uh well schools going great and Josh is doing-"

"Not about that you oaf!" She laughs

"Then-"

"About you two, about you having a boyfriend. They were cool right, or I'll kill 'em."

Louis looks down at his hands, as Harry awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.

"I um- they don't exactly know." He mumbles

Gemma's eyes widen, "they don't know? How do they not know? You two went together didn't you? You obviously had to introduce him-"

"As a friend." Louis interrupts

"What?" 

"He did introduce me, as his 'best mate from uni." Louis explains emotionless, sinking back into the couch. He won't look at Harry, he can't handle seeing the self-disappointment.

"Why would you do that?" Gemma asks Harry who now has his head in his hands

"Because it was-"

"Easier." Louis interrupts again, this time a little more frustration in his tone

"Louis you can't expect this to be easy for me." Harry begs

"I never thought it would be easy," Gemma says "but why would you invite Louis here just to introduce him as a friend?"

Harry groans, "I don't know! I just wanted to be together." Harry looks at Louis, "I wanted to be with you."

Louis remains silent.

"Are you scared? Is that it?" Gemma asks "Because if that's the case then you really have to push past that."

"I'm not- I don't think I'm scared."

"Then what is it?"

"Like I said before it was easier for him." Louis says, "it's easy for him to come back to the place where he is known for being the Harry Styles, and can walk around without everyone knowing the truth, even himself."

Now Harry's the one who stays quiet.

"Is that true?" Gemma asks lightly

Harry just groans into his hands.

"Harry speak, say something-"

"What do you want me to say?!" He shouts, eyes wide and arms extended. "Do you want me to say how I'm a coward for not owning who I am, for not being able to introduce Louis as my boyfriend because I want that part to be a secret. You think I'm happy that I'm hurting him? I'm not! I'm trying, I'm trying really hard but obviously it's not hard enough because everyone is hurt or angry. Including myself, I'm hurt and angry at myself for not being able to fucking say I have a boyfriend. I'm mad that it even has to be this big of a deal. Every time I think I'm somewhat normal, and that this is okay, something like this happens to remind me I'm not. So if you're going to get mad at me for wanting to realm in my normalcy for a little longer then fine, be mad, I'm right there with you." Harry is off the couch by the time his speech is over, he's walking out of the room and when Louis goes to call out for him Gemma just tells him he needs some time.

"I hate how much he's in his head." Louis groans. "Just he gets himself so worked up and paranoid and it kills me to see him hurting himself."

"I know, I didn't realize how bad this was until now."

"It's not always bad.... He's out at school, not exactly on his own terms, but he's accepted it. It's just I thought doing it here would maybe be easier because he knows everyone, but now I see that that's not the case."

"I get why he'd be scared due to people maybe looking at him differently," Gemma says, "but this whole town loves Harry and I feel like they'd love him even more if he showed them the real him."

"I hope."

Gemma throws an arm over Louis shoulder and messes with his hair.

"I'm really glad he has you." She says

-

When Louis and Gemma finally leave the game room, Louis immediately goes to find Harry. He runs up to his room and finds it empty, worry setting in.

"He's probably in the gym." Gemma says from behind him

"Where in town is that?" Louis groans

Gemma laughs, "its not in town. It's in the house, I'll show you."

"He has a bloody gym in his house." Louis whispers to himself

Gemma leads him down the flight of stairs, and down the hall to a part of the house Louis hasn't seen yet, Gemma points the a door signalling to Louis that behind there is the gym. He nods and opens the door slowly, seeing a medium sized room with weights and treadmills and elipticals, and other machines Louis isn't familiar with. He sees Harry, well the back of Harry, by a punching bag, having the time of his life. The wall Harry is facing, is mirrored so he sees Louis the same time Louis sees him, he stops punching immediately.

"Hi." Louis says

"Hey." Harry says, heavily breathing and sweat forming on his head

"Can we talk?"

Harry nods, swallowing harshly.

_He wants to go home. He wants to leave...leave me._

They sit down on a long bench in the middle of the room.

"This week has gone by differently than I had imagined." Louis starts

_He hates me. He hates what I've put him through._

"And I get that it's difficult to put yourself out there with the possibility of rejection."

_He won't even look at me. He can't._

"But sometimes you have to take that jump, and yes it's scary but you have all these people who do know, and love and support you."

' _I'm just not one of them.' He's had enough of me._

"If you're afraid of letting go of your past because it seems perfect to you then you're wrong. This part of your life now, this is the good part. You're being honest, to yourself and to others. Back then you wouldn't even let yourself consider what you want."

Harry's eyes are watering and Louis hasn't noticed till now. Now he sees the panic in his eyes, the whiteness in his face, and tense way he's holding himself.

"H, I-"

"Please don't Louis." Harry's voice cracks, "don't say it."

Louis reaches for his hand only for Harry to pull away.

"Say what?" 

"That-" Harry clears his throat, "that you're going to leave. Leave me."

Louis looks shocked. He is shocked.

"I'm not-"

"I promise I'll tell Josh tomorrow, I promise. I just- don't give up on me." Harry's crying now

Louis pulls his sweaty and snot nosed boy into his arms.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere." He says

Harry cries and cries and after every shaky breathe a tiny, "I'm sorry," falls out of his mouth.

"Don't be sorry." Louis comforts, heart breaking

"I- I- lo- love- you-ou- so much." Harry stutters

"I love you too, so much. I'm not leaving, I'm going to be right here with you."

"I'll tell him tomorrow- I just Josh. Please, for now." Harry shakily says, "can that be enough for now?"

Louis nods, kissing the top of Harry's head. 

"Of course love."

"I'm so sorry Louis, I want to be good at this. I just" Harry's voice cracks again, "I don't know- I hate how- I just want to be normal."

"You are normal." Louis says softly, running a hand through Harry's sweaty yet soft hair

"I- you- I feel normal with you." Harry breathes out

Louis pulls Harry's face up, kissing his forehead lightly.

"I feel normal with you too." 


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I sort of maybe might have started writing another story the other day.... (: possibly going to be available to read sometime in February. 
> 
> I love the honest feedback from those of you who comment, it honestly makes me feel amazing that you love and appreciate my writing.

Harry calls Josh early the next morning, asking to meet up for coffee.  He left around 9, Louis still tucked into the bed asleep.  Harry didn't want to bother him, he knows how wrong he has been towards Louis and his feeling but this whole process has completely overwhelmed him.  But that's no excuse, and he knows it.  Josh is sitting at their usual spot in the small diner they all used to go to.  

_When things were normal._

_Shut the fuck up._

Josh smiles when he sees Harry, setting his phone down.

"Hey.  You gonna tell me why you had me come he at the crack of dawn." Josh teases

Harry's throat tightens.

"I uh-"

"I'm only messing with you," He looks at Harry confused "what's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing is wrong." Harry says rushed

"Okay?"

Their waitress comes over quickly, taking their orders.  Josh orders pancakes and coffee.

"And for you?" She looks over at Harry

"Uh just coffee please."

She nods and walks away.

"Why are you not getting food?" Josh asks

"Don't really have an appetite."  Harry says quietly

"Okay?  Where's Louis, he seems like a nice guy." 

Harry's whole face feels like it's on fire, "he, um he's still sleeping."

"Does he not know you're here?" Josh frowns

Harry shakes his head, "he knew I wanted to meet up with you today, just he doesn't know that it was going to be well, now." Harry shrugs

"So what's up with you two? Are you in classes together?" Josh asks

Harry squirms a little in his seat, "um no- not exactly."

"How'd you two meet?"

"At a bar."  Harry rushes

"Ooh, was he your wing man." Josh smirks

Harry chokes on air, "no, no God no he wasn't." he blurts after composing himself

"Oh okay," Josh nods, "how's Liam?"

"He's good, he grew his hair out."  Harry says awkwardly

Josh blurts out laughing, "Styles why the hell would I care about Payne's hair?"

Harry scratches the back of his neck, "I don't really know."

Josh nods, "so are you going to tell me why we are here right now and why you don't have an appetite? And don't you tell me it's nothing because you look just as nervous as you were before championships last year."

Harry clears his throat, looking out the window.  He nods, looking down now at his hands, taking slow shaky breathes.

"I-um- haven't been one hundred percent honest with you, or like all of the guys." Harry starts

Josh looks at him confusedly, nodding his head encouraging Harry to continue.

"Before when we were talking about like relationships, I um- I am actually in a relationship with someone."

Josh's face breaks out into a huge grin, "fuck you Styles! I thought it was something bad!" Josh laughs

Harry laughs along with him for a  moment, thinking he can leave it at that.  But then Louis disappointed face creeps into his mind and he clears his throat again, throat tight.  "That isn't all of it." he says in a small voice

Josh's smile immediately is gone.

"What- is everything okay with-"

"It's Louis." Harry blurts

Josh's eyebrows furrow, "what is he like jealous or some shit about you and your girl-"

"No Josh, Louis isn't jealous of a girl because he is..."  Harry stops talking, throat too tight

"He's what?" Josh looks at him like he has two heads

"Well- he's the person I'm in a relationship with." Harry whispers

Josh looks at Harry, like he is making no sense. The realization flooding his face in the moments after. 

"But that- you- all your old girls- help me out here Harry." He says

Harry takes a deep breathe, "I'm gay.  I've always been, I've known I was gay even when I was with Lauren, Anna, Britt and Jane."

"Then why were you with them?" Josh asks confused

"Because I was scared." Harry says quickly, "I just- everyone had these expectations and I didn't want to let them down, hell I didn't want to let myself down.  I never acknowledged it till uni, well actually till Louis."

"Those expectations, you were the one who made them." Josh points out.  "You were always ten steps ahead of everyone in everything, you did that."

"I know." Harry looks down

It's silent for a few minutes.  The waitress coming over with Josh's pancakes and refilling their drinks.

"Hey," Josh finally says

Harry looks up.

"Are you happy?" he asks

Harry nods.

"Then I'm happy for you." he smiles, "Louis seems like a proper guy."

"He is." Harry says weakly, "he is and I've been shit."

"Why do you say that?"

Harry shakes his head, "I- this whole 'coming to terms with myself' it's been hard and he's been so patient and I don't know, I can tell he is hurt and upset with me."

Josh looks at Harry wide eyed, "he shouldn't be upset that it's hard for-"

"No not with that, like, at school I'm out." Harry explains "and coming here, he just thought I'd be out here as well, and when he brought it up I freaked.  I could tell he was hurt and disappointed, we even had a fight but the fights always end up with him feeling like shit for hurting me." 

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you make him feel like shit? Why don't you let him, I don't know, like be mad?"

Harry shakes his head, "it's just with this whole thing, I get really like defensive and emotional and whenever he voices his concerns or things that upset him I get freaked out that-" Harry's voice wavers

Josh sits up, giving Harry a worried look.

"What freaks you out?" He asks softly

"That he's going to leave me." Harry whispers, "I can't- I can't do this without him."

Josh nods understandably.

"Why don't you tell him how you feel?"

"What am I going to say, 'hey Lou I'm sorry for never letting you be mad, so you can be if you want.' That sounds like shit." Harry laughs

Josh laughs with him, 

"I don't know Styles, this one is kind of out of my realm of good advise." Josh smiles

"I figured." Harry laughs

"Are you going to tell the other guys?" 

Harry shrugs, "probably, I just don't know when."

"I think they'll be fine, maybe confused like me but I think they'll get it once you explain it."

"I hope."

-

 Harry gets back to his house at around noon, he sees Gemma and Louis in the living room, along with his mother who walks out with the bakeries they bought the day before.

"Oh, you're back!" Anne smiles

Harry clears his throat, "yeah."

He had texted Louis before he had left explaining where he was going, so he isn't shocked at the concerned look the older boy is shooting him.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Harry says, looking at Louis

They all nod, as Harry climbs up the stairs he hears Louis excuse himself.

"No funny business!" Gemma shouts to the two of them

Louis laughs, Harry doesn't.

Harry's sitting on the bed when Louis comes in.

"So?" Louis asks, standing in front of Harry, rocking on his feet

"It went well." Harry says

Louis snorts, "man of many words you are." he takes a seat next to Harry

"He was confused, rightfully so, but I explained to him everything and he understood."

Louis can't help but smile, "I'm so proud of you." He says in the crook of Harry's neck

"Yeah?" Harry asks in a whisper

"Yeah," Louis kisses his neck " was worried about you all morning, Gemma had to keep calming me down."

"I didn't mean to worry you."

"I know love," Louis turns side ways so he can cradle Harry's head between his hands, "but I can't help it, I'm always going to worry about you."

Harry nods, kissing Louis slowly.

After a minute or two, Harry pulls back frowning.

"What?" Louis asks

"Get mad." Harry blurts

Louis leans back, "again what?" 

"Get mad at me Lou. I never let you get mad at me."

Louis shakes his head, a small confused smile is on his face. "I'm not mad right now though."

"I don't care, yell at me, push me, anything.  I deserve it." Harry encourages

Louis is full on laughing now, "I'm not going to push you."

Harry's frown deepens, "stop laughing at me."

Louis shakes his head, smile dying down. "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing at your idea.  I get what you're saying and I appreciate it but why don't you wait till I'm actually mad to tell me to yell at you, yeah?"

Harry nods, looking down.

"Hey," Louis breathes, getting close enough that their noses brush again. "Thank you.  For today with Josh, and just now, thank you."

"Anything for you Lou."  Harry kisses Louis again, this time longer, more secure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep commenting


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to know what everyone favorite scene/chapter has been so far!
> 
> Love all your feedback(:

Harry wakes up, the sunlight shining through his blinds forcing him to squint.  He looks down to see Louis who’s snuggled up into his side, back against Harry's ribs.  He's holding onto Harry's arm tightly, and all Harry can do is think about how beautiful his boyfriend is.

He leans over a little bit, brushing Louis fringe out of his eyes and watching as his long eyelashes flutter against his cheekbones.  The material of Louis shirt is riding up, revealing the dip in his waist and Harry has to stop himself from putting his hand there, not wanting to disturb Louis sleep.  He thinks about the previous day, how great Josh was with everything and how Louis was still so understanding.  Harry's just about to lay his head back onto his pillow when he hears a tiny groan.

"You awake?" he whispers

Louis groans again, "no."

Harry laughs lightly, "you can go back to sleep."

Louis turns around, pressing his front into the side of Harry, he looks up.

"Good morning." he says, voice rough

"Good morning to you too." Harry smiles

Louis yawns, sitting up and stretching, subconsciously fixing his hair like he always does in the morning.  His face is puffy from sleep and it's absolutely the most adorable thing Harry has ever seen.

"What?" Louis asks

"Hm?"

"Why are you smiling at me?" He asks, rubbing the scruff on the side of his face

Harry shrugs, "because you're beautiful."

Louis coughs awkwardly, still not able to full accept a compliment.

"I kind of need to shower." He says instead 

Harry nods, "I'll join you."

Louis is shocked, "didn't you take one last night?"

Harry smiles, "yeah but you can never be too clean."

Louis laughs, standing up and cracking his back. "Aren't you worried about your mom-"

"We'll be in my bathroom, she would have no clue."

Louis obviously forgetting that every person in this house has their own bathroom.

"Right." He nods, grabbing his toiletry bag and opening the door connecting them to Harry's en-suite.  Harry follows behind him, pulling his shirt off as he walks in.

Louis undresses slowly, trying not to watch Harry do the same.  He can't help it though, with his long legs and broad shoulders, his firm abs with small love handles on his hips.  He's so mesmerizing.

"See something you like?" Harry teases

"Shut up." Louis snorts

They climb into the large, glass door shower.  The hot water already creating a thick fog of steam.  Louis sneaks around Harry's body to go under the water first, he rubs his face as the water rolls down him and when he opens his eyes he sees Harry staring at him with dark eyes.

"See something you like?" Louis mocks

Harry stays silent, watching the water make it's way down Louis sinful body.  He takes a step forward so that he and Louis are both under the water now, his hair falling into thick ringlets in front of his face.

"You look like Tarzan." Louis breathes, smiling slightly

Harry smiles back, "I've been told before."

Louis moves over to grab the shampoo, pouring some into his hands and giving Harry a questioning look.

"Can I?" 

Harry nods immediately.

Louis lathers the strawberry scented shampoo into Harry's hair, scrubbing a little harder than necessary just because he knows Harry likes a little pain.  Harry rests his head against Louis shoulder as the boy continues the work his hands throughout his hair. When Louis taps Harry's arm he looks up.

"Hm?"

"Rinse time, get under the water." Louis instructs

Harry switches places with Louis and leans  his head back, running his hands through his hair as Louis runs shampoo through his own.  Louis watches as the muscles in Harry's arms flex as he rings the excess shampoo out.  When Harry steps out of the water, Louis slides back in quickly rinsing his own hair. Louis grabs the body wash from the small rack.

"Do you want-"

Harry shakes his head, grabbing Louis waist and pressing him against the wall, kissing him firmly.  He grabs the body wash from out of Louis hands and drops it on the other side of the shower.  Louis is caught off guard at first, but when he feels Harry's semi pressing into his thigh he gains his composure back, kissing back just as hard.  Louis moves his hands into Harry's wet hair, scratching his nails along his scalp, eliciting a moan from the younger boy.  Louis juts his hips forward, forcing their groins to meet and they both let out loud whines.  

Harry quickly slides his hand from where it is digging into Louis hip and down to his length, getting him off slowly.  Louis gasps into his mouth, but remains to kiss him nonetheless.

"Fuck." He whispers

Harry smirks, grabbing his length as well as Louis is his giant hand, rubbing them together creating the best friction.  The both moan loudly.

"I-fuck- I need you." Harry whines, voice cracking

"Anything, anything you want." Louis pants

Harry nods, quickly shutting the water off and pulling Louis out of the shower.

"Where are-"

"Bed now." Harry practically growls

They both sprint into the bedroom, still wet from the shower but neither seem to mind.  Harry tugs Louis onto the bed first, climbing on top of him and thrusting into him.

"Lube and condoms?" Louis asks, panting

"Drawer."

Louis reaches over as Harry sucks at his neck, Louis shakily dropping the items down on the bed.  

Harry reaches over and grabs the lube, sitting up to uncap it.

“Do you want me to-“

“I’ll do it.” Harry says quickly, eyes wide. “If that’s okay.”

Louis nods, “whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Harry covers his fingers generously before looking back at Louis who has now placed a pillow under his lower back and pulled his knees up on the bed so that they are bent, putting his pretty hole on display.

“Fuck.”

Louis laughs lightly, “You can start whenever you’re ready.”

Harry nods, sitting on his knees and scooting in between Louis legs.  He slowly brings his hand to in between Louis thighs, using his other hand to pull apart his cheeks some more.  He brings his pointer finger to Louis hole and circles around it gently, getting a feel of the difference. Louis is squirming lightly, his feet digging into the comforter harshly.

Harry pushes his finger in slightly, watching as Louis eyes shut and mouth hangs open.  He waits a few seconds before pushing in more.

“Shit.” Louis whines, knees closing in which does no good considering Harry’s right in between them. “You can add another.”

Harry nods, pulling out slowly and lubricating his fingers more.  Louis is withering at the loss of contact.

“Be patient.” Harry teases

“Just get in me already.” Louis says

Harry stills, “are you sure?”

Louis nods

Harry wipes the lube off of his fingers and onto the sheets, and instead reaches for the condom.  He rolls it on quickly and coats it with more than enough lube.  He sets himself up so that he is directly lined with Louis hole, face inches above Louis.

“Ready?”

Louis nods, pulling Harry’s hair down forcing their lips to connect as Harry eases himself in.  Harry swallows all of Louis whines and heaving breathes as he bottoms out.  When he’s all the way in, Louis pulls back after a minute or two and tells Harry to move. 

Harry starts thrusting in and out of Louis slowly. He starts to build a rhythm, and his moans and sounds of pleasure mix with Louis'.  Harry sucks underneath Louis jawline, leaving a love bite in his wake. 

“Fuck, so good.” Louis pants

Harry hums in agreement, swallowing all the tiny grunts and moans coming from Louis.  He starts to rock more harshly into Louis now, and when Louis lets out a loud shout Harry knows he’s found Louis spot.

“You good down there?” he asks smirking

“Shut-up” Louis breathes

Harry just laughs, angling his hips so that he is almost always hitting Louis prostate, making him wither and whine.

“I’m close.” He says breathlessly

Harry nods, connecting their lips again.  It’s messy and awkwardly angled but the whole experience is so perfect that Harry might just explode.

“I’m going to-fuuuuck.” Louis groans as he comes all over his and Harry’s stomach.  Harry continues thrusting for a few more moments before filling up the condom himself.  He collapses onto Louis come stained stomach and the two of them just lie there for a few minutes.

“Well taking a shower was pointless.” Louis says, voice rough

Harry snorts, “guess we’ll just have to take another one.”

“Pity.”

-

They end up taking another shower, which only consists of body washing and Harry attempting to get Louis off again as Louis laughs and shakes his head.  They're lounging in Harry's room when there's a knock on the door followed by Gemma coming in.

"Hello boys." she says

She's dressed up in an outfit that surely could have been taken out of a catalog, her hair looking like it's been professionally done.

"Where are you off to?" Harry asks, eyebrows raised

"I'm just going out and was wondering if you guys were doing anything tonight, like outside of the house." She says slyly

Louis looks over to Harry to see if he realized what she meant yet.

"Why would it matter if we were in the house or not?" Harry counters

Gemma rolls her eyes, "don't be annoying, you know why."

"Are you going on a date with the hopes of bringing him home?" Harry asks shocked

Gemma just groans, "why do you sound like dad?" 

"Wait why does it matter if we're home or not, you're house is huge." Louis points out

"I'm not doing anything with anyone if I know my baby brother and his boyfriend are in the house.  That's weird."

Louis face heats up.

"You're not doing anything with anyone period." Harry says

"Oh what are you going to do, ground me?" Gemma laughs

Harry pouts

"Besides, you should be happy that I had the decency to ask if you'd be home." She smirks, "it didn't seem to occur to you two to do that."

Harry throws a pillow at her as she walks out.

"You're not going on that date!" he yells 

"Bite me!" She replies, her heels clinking as she walks down the stairs

Harry pouts as he slumps back into the bed.

"Aw look at you being a protective baby brother." Louis pokes his dimple

"What if that was Lottie?" 

Louis stills, "well played Styles, well played."


	55. Chapter 55

"Why do you have a leg massager in the back of your closet?" 

Harry shrugs, "dad thought it would be a good idea so that my muscles could relax."

"Oh my god," Louis snorts "you're such a baby."

"I am not a baby, I just get sore calfs-"

"Babbbyyyyyy" Louis sings, sitting on Harry's lap

"Fine," Harry laughs "if I'm a baby than you're a fetus."

Louis slaps his forehead, "that was terrible."

"Shut up and kiss me you fool." Harry says kissing Louis

Louis shifts so that he is straddling Harry's lap, his hands sliding their way up into his hair.

"Oh." Harry jumps, pulling back

"What?" 

 "My phone it's vibrating in my back pocket and it feels weird." Harry says

Louis climbs off as Harry grabs his ringing phone.

"It's Liam," he says before picking up. "Hello?"

"Hey how's Disney going? Sick that's cool...oh um I don't really know about- okay I'll ask but don't get your hopes up. Okay I'll call you later." Harry hangs up looking at Louis innocently

"What?" Louis asks

"That was Liam, they're having a great time in Disney." Harry says, grabbing Louis hand

"Cut the shit, what happened?"

"He wants us to come."

Louis looks away, Harry still rubbing his knuckles.

"And I'll do whatever you want, so if-"

"I can't Harry." Louis says quietly

"I'll pay for everything, I know you don't like that but-"

"You're right I don't so stop asking. If you want to go then go I swear I'll be fine." Louis says pulling his hand back

 "I wouldn't go without you." Harry says, eyebrows furrowed

Louis doesn't say anything, he just looks down with his hands in his lap.

"Hey, I'm not forcing you to go or to accept the money ...I'm not offering it out if pity, I'm doing it because I want to, I want to go to Disney with you. Can't you see how fun it would be, us at Magic Kingdom, I'll even throw some PDA in there." Harry teases

"I don't know."

"I'll do whatever you want but I don't want you to not go just because you won't accept the money."

"How- how much would it be?" Louis asks, biting the inside of his cheeks

Harry looks at his phone, "I don't know an exact amount, I can ask Liam."

Louis shakes his head, "just promise me that we'll get the absolute cheapest room and you'll let me pay for food."

A wide grin spreads on Harry's face and he jumps at Louis, engulfing him in a tight embrace.

"Thank you thank you thank you." Harry whispers in Louis ear

"Yeah yeah yeah, as long as I get to see you in mickey ears."

"I promise." Harry smiles, "we're going to Disney!" Harry laughs cheerfully

-

Harry had called Liam back with the news an hour later, the two of them then going to tell Anne that they would be leaving in the morning.

"That sounds like fun," she smiled

Harry was looking at Louis the whole time, "it's going to be amazing."

-

"Do you like roller coasters?" Louis asked Harry as they lied in Harry's bed

Harry's hands stilled from where they were tracing over the small patch of skin revealed from Louis shirt. "Define like?" He asks slowly

Louis sits up smirking, "your scared of them aren't you?" 

Harry shakes his head, "I am not scared."

"So then you'll go on all the rides with me? Front seat, hands in the air?"

"I'll go on the mouse trap." Harry mumbles 

Louis is laughing hysterically now, "oh come on my eleven year old sisters like that! Be a man, go on something with at least one loopdy loop." Louis teasesd

"But what about my legs?" Harry asked, hiding his amused face behind his hands

"What? What about them?"

"They're dangling from the seat and I have such long legs they might hit something and get cut off or-"

"You're insane!" Louis squeals, "plenty of tall dangly people go on roller coasters and they turn out just fine."

Harry sighs, the small smile on his face still there. "We'll see."

"I'm going to drag you on one if it's the last thing I'll do."

"It may be the last thing I do if my legs get cut off." Harry smirks

Louis flicks his forehead, "you're such a drama queen."

"Says the one who was convinced that you're leg was going to have to amputated odd after it fell asleep for a long period of time."

"It wasn't normal!"

"You're not normal." Harry laughs

Louis jumps on top of Harry and pins him down, "wanna say that again?"

"Sure," Harry flips them over so he's on top, "you're not normal."

"I hate that you're tall." Louis pouts

"No you don't," Harry snorts "you just hate that you're small."

"I am not small!" 

 


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did really well on all of my midterms so I'm very happy:)
> 
> I wrote a lot for my new story, in terms of plot, so that's a plus as well! I'll let you know when it's posted which will be in a few weeks I just am not sure when...
> 
> Let me know what you hope to see in the upcoming chapters of this story though! Remember the more you comment, the more I want to post!!!!!

**TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES IN**

"Is it really five hours?" Louis whined

Harry adjusted his curls into his beanie, throwing a pair of RayBans on afterwards.  Louis had been staring at his boyfriend all morning and he didn't care one bit that it was obvious.  He couldn't help it, Harry was wearing his signature black skinnies with a practically sheer white t shirt.  The contrast doing wicked things to his already, outstanding body.  The dark navy of his beanie making his green eyes seem deeper behind the tinted frames.

"For the millionth time yes." Harry said, looking over his shoulder while merging into another lane

Louis groaned, sinking back in his seat, "I hate long car rides."

"Why?" Harry asked while playing with his lower lip

"Because," Louis rolled up his window "I get to jittery and never know where to put my hands."

Harry snorts, "you sound like a virgin scared to have sex."

"You mean you like four months ago?" Louis teased

Harry just shook his head, the small smile on his lips getting bigger as he glanced at Louis in the passenger seat.

"What?" Louis asked after spotting Harry looking

Harry shook his head, "I love long car rides."

"Why the hell would you like long car rides but not roller coasters.  What type of man are you?"

"I like driving and listening to music, plus I heard spending a long period of time anywhere with your boyfriend or girlfriend is really telling."

"How so?"  Louis raised an eyebrow

"Well lets just say by the end of this car ride I may want to break up with you." Harry smirked

Louis slapped Harry's arm jokingly, "yeah how do you know I wouldn't break up with you first?"

"Because," Harry couldn't contain his smile "I'm actually pleasant to be stuck with in a car for five hours."

"What makes you so sure, for all you know-hey what are you doing?" Louis sits up looking out the window confusedly as Harry pulls off onto the side of the road.

"Because I can do this." Harry parks the car and unbuckles his seat belt, leaning over the console to give Louis a kiss.  When Harry pulls back, Louis looks dazed.

"You're right," Louis clears his throat "I would totally not break up with you."

-

**TWO AND A HALF HOURS IN**

"But I really need to pee." Louis whined

"Lou we literally just stopped at a gas station forty five minutes ago, why didn't you go then?"

"I didn't have to go then!" Louis screeched "but I do now, so badly.  And you know what they say about holding in your pee."

Harry groaned rubbing his face, "alright.  I'll stop after we get onto the next exit in five minutes."

Louis smiled, making the music louder.  "Thank you Haroooolddd." He sang

Harry just nodded along, trying to maintain his sanity.

-

**THREE HOURS IN**

"Do you think they'll have those juice drinks I like?" Harry asked

"Um, well Disney's target is typically young children and families who I don't think are going there to have organic smoothies so I can't make any promises there." Louis smirked

Harry sighed, "I don't want to eat anything crazy.  Coach already told us next week is going to be like hell week on steroids."

"Why? What's the point of making you guys do a load of fitness when the season is over?"

"Uh," Harry looked straight ahead "he has been angry over the disunity of the team lately so this is sort of our punishment and wake-up call all in one."

"Why has there been disunity?" Louis studies Harry's face

Harry shrugs, "you know... boys will be boys."

"Does this "disunity" have anything to do with Max?" Louis pushes

Harry holds his breathe, trying to delay answering the question.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Is he really still causing problems, I swear I'm going to-"

"Do nothing." Harry interrupts, "you're going to do nothing because you love me and don't want to listen to me complain about having to run five miles everyday for another week."

"Fine but I want you to tell me this stuff." Louis says "I want to know when he's being a dick.  What about the other boys, have they been okay?"

Harry nods, "most of them have been.  Some give me odd glances, especially before showering but nothing I can't handle.  It's only Max who verbalizes it, but I can see in some of the other guys that they agree."

"Well fuck them." Louis snaps

"No thank you," Harry smirks to lighten the mood.

"Ha ha, I'm serious.  Don't get worked up about them, they're all stupid and ignorant."

"Lou, if you haven't noticed I am plenty fine with the situation and how it's going.  I'm not worked up." Harry laughs

Louis shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest, "well just in case you were, I was just saying."

Harry laughed to himself, "you're something else." he whispers

"Huh?"

"Nothing, I just love you." he smiles

Louis eyes instantly lighten up and he bites his lip, "are you going to pull over again?"

"If you keep rubbing my leg I might."

-

  **FOUR HOURS AND FORTY-FIVE MINUTES IN**

Louis had fallen asleep four hours into the drive while Harry hummed along to whatever song had come on over the radio.  When the GPS notifies him that they are ten minutes from their destination he shakes Louis knee gently.

"Lou." He says gently "Louis wake up."

"Mmmph"

"We're almost here, come on sit up."

"'m comfy." Louis rasped

"Well I'm not, I expect a full body massage when we get into our room." Harry joked

"With vanilla lotion?" Louis half whispered-half said

"Do you have vanilla lotion?" Harry laughed

Louis nods

"Do I want to know why you do?"

Louis shakes his head

"Well then sure, you can rub me down with vanilla lotion."

Louis sleepily smiles, slowly sitting up and stretching.

"I'm really excited." He said after a long yawn

"Oh really, Mr. I don't want to go, is now suddenly pumped?"

Louis shakes his head, "I just like experiencing new things with you."

Harry can't help the small blush and smile that makes his way onto his face. 

"Yeah," he bites his lip, looking at his rear-view mirror, "me too."

-

"Liam said that they're on their way down." Harry said after hanging up the phone

"Harry how much was this place?" Louis asks, eyes wide as he gapes at the high marble ceilings

"Harry, Louis!" They hear from down the hall

"Payno!" Harry laughs, walking over and giving his tan best friend a hug

"Where's my ass of a roommate?" Louis hears first, then spotting Zayn walk behind Liam

"Malik, oh you must be so happy to see me." Louis smirks

"Keep dreaming." Zayn smiles before pulling Louis into a hug

"How has your vacation been so far?" Liam asks them

Louis and Harry look at each other, both of them smiling. "Good." "Great." they mumbled

Perrie walks down the hallway with Sophia, smiling. "Hello boys, how was the drive?"

"Oh yeah, how'd you manage with Lou in the car?" Zayn asks

Harry looks at Louis who is scowling at his best friend, "he was- he was Louis." he laughed

"Shut up, I was amazing company." 

"We were gonna go to Epcot tonight for dinner," Perrie said "so after you two get settled I was thinking around four we'll leave, sound good?"

Everyone nods, Harry grabbing his suitcase, "we're gonna go head up.  I'll text you Li when we're done." 

"Don't take too long." Zayn smirks

"Oi that's not a problem you ever had to worry about now has it Z?" Louis jokes before running into the elevator after Harry, laughing at how Zayn scowls at him

When the doors close the two boys face each other.

"You know I heard Fifty Shades started in an elevator." Louis smirked

Harry raises an eyebrow, "you heard?"

Louis laughs before shaking his head, "I lived in a house with all girls, trust me I heard everything."

"That's the book where they do all that freaky stuff right?"

Louis nods, "but sometimes they had like, normal sex."

"Wouldn't that be quite boring if what they were into wasn't boring."

Louis shrugs, "I don't know.  All I know is that the guy called it 'vanilla.'

Harry's eyes widen, "does that have anything to do with why you have vanilla lotion?" he asks stunned

The door opens just in time for Louis to escape without answering the question.

"Louis you kinky son of a- oops sorry ma'am." Harry stutters after turning the corner and bumping into a middle aged women who was giving him a dirty look.

Louis was practically peeing himself, doubled over in laughter a few feet away.

"Shut up." Harry mumbled grabbing the room key and standing in front of their room

"You know," Louis whispers while Harry inserts the key "I have other scents too."

Harry looks over at Louis who has a playful smile on his lips.

"Yeah?"

Louis nods.

"I think you should text Perrie and let her know we will probably just meet them for dinner." 


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long and a roller coaster and I really put A LOT of thought into this chapter because it is a crucial part in this story, and their relationship.
> 
> Please comment...

"At least do Splash Mountain with me." Louis begs 

Harry watches as the log drops steeply from at least 60 feet up.

"I don't know-" Harry swallows thickly

"Please," Louis pouts "it'll be fun, I promise I'll hold your hand if you get scared."

Harry glares at him "fine. But I won't be needing any hand holding."

"Pity." Louis smirks

"Are you two done yet?" Zayn asks, eagerly waiting to get on line

"Chill we're coming." Louis says as they walk through the ropes

The line is five minutes which in Harry's mind is torture. He hates heights, he hates the idea of falling to his death. And sitting in a small wet, slippery log doesn't make him feel all that safe considering the steepness of the drop.

"Stop thinking so much." Louis whispers in his ear

"I'm not-"

"I can practically hear you talking to yourself in your head." Louis says eyeing Harry

"Next!" The ride employee calls

Louis and Harry step up first for the log which lands them in the very front seat.

"Can we uh- go in the back?" Harry asks the guy

The guy gives Harry a once over before smirking, "why are you scared?"

Harry tenses, "no it's just- I don't want to get too wet."

"Front." The guy points, helping Liam and Sophia into the second row

"You'll survive H." Liam smiles

Harry takes deep breathes and feels something poke his ribs, he looks at Louis.

"What?"

"Calm down, it's a ride, meant for enjoyment."

"The possibility of death isn't something I enjoy Lou." Harry mumbles

Louis laughs and grabs onto Harry's bicep, "I'll protect you." He says in a deep voice

Harry flicks his nose.

The ride starts and Harry swears he's going to punch out the next plastic duck that moves electronically to the tune of Dippity Doo Dah.

"This is stupid." 

"Shush."

He thinks he's over reacting, and that this is really a stupid ride until the bright light of the sun blinds him and the next thing he knows is their falling down that steep hill he dreads and is practically submerged in water. When he gains his senses back he hears Louis, Liam, Zayn and the girls laughing hysterically.

"What- what's so funny?"

"You!"

"Your screaming!"

"I thought it was Sophia but then I looked and saw your eyes sealed shut and your mouth wide open." Louis laughs

Harry quickly exits the ride as soon as they get off, shaking out his wet and now see through white tank top. He's flipping his hair out of his face when he bumps into someone.

"Oh sorry." He mumbles before looking at them, or now her

"Oh, hi" she smiles "it's okay, really."

Harry smiles politely and looks back at the exit of the ride watching Louis and everyone laugh as they strolled down the ramp.

"I'm Megan." The girl says

Harry turns around and looks at her, "I'm Harry."

"Nice to meet you Harry," she bites her lip "are you from around here or is this a vacation?"

"Uh I live like five hours away but I'm here on spring break with some of my uh, friends from school."

"Oh so you're a student?" Megan asks

Harry nods, "yeah WSU, what about you?"

"I just graduated last year," she says "I'm starting grad school next week

"Oh good luck-"

"Hazza there you are!" Louis smiles walking over to them

"Oh hey, I uh bumped into Megan when I got off the ride."

"It was really no problem," she smiles playfully "not everyday an incredibly cute guy bumps into you, and it doesn't hurt that he's wearing a wet tank top." She laughs eyeing Harry

Louis clears his throat, "yeah it doesn't considering-"

"That's very nice, thank you." Harry interrupts "but I have to go now, I'm holding my friends up."

Megans smile falls and she nods her head, "oh yeah that's fine, nice meeting you. Maybe I'll see you around?"

Harry nods waving as he walks away

"That won't be happening." Louis says to Harry before storming towards Zayn 

Harry rubs his face and groans into his hands.

"Louis!" He calls

He doesn't answer, instead he continues to walk towards Zayn, weaving in between on coming tourists.

When they get to the group Louis back is to Harry.

"Lou can we-"

"No." He says, back still turned

"There was no need for me to say anything! I had just met her, it's not like I was-"

"Harry shut up."

"No, this is stupid! I didn't do anything."

"Harry for the fucking last time," Louis spins around glaring "I - just let me be fucking mad." He snaps walking away

Zayn follows him quickly, Sophia and Perrie slowly walking over to a bench to give Liam and Harry alone time.

"This is so stupid!" Harry groans

"What even happened?" 

"That girl was hitting on me and Louis mad I didn't say I was gay or dating him."

"Well why didn't you?"

"Because it's none of her fucking business!" Harry snaps, "I literally met the girl like a minute before that!"

"Okay, okay, geez calm down." Liam says

Harry sighs, head in his hands. "I'm sorry," he mumbles "I'm just so sick of the constant fighting over this topic."

Liam nods, clearly unsure of what to do.

"Maybe give him some space and let him be mad like he said."

"That's literally all my fault." Harry says "I said to him a couple weeks ago that I never let him get mad and told him to be mad when he needs to be and look at how that back fired."

"How was telling him to be mad at you ever not going to backfire?" Liam asks

"I'm an idiot." Harry mumbles

"To be honest," Liam puts a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder "you kind of are."

"Gee thanks."

-

 When Harry and Liam find everyone again they're in the food area, Harry spots Louis first who is sitting at an empty table fiddling with his phone as Zayn and the girls are on line. Liam nudges him in the direction of him while he goes off to the others. When Harry gets to the table Louis doesn't look up.

"Hi." Is all Harry says

"What?"

Harry sighs sitting down across from him, "come on don't be mad at me, I literally just met the girl-"

"Why couldn't you just tell her the truth?" Louis cuts him off

"There was no need to! She didn't even flirt with me until you came up!"

"Which would've been an even more better time to say, 'oh well great I'm flattered but I'm gay and this is my boyfriend.' Simple as that!"

"It's not so simple! To me, at least,that is none of her business!"

"You just don't get it." Louis groans rubbing his face

"Make me get it, just talk this out with me instead of being mad."

"Aren't you the one who told me to get mad?" Louis snaps

"I- I entirely regret doing that now to be honest." 

"Well I regret coming here." Louis mumbles still not looking up

Harry stares at Louis stunned, mouth opening and closing absentmindedly. "You don't mean that." He whispers

Louis looks down, "as of right now I do. I'm already on edge with the fact that you're paying for all of this so it doesn't help when you allow a girl to hit on you right in front of me and call me your friend."

"Louis I-"

"No you're right, I shouldn't be mad I'm not."

Harry's eyebrows furrow, "so we're-"

"I'm disappointed and tired." Louis cuts him off

Harry's heart practically splits.

"Lou please."

"Do you not get how draining this is, how hurtful it is to be called your friend over and over again. I- sometimes I think that if Max didn't out you that you'd still be in hiding, in denial." Louis says, jaw tense

Harry shakes his head, "I- I would have...I would be."

Louis doesn't say anything he just leans forward and hides his head in his hands. 

Harry doesn't know what to think ...or what to do. He wants to prove to Louis that he does care and that he can express himself publically but he doesn't know how.

Harry sits there for another minute in silence before standing up and looking around, he sees a group of girls around their age.

"Hey! Girls!" He calls, gaining multiple curious looks from both the people around them and Louis

The girls look around at each other, the short brunette girl waving slightly. "Us?" She calls back

"Yeah"

"Harry what are-"

"My name is Harry Styles and I'm - I'm gay!" Harry shouts, eyes wide but all he sees is blur and all he hears is his rapid heartbeat practically in his throat. The girls look at him stunned. Louis stands up.

"Harry stop-"

"No... I'm Harry Styles, and I'm gay, I'm so gay and so in love with my boyfriend and I-" Harry looks around and sees the attention he's drawn, he spots Liam, Zayn and the girls at the counter looking at him stunned. Liam with a proud look in his eyes. Harry's shaking hands formed into tight fists at his sides.

"Harry." Louis says again, the look on his face is pure shock 

 "Are you happy?" Harry asks, voice hoarse and slightly shaking

Louis grabs his hand from around the table and pulls him out of the food court, our of sight from anyone. They're in a small corner behind the bathroom complex and it smells like acidic urine.

"What was that?" Louis asks shocked

"I- I just- fuck..." Harry rubs his face "I did what you wanted."

Louis shakes his head, "what I wanted was for you to accept yourself, accept me and us and what we are... Do you- did that do anything for you?"

Harry sighs, closing his eyes. "I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Please don't."

"Okay."

Louis steps closer to Harry, running his hand down his bicep. "I know that that was hard, and I know you did it for me and thank you for that, but-"

"Louis I'm in love with you." Harry interrupts, eyes wide and determined, "I'm in love with you and all that you are. I'm happy when you're happy and before I was the reason that you weren't, so the fact that I could make you happy now, even if it nearly gave me a heart attack, is all that I want. I want you to be happy with me, and I know I haven't been the best with making that possible and I'm sorry I've had all this baggage but I want you to know that you are the absolute best thing that could of ever happened to me...you are the best thing that could happen to anyone and I'm so so in love with you." Harry's voice is shaky and hoarse and he looks like a lunatic but Louis is amazed and proud 

"I'm in love with you too." He whispers, pecking Harry's lips quickly before hugging him tightly

Harry lays his head on top of Louis, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

Louis shakes his head quickly, "you didn't."

"I'm sorry that I'm tiring and draining-"

"I shouldn't have said that-"

"Its true." Harry nods, "its true and you gave every right to express how you're feeling. I just- I want you to know that I'm trying but I will try harder."

Louis kisses Harry's cheek, "that's all I ask."

"You deserve so much more."

Louis shakes his head, "we deserve each other. We're equals."


	58. Chapter 58

Due to the overwhelming events of the day before everyone decided to end the night early, and get up in time to catch a bus to Hollywood Studios.

They've been walking around the park for about an hour and Harry has been giving himself a huge pep talk inside his head since he's woken up. Louis is talking to Zayn who's on his right when Harry randomly grasps Louis hand in his own, forcing Louis to stop talking mid sentence and stare at their entwined fingers. Harry looks the other way, making it seem totally normal even though Louis can probably feel how seaty his hand is. He doesn't say anything.

He continues his conversation with Zayn for a few more minutes, giving Harry's hand a reassuring squeeze every now and then. When Perrie grabs Zayn to go get a churro Louis draws his attention back to Harry.

"You good?" He asks quietly

Harry nods, smiling slightly

"Thank you." Louis whispers, squeezing his hand

-

They're standing on line to go on some virtual tour thing, Harry behind Louis as he stands on his tiptoes to see how much longer they have.

"Maybe like 5 more minutes." Louis announces to the group

Everyone nods, Niall grumbling that he's hungry and Liam promising him that they'll eat after this.

Louis is still facing forward, seems to be dazing off when Harry gets an idea. 

Louis practically jumps when he feels two large arms wrap around his torso but he dramatically relaxes when he realizes it's Harry.

"You scared me." He says

"I'm sorry." Harry breathes into his neck a bit shakily

"Don't be." Louis whispers back

"They're so cute." Harry hears Perrie whisper to everyone else

He smiles into the crook of Louis neck, pecking their softly.

"I love you." 

"I love you too."

-

Niall is practically jumping for joy when he sees they're on their way to the food area.

"Lunch time?!" He grins at everyone 

"Lunch time you freak." Liam laughs

He runs off and goes on God knows what line while everyone discusses where they'll meet after getting their own lunch.

"I'll save a table." Sophia says sitting down at one in the back

"Text me what you want." Liam kisses her cheek

She smiles and nods taking out her phone.

"What are you in the mood for?" Louis asks Harry

Harry shrugs eyeing all their choices, "whatever you want is fine."

Louis nods and pulls them onto the line for pizza. In front of them is a couple who Harry eyes curiously. The guy is holding his girlfriend against his chest while kissing her forehead. He sees Louis looking at them too and Harry pretends he doesn't see the way Louis head drops down disappointedly. 

Instead he grabs Louis by the waist pulling him against him.

"Wha-"

Harry interrupts by connecting their lips. This being the first time they've ever kissed in public after being together for five months. Louis let's out a shocked noise before kissing Harry back. Harry pulls back a few moments later and smiles at the dazed look and pink tinted cheeks on Louis.

"Good?" He smiles

Louis nods, pulling Harry close to hug him

When they get back to the table after ordering their pizza Niall wolf whistles.

"That was quite the kiss Romeo." He smiles, his mouth covered in ketchup

Harry snorts and shakes his head, staring at the way Louis just seems so happy.

"Ooh you got pizza?" Niall's eyes widen, "if you don't finish it I'll have it."

"I'm sure you will." Louis laughs

"Hey don't judge me," Niall burps "I'm the only single one on this couples trip, I'll eat however and as much as I want."

"You did that anyways." Zayn laughs

Niall flips him off, taking another big bite out of his burger.

Harry rests his hand on top of Louis thigh, squeezing a bit. 

Harry sees Louis look at him in the corner of his eye but he continues talking to Zayn and Perrie. He looks at Louis for a moment and sees him smiling down, biting his lip to try to surpress it. Harry reaches up and pulls his lip out of his mouth.

Louis looks at him shocked.

Harry leans in close, whispering in his ear, "don't do that while we're in public." He pulls away smirking

Louis is shocked, so incredibly shocked and a bit turned on at the sudden change in Harry today.

Harry turns his attention back to Zayn and Perrie, grinning when he feels Louis lay his hand on top of his own.

-

They're back at the hotel now, deciding they want to go to the pool and swim. Harry and Louis are in their rooms changing, Harry making it obvious as he stares at Louis as he puts on his swimsuit.

He walks over to him and turns them around, pushing Louis onto the bed so he falls back laughing.

"You're crazy today." Louis smiles

Harry doesn't answer, instead he leans down and kisses Louis harshly, not waiting a moment to run his hand down his smooth torso and cup his length over his swim trunks.

"Holy shit." Louis groans into Harry's mouth.

Harry smiles, removing his mouth from Louis and instead connecting it with his jaw. He sucks and bites as he palms Louis now growing bulge.

"We have to- they're waiting." Louis pants

"You want me to stop?" Harry whispers into Louis ear

Louis whimpers

"I didn't think so."

Harry kisses down Louis chest, sucking a lovebite on each of Louis hips. The older boy is withering and crying out as Harry slowly removes his pants.

"What do you want?" He asks

"Mouth- I need your mouth." Louis whines

Harry nods, smiling as he watches Louis cock spring free from his trunks, slapping his stomach.

He doesn't waste anytime, taking his head into his mouth first and slowly inching down further and further. Louis hands are fisted in Harry's hair, pulling harshly exactly how he likes it making Harry moan against his length.

Harry's other hand slides underneath and between Louis legs as Harry pulls his legs a part more.

"What are you- oh." Louis moans

Harry's index finger is circling Louis hole as he continues sucking Louis off. He rubs the pads of his fingers lightly over Louis, making his legs jerk and close around Harry's neck. Harry squeaks in surprise at how much that forced Harry to take more of Louis in his mouth, but he adjusts quickly. Louis thighs are practically shaking as he withers with pleasure.

"Harry I'm-fuck." He whines loudly "I'm gonna come."

Harry nods continuing to work his way down Louis length when Louis finally unloads, hips jerking up harshly as he moans and groans. Harry swallows  the last bit of come up, smiling down at Louis who's eyes are closed as he breathes heavily.

"You-" his voice cracks "you are going to kill me Styles."

Harry smirks kissing his head, "I'm gonna go get changed, I'll let you rest."

Louis doesn't answer, instead he rubs his now sweaty fringe off if his flushed forehead.

When Harry is done changing he checks his phone and sees it's blowing up with texts from the guys.

**Liam: where are you?**

**Zayn: did you get lost?**

**Niall: USE PROTECTIONNNNN**


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....so.....not that much left in this story....do not kill me...
> 
> Please comment:)

How Harry and Louis ended up driving bavk to school with Niall in the back seat is beyond their comprehension.

"Is there another bag of chips up there?" Niall asks after devouring his second

Louis looks around, "no but there is a half eaten ham sandwich from before." He holds up

Niall grins grabbing it quickly, "thanks Lou."

Louis laughs turning to Harry who looks seconds away from throwing up. "How can you eat all of that food in one sitting?" He asks

Niall shrugs, "it's a gift."

"Yeah heart disease and diabetes seem like wonderful gifts." Harry shakes his head

"Hey everyone has a passion, Niall's just happens to be food, and well eating." Louis smiles

Niall laughs, holding up the sandwhich. "Amen!'

-

It's the Monday back from break and Liam and Harry are walking slowly to the locker rooms, wanting to delay the amount of fitness their going to endure today.

When they walk in they see all the guys sitting and complaining about how sucky this week is going to be. Harry sees Max but Max doesn't see him, which Harry is grateful for. He quickly goes to his locker and starts to change into his work out clothes. He hears a sound of mock vomitting from across the locker rooms and he knows exactly who it came from. He ignores him completely and laces up his sneakers, getting out of there as soon as possible.

-

Ten sets of pyramid burpees, five full field suicides and 10 minute plank and pushups later Harry is absolutely soaked in sweat. Everyone is panting and groaning and Coach is loving it.

"Alright boys, we're going to end with a simple scrimmage today." He smiles

Everyone groans.

"Alright split yourselves up, I want equal teams lined up in two minutes!"

All the guys are used to this so they have set teams. Harry with Liam, Tommy, Derek and Tim and some other guys. Max of course is on the opposite team smirking at Harry the whole time.

They start out on offense, Harry making runs and two touchdowns within the first ten minutes.

Max isn't happy.

They're at the third down when lined up when Max calls him a faggot.

"What did you say?" Harry snaps, standing up tall

"You heard me." Max grins behind his helmet

Harry walks towards him, tightening his gloves, Liam grabs him by the shoulders to hold him back but he shakes him away.

"I've had enough of you!" Harry spits

"Styles get back on line!" Coach yells "what are you doing!"

Max is laughing, "yeah twink, just what do you think you're doing?"

Harry pushes Max back forcing him to stumble a step or two. The two teams start shouting each pulling the two from each other.

"STYLES." Coach yells

Harry groans turning around, "I know your office." He says walking off the field

He hears Liam talking to Coach trying to explain but he honestly doesnt care if he gets in trouble or not, he just wants to hurt Max. 

Harry takes his helmet off and throws it as soon as he gets into the locker rooms. He hears Coach cursing to himself behind him.

He rips open the door and leans the back of his head against the wall facing Coach's desk which is where he goes after closing the door.

"Want to explain what just happened?!" Coach yells

"Max needs to learn to keep his mouth shut." Harry says, eyes closed

"Hey look at me." Coach orders "I don't give a flying fuck what Max says, I do not tolerate any form of violence on my team, got it?"

"Yes Coach."

Coach sighs sitting down, "it's come to my attention that this isn't the first time Max has said something ....inappropriate to you."

 Harry doesn't meet Coach's gaze, instead staring at the wall harshly as his jaw tenses.

"Look, I don't want to pry or get into anything personal but this whole situation has impacted my team and that is not something I will just let happen. Now if neither one of you get passed whatever is happening then I will be forced to implement some consequences, such as suspension."

Harry looks at Coach shocked, "you're suspending me?"

Coach shakes his head, "no not as of now. But if this happens again I might have to. I'm not saying I want to but by doing that you leave me no choice."

Harry doesn't say anything, he's scared he might yell and he knows he can't do that. He's so angry and frustrated at this whole situation and all he wants to do is beat the shit out of Max, but he knows that not only is that going to screw him on the team, it just so happens to be illegal.

"Now I recommend you shower up and leave, take this time to cool down and think and come back in a better mood tomorrow. Okay?" Coach says after a moment of silence.

Harry doesn't say anything he just walks out of the office. Grabbing his gym bag, not even changing out of his equipment.

-

Louis is obviously shocked when a very sweaty and angry Harry walks through the door, an hour and a half before practice is even over.

"What are you doing here?" He asks

Harry throws his bag down, pulling his shirt off. "I'm taking a shower first and then I'll fill you in." Harry says before walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

Louis goes to open it to realize it's locked.

"Hey what happened?" He asks from outside of the door "is everything okay?"

Harry doesn't answer but Louis can hear him ripping off his shoulder pads harshly, he flinches when he hears them get thrown onto the floor.

"Was it Max?" Louis dares to ask

"When is it not?" Harry snaps

Louis sighs, rubbing his face. "I'll go make tea." He says walking away

-

When Harry comes out twenty minutes later he's wearing nothing but sweatpants and a scowl. Louis stands up from the kitchen and pops it head down the hall to see a very frustrated looking Harry fiddling with his phone.

"Tea?" Louis asks

Harry looks up, putting his phone away and nods. He follows Louis into the kitchen, still not saying anything. 

"So..." Louis starts

"Max called me a faggot during practice, I pushed him and Coach got mad and threatened to suspend me." Harry says while pouring cream into his tea

Louis stares at him shocked and annoyed, "why didn't he get mad at Max?"

"I don't think he heard him...he knows some things up between us but he said he doesn't want to know."

"Harry he should know, Max is going around scoff free saying homophobic slurs and it's not right."

Harry doesn't say anything but Louis can tell by the way his grip on his mug tightens, he's still angry.

"So he let you go early today?"

Harry nods, "said I should cool down and think things over."

"This is ridiculous." Louis says, sitting back in his chair "you should tell him."

"I'm not gonna go 'tattle tale' on someone for calling me a twink, that's only gonna hurt me." Harry snaps

Louis rubs his face, "well something should be done."

Harry doesn't say anything and Louis knows that it's the end of the conversation. 

"Want to watch American Crime with me before my next class?" 

 "Sure." Harry says standing up, the two of them going onto the couch.

Louis sits down and starts the recording, eyeing how Harry's still tense.

"Turn around." He instructs

Harry raises an eyebrow 

"Just turn around."

Harry does as he's told slowly, he relaxes as soon as Louis begins to massage his upper back, getting out all of the stress knots.

"Thank you." Harry says after fifteen minutes 

Louis kisses his right shoulder, leaning his chin on the top of it. "I don't know how you don't just kill him already." He says into Harry's ear

Harry laughs lightly, "oh trust me...I dream of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really into this new story I'm starting so don't be too upset when this ends


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be 100000% honest I'm really nervous ending this bc I've read so many fics where the endings sucked and I'm terrified for this to be one of those...
> 
> I've literally rewrote this chapter five times this week so that is why it's been a couple more days than usual :P

When Louis went to his classes later that day, Harry decided to stay at his place. Zayn came and went a few times in between but for the most part, Harry was alone. 

He had gotten a call from Liam right after practice had officially ended. The conversation consisted of Liam asking "are you sure you're okay?" At least twenty times, and then just the two of them shitting on Max for the rest of it. Texts from some of the other guys came in as well, letting Harry know they had his back.

For the first time in...his whole life, Harry is starting to feel like he could accept this whole situation. He's angry that there are people like Max in the world who don't and will never understand it, but that's their loss.

_I have Lou. They don't._

_-_

Harry knew something was wrong the second Louis had walked through the door. He was staring at his phone with a look on his face that Harry had never seen before.

"What's up?" Harry asked, trying to feel out the situation

Louis looked up at that moment, as if he was thrown harshly back into reality. Harry watched as he swallowed thickly and his eyes flew all across Harry's face.

"I'm uh-" he clears his throat "I'm taking a shower." 

Harry watches as Louis quickly runs into the bathroom without saying another word. Harry sits up from where he is on the couch.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks from the other room

When he hears the clipped 'yes' come from Louis, Harry knows it's a lie.

-

When Louis comes out of the bathroom...forty five minutes later... Harry immediately stands up giving Louis a worried but curious look.

"What's going-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Louis says in the weakest voice Harry's ever heard

The thing with Louis is he never shows vulnerability in front of others. He'll get angry and defensive but never like this. Never on the verge of tears.

Harry nods and awkwardly shifts on the balls of his feet waiting for Louis next move. He flinches when he hears Louis cell phone go off, the loud ringtone splitting the deafening silence in two.

Louis grabs his phone from the bathroom, and walks into his bedroom quickly shutting the door.

All Harry hears is, "hi mom."

-

Harry doesn't know when or how but he fell asleep at some point on the couch. When he wakes up he sits up and sees the bedroom door still closed.

He stands up, stretches and walks over slowly, knocking gently.

"Lou?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Okay."

Harry opens the door and sees Louis all bundled up in his comforter. The material covering everywhere just below his collar bones.

Harry's climbs onto the bed, sitting on the foot of it and he looks at Louis expectantly.

Louis sighs and rubs his face. Sitting up so that he and Harry are on opposite corners of the bed, the comforter still being used as walls. 

Walls that Harry sees slowly crumbling.

"I got- you know Mark?" Louis asks

Harry nods, "your ex step dad."

"Yeah...he's still the girls dad so he has somethings to do with my family still." Louis says, voice shaking a bit

"Is your family okay?"

Louis nods, "yeah they- everyone's okay. Except...except Mark with uh- with me."

Harry looks at him confusedly.

"When I first came to WSU he knew I was gay, he knew that before but when I went through the whole dating Eleanor thing he- he must've thought- that I -" Louis voice noticably cracks

So does Harry's heart.

 "I guess he thought I wasn't anymore." Louis rushes after taking a deep breathe

Harry nods, encouraging him to continue.

"But then I guess the other day, he was with the twins and Phoebe must've- like mentioned you and-"

Harry watches as Louis shoulders slump forward and his hands fly to cover his mouth, trying to pull back in the tiny sobs that had forced their way out. He watches as the comforter falls down into his lap, the final straw that demolished those walls Louis so skillfully built. Harry crawls over to where Louis has caved in on himself, he goes to hug him but Louis shakes his head, he shakes his whole body, as if he doesn't want the comfort, or the sympathy.

"What happened?" Harry presses quietly, from directly in front of Louis now

Louis removes one of his hands from where it is covering his mouth, he grabs his phone from the counter and Harry notices the light of the phone reflecting off of his tear stained cheeks. Louis shakily hands Harry his phone, with the screen showing an email. Louis looks at who it's from and notices it's from Mark, he then notices the subject.

 **Disappointed**.

 Harry doesn't have to read more, he can only imagine the context of the lengthy message and quite frankly him getting angry about it will do no good for Louis.

"Oh Lou." Harry whispers after setting the phone down

Louis covers his whole face in his hands, crying softly and basically silently.

"I just- it was like being fifteen again." He croaks

Harry nods, his hand enveloping Louis left thigh, rubbing soothing circles.

"He's the one person who can just- he makes me so- I hate him." Louis muffles into his hands

"I hate him too."

Louis snorts

"Fuck." Louis whipes his face harshly, removing his hands

Harry tries not to stare at his blotchy cheeks or reddened eyes but he can't help it. He's never seen Louis like this.

"Oh my god this is ridiculous," Louis whines "I'm crying like a bitch over my ex step father."

"You're not a bitch, you're human."

"I hate being human." Louis basically pouts "I hate being so- sensitive over a man who I haven't even seen in seven years."

"That's understandable considering he was like a father to you-"

"He was my father."

"Exactly, so obviously you're gonna take what he says to heart."

Louis nods sinking back against the pillows.

"Did you respond?" Harry asks after scooting onto the right side of the bed next to Louis

"No, I forwarded it to my mom. She was not happy."

"Is she going to say something to him?"

Louis shrugs "I asked her not to but it's not like that's going to stop her."

Harry nods, the two of them sitting in silence for a couple of minutes.

"I'm sorry I got like that-"

"Don't be sorry-"

"If anything I'm more embarrassed." Louis reddens

Harry turns fully to look at Louis, "getting upset over something like that is nothing to be embarrassed about. Hell if you cried that you spilled tea on yourself you shouldn't be embarrassed. Everyone cries, it's natural."

Louis shrugs, "I don't like feeling like that."

"Like what?"

"Weak."

Harry shakes his head, "showing emotion doesn't mean you're weak. It means that you're in tune with your feelings and that you have a heart." 

"I wanna stab Mark's."

"I don't know how much your bail would be but I'd help in any way I can." Harry jokes

"Can you- I want-" Louis reddens

"What?" Harry asks, pushing Louis fringe out of his eyes

"Can I be, like, the big spoon tonight- it'd make me feel-"

"In charge, masculine?" Harry proposes

Louis nods

"Of course," Harry turns so his back is to Louis "I'm the little spoon anyways."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commmmmentttt


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end...
> 
> I just want to thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.
> 
> My new fic is called "I Have A Plan." 
> 
> I began writing it last month and it will be a chaptered and slowly developed story like this one but most likely less than 61 chapters.

It's an hour and a half before practice and Louis walks Harry to the locker rooms. Harry wanted to get there as early as possible so he can be changed and in the fitness center before all of the guys, before Max. Louis insisted on walking him there considering none of the guys should be there.

"I've never been to the fitness center." Louis mumbles against Harry's back as he unlocks the door to the locker room

"It's really nice, it's like a regular gym but it has these strips of turf on the sides so we can work on our footwork." Harry says leading them in

Louis nods, looking around the locker rooms as they make there way towards Harry's.

It's silent between the two of them as Harry changes into his training uniform, Louis snapping the waist band on Harry's compression shorts as he looks for his sweats.

Harry turns around eyebrows raised and smiling, "cheeky." He laughs

He pulls Louis to him, hands on either side of his face and their eyes meet. Green to blue, blue to green. Desire and passion and love. Harry kisses Louis softly, slowly. Louis hands wrap around the broad expansion of Harry's torso, nails scratching slowly at his exposed skin. When Louis nails force their way down the spine of Harry's back, the younger boy moans... Loudly.

Harry's hands move down to grasp Louis bum, squeezing and kneading the excess skin. Louis is whining and withering beneath Harry's hand and-

There's a cough. A loud cough.

The two of them break apart immediately, their eyes going to the person standing at the end of the locker row.

Coach.

"Coach." Harry's voice rasp

"Styles," Coach nods his head awkwardly "come to my office when you're uh- situated." He glances down to the bulge in Harry's compression shorts. Louis whole face is flushed. When Coach turns around Louis immediately starts spewing apologies to Harry.

"It's alright." Harry says, surprisingly calm

"I'm gonna go, text me if anything happens." Louis pecks his lips, quickly leaving the locker rooms.

Harry sits down on the bench, rubbing his face harshly. He's not as hard now, the whole shock and uneasiness of the situation clearly helping him get less worked up. He find the sweats he was originally looking for the and throws them on, along with his t shirt.

When he gets to Coach's office he knocks on the door, even though it's wide open.

"Come in Harry."

_Fuck. He never calls me Harry._

He sits down in one of the small chairs facing Coach, Harry refuses to make eye contact in the beginning, not entirely sure what his eyes would be meeting.

"So that's your uh- boyfriend?" Coach asks awkwardly

Harry nods.

"And you're -"

Harry nods again.

It's silent for a few minutes, the two of them feeding off of each other's uncomfortableness.

"Harry look, I personally don't care what you like or who you like or how you like it-"

Harry's whole face flushes

"But I do care when a kid on my team is getting treated poorly because of those things."

Harry looks up.

"I put the pieces together with the whole situation, and see now what caused this...divide on the team."

"I didn't mean to make the team div-"

"I know, and I'm not angry at you in the least bit."

Harry nods, sighing a sigh of relief.

"In fact, I'm proud,"

Harry's eyes widen

"I'm proud that you continuously stood up for yourself and your boyfriend and what you to have. That takes courage and it makes me proud having someone like you on my team."

Harry isn't crying, there's just dust in his eyes.

"Just do me a favor and don't get it on with your boyfriend in the locker room again, keep that for your dorm." Coach smiles

"Yes sir." Harry nods, standing up

He makes his way to the door when Coach speaks again.

"What's his name?" 

Harry turns around, "Louis." He smiles

Coach nods and waves as he walks out of the office.

-

Practice goes amazing in Harry's eyes. Every time Max even glanced at Harry funny Coach made him run ten suicides without even telling him why. 

"I didn't do anything!" Max whines after his fourth time being told to run 

"You're pissing me off that's what you're doing." Coach says, smirking at Harry

Harry laughs and mouths a 'thank you' to Coach.

_Maybe I am normal. Maybe I am okay._

_-_

Louis is standing outside of the locker rooms when Harry walks out. The nervousness is clear on the older boys face and when he sees Harry his eyes widen and hands sweat.

"What did he say?" Louis asks quietly, hands shakily wrapped around Harry's biceps

"He's fine with it, he even-"

"You gotta be kidding me, I'm gonna throw up." Harry hears from behind him

He knows it's Max before he turns around and quite frankly he thought Max would stop saying shit considering how Coach was treating him at practice.

"Then fucking throw up, you know where the bathroom is." Harry says while turning around 

"Or you two could fuck off."

"Max just leave us alone." Louis chimes in

"I'm not gonna listen to a twink." Max snorts

"Well I'm not gonna stand here and listen and put up with an ignorant asshole anymore." Harry snaps "so for the last fucking time get the fuck away from us."

"Or what?"

"Or you're gonna have to watch this." Harry says before grabbing Louis and pulling him against him. The older boy is shocked at first but when Harry crashes his lips against his own Louis immediately responds.

Never in a million years had Louis expected Harry to kiss him in front of his guy friends, let alone Max. 

They hear Max quickly leave and Louis can't help the grin across his face grow even as he and Harry kiss. When they pull apart Louis sees it's not only him who can't contain their happiness as well. 

Harry is practically glowing, eyes wide and shiny, mouth red and swollen and his whole face just screams excitement.

"Wow." Louis says, still shocked

Harry bites his lip, hands still on either side of Louis face. They hear and see all his other teammates walk past them when exiting the locker rooms but they don't care. They're too into each other. 

"I love you." Harry says loudly, as if he's declaring his love for Louis to everyone

"I love you too." Louis laughs, hiding his face in the crook of Harry's neck

_I'm in love with Louis._

_We are together._

_We are normal._

_And he is so so beautiful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much!!! Comment please(:

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fic so bear with me, I kind of think I know where I'm going with this so get ready...


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